“Not feeling social tonight?” the brunette asked.
“I’m not good at small talk.”
The brunette seemed to consider this. “I’m Amber,” she said.
“Kevin,” he replied, and again, he didn’t know what to say. He took a drink, thinking it tasted almost like water.
The brunette leaned toward him. She smelled musky, not like lemon and mint. “Todd says that the two of you work homicide.”
“We do.”
“Is that hard?”
“Sometimes,” he said. He finished his drink and raised the glass. The bartender brought another over. “What do you do?”
“I’m an office manager at my brother’s bakery. He makes rolls and bread products for restaurants.”
“That sounds interesting.”
She gave a cynical smile. “No, it doesn’t. And it’s not, but it pays the bills.” Her teeth flashed white in the gloom. “I haven’t seen you here before.”
“Todd brought me.”
She nodded in Todd’s direction. “Him, I’ve seen. He hits on anything in a skirt who’s still breathing. And I think the breathing part is optional. My friend loves it here, but usually I can’t stand the place. She makes me come with her.”
Kevin nodded and shifted on his stool. He wondered if Coffey and Ramirez ever came here.
“Am I boring you?” she asked. “I can leave you alone if you’d like.”
“You’re not boring me.”
She flipped her hair and Kevin thought she was prettier than he’d first realized. “Would you like to buy me a drink?” she suggested.
“What would you like?”
“Cosmopolitan,” she said, and Kevin signaled to the bartender. The cosmopolitan arrived.
“I’m not very good at this,” Kevin admitted.
“Not good at what?”
“This.”
“We’re just talking,” she said. “And you’re doing fine.”
“I’m married.”
She smiled. “I know. I saw your ring.”
“Does that bother you?”
“Like I said, we’re just talking.”
She ran a finger along her glass and he could see the moisture collect on the tip.
“Does your wife know you’re here?” she asked.
“My wife is out of town,” he said. “Her friend is sick and she’s helping her out.”
“And so you thought you’d hit the bars? Meet some women?”
“I’m not like that,” Kevin said tightly. “I love my wife.”
“You should. Since you married her, I mean.”
He wanted another double vodka but didn’t want to order it in front of her, since he’d already done so. Instead, as if reading his mind, she signaled to the bartender and he brought over another one. Kevin took a large gulp, still thinking it tasted like water.
“Is it okay that I did that?” she asked.
“It’s okay,” he said.
She stared at him, her expression sultry. “I wouldn’t tell your wife that you were here if I were you.”
“Why not?” he asked.
“Because you’re way too handsome for a place like this. You never know who would try to hit on you.”
“Are you hitting on me?”
It took her a moment to answer. “Would you be offended if I said yes?”
He spun the glass slowly on the bar. “No,” he said, “I wouldn’t be offended.”
After drinking and flirting for another two hours, they ended up at her place. Amber understood that he wanted to be discreet and gave him her address. After Amber and her friend left, Kevin stayed in the bar with Todd for another half hour before he told Todd that he had to get home so he could call Erin.
When he drove, the world blurred around the edge of his vision. His thoughts were jumbled and confusing and he knew he was swerving but he was a good detective. Even if he was stopped, he wouldn’t be arrested because cops don’t arrest other cops, and what were a few drinks?
Amber lived in an apartment a few blocks away from the bar. He knocked at the door, and when she opened it she was wearing nothing beneath the sheet she had wrapped around her. He kissed her and carried her to the bedroom and felt her fingers unbuttoning his shirt. He placed her on the bed and undressed and turned out the light because he didn’t want to be reminded that he was cheating on his wife. Adultery was a sin and now that he was here he didn’t want to have sex with her, but he’d been drinking and the world appeared smudged and she’d been wearing nothing except a sheet and it was all so confusing.
She wasn’t like Erin. Her body was different, her shape was different, and her scent was different. She smelled spicy, animal-like almost, and her hands moved too much, and everything with Amber was new and he didn’t like it but he couldn’t stop, either. He heard her calling out his name and saying dirty things and he wanted to tell her to shut up so he could think about Erin, but it was hard to concentrate because everything was so confusing.
He squeezed her arms and heard her gasp and say, “Not so hard,” and he loosened his grip, but then he squeezed her arms again because he wanted to. This time she said nothing. He thought about Erin and where she was and whether she was okay and thought again how much he missed her.
He shouldn’t have hit Erin because she was sweet and kind and gentle and she didn’t deserve to be punched or kicked. It was his fault she was gone. He’d driven her away, even though he loved her. He’d searched for her and hadn’t been able to find her and he’d been to Philadelphia and now he was with a woman named Amber who didn’t know what to do with her hands and made strange noises and it felt all wrong.
When they were done, he didn’t want to stay. Instead, he got out of bed and started to get dressed. She turned on the lamp and sat up in bed. The sight of her reminded him that she wasn’t Erin and he suddenly felt sick to his stomach. The Bible says The man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys his own soul.