She was drawn back together from the far corners of the solar system and put into a form that called itself "Parameter" but would answer to anything at all. Then she was rising on a rocket that thrust deep into her vagina, into recesses that weren't even there but felt like mirrors that showed her own face. She was a fusion warhead of sensation; primed to blow. Sparks whipped around her, and each was a kiss of electric feathers. She was reaching orbital velocity; solar escape velocity; the speed of light. She turned herself inside out and contained the universe. The speed of light was a crawl slower than any snail; she transcended it.
There was an explosion; an implosion. She drew away from herself and fell into herself, and the fragments of her body drifted down to the beach, where she and Equinox gathered them and put them in a pile of quivering parts, each smaller than an atom.
It was a long job. They took their time.
"Next time," Parameter suggested, "try to work in some elephants."
Someone had invented a clock. It ticked.
Parameter woke up.
"Did you do that?"
No answer.
"Shut the damn thing off."
The ticking stopped. She rolled over and went back to sleep. Around her, a trillion years passed.
It was no good; she couldn't sleep. "Are you there?" Yes.
"What do you think we ought to do?" Despair. We've lost Equinox. "You never knew her."
Part of her will always be with you. Enough to hurt you. We will always hurt.
"I want to live again."
Live with hurt?
"If there's no other way. Come on. Let's start. Try to make a light. Come on, you can do it. I can't tell you how; you have to do that yourself. I love you. Blend with me, wash me clean, wipe out the memory."
Impossible. We cannot alter ourselves. I want Equinox.
"Damn you, you never knew her."
Know her as good as you. Better. In a way, I am Equinox. But in another way, I can never be.
"Don't talk in riddles. Merge with me."
Cannot. You do not love me yet.
"You want to sleep on it another few thousand years?"
Yes. You are much nicer when you are asleep.
"Is that an insult?"
No. You have loved me in your sleep. You have talked to me, you have taught me, given me love and guidance, grown me up to an adult. But you still think I'm Equinox. I'm not. I am me.
"Who is that?"
No name. I will have a name when you start really talking to me.
"Go to sleep. You confuse me."
Love. Affection. Rockabye, rockabye, rockabye.
"You have a name yet?"
"Yes. My name is Solstice."
Parameter cried, loud and long, and washed herself clean in her own tears.
It took them four years to work their way around to Ringmarket. They traded a song, one that had taken three years to produce, a sweet-sad dirge that somehow rang with hope, orchestrated for three lutes and synthesizer; traded it and a promise of four more over the next century to a tinpan alleycat for an elephant gun. Then they went out on a trail that was four years cold to stalk the memory of those long-ago pachyderm days.
In the way that an earlier generation of humans had known the shape of a hill, the placement of trees and flowers on it, the smell and feel of it; and another generation could remember at a glance what a street corner looked like; or still another the details of a stretch of corridor beneath the surface of the moon; in that same way, Parameter knew rocks. She would know the rock she had pushed off from on that final day just before Equinox was taken from her, the rock she now knew to have been an Engineer way-station. She knew where it had been going on that day, and how fast, and for how long. She knew where it would be now, and that was where she and Solstice were headed. The neighborhood would be different, but she could find that rock.
They found it, in only three years of search. She knew it instantly, knew every crevice and pit on the side she had landed on. The door was on the other side. They picked a likely rock a few kilometers away and settled down for a long wait.
Seventy-six times Saturn turned below them while they used the telescopic sight of the gun to survey the traffic at the station. By the end of that time, they knew the routine of the place better than the residents did. When the time came for action they had worked over each detail until it was almost a reflex.
A figure came out of the rock and started off in the proper direction. Parameter squinted down the barrel of the gun and drew a bead. The range was extreme, but she had no doubt of a hit. The reason for her confidence was the long red imaginary line that she saw growing from the end of the barrel. It represented the distance the bullet would travel in one-thousandth of a second. The figure she was shooting at also had a line extending in front of it, not nearly so long. All she had to do was bring the ends of the two lines together and squeeze the trigger.
It went as planned. The gun was firing stunbullets, tiny harmonic generators that would knock out the pair for six hours. The outer hide of a Symb was proof against the kinetic energy contained in most projectiles, natural or artificial. She didn't dare use a beam stunner because the Engineers in the station would detect it.
They set out in pursuit of the unconscious pair. There was no hurry; the longer it took to rendezvous, the farther they would be from danger.
It took five hours to reach them. Once in contact, Solstice took over. She had assured Parameter that it would be possible to fuse with an unconscious Symb, and she was right. Soon Parameter was floating in the dark cavity with the Engineer, a female. She put the barrel of the gun under the other's chin and waited.
"I don't know if I can do it, Solstice," she said.
"It won't be something you'll ever be proud of, but you know the reasons as well as I. Just keep thinking of Equinox."
"I wonder if that's a good idea? I'd rather do something for her that I would be proud of."
"Want to back out? We can still get away. But if she wakes up and sees us, it could get awkward if we let her live."
"I know. I have to do it. I just don't like it."
The Engineer was stirring. Parameter tightened her grip on the rifle.
She opened her eyes, looked around, and seemed to be listening. Solstice was keeping the other Symb from calling for help.
"I won't give you any trouble," the woman said. "But is it asking too much to allow me a few minutes for my death ritual?"
"You can have that and more if you're a fast talker. I don't want to kill you, but I confess I think I'll have to. I want to tell you some things, and to do it, I'll need your cooperation. If you don't cooperate, I can take what I need from you anyway. What I'm hoping is that there'll be some way you can show me that will make your death unnecessary. Will you open your mind to me?"