"What?" lssie turns on him.
"Fear makes us stronger, puts us on our toes. We've got to embrace it."
lssie snaps her cookie in half. "Guys can be so stupid."
True. Devyn's face turns red but Mick just laughs.
"So," I say really quickly, "are we going to go to the library after school today?"
"There's no cross-country?" Devyn asks.
"It's our day off," Nick explains. "Should we carpool or what?"
I turn on him. "You're going?"
"Yeah. Of course I'm going. That's okay with you, right?"
I nod. "Yeah, that's okay and yes, we should carpool to lower our carbon footprint and all that."
But for some reason knowing that I'm going to be in the library with Nick makes a knot form in my stomach, and it's not because the cookie is bad. The knot is becoming a familiar feeling. It's fear.
That dust on his jacket? It doesn't necessarily mean anything, right? And the way my insides feel all crazy weird whenever I look in his eyes? That doesn't mean anything either.
There is something about libraries, old libraries, that makes them seem almost sacred. There's a smell of paper and must and binding stuff. It's like all the books are fighting against decay, against turning into dust, and at the same time fighting for attention.
I touch the cover of one book,ESP Your Way. "It's like they're all crying out, 'Read me. Read me.' " Nick turns around to look at me. "The books?"
"It's like they're lonely," I say. I shrug on purpose so he doesn't think I'm too weird.
"Books get lonely," he repeats, not looking at me anymore, scanning the titles above his head.
"What?"
"It's sweet."
I am sweet. My heart flip-flops and I bite my lip a little bit. Sweet as in a lollipop, or sweet as in a girl you would like to kiss passionately in the stacks? That's the question.
I squat down, checking out the numbers. "Found some."
Mick squats next to me and whistles low. "Wow."
We start pulling them out,Fae Lore, Fairy Charms, An Encyclopedia of Fairies.
Nick carries most of them to the back table by a big bay window. Dust particles swirl around in the sunbeams. Devyn and lssie almost look enchanted, like storybook heroes.
"You guys find stuff?" lssie asks too loudly.
A guy by the magazines shushes her.
"Sorry. Sorry!" She holds up her hand in an apology and then whispers at us. "What a grump. We found stuff too. Right, Devyn?"
Devyn nods but doesn't actually verbalize anything, just keeps reading the book he's got. It's ancient and smelly. I sneeze and settle into a chair. Nick grabs the one next to me. He splits our book pile in half and thrusts three books at me. "Dig in."
l dig.
We read and read and read and then Nick says, "Got something."
I sniff. "What?"
lssie hands me a crumpled tissue she's fished out of her bag. "It's clean."
"Thanks," I blow my nose. "I'm sorry. I'm allergic."
"To books?" Devyn raises his eyebrows like he can't believe it.
"Old books," I explain and lean closer so I can check out the book that's splayed in front of Nick.
"What did you find?"
"It's about the tributes," Nick says. He is almost snarling. "It's vile."
"Just read it," Devyn demands.
"Quietly." lssie looks over at Magazine Man, who is leafing through a copy of theEconomist and glaring at us.
Nick lowers his voice and reads, " 'So you are being chased by a pixie?' " "It doesnot say that," lssie squeals, snatching the book away from him. "Oh my God, it does."
"Issie…," I warn, looking to see if Nick's pissed. He isn't. "It doesn't really say that."
"It does!" She shows me the book, pointing.
" 'Of all of the Shining Ones-pixies, elves, fairies-it is true that the preservation of the princely bloodline is integral to their survival. They all share the sidhe heritage. In fact, their name is derived from the pict-sidhe. They are the Caille Daouine, or forest people. If you have been singled out by a male of their race, be proud. You are singled out to help continue the bloodline. It is unusual for this to happen. It is especially unusual for this to happen to humans. You might have some sidhe blood already flowing through your veins.'" I shut the book. "Oh, I am so honored."
"That's amazingly bizarre," Devyn said, staring at me like he's never seen me before. "Do you think you have sidhe blood?"
"What? No." I stare at all of them. "You guys aren't believing this."
Nick and Issie both put their hands on my arms. Issie reaches all the way across the table.
"I know this is a little freaky," she says, all calm.
"A little freaky?" I pull my arm away. "It's super freaky!"
"Will you please be quiet!" says the man reading theEconomist.
"Sorry. Sorry." I sit down. I try to breathe slowly.