I was struggling to waken out of Healer's Sleep, but couldn't. I tried to relax, but couldn't. Still in my Sleep, I got out of bed. Captain Taft from the Second Armored wanted to enlist strong men to help fight the war. We were the best company in the corps. My men were ready, trained killers all. He stepped up to me, his eyes sharp. I saluted, feeling confident and strong.
"Roll up that sleeve, soldier! Let's see those muscles!? he barked. I rolled up my sleeve, but was shocked to see I had only a thin, smooth arm. A little girl's arm.? You call that an arm? Pretty pathetic, soldier. Come on! Show us some real muscle! Take off that shirt, soldier, and show me some real meat!!
? I eagerly reached for my T-shirt to show him my strength, but suddenly couldn't pull it up.? What're you waiting for? A brass band? Strip, soldier!? But I couldn't. I was terrified and extremely embarrassed. Besides, couldn't he see I had muscles under the shirt? I could see two muscles right now.
Wait, those weren't muscles. They were…? Strip, soldier! Aren't you a man, soldier?? But I couldn't. I was tearing at my shirt, but it wouldn't come off. I pulled harder… harder…
"Hey! Settle down! C'mon! Wake up! Wake up! It's okay…? I felt myself being cradled in soft arms and opened my eyes. A young woman's face, close to mine, gazed back. I had my arms around her neck and must have been choking her, I was squeezing so tight. I stared up into her eyes, very confused. She smiled.
"There now, you're fine. Just a bad dream. No wonder! You've been through a lot. Just relax.? I eased my grip on her neck, but still held on. She felt very warm and safe. I was lying on my bed, and had kicked the sheets off in my thrashing. I had pulled loose the ties to my hospital gown, and the top hung loose from my shoulders. As I shifted to draw it tighter, the top slid away from my neck and I was looking inside the garment at my small, smooth chest and soft, maturing physique. Even as I stared, my long, brown hair slipped over my shoulder.
Realization hit me, and I pushed the woman away with all my strength and retreated to the side of the bed against the wall. She didn't seem too upset about my rudeness. Instead she just pulled the stool close to the bed, sat on it and smiled at me.
"Doctor Barrett felt that it would be best if we spent some time together. He may stop by in a few hours, if you wish to see him. He's very sorry for the way he treated you, and hopes you'll forgive him. You were a little crazy in the hanger, you know. Are you okay now?? She sounded as though she really wanted to know.
My head was whirling. Part of me wanted to scream, another part wanted to be back in her arms, but for reasons I had never felt before. My nod was very slight and I'm sure totally unconvincing. She kept smiling and rested a hand on the bed railing.
"Well, let's be proper, shall we? My name is Susan Lendler, but please call me Susie. I'm a corporal in the Third Regiment of the Resistance. I was the one who was going to pilot your hov. Until you changed your mind, that is.? She smiled again, robbing her words of any sting.
"I… I… what's happened to me?? My voice sounded exactly like my voice. But it also sounded like a young girl's.
"Pretty much everything that Doctor Barrett told you. I don't know what detail he went into, but I can guess it was the regular history. But I'm sure you mean, why are you a little girl? Not so little, maybe. But a girl. Right?? I nodded.? Well, since I was the lead researcher and am now your counselor, I can tell you quite a bit. I'll start with the most obvious and normal question asked by every 'Cue: What's the date? Today is November 13th, 2676. And yes, we're using the same calendar. Now how about you get dressed while I keep talking?"
She reached out a gentle hand. I thought about it, then took it. As she helped me out of the bed, I could feel a confusion of emotions churning in me. As the old me, I felt a little silly being helped in this way, so delicately. Yet as I was now, it also felt reassuring and more than a little wanted. The comfort I had felt before I was aware that I was… I was… that comfort was gone.
She helped me down without making me feel too self-conscious, careful to touch only my hands and arms. Once I was on my feet, she kept one hand on my elbow and leaned over and picked up a shiny duffel bag at her feet. She plopped it up on the bed and opened it somehow. It was without seam or opening, but it did her bidding better that any zipper. She chatted cheerfully as she pulled out the clothing.
"I thought you might want to borrow some of my clothes. I'm a little bigger than you, and I'm afraid they're dark to match my color, but these are the best we can do right now. Your clothing was lost in a skirmish yester…? She broke off, looking at me. My face had gone white, and now was turning very warm
"I… I… can't wear those!? She held in her hand a black bra and a pair of black panties that had a pretty design and even a little lace. Pretty design? Why had I thought that?
"Yes, you can. And yes, you will. Do you want to keep wearing that gown?? I shook my head.? Then this is what I have. Believe me, there's nothing wrong with you wearing these. This is what girls wear,?
she said with a smile. I had to admit it was an infectious smile.? Unless you want me to scrounge up one of the men's underwear. Maybe Lieutenant Sanchez?? she giggled.? I'm sure he wouldn't mind. But you'd have your hands full, holding your pants up."
Despite myself and the situation, I had to smile slightly.? No, I suppose you're right. But this is very difficult."
She nodded.? I'd like to tell you I understand. Of course I can't. To go from being a man one moment-for you-and then wake up like this. It has got to be hard. I wish I could make it different. It won't be so bad, though. Please believe that. Now, try these on."
I took the panties she offered me and tried them on under my gown. I had not expected something so small to fit, and they didn't quite. They weren't too small-they were too big. I had to admit though that while my burning ears gave away my embarrassment at having something so feminine on, they felt nice.
She handed me the bra, and I'm sure my face took on the shade of my crimson ears. To put this on, I'd have to disrobe. I hesitated, looking the thing over. I didn't really want to put it on, and certainly not in front of someone, even Susie. Yet I also knew I should. This was quickly becoming overwhelming again.
I started to breathe faster.
"What's wrong?? Susie asked, concern in her voice.
"Uhhh… well… it's just that the underpants are one thing. I've worn them, of course. Though not quite the same cut. But this…? I held up the bra.
"Well, honestly! Just ask, silly!? she spoke firmly, but her tone was friendly. She snatched the bra from my hands, and before I could so much as choke from embarrassment, she pulled off my gown and dropped it to the floor. She stepped behind me and reached her arms around my front.? Here, it goes on like this. It holds in the front just like so, and the strap adjustments work like this. Settle down! If you squirm around, we won't get it fitted right!? I felt a firm tugging and a kind of snug, comfortable support where I'd never needed it before.? There! Now turn around.? I did and she inspected me closely.? It's still a little big, and I've adjusted it as small as it will go. But don't worry, you'll fill out soon enough. You'll probably even be bigger than-? she broke off and brought a hand to her mouth, realizing her mistake.
I felt tears welling up. I started to sob, and she pulled me to her again, apologizing over and over. It was as though I had no control over myself. I had never felt emotions this vibrant, this powerful before. I was helpless to them. Even while I cried, I realized that embarrassing as this was, it was Susan who made it tolerable. While I sobbed like a baby, she somehow used one arm to hold me and the other to dress me.
After a few minutes, I became aware of her voice.
"Here. Let's sit down on the bed. I'll boost you. There!? Sitting on the edge of the bed, my shoulders still heaving a bit, I watched through misty eyes as she put on my socks and shoes. I felt so helpless. She smiled.? Now just let me sit beside you.? She hopped up next to me, our feet dangling over the side. I wiped the tears and tried to smile back. I nearly made it.
"Is this what it's going to be like from now on? Bawling my eyes out every time something happens?"
She shook her head.? Don't worry about that. You'll definitely get over it. You showed a lot of backbone and a lot of smarts back there in the hanger. I would have been terrified stupid, and I'm a soldier."
I partially succeeded in smiling this time.? If I'd have known I wasn't myself, I would have been scared stupid, too. I have no idea how I missed something so obvious. I guess it was the after effects of that Healer's Sleep."
She shook her head.? No, it's not that. Healer's Sleep does have some residual calming effects. If it didn't you might be a basket case now. But it doesn't warp your perception once you are up and about.
? She shot me a sly look.? Even when you weren't supposed to be up and about. How did you manage that?"
"It sounds kind of easy, but the simple fact is that I wanted to be out of here more than the Healer's Sleep wanted me on my back. Willpower. Or fear. Maybe both.? I didn't want to give away too much; it might come in handy again.
"I suppose.? She didn't sound at all convinced.? Still, we've never had anyone wake themselves up from Healer's Sleep quite like that."
"There's a first time for everything. You were talking about why I didn't spot that I'm no longer my father's spitting image…? The talking seemed to be helping; I had calmed down considerably. It also didn't hurt that the fatigues Susan gave me were a couple sizes too large and did wonders to hide my new bumps and curves. I couldn't put off dealing with them forever, but maybe a little longer.
"I'm sorry, you're right. Well, your body was a physical shell, grown in the physiomanufacturing complex about 2,000 kilometers from here, straight line. We…"
"You mean I'm a clone?"
"No! Definitely not! You are not a copy of anyone. You are as original as a newborn baby. Physically.
But your body was only living. It had no mental facilities, no cognizance, no persona. And it lacked that spark that made it alive."
"My soul, you mean."
"Yes, exactly.? She seemed pleased I had chosen that word.? It was a soulless thing. Into it we put you."
"But why a girl? And why so young?"
"A couple of reasons. One, although cognitive specialists like Doctor Barrett can reintegrate the original personas of detached ripes into a human form, there's no way to tell what that persona is like. We must rely on other means to determine the background, experiences, even the gender of that persona. In every case we've had, there were records available. Even the ones that went back 600 years to the first riping could be tracked down. I know, because that's what I do. But you were the special case. We couldn't find a single record on who you were or where you came from. So we had to guess.? She looked down.? We're terribly sorry. We had to guess, and one, maybe two of your alternate personas were female, so that's what we went with."
I stared.? You mean I've been a woman before this?!"
"Not you. Your false personas. But you'd have absolutely no memory of them any more than you would have memories of your other ripings."
"And the age?"
"That we do for both you and us. We do it for you because it's known that during puberty, more than just the reproductive systems mature. Everything is in a state of change and growth, including the intangibles, such as the personality and soul. When a person is rescued from their false life, their mind and, we believe, their soul need a place that is flexible, open to change. Anytime during the teen years will work.
We choose your age for our benefit because… well, to be honest, we don't exactly acquire the shells by normal means.? She left the rest of it unspoken.? And some of our 'Cues, that's what we call a rescued persona, don't adapt well at all to the sudden awakening. Some never adapt. We've found it useful-"
"Useful to have a body you can control easily, if not a mind,? I interrupted.? So how old am I? I mean biologically. Physically, I suppose they probably just whipped me up in a couple days.? It was very hard, dealing with this.
"NO! That's not so! Never think you're less than human! You are as human as me.? At my look, she continued,? I'm just a regular woman. My mom and dad live on Greater New Germany. And you're just as real. It takes a fourteen-year-old body fourteen years to grow. Which is about your age, by the way."
"About?? She nodded.? I guess you probably can't stop at the ol' computer terminal with a heisted body slung over your shoulder to get the details.? She carefully didn't look at me. I switched back to the subject.? So that means that next year I'll be fifteen, then sixteen, etc. And I'll keep growing, maturing and…? It hit me.? Wait. You mean I'm going to become a woman! Does that mean I can have, you know, bear…"
She nodded.? Yes. But don't think about that too much, now."
"Believe me, I won't!"
"But don't shut it out entirely, either. Going through puberty the second time is going to be a lot different.
And pretty soon your body will be ready to-"
"Uhhh… look,? I interrupted.? I've got the idea. I may not look it, I know I don't look it, but I'm thirty-one years old. I'm a little squeamish now, this is all so new. But I am an adult."
"No, you're not."
"Yes, I am."
"No, er… John, you're not!? she spoke sharply.? Look, this isn't just a 'plug me into a body and I'll pick up where I left off' kind of experience. Cognitive reintegration is far more complicated and comprehensive than that. You really are fourteen years old."
I felt just a little insulted.? Susie, let's not mess up a great start. I can remember my memories. It's as though they all happened yesterday. I have my life's experiences. I understand I have to catch up, but you must admit that I'm far more mentally capable than any fourteen-year-old, girl or boy. They couldn't have nearly escaped."
"I'll grant you that. You do have your life experiences. And you are counting on those mental achievements to help you control your body. And you're right, they will help. But what makes you think that since your mind can affect your body, that your body won't affect your mind?"
I started to say something, then shut up. I didn't know. The thought of not knowing gave me a chill. I felt the goose bumps rise along my arm, and my heart gave a jump. I wasn't in complete control. I felt a little sick in my stomach. She saw the look of realization on my face.
"That's right, you don't know. We do. It does work both ways. Your memories, persona and soul are moved-not copied or imprinted-into the body and brain of a maturing teen. And both your body and brain are going through all the natural emotional, hormonal and physical changes of a young woman.
"Remember your first time through puberty? I do. Once was enough. One moment I was full of myself and immortal. The next, I was ready to crawl into a hole and pull it in after me. Well, you're going through the same changes. The hormones and chemicals that once turned you into a bag of exploding emotions, black and white opinions, and energetic borderline desperation are all bubbling away again in that thirty-one year old mind of yours. Because your brain is fourteen. Oh, it'll be easier this time around, you know you'll survive. But it'll also be new for you. And different. Very, very different. In a way, I suppose you're lucky."
"Lucky?? Her opinion of luck varied substantially from mine.
"Well, yes. We transfer every Cue into a twelve to fifteen year old body. We've done forty-seven in the last three years. And the girls have the worst time because the teen years are more intense for girls than boys. The boys don't have it much easier, but the changes are less extreme, externally and internally.
You're lucky in that while you're female now, you weren't before, so it's one time through for you."
"But it would have been even easier if you'd just transferred me into a boy's body,? I pointed out.
"I know. I'm sorry. You're the first Cue that anyone has mis-sexed. Ever. There just wasn't any information about you. There still isn't. So here you are. But count on it, it's much better than from where we rescued you.? She smiled.? And you have my word that being a woman isn't bad at all. Personal experience talking there."
"I suppose I should start listening to those 'feminine protection' commercials now,? I muttered.
She looked at me questioningly.? What's a 'feminine protection' commercial? You mean like commerce in martial arts? Or weapons?"
"Never mind.? It seemed holovision had gone the way of the mastodon. I'd let someone else mourn its passing.
We were quiet for a few moments, just staring at our swinging feet. I couldn't get over how completely they looked like my feet, even shoe clad. And yet, when I looked at Susie's feet, hers were at least my size and maybe one or two sizes larger. But she couldn't have stood over five foot three inches, which made me about four foot ten inches. I continued looking at her dangling feet and let my eyes wander up her legs, comparing them to mine. We both wore semi-baggy pants, but I could tell her legs were lithe and lean. Yet mine looked skinnier. I followed up her legs, over her modest, healthy figure and to her pretty, always smiling face. She had a glow in her brown eyes that complemented the deep, rich glow of her face. Her dark skin was the smoothest, most perfect I had ever seen, bordered by short, thick, black hair. She had a girl next door kind of face. Not stunningly beautiful, nor even modestly so. Just pretty, in all the positive ways. I smiled back at her. I could get very used to her very quickly. I owed her. Having thought the thought, I spoke it.
"I want to thank you Susie. You've really made me feel better. I don't know how long it'll be before I go crazy, but at least the ride will be easier because of you."
"That's what I've been assigned to do. Make the road, whatever one you travel, a little easier for you.
You're very important to all of us."
"Will you be assigned to me for very long?? Less than fifteen minutes ago, I'd shoved her away. Now the thought of her not being there made my chest tighten. It would really help having her near, especially the next time I was with Dr. Barrett.
"Believe it, kiddo. We're roommates now."
"Room…"
"Yep. Private quarters are only for officers, awakening Cues, and Dusty. You're none of the above, so until we figure out how to best get you back into society, you're rooming with us dogs. Pulling duty, too, in a couple, three days."
"Uh, yeah.? This was going to be very difficult. I was finally waking up to the fact that my whole life, not just the way I went to the bathroom, was hanging. Had changed.
"C'mon. It's almost breakfast. Let's grab some grub and I'll give you a tour.? She hopped off the bed and lifted me down. I wasn't that much shorter than her, less than six inches. But I was very unsteady. I lurched about two steps on my own before Susie grabbed my upper arm. I looked at her, just a little confused.
"Why is it so tough to walk? I'd figured it was because of weakness, but I feel plenty strong enough. And I walked better than this last night."
She shook her head.? No, you're pretty much full strength, though your muscles could use some toning.
We'll hit the exercise area later. The problem is that your body never learned to walk. That you can walk at all is because your mind is doing a pretty fast translation of walking, and teaching your body. Pretty fast, but not fast enough. How tall were you? You know… before?"
"Uh-six foot one."
"Foot? That's an old style measurement isn't it? What's the one stand for?"
"Sorry. How about metric? I heard Doctor Barrett use it yesterday. Six foot, one inch would be about one point nine meters."
"So you were pretty tall. And your build was different. Remember how awkward you were at fourteen?
Double that. Don't worry, though, it'll grow on you. Maybe we should practice a while. Breakfast can wait a little longer."
So we spent the next half hour teaching me how to walk. It took about twenty minutes to get the fundamentals down. It was strange, seeing as I'd walked only last night, albeit roughly. That was before I realized I had a new body, though. Now that I knew, my mind kept getting in my brain's way, as odd as that sounded. I picked it up eventually, so we used another ten minutes practicing my sitting and standing, starting and stopping. I spent the whole half hour amazed at the difference in locomotion.
"Do my hips always move like this?"
Susan giggled. I think she was enjoying herself.? Of course they do. Comes with the territory.? She laughed again at the unintended joke.? The problem is that you're exaggerating the movement. Don't try to walk like a girl. Just try walking."
"Won't I end up gallumphing around like some jock in a tutu?"
She mouthed my words silently, as though translating them, then shook her head.? If I understand you right, the answer's no, you won't. Not unless you… gallumphed around as a man on purpose before."
"Of course I didn't. I just walked."
"So do that now."
A little light went on in my head. I tried again, and this time I didn't swish near as much, if you can swish at all in army fatigues. The wiggle was still there, but much diminished. I beamed at her, quite pleased with myself. Susie clapped her hands.
"Wonderful! Now you don't look like… well, never mind what you don't look like. We'll have a lesson in girl humor another time. I'm starved! Let's get some breakfast.? My own stomach was growling, too, so it sounded like a great idea. She grabbed my hand and led me to the wall where the door was. I should have felt self-conscious about it, but the truth was that I would have enjoyed holding her hand as either a man or a girl. Just for different reasons. At least, I hoped for different reasons. I was still too new at this to really understand my own feelings. I did know that I liked it.
The door appeared as before, but a little higher and a little wider. I held my breath a bit as we went through, but it didn't close in on me this time, either. Hand in hand, we entered the wide, rough-hewn corridor.
It was much different from last night. Instead of being dark, dank and deserted, it was full of life and light.
People, all clad in a uniform style of dress, moved up and down the corridor, which was nearly as bright as day. And they were noisy. Mixtures of laughter, formal, and normal conversation added much to the atmosphere. If it weren't for the craggy, solid rock making up the floor and walls, I'd have never guessed we were in a cave. I said as much to Susie, then repeated it in a louder voice. She nodded and spoke back in as loud a voice.
"We're a pretty loud bunch when we have the chance. That's why we spend the extra energy on the ghost walls for our Cue's recovery rooms and ghost doors for private quarters. Ghost walls are planed energy fields that simulate mass. It cuts out everything. The doors can even allow openings large enough to fit exactly to whatever's in its plane, down to a millimeter. It's a pretty weird feeling, going through.
And it can be phased to keep out light and sound. C'mon, the mess is down this way.? She pulled me to the right, the direction I hadn't explored.
It seemed longer than it had last night. I would have guessed it to be only fifty feet, but was closer to 100
feet. Check that. Closer to thirty meters. I'd been easy with either the English or metric systems, but apparently only metric had survived. That was one plus in this society, anyway. I'd best fall into the habit of using metric exclusively.
It was the same as before. Brightly lit, heavily used, and cut from solid stone. It was also very clean, though I did spot a couple of stains
YES, MRS. FLETCHER? THE CARPET'S STAINED JUST DOWN THE HALL FROM YOUR DOOR? DID YOU NOTICE WHAT KIND OF STAIN? BLOOD? ARE YOU SURE? MY SENSORS DIDN'T DETECT ANYTHING THAT WOULD ACCOUNT FOR BLOOD. IT MAY BE JELLY FROM THE BREAKFAST DELIVERY… NO, I'M SURE MY SENSORS ARE IN WORKING ORDER, MRS. FLETCHER. YES, I RAN FULL DIAGNOSTICS ON MYSELF LAST NIGHT, AS ALWAYS, MRS. FLETCHER. NO, I'M NOT ARGUING WITH YOU, MRS. FLETCHER. I'LL PUT A CLEANING 'BOT ON IT IMMEDIATELY, MRS. FLETCHER, AND REPORT TO YOU WITHIN THE HOUR… VERY WELL, THEN, WITHIN THE HALF HOUR.
that looked almost like blood. As we approached, though, I realized I was mistaken. It did make me notice, however, that it was in front of a section of rock on the right hand side that was completely smooth and flat. I glanced back and noticed another section like it, where my room was. Here would be another recovery room. I looked at the stain once more. Nope. Definitely not blood. Not even a stain, just darker stone. I didn't have to be a genius to figure out why I'd made the mistake. Right now, my senses were whirling from everything I was seeing and hearing. But the whirling this time felt almost like a euphoria.
We continued to the end of the hall, passing a third blank surface on the right, and came to a huge opening on the left. Like the hanger on the other end of the hall, this one also had a lower floor and higher ceiling. Bright sunlight poured down from the ceiling; it must be open to the sky above, though I couldn't see yet. Unlike the hanger, it was completely man-made, judging from the flat floor and fairly rectangular shape. It was accessible via a large ramp, cut from the native rock. Susie led me down this ramp, and we were inside the mess.
Roughly forty meters by sixty meters, it served as a mess and storehouse. The ramp was about fifteen meters long and ended about halfway into the room. Its gentle slope indicated that pretty heavy objects were brought through here-even though they'd apparently eliminated the weight problem with antigravity, there was still the mass to contend with, and a slope for controlled descent was required. The wall on the ramp's right side was glass smooth and looked somewhat like my room's wall. A ghost wall, Susie had called it. I reached out a hand to see if it would go through, but it felt solid. A small tingle went up my arm and I quickly withdrew my hand, more surprised than shocked. I looked at Susie, but she was too busy suppressing a grin to speak.
The area to the left, bathed in warm sunlight, was the mess. The center area was wide open, with tables and chairs in a semi-structured order. Against the wall on my left-the wall shared by the corridor, for we had now stepped off the ramp and turned to our left-was a kitchen with a cafeteria style line. On the far wall were two openings. The one in the middle seemed to be a laundry of sorts. The other one, on the far right and in the corner, was a hallway from which men and a few women were moving in and out. The wall on my right held a single large entrance that stretched from ceiling to floor, unlike the other openings.
It was at least ten meters wide and was closed off with a flat ghost wall that was somewhat recessed from the normal stone face of the mess. The sunlight, for some reason, did not reflect whatsoever off the surface of the ghost wall. I looked up at the sky to see if there was a protruding ledge casting a shadow on it, and gasped with awe.
There was no sky. Instead of open air and a brilliant sun, I saw a high ceiling of solid stone. And instead of lighting was a shimmer, constantly emanating from the entire surface. As I watched, I could feel the sunny warmth pouring down on my upturned face. The shimmer seemed almost sky blue, and I even caught a whiff of fresh, mountain air. I was stunned.
"Why, that's incredible!"
Susie looked up and laughed.? This is the part of my job I love the most! Showing off our little advancements to Cues. Yes, that's an environmental stunt we pull to keep up morale. Sometimes we're cooped up in here for weeks at a time, and this becomes our playground. Here and the rec area. I'll tell you how we do it when you're more caught up with the times."
"I'd love to know. Offhand, I'd have to guess that it involves a prismatic shifting of ambient sunlight, recombined through a spectral and holographic filter. You're probably using of static grid of thermal energy for the display, though I can't begin to imagine the power source you'd use to achieve that magnitude of output."
It was her turn to stare at me while I tried to suppress a smile. She didn't say, but I'd lay odds I'd hit pretty close. Score one for NATech training and applied use of the gray matter, fourteen years old or not. I pulled at her hand and started walking to the long line in front of the cafeteria counter.? Come on.
I thought you were hungry.? Still staring at me, she let me drag her to where the trays were. I almost felt like letting out a giggle, but was maybe still a little embarrassed at the thought.
It looked like it would be ten or fifteen minutes until we'd get up to the counter. I got in line behind a guy about twenty or so. He seemed as big as a house, but when I looked at him carefully, he was only average build. I picked up a tray and the noise made him turn. He smiled at me and I smiled back, a little self-conscious. He stepped aside and waved us both in front of him.
"Hey, dogs! Make way for a couple of ladies!? Everyone turned and moved over, women included, letting us up to the very front of the line. Now I was very embarrassed. I tried not to show it, but my face was burning, a condition I was becoming very familiar with. I held the empty tray flat against my chest.
My hips felt like they were swinging out a half-meter with each step, with each step becoming more and more tentative until I just plain stopped. I stared down at the floor. That hole Susie had talked about earlier sounded very appealing right now.
Susie put her mouth next to my ear.? Calm down. Just breathe a bit. There. Now don't hold on to that tray so tight, it'll shatter. Look, no one's watching us.? I looked up. For a line of people who had just given us the front, I'd never seen so much disinterest. They all seemed to be talking to each other while paying us absolutely no mind. Even the guy who had shouted was yakking to someone else, going into great detail about-from what I overheard-absolutely nothing. Susie nudged me in the back, and we walked to the front counter. I set the tray on the long counter to serve myself.
I looked up, way up, into the eyes of the cook, or attendant. He was a breathing mountain. His girth, both chest and belly, was astounding. He probably affected the local tides. He smiled at me. These people really got into smiling.
"Well, good morning, ladies! We've got some bacon, eggs, waffles, pancakes. You name it, we got it!
Juice, milk and what not at the end. Oh!? He reached under the serving table and pulled out a small bottle.? For you, Corporal. The latest shipment came in about an hour ago, and with it five bottles of your poison. Go ahead and ruin your mouth and my reputation."
"Thanks, Hill. But don't rattle me until you try it. Makes even your swill edible."
I stared. It was a bottle of pepper sauce, a popular brand from my time.? That's Tabasco sauce!? I blurted.
Hill grinned at me.? That it is, ma'am. You're welcome to try it, though it will pain me to see such a soft flower of…? he broke off, and in the corner of my eye I saw Susie's head shake ever so slightly.? That it is,? he continued.? Oh! Rumor is there'll be afternoon drills, so that means a skipped lunch and late dinner. So now's the time to eat. Well, dig in!"
I couldn't believe how hungry I was. And the smell of the food doubled it. I helped myself to generous portions of eggs, bacon, fruit, rolls, juice and milk. Susie took much less than I did, settling for eggs, a single roll and a glass of juice. We walked over to a table that was impossibly clean and abandoned.
Impossible because there must have been at least a hundred people in there, with seating for not quite that. I was a little surprised they didn't eat in shifts to make best use of the facility. I sat down on one bench, with Susie on the other side so we could talk. She sprinkled some pepper sauce on her eggs, my mouth watering at the sight. I loved pepper sauce. But from what the cook had said, it was difficult to get, so I refrained from asking. She bowed her head and gave thanks, as I did. While we ate, I looked around curiously.
My first impression was how big everyone was, even the women. And the men were gigantic. Each and every one of them looked ready to play on the offensive front line of the Green Bay Packers. But when I took the time to really look at them, they seemed much less so. I knew what it was: They weren't all that big; I was all that small. Susie was apparently the most petite of the women, and she was bigger than me.
So unless there was another 'Cue around here, I was the runt of the litter. By a wide margin. It was an interesting feeling.
It was also an interesting feeling being the center of attention. For although absolutely no one was looking at us, I somehow knew that they wanted to. But even the ones who were just coming in from the far hallway and the corridor seemed to not see us. Instead, they gave us our privacy as best they could, and carried on their own conversations and eating their own breakfasts.
Which was more than I could. I looked down at all my uneaten food. I'd barely touched it, but I was stuffed. I put down my fork suddenly. Susie, who had been looking at me looking around, grinned.
"What? You're full already?? she said with mock surprise.
"I think I'm going to be sick."
"I'm not surprised. You ate enough for two people your size."
"Are you kidding? I barely touched this stuff."
She leaned forward.? No, no. Listen closely: 'You ate enough for two people your size.' Understand?"
I understood. I had the eyes of a hungry thirty-one-year-old pig and the stomach of a hungry fourteen-year-old waif. If I didn't watch myself, I'd look like several fourteen-year-olds, all rolled into one gooey glob. I moaned and pushed the plate away. I heard a lull in some of the conversation at the table next to us, and stole a quick glance. They were all carefully inspecting the storage area's ghost wall for any flaws. I suppose they had seen this kind of thing before. Even Susie was smiling. Of course, she was always smiling. But I think it was at me rather than with me this time. I tried to smile back.
"All right. All right. I understand. Looks like I'm not the first Cue to make this mistake."
"Nor the last,? she agreed, giggling.
"I suppose the cook set me up, too."
"Uh-huh. Truly a gift much greater than his labors at cooking.? She had abandoned giggles for open laughter.
"Hey, Lendler! I heard that!? A voice shouted from the kitchen behind me.
"And I suppose it is kinda funny. Pretty mean way to welcome someone into your century, though,? I said, smile on my face and no hostility in my voice.
"Call it an initiation. Or payment. These people went through a lot to get you here, and they want to see what you're made of."
"Oh, yeah?? I smirked.? Then maybe I should show them."
Screwing up every bit of courage I possessed, I rose and climbed up on the table and took a deep breath. All eyes turned to me, and the hall became quiet. Way in the back, standing on the ramp, was Dr.
Barrett. It was the first time I'd seen him since I'd fainted last night. He was watching me very closely.
I was about to bow, but decided to try something really terrifying. Instead of bowing, I slowly curtsied to the crowd, my whole body trembling with fear and my heart racing like a trip hammer. It was my first curtsy, and a lousy one it was, too. Poor balance, probably poor form, and done in pants instead of a skirt. But they loved it. As one, they shouted? Hooray!? and the sound was almost a physical blow. It struck me that everyone here undoubtedly knew more about me than I did, and to a person were also aware of their unintentional error. I felt my emotions flood to the surface, and with those emotions came tears. These people deserved a show.
Picking up an apple from my still full plate, I consumed it for all to see. Shouts and applause reverberated through the hall. I finished the apple with the crowd roaring its approval. I then turned to the kitchen, where the cook Hill was laughing and applauding, and heaved the core at him. It was a very pathetic throw, landing less than half way and far to the right, but the message was clear. Everyone yelled and whistled, including Hill. I then curtsied to him, and he bowed back, his bow as ugly as my curtsy, but every bit as sincere. I then turned back to the crowd and curtsied a final time, trying to put all my thanks and gratefulness into that simple, awkward and foreign motion. Staying in my curtsy while everyone stood and pounded the tables, I looked down at Susie, who was also yelling and clapping, tears rolling down her cheeks. I spoke just loud enough for her to hear, which in that din was still pretty loud.
"Susie, I really, really, really, want to get out of here."
She nodded and stood up, wiping tears from her eyes. Still laughing, she clumsily helped me down from the table. My knees were very wobbly and I felt light headed. With me almost in a daze, Susie had to lead me toward the far tunnel. All along the way, people quickly rushed over, lined up and either curtsied or bowed as we passed. All of them were cheering. I tried to wave, but my whole body was numb.
Still, it was nice to be wanted.