After a few seconds I wondered if I was supposed to be doing anything else. I’d never done this before. Lend must have been thinking the same thing, because he slowly moved his lips. I answered with mine, and we stood there in his room, figuring out how to kiss.
It was absolutely amazing.
I could have done that all day. How on earth had I never kissed before? After what seemed like forever and no time at all, we pulled apart. Lend looked at me.
“Are you sure that was your first kiss?” he asked in his wonderful voice, eyeing me in mock suspicion.
“Wasn’t it yours?” Oh no. What if I was doing it wrong?
He laughed. “Yeah. But I’d kinda like to do it again…”
I answered by leaning in and positively smashing my mouth against his.
We were really getting the hang of it when a knock made us jump apart. “Doors open, please,”
Lend’s dad called through the shut door.
“Um, yeah, sorry, Dad,” Lend said. Pigment rushed back into him, and he settled into his normal hottie appearance. Opening the door, he grinned. “Just telling her about tonight.”
“For the last forty-five minutes?” David raised his eyebrows. Holy crap, had it really been that long? I blushed from head to toe but Lend laughed. “Why don’t you two come and talk about it downstairs?”
“Sure.” Lend held out his hand for me and I took it, still embarrassed. I spent the next couple of hours in giddy impatience. I kept remembering that we had kissed—I had been kissed!—and the giddiness set in anew.
Finally it was time for us to go. Lend seemed more relaxed and happier than ever on the drive, joking around about making me pick up the tab for the date.
The pizza place was great—packed and noisy, with dim lighting and bench tables. John, a lanky red-haired guy I recognized from school, waved to us from a table in the back near some arcade games. There were five other kids, a couple of whom I had met.
A girl I didn’t know beamed at Lend, way too excited to see him. Pretty, with dark hair and too much makeup. I didn’t like the way she looked at him, or the way she leaned forward, using her low-cut shirt to its full advantage. I shifted closer to Lend and wished we were holding hands. Still, I’d dealt with predators she couldn’t imagine in her darkest nightmares. I wasn’t intimidated. Much.
“Lend, you’re back!” she said. “I’m so glad, I was really worried about you! You must have been so sick! I tried to bring you cookies, but your dad said you were contagious.”
“Yup, feeling better now.” Lend smiled politely.
The girl hadn’t so much as glanced at me. It was like she was trying to make me disappear by the sheer force of her determined ignoring. Finally, when she realized that Lend wasn’t going to say anything else, she looked at me with a thin smile.
“Who’s this?”
“I’m Evie.”
“Hi! I’m Carlee. Are you guys cousins or something?” She looked way too hopeful as she said this.
I turned to Lend, looking at his black hair and dark brown eyes. “Wow, I had no idea we looked that much alike.”
“So you are!” she said, almost laughing with relief. I felt bad.
“Nope, not related at all,” Lend said. “Evie just moved to the area.”
Her face fell. Poor thing. She was a trooper though, I’d give her that. She plastered on a bright smile. “That’s so great!”
We sat down and Lend put his arm around me. Every single jaw at the table dropped.
“Man,” John said, shaking his head. “All this time I was pretty sure you were gay.”
I batted my eyes innocently. “I’m sorry, John. Are you disappointed?” Everyone laughed, and John grinned.
“Maybe a little,” he answered, scooting into Lend’s free side to cuddle up.
“Oh, get off me.” Lend shoved him off the bench. After that, I was part of the group. Me! Part of the group! I thought yesterday had been the best day of my life, but today beat it by a million. At school
I had been an observer, but here I was really hanging out, accepted.
There was nothing special about it (besides Lend, who I liked more than I dared admit). But with these ridiculous, clueless teenagers, I felt at home. Sure, I jumped every time a blond girl passed my peripheral vision and got cold chills when I thought I saw someone who looked like Reth, but no one noticed how twitchy I was. I reassured myself with Tasey’s familiar bulk in my purse and the heavy weight of the iron knuckles in my pocket. Things were going to be fine.
As the evening progressed Carlee seemed to get over her disappointment and flirted up a storm with
John, which was a relief. “You’ve got really pretty hair,” she said when John got up to play a game.
“Oh, thanks!” I said, genuinely pleased. “I love your necklace.”
She smiled and, with Lend’s arm around me and the growing hope that I’d have friends, I was elated. There was no pressure, no one to report to, nothing that I needed to do.
For the first time ever, I was just a teenager.
Rather than go right in when we got home, we walked a little way into the trees. He was amazing in the dark—there was definitely a luminescence about him. My wrist was like an open flame, but I ignored it as Lend’s color melted away and we kissed until my hands were so cold they hurt. When my teeth started chattering, he pulled away and laughed. “Okay, time to go in.”
He put his arm around me as we walked to the house. “Evie?”
“Hmm?”
“I’m just—I’m glad we can be ourselves with each other. It feels like I can be totally honest with you. I’ve never had that before.”
My stomach sank. He was finally being honest. But what was I doing, hanging out with normal teenagers, pretending I could be one of them? Lend showed me exactly who he was, but he had no idea what I was.
Suddenly the whole day felt less like the best one of my life and more like the biggest lie I’d ever told.
SO ALONE TOGETHER
L end and I were out in the woods again, kissing. It was nighttime, but I could see perfectly.
“Wow,” Vivian said, and I looked at her, then back at Lend and me. Seeing us kiss from farther away made me sad for some reason, like it wasn’t me anymore. Like it never was to begin with.
“Look at you two go.”
I shrugged, uncomfortable standing there watching myself make out with Lend. “I really like him.”
“Obviously.” She frowned. “What is he?”