That’s very reactionary.
I admit I am arguing on the extreme. I am not a fundamentalist, I simply wish to concentrate your thoughts. Everything else in your life has been planned and accounted for, the child has not. Conception is something you have done all for yourself. I do not wish it to become a mistake. I love you too much for that.
Father had other children.
Who were given to the Edenists so that they would be brought up in the greatest possible family environment. A whole world of family.
She almost laughed out loud. Imagine that, Saldanas became Edenists. We made the transition in the end. Does King Alastair know about that?
You are ducking the issue, Ione. One child of the Lord of Ruin is brought up with me as a parental, the heir. The others are not. As a parent you have a responsibility to their future.
Are you saying I’ve been irresponsible conceiving this child?
Only you can answer that. Were you depending on Joshua to be a stay-at-home father? Even then you must have known how unlikely that was.
God, all this argument just because Joshua looks moody.
I am sorry. I have upset you.
No. You’ve done what you wanted to do, made me think. For some of us it’s painful, especially if you’re like me and hadn’t really considered the consequences of your actions. It gets me all resentful and defensive. But I’ll do the best for my child.
I know you will, Ione.
She blushed at the tenderness of the mental tone. Then she leaned against Joshua. “I was worried while you were gone,” she said.
He took a sip of his Norfolk Tears. “You were lucky. I was scared shitless most of the time.”
“Yes. Lagrange Calvert.”
“Jesus, don’t you start.”
“If you didn’t want the publicity, you shouldn’t have sold Lady Mac ’s sensor recordings to Collins.”
“It’s hard to say no to Kelly.”
Ione squinted at him. “So I gather.”
“I meant: it’s hard to refuse that kind of money. Especially given my situation. The fee I got from Terrance Smith isn’t going to cover Lady Mac ’s repairs. And I can’t see the Lalonde Development Company ever handing over the balance on our contract, given there isn’t a Lalonde left to develop anymore. But the money I got from Collins will cover everything, and leave me happily in the black.”
“Not forgetting the money you made on the Norfolk run.”
“Yeah, that too. But I didn’t want to break into that, it’s kind of like a reserve I’m holding back for when everything settles down again.”
“My hero optimist. Do you think the universe is going to settle down?”
Joshua didn’t like the way the conversation was progressing. He knew her well enough now; she was steering, hoping to angle obliquely into the subject she wanted to discuss. “Who knows? Are we going to finish up talking about Dominique?”
Ione raised her head from his shoulder to give him a puzzled glance. “No. What made you ask that?”
“Not sure. I thought you wanted to talk about us, and what happens after. Dominique and the Vasilkovsky line played a heavy part in my original plans from here on in.”
“There isn’t going to be an after, Joshua, not in the sense of returning to the kind of existence we had before. Knowing there’s an afterlife is going to tilt people’s perception on life for ever.”
“Yeah. It is pretty deep when you think about it.”
“That’s your considered in-depth analysis of the situation is it?” For a moment she thought she’d gone and wounded him. But he just gave a gaunt smile. Not angry.
“Yeah,” he said, quiet and serious. “It’s deep. I had three bloody narrow escapes inside two days on that Lalonde mission. If I’d made one mistake, Ione, just one, I’d be dead now. Only I wouldn’t, as we now know, I’d be trapped in the beyond. And if Shaun Wallace was telling the truth—and I suspect he was—then I’d be screaming silently to be let back in no matter what the cost or who had to pay it.”
“That’s horrible.”
“Yes. I sent Warlow to his death. I think I knew that even before he went out of the airlock. And now he’s out there, or in there—somewhere, with all the other souls. He might even be watching us now, begging to be given sensation. The trouble with that is, I do owe him.” Joshua put his head back on the silk cushions, staring up at the ceiling. “Do I owe him big enough for that, though? Jesus.”
“If he was your friend, he wouldn’t ask.”
“Maybe.”
Ione sat up and reached for the bottle to pour herself another measure of Norfolk Tears.
I’m going to ask him,she told tranquillity.
Surely you are not about to ask for my blessing?
No. But I’d welcome your opinion.
Very well. I believe he has the necessary resources to complete the task; but then he always has. Whether he is the most desirable candidate still presents me with something of a dilemma. I acknowledge he is maturing; and he would not knowingly betray you. Impetuosity does weigh against him, however.
Yes. Yet I value that trait above all.
I am aware of this. I even accept it, when it applies to your first child and my future. But do you have the right to make that gamble when it concerns the Alchemist?
Maybe not. Although there might be a way around it. And I have simply got to do something.“joshua?”
“Yeah. Sorry, didn’t mean to go all moody on you.”
“That’s all right. I have a little problem of my own right now.”
“You know I’ll help if I can.”
“That’s the first part, I was going to ask you anyway. I’m not sure I can trust anyone else with this. I’m not even sure I can trust you.”
“This sounds interesting.”
She took a breath, committed now, and began: “Do you remember, about a year ago, a woman called Dr Alkad Mzu contacted you about a possible charter?”
He ran a quick check through his neural nanonics memory cells. “I got her. She said she was interested in going to the Garissa system. Some kind of memorial flight. It was pretty weird, and she never followed it up.”