I woke to the smell of cleanser and floor wax. I knew Ti was gone. Through half-lidded eyes, I could see red nails.
“Edie Spence?” a nurse I knew was day shift said nasally. I pretended to be asleep. Apparently I’d lived, or this was a very authentic hell.
She didn’t care enough to roll my eyelids back and check for pupil responses, which was good, because with her acrylics she might have taken out my cornea. Instead she poked me in the chest a few times, and I did my best to lie there like a lump of unresponsive meat. I heard her leave and knew she’d chart: Withdrawal to pain? Negative.
After that, I shifted around in bed like a sleeping person might. I was sore from stem to stern, had two peripheral IVs in my left arm, and there was an abdominal binder around my midsection. Other than that, I didn’t really hurt.
Not physically at least. But now that I was awake, memories came rushing back. Ti, saying he was going away. How long had I been out for? Long enough, some part of me knew. I had to fight the impulse to curl up in bed; it’d be a dead giveaway. So I lay there limp and ragged, waiting for sleep to come again. One of the drips going into my arm was a narcotic—I could see the bright pink “Dose Check!” warning stickers on its bag.
Wait a second. I knew how IV pumps worked. I could—
“Way to get the most out of your County-sponsored health insurance policy,” said a familiar voice. I started, caught with one arm reaching for the IV pole, and turned to see Gina’s smiling face.
“Gina? What’re you doing here?”
She grinned down at me. “I saw you move some when I walked by outside. I thought I’d come in and check.”
“But why’re you on day shift?” I strained to look past her shoulder. “If that day shift nurse comes back, I’m still dead, okay?”
“It’s nighttime. She’s working a double—covering for you. Hang on.” She made a silly face at me, then ran out the door.
“Like I have a choice,” I said to her departing form.
She returned with a bouquet, and arranged it on my bed table, handing me the card with an expectant smile. I took it from her, inhaled and exhaled slowly, and then opened it with shaking hands.
It read Congratulations, from Asher in purple ink with a heavy slant and a heart over the i. Tears threatened. I closed the card again and looked up at her.
“I don’t suppose I had any visitors while I was asleep? The tall, dark, and zombie kind?” I tried to keep my voice light while I asked, and failed.
I had obviously not had the reaction Gina expected. She looked from the card to me and back again, then shook her head.
“Okay, then. Okay,” I told myself more than her. I hugged myself, my arms tracing the binder’s course across my torso. It would take more than its elastic to hold in my breaking heart. I pointed with my chin at the flowers. “Take those to someone who deserves them, down the hall.” I shook my IV lines with one hand. “And if you don’t mind, I’ll take more of whatever’s in bag number two.”