Her chair was too long coming.
'What happened with Crispus?' Helena enquired in a colourless voice when our silence became uncomfortable.
'I failed to convince him.'
'What will he do?'
'I can't tell.'
'He may not know himself.' She spoke quietly, frowning. I let her talk. 'This is what he's like. He makes up his mind on a whim, then he rapidly changes it. I can remember him talking about horses with Pertinax; after a long debate, when everyone had agreed how they were all going to bet, Crispus would immediately settle on some different horse of his own…' She tailed off.
'Did he win?' I muttered, staring out to sea.
'No, that was the stupidity. He usually lost money. He could not even grasp how well Pertinax knew horses.'
Despite myself I was being drawn in. 'He mind losing?'
'No. Losing funds-or losing face-never frightens him.'
'This seems a gamble too. Something to do. He has no driving sense of injustice or ambition. At least Gordianus displayed some intensity! If the worst Crispus can complain about is that in Africa Vespasian ran short of cash, the man is certainly not driven by maniacal jealousy-' Helena's stillness beside me was helping me crystallize the problem for myself. 'He could be won over. He has talent; he deserves a position. But the Emperor sent the wrong man to reclaim him. Crispus thinks I'm about as important as a ball of fluff in a lamb's tail; and he's right-'
'He's wrong!' Helena frowned, with only half her concentration. 'You can manage it.' Suddenly she turned to me, leaning against my side. 'Oh Marcus, I can't bear all this-Marcus, hold me! Please, just for a moment-'
I moved abruptly away.
'Other men's women hold certain attractions-but excuse me, I'm not in the mood tonight!'
She stood straight as a spear, and I heard her deep, shocked breath.
I had shocked myself.