When he told her, she turned toward him. “Like the police?”
He nodded. “I was a detective,” he said.
Katie said nothing. Instead, she turned away abruptly, her face closing down like a gate slamming shut.
“Did I say something wrong?” he asked.
She shook her head without answering. Alex stared at her, wondering what was going on. His suspicions about her past surfaced almost immediately.
“What’s going on, Katie?”
“Nothing,” she insisted, but as soon as the word came out, he knew she wasn’t telling the truth. In another place and time, he would have followed up with another question, but instead, he let it drop.
“We don’t have to talk about it,” he said quietly. “And besides, it’s not who I am anymore. Believe me when I say I’m a lot happier running a general store.”
She nodded, but he sensed a trace of lingering anxiety. He could tell she needed space, even if he wasn’t sure why. He motioned over his shoulder with his thumb. “Listen, I forgot to add more briquettes to the grill. If the kids don’t get their s’mores, I’ll never hear the end of it. I’ll be right back, okay?”
“Sure,” she answered, feigning nonchalance. When he jogged off, Katie exhaled, feeling like she’d somehow escaped. He used to be a police officer, she thought to herself, and she tried to tell herself that it didn’t matter. Even so, it took almost a minute of steady breathing before she felt somewhat in control again. Kristen and Josh were in the same places, though Kristen had bent over to examine another seashell, ignoring her soaring kite.
She heard Alex approaching behind her.
“Told you it wouldn’t take long,” he said easily. “After we eat the s’mores, I was thinking about calling it a day. I’d love to stay out until the sun sets, but Josh has school tomorrow.”
“Whenever you want to go is fine with me,” she said, crossing her arms.
Noting her rigid shoulders and the tight way she’d spoken the words, he furrowed his brow. “I’m not sure what I said that bothered you, but I’m sorry, okay?” he finally said. “Just know that I’m here if you want to talk about it.”
She nodded without answering, and though Alex waited for more, there was nothing. “Is this the way it’s going to be with us?” he asked.
“What do you mean?”
“I feel like I’m suddenly walking on eggshells around you, but I don’t know why.”
“I’d tell you but I can’t,” she said. Her voice was almost inaudible over the sound of the waves.
“Can you at least tell me what I said? Or what I did?”
She turned toward him. “You didn’t say or do anything wrong. But right now, I can’t say any more than that, okay?”
He studied her. “Okay,” he said. “As long as you’re still having a good time.”
It took some effort, but she finally managed a smile. “This is the best day I’ve spent in a long time. Best weekend in fact.”
“You’re still mad about the bike, aren’t you?” he said, narrowing his eyes in mock suspicion. Despite the tension she felt, she laughed.
“Of course. It’s going to take a long time for me to recover from that,” she said, pretending to pout.
Turning his gaze to the horizon, he seemed relieved.
“Can I ask you something?” Katie asked, turning serious again. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”
“Anything,” he said.
“What happened to your wife? You said she had a seizure, but you haven’t told me why she was sick.”
He sighed, as if he’d known all along she was going to ask but still had to steel himself to answer. “She had a brain tumor,” he began slowly. “Or, more accurately, she had three different types of brain tumors. I didn’t know it then, but I learned that’s fairly common. The one that was slow-growing was just what you’d think; it was about the size of an egg and the surgeons were able to take most of it out. But the other tumors weren’t so simple. They were the kind of tumors that spread like spider legs, and there was no way to remove them without removing part of her brain. They were aggressive, too. The doctors did the best they could, but even when they walked out of surgery and told me that it had gone as well as it could, I knew exactly what they meant.”
“I can’t imagine hearing something like that.” She stared down at the sand.
“I admit I had trouble believing it. It was so… unexpected. I mean, the week before, we were a normal family, and the next thing I knew, she was dying and there was nothing I could do to stop it.”
Off to the side, Kristen and Josh were still concentrating on their kites but Katie knew that Alex could barely see them.
“After surgery, it took a few weeks for her to get back on her feet and I wanted to believe that things were okay. But after that, week by week, I began to notice little changes. The left side of her body started to get weaker and she was taking longer and longer naps. It was hard, but the worst part for me was that she began to pull away from the kids. Like she didn’t want them to remember her being sick; she wanted them to remember the way she used to be.” He paused before finally shaking his head. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you that. She was a great mom. I mean, look how well they’re turning out.”
“I think their father has something to do with that, too.”
“I try. But half the time, it doesn’t feel like I know what I’m doing. It’s like I’m faking it.”
“I think all parents feel like that.”
He turned toward her. “Did yours?”
She hesitated. “I think my parents did the best they could.” Not a ringing endorsement, but the truth.
“Are you close with them?”
“They died in a car accident when I was nineteen.”
He stared at her. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
“It was tough,” Katie said.
“Do you have any brothers and sisters?”
“No,” she said. She turned toward the water. “It’s just me.”
A few minutes later, Alex helped the kids reel in their kites and they headed back to the picnic area. The coals weren’t quite ready and Alex used the time to rinse the boogie boards and shake sand from the towels before pulling out what he needed for the s’mores.
Kristen and Josh helped pack up most of their things and Katie put the rest of the food back into the cooler while Alex began ferrying items to the jeep. By the time he was finished, only a blanket and four chairs remained. The kids had arranged them in a circle while Alex handed out long prongs and the bag of marshmallows. In his excitement, Josh ripped it open, spilling a small pile onto the blanket.
Following the kids’ lead, Katie pushed three marshmallows onto the prong and the four of them stood over the grill, twirling the prongs, while the sugary puffs turned golden brown. Katie held hers a little too close to the heat and two of the marshmallows caught on fire, which Alex quickly blew out.
When they were ready, Alex helped the kids finish the treat: chocolate on the graham cracker, followed by the marshmallow and topped with another cracker. It was sticky and sweet and the best thing Katie had eaten in as long as she could remember.
Sitting between his kids, she noticed Alex struggling with his crumbling s’more, making a mess, and when he used his fingers to wipe his mouth, it made matters only worse. The kids found it hilarious, and Katie couldn’t help giggling as well, and she felt a sudden, unexpected surge of hope. Despite the tragedy they’d all gone through, this was what a happy family looked like; this, she thought, is what a loving family did when they were together. For them, it was nothing but an ordinary day on an ordinary weekend, but for her, there was something revelatory about the notion that wonderful moments like these existed. And that maybe, just maybe, it would be possible for her to experience similar days in the future.