He nodded, his expression unreadable. Katie cleared her throat.
“I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry about what I said. I was wrong.”
His expression remained neutral. “Okay,” he said. “I appreciate the apology.”
For a moment, neither of them said anything, and Katie suddenly wished she hadn’t come. “I can go. I just need to know whether you still need me to watch the kids tonight.”
Again, he said nothing, and in the silence Katie shook her head. When she turned to leave, she heard him take a step toward her. “Katie… wait,” he said. He peeked over his shoulder at the kids before closing the door behind him.
“What you said last night…” he began. He trailed off, uncertain.
“I didn’t mean it,” she said, her voice soft. “I don’t know what got into me. I was upset about something else and I took it out on you.”
“I admit it — it bothered me. Not so much that you said it, but that you imagined me capable of… that.”
“I don’t think that,” Katie said. “I would never think that about you.”
He seemed to take that in, but she knew he had more to say.
“I want you to know that I value what we have right now, and more than anything, I want you to be comfortable. Whatever that means. I’m sorry for making you feel like I was putting you on the spot. That wasn’t what I was trying to do.”
“Yes, you were.” She gave him a knowing smile. “A little, anyway. But it’s okay. I mean, who knows what the future might bring, right? Like tonight, for instance.”
“Why? What happens tonight?”
She leaned against the doorjamb. “Well, once the kids are asleep and depending when you get back, it might be too late for me to ride back to my house. You might just find me in your bed…”
When he realized she wasn’t kidding, he brought a hand to his chin in mock contemplation. “That is a dilemma.”
“Then again, traffic might be light and you’ll get home early enough to bring me home.”
“I’m generally a pretty safe driver. As a rule, I don’t like to speed.”
She leaned into him and breathed into his ear. “That’s very conscientious of you.”
“I try,” he whispered, before their lips met. When he pulled back, he noticed half a dozen boaters watching them. He didn’t care. “How long did it take you to rehearse that speech?”
“I didn’t. It just sort of… came to me.”
He could still feel the remnants of their kiss. “Have you had breakfast yet?” he whispered.
“No.”
“Would you like to have cereal with me and the kids? Before we head off to the carnival?”
“Cereal sounds delicious.”
North Carolina was ugly, a strip of road sandwiched between monotonous strands of pine trees and rolling hills. Along the highway, there were clusters of mobile homes and farmhouses and rotting barns overgrown with weeds. He left one interstate and got on another, turning toward Wilmington, and drank some more out of sheer boredom.
As he passed through the unchanging landscape, he thought about Erin. Thought about what he was going to do when he found her. He hoped she would be at home when he arrived, but even if she was at work, it would only be a matter of time before she came home.
The interstate wove past uninteresting towns with forgettable names. He was in Wilmington by ten. He drove through the city and turned onto a small, rural highway. Heading south, with the sun coming hard through the driver’s-side window. He put the gun in his lap and then back on the seat again and kept on going.
And finally, he was there, in the town where she was living. Southport.
* * *
He drove slowly through town, detouring around a street fair, occasionally consulting the directions he’d printed out on the computer before he left. He pulled a shirt from the duffel bag and placed it over the gun to conceal it.
It was a small town with neat, well-kept houses. Some were typically Southern, with wide porches and magnolia trees and American flags waving from poles, others reminded him of homes in New England. There were mansions on the waterfront. Sunlight dappled the water in the spaces between them and it was hot as hell. Like a steam bath.
Minutes later, he found the road where she lived. On the left, up ahead, was a general store and he pulled in to buy some gas and a can of Red Bull. He stood behind a man buying charcoal and lighter fluid. At the register, he paid the old woman. She smiled and thanked him for coming, and commented in that nosy way that old women have that she hadn’t seen him around before. He told her he was in town for the fair.
As he turned back onto the road, his pulse raced at the knowledge that it wasn’t far now. He rounded a bend and slowed the car. In the distance, a gravel road came into view. The directions indicated that he was supposed to turn but he didn’t stop the car. If Erin was home, she would recognize his car immediately, and he didn’t want that. Not until he had everything ready.
He turned the car around, searching for an out-of-the-way place to park. There wasn’t much. The store parking lot, maybe, but wouldn’t someone notice if he parked it there? He passed the store again, scanning the area. The trees on either side of the road might provide cover… or they might not. He didn’t want to take the chance that someone would grow suspicious of an abandoned car in the trees.
The caffeine was making him jittery and he switched to vodka to settle his nerves. For the life of him, he couldn’t find a place to stash the car. What the hell kind of a place was this? He turned around again, getting angry now. It shouldn’t have been this hard and he should have rented a car but he hadn’t and now he couldn’t find a way to get close enough to her without her noticing.
The store was the only option and he pulled back into the lot, stopping along the side of the building. It was at least a mile to the house from here but he didn’t know what else to do. He brooded before turning off the engine. When he opened the door, the heat enveloped him. He emptied the duffel bag, tossing his clothes on the backseat. Into the duffel bag went the gun, the ropes, the handcuffs, and the duct tape — and a spare bottle of vodka. Tossing the bag over his shoulder, he glanced around. No one was watching. He figured he could keep his car here for maybe an hour or two before someone got suspicious.
He left the lot, and as he walked down the shoulder of the road he could feel the pain starting in his head. The heat was ridiculous. Like something alive. He walked the road, staring at the drivers in passing cars. He didn’t see Erin, even a brown-haired one.
He reached the gravel road and turned. The road, dusty and potholed, seemed to lead nowhere until he finally spotted a pair of small cottages a half mile down. He felt his heart speed up. Erin lived in one of them. He moved to the side of the road, hugging the trees, staying out of sight as much as possible. He was hoping for shade but the sun was high and the heat remained constant. His shirt was drenched, sweat dripped down his cheeks and plastered his hair to his skull. His head pounded and he stopped for a drink, straight from the bottle.
From a distance, neither of the cottages appeared occupied. Hell, neither one looked habitable. It was nothing like their house in Dorchester, with its shutters and corbels and red front door. On the cottage closest to him, the paint was peeling and the planks were rotting in the corners. Moving forward, he watched the windows, looking for signs of movement. There was nothing.
He didn’t know which cottage was hers. He stopped to study them closely. Both were bad, but one looked practically abandoned. He moved toward the better one, angling away from the window.
It had taken thirty minutes to get here from the store. Once he surprised Erin, he knew she’d try to get away. She wouldn’t want to go with him. She would try to get away, might even try to fight, and he would tie her up and tape her mouth shut and then go get the car. Once he returned with the car, he would put her in the trunk until they were far away from this town.
He reached the side of the house and flattened himself against it, staying away from the window. He listened for movement, the sound of opening doors or water running or dishes clattering, but heard nothing.
His head still hurt and he was thirsty. The heat poured down and his shirt was wet. He was breathing too fast but he was so close to Erin now and he thought again how she’d left him and hadn’t cared that he’d cried. She’d laughed behind his back. Her and the man, whoever he was. He knew there had to be a man. She couldn’t make it on her own.
He peeked around the back of the house and saw nothing. He crept forward, watching. Ahead, there was a small window and he took a chance and looked in. No lights on, but it was clean and tidy, with a dish towel draped over the kitchen sink. Just like Erin used to do. He silently approached the door and turned the knob. Unlocked.
Holding his breath, he opened the door and stepped inside, pausing again to listen and hearing nothing. He crossed the kitchen and entered the living room — then the bedroom and bathroom. He cursed aloud, knowing she wasn’t home.
Assuming he was in the right home, of course. In the bedroom, he spied the chest of drawers and pulled the top one open. Finding a stack of her panties, he sifted through them, rubbed them between his thumb and forefinger, but it had been so long, he wasn’t sure he could remember if they were the ones she had back home. The other clothes he didn’t recognize, but they were her size.
He recognized the shampoo and conditioner, he recognized the brand of toothpaste. In the kitchen, he rifled through the drawers, opening them one by one until he found a utility bill. It was listed in the name of Katie Feldman, and now he leaned against the cupboard, staring at the name and feeling a sense of completion.
The only problem was that she wasn’t here, and he didn’t know when she would return. He knew he couldn’t leave his car at the store indefinitely, but all at once, he was just so tired. He wanted to sleep, needed to sleep. He’d driven all night and his head was pounding. Instinctively, he wandered back to her bedroom. She’d made the bed, and when he peeled back the cover, he could smell her scent in the sheets. He crawled into the bed, breathing deeply, breathing her in. He felt the tears flood his eyes as he realized how much he missed her and loved her and that they could have been happy if she hadn’t been so selfish.
He couldn’t stay awake and he told himself that he would sleep for just a little while. Not long. Just enough so that when he came back later in the evening, his mind would be sharp and he wouldn’t make mistakes and he and Erin could be husband and wife once more.