On a typical day:
"Tainted food in Baker's Cafeteria. Don't eat there tonight."
"Amsterdam Bus 312 has bad brakes. Don't ride it."
"Mellen's Tailor Shop has a leaking gas line. Explosion due. Better have your clothes dry-cleaned elsewhere."
"Rabid mongrel on the prowl between Riverside Drive and Central Park West. Take a taxi."
Soon I was spending most of my time not doing things, and avoiding places. Danger seemed to be lurking behind every lamp post, waiting for me.
I suspected the derg of padding his report. It seemed the only possible explanation. After all, I had lived this long before meeting him, with no supernormal assistance whatsoever, and had gotten by nicely. Why should the risks increase now?
I asked him that one evening.
"All my reports are perfectly genuine," he said, obviously a little hurt. "If you don't believe me, try turning on the lights in your psychology class tomorrow."
"Why?"
"Defective wiring."
"I don't doubt your warnings," I assured him. "I just know that life was never this dangerous before you came along."
"Of course it wasn't. Surely you know that if you accept protection, you must accept the drawbacks of protection as well."
"Drawbacks like what?"
The derg hesitated. "Protection begets the need of further protection. That is a universal constant."
"Come again?" I asked in bewilderment.
"Before you met me, you were like everyone else and you ran such risks as your situation offered. But with my coming, your immediate environment has changed. And your position in it has changed, too."
"Changed? Why?"
"Because it has me in it. To some extent now, you partake of my environment, just as I partake of yours. And, of course, it is well known that the avoidance of one danger opens the path to others."
"Are you trying to tell me," I said, very slowly, "that my risks have increased because of your help?"
"It was unavoidable," he sighed.
I could have cheerfully strangled the derg at that moment, if he hadn't been invisible and impalpable. I had the angry feeling that I had been conned, taken by an extraterrestrial trickster.
"All right," I said, controlling myself. "Thanks for everything. See you on Mars or wherever you hang out."
"You don't want any further protection?"
"You guessed it. Don't slam the door on your way out."
"But what's wrong?" The derg seemed genuinely puzzled. "There are increased risks in your life, true, but what of it? It is a glory and an honor to face danger and emerge victorious. The greater the peril, the greater the joy of evading it."
For the first time, I saw how alien this alien was.
"Not for me," I said. "Scram."
"Your risks have increased," the derg argued, "but my capacity for detection is more than ample to cope with it. I am happy to cope with it. So it still represents a net gain in protection for you."
I shook my head. "I know what happens next. My risks just keep on increasing, don't they?"
"Not at all. As far as accidents are concerned, you have reached the quantitative limit."
"What does that mean?"
"It means there will be no further increase in the number of accidents you must avoid."
"Good. Now will you please get the hell out of here?"
"But I just explained —"
"Sure, no further increase, just more of the same. Look, if you leave me alone, my original environment will return, won't it? And, with it, my original risks?"
"Eventually," the derg agreed. "If you survive."
"I'll take that chance."
The derg was silent for a time. Finally he said, "You can't afford to send me away. Tomorrow —"
"Don't tell me. I'll avoid the accidents on my own."
"I wasn't thinking of accidents."
"What then?"
"I hardly know how to tell you." He sounded embarrassed. "I said there would be no further quantitative change. But I didn't mention a qualitative change."
"What are you talking about?" I shouted at him.
"I'm trying to say," the derg said, "that a gamper is after you."
"A what? What kind of gag is this?"
"A gamper is a creature from my environment. I suppose he was attracted by your increased potentiality for avoiding risk, due to my protection."
"To hell with the gamper and to hell with you."
"If he comes, try driving him off with mistletoe. Iron is often effective, if bonded to copper. Also —"