They kept me waiting. I was so angry at Helena's secrecy that for once the last thing I wanted was time to think. I hunched on a couch, growing more and more devastated by the injustice, until I was in two minds to storm off home and get drunk on my own balcony. The moment I decided to do it a flunkey called me in. I could not even enjoy myself getting annoyed because as soon as he saw me Vespasian apologized.
'Sorry, Falco. Matters of state.' Chatting with his concubine, no doubt. 'You look glum!'
'Oh, thinking about women, sir.'
'No wonder then! Want a cup of wine?' I wanted it so badly it seemed safest to decline.
'Enjoy your trip?'
'Well I still get seasick, and I still can't swim…'
The Emperor gave me a thoughtful look as if he could tell I was feeling cynical.
I was far too tired, and not in the mood; I made a bodge of narrating my report. Other people, more important people, had told him most of it anyway. Going over the sorry details of how Aufidius Crispus was pointlessly drowned felt like a waste of time.
'The Censor published the news as "an unfortunate boating accident",' the Emperor grumbled angrily. 'Who commanded the trireme that's in need of steering practice?'
'The Herculaneum praetor, sir.'
'Him! He turned up in Rome; I met him yesterday.'
'Showing his profile round the Palace, in the hope of a fancy foreign post! Sextus Aemilius Rufus Clemens-' I proclaimed. 'Good old family and a wealth of mediocre public service to his name. He's an idiot, but how can he lose? Now Crispus is dead, when it comes to awarding honours I assume this hasty-handed trierarch takes precedence over me?'
'Grit your teeth, Falco: I don't issue contract bonuses when senators get drowned.'
'No, sir. As soon as the ships crashed, I guessed I would be slapped down for it!'
'Rufus has been extremely helpful with advice about the fleet,' the Emperor reproved me with his fiercest growl.
'Oh, I can do that, Caesar: the Misenum fleet needs an overhaul: more discipline and less drink!'
'Yes. I had the impression Rufus fancies wielding an admiral's baton himself-' I was furious, until I caught the Emperor's glint. 'In future the Misenum fleet prefecture is reserved for trusted friends of mine. But I shall certainly give this fellow a chance to prove himself with the perils of command; he must be ready for a legion-'
'What? In a spectacular front-line province where his incompetence can flower more visibly?'
'No, Falco; we all have to accept that a public career involves serving a turn in dismal holes abroad…'
I started to grin. 'What have you dug up for Rufus, sir?'
'Somewhere landlocked; that should spare us the benefits of his nautical expertise: Noricum.'
'Noricum!' Crispus' old province. Nothing ever happens there. 'I think Crispus would approve of that!'
'I hope so!' smiled Vespasian, with deceptive gentleness.
Our new Flavian Emperor was not a vindictive man. But one of his attractions was a private sense of fun.