The scene transformed as my perceptions shifted. The arms became a hug, though on a scale that was hard to believe. Blackbird's thrashing became her return of the enthusiastic greeting she was receiving. The growl was speech, though it was slowed and so low that most of it was wasted on my ears and found rest somewhere low in my gut.
The creature was still half-concealed in darkness, though it filled most of the tunnel. Grey shaggy hair covered it completely, sweeping down its shoulders and arms and hanging in loose dark curls where Blackbird was pressed against its chest, her arms buried up to her elbows in fur. Its head was wide where creamy tusks emerged from the darkly lined lips. Its eyes were black inside a ring of burnished gold and they were watching me.
Blackbird's feet descended slowly to the floor, though she clung with her face pressed into the fur for a moment longer before stepping back.
The creature swept its hand up then extended its palm, turning upwards.
"My apologies, Gramawl, I am losing my manners in the joy of seeing you again. He is called Rabbit. Rabbit, this is Gramawl." As she said this, she made a complicated gesture, rotating her middle finger downwards and then indicated me and made a little rabbit with her hands. As she was signing, I realised that the last sentence spoken was meant as a cue for me.
Blackbird stepped aside and I hesitantly stepped forward. I felt a wave of dizziness wash over me. I staggered for a moment, unable to make sense of what was happening. I came to myself, clinging to the rail and finding my knees unsteady. Something washed over me, like waves of disorientation.
"I suppose I should have anticipated that." She turned back to Gramawl who retreated slightly into the dimness. She wobbled her fist and then tapped it sharply against her palm, then made a series of sharp sweeping motions, ushering Gramawl backwards.
Gramawl made a small circle to indicate us both then added an outstretched hand that tipped from side to side. The sensation dissipated and I found myself able to stand again.
"Yes, I know what you thought, but even if that were the case, that is a poor welcome, isn't it?" She pressed the knuckles of each hand together for emphasis. There was a reprimand in her voice, mixed with the sort of fondness reserved for a well-intentioned but overprotective uncle.
The shape retreated further into the dimness.
"Oh, stop it. Come out and meet Rabbit properly." She was both frustrated and amused.
Clearly the creature understood her speech as it came forward, this time fully into the light. As it emerged further I became aware that it was hunched over. Shoulders loomed behind the head, sloped down to fit in the tunnel. I thought it would shamble forward, but its step was light, full of grace and poise, like a dancer.
There was a seismic rumbling, accompanied by a complex bow and ending with an outstretched palm. "He apologises for his misunderstanding, Rabbit, and offers you welcome, if you will accept it." I gathered my wits.
"Thank you, Gramawl." I bowed in turn, keeping my eyes on the shaggy form. As he approached I became aware of his scent. I had thought he would smell like a beast, but instead there was the freshness of new-turned earth. I could see, now I was closer, that the shaggy fur was not matted and grey but layered with grey over brown, over black. It had the quality of a finely groomed horse's mane and I wondered who had spent time combing through that mountain of fur.
"I was about to explain that Rabbit had brought you a gift, Gramawl, but now I'm not sure whether he will want to part with it." She was comfortable speaking and signing at once, though Gramawl appeared to understand our speech well enough. Was there some etiquette to this?
Gramawl, lifted and then dropped his arms, pantomiming disappointment. At the same time his voice, if you could use that term, dropped in tone until I could only feel it rumbling in my bones. The hackles on my neck rose. I found myself stepping back.
"Only a little something," she teased, holding out her hand as if swinging a sweet by the wrapper or a tiny mouse by the tail and ignoring the shivering air. The great eyes flicked back to me, luminescent in the overhead lights. His flat wet nose wriggled, seeking clues.
"Of course, that was before you offended my friend. "
"I'm not offended," I interjected, a little too quickly. He swept away the air with his hand, rubbed one palm against the other and added an opening and closing gesture.
Blackbird translated for me. "He says you have accepted his apology and that it was only a misunderstanding and now he would like to know what you've brought."
Blackbird stepped up to him, smiling, and affectionately stroked his cheek above her head. "I don't know, I bring people to meet you and this is how you welcome them. Why don't you show Gramawl his gift, Rabbit?"
Taking my cue, I reached into my jacket for the stones, but she shook her head. "Those are for a little later. Put the sack on the floor and leave it, somewhere in the open."
I stepped forward, still a little hesitant near Gramawl, and placed the sack on the ground and stepped back. "You need to open it a little or it's not going to come out," Blackbird added. "It'll fly off." I hesitated.
"That isn't going to be a problem, is it, Gramawl?"
There was a rhythmic huffing sound and my stomach vibrated to the sound of his amusement.
I stepped back to the sack and opened the neck, letting it fall open around the bird. It hopped out onto the sack in a flurry, getting its bearings. I stepped back again. The bird was initially bemused to find itself underground. It looked about, putting its head on one side and then suddenly focused, darting sideways as it caught sight of the huge figure. It burst into the air in a clatter of wings.
There was a dull thump, like a pulse in the air. I blinked.
All was silent again. My brain caught up with my ears and I realised that Gramawl had taken it, mid-flight. I hadn't even seen him move.
Gramawl let out a low rumbling that might have been a purr if it had been high enough. He pressed his fist to his chest then touched his lips with his forefinger, opening his hand into a fluttering motion.
"He says it tastes of light and air," Blackbird translated, "and offers his thanks."
"You're welcome," I offered, still trying to figure out how something so big could move that fast.
"Delightful as it is to share such things with you, Gramawl, we really came to see your Mistress. Is she at home?"
He used a two-handed gesture, one hand inside the other, that I couldn't interpret, then placed his palm outwards, rotating it to point at the ground. "We'll wait here then, while you check." She turned to me. "He thinks she might be sleeping, so we'll wait a moment."
He merged back into the dark and vanished, leaving me staring at the empty sack.
"Do they all eat pigeons?" I asked Blackbird.
"No, but Gramawl is a creature of open twilight and he's been living down here a long time. Bringing him something from the daylight world above is like offering him a taste of autumn sunshine."
"Can't he just leave?" I felt some sympathy for him. I had been stuck on the Underground for an hour once and that was long enough.
"He is tied to his Mistress and she won't leave, so he'll stay with her until she changes her mind."
"Is he bound to her, then?"
"In a way, yes."
"He doesn't need protection, if you ask me."
"He doesn't do it for protection. He does it because he loves her."
"Oh." I couldn't think of how to respond to that.
We stood in the lighted area of the tunnel in silence until my sense of curiosity overcame my unwillingness to break the stillness.
"Are all the Feyre like that?"
"No, most are smaller. Gramawl is a sylvan troll, a creature of twilight. His line goes back to the first trolls. The mountain trolls are a little shorter and their coats are grey and white, but you hardly ever see mountain trolls these days. "
"He's very impressive."
"You may meet others like him. There are a few in and around London, but the majority live out in the forests where they're more comfortable."
"It must be very hard for him to live so far away from woods and trees."
"Well, trolls like caves, and this is only a man-made cave when you think about it. But yes. He wouldn't stay if it wasn't for Kareesh."
"Kareesh is his Mistress?"
"Yes, and I don't think she has been out of these tunnels in many years."
"Is that who the stones are for?" I tapped the pocket of my jacket where the stones weighed in the pocket. She nodded. "A gift for a gift, Rabbit. She is the one who might be able to show you a way to survive, if she takes a liking to you."
And if she doesn't? That question led me to other thoughts. "What do they do for food and water down here?"
"Gramawl goes outside to forage for short periods, but not until full dark."
"Didn't you say he was a twilight creature?"
"Yes, but twilight in the forest is easily as dark as full night in the city. I doubt he will have seen the sun for years."
"Do they, you know, turn to stone? In sunlight, I mean, as in the legends?"
Blackbird laughed. "No, they don't turn to stone. But, over the years, some may have appeared to vanish leaving only the rocks behind, if they were being pursued. "
"I suppose if you were pursuing something that big and it vanished in plain sight, you might be tempted to believe it had turned into a rock," I suggested. "Yes, you might."
We fell into silence again, me thinking of the vanished pigeon and Blackbird with her own thoughts. I wanted to ask more questions but the sound of our breathing was sufficient disturbance in the silent tiled corridor.
Gramawl materialised from the darkness without a sound. It wasn't just that he moved quietly; in the silence of the passage you could have heard a feather fall but Gramawl made no sound until he reappeared from the tunnel. Blackbird was unsurprised by this and took in the rapid gestures that accompanied his return. "She'll see us now, Rabbit. You are privileged. She must be curious about you. "
"Why would she be curious about me? "
"Because I brought you to her, I expect."
Gramawl stepped back into the darkness and Blackbird followed him. I wasn't sure what to expect now that we were going to meet Kareesh. What would a female troll look like? Were they bigger or smaller than the males? Was she likely to decide I was a self-delivering takeaway?
The darkness eased in behind me and we were climbing slightly. The passage angled left and right and came to a stairway at one side while the passage continued onward into darkness. The metal treads of the steps gleamed dully in the darkness and I noticed a faint glimmer of light coming from above.
There was some unseen exchange between Gramawl and Blackbird and she took the steps upwards. I followed, nodding a blind acknowledgement to the hulking shape in the dimness, guessing that with his huge gold-rimmed eyes he could probably see me perfectly well.
The steps doubled back at the first level and climbed up to an area that opened out, whether into another corridor or a room it was hard to tell, for every surface was hanging with rugs and heavy curtains patterned in muted gold and red. In contrast to the space below, the echoes died immediately, leaving a sensation of muffled closeness.
As we walked forward, we stepped onto rugs with curving geometric patterns that led the eye to wander. Delicate filigree lamps in beaten copper hung from the ceiling, their shape reminding me of Indian or Persian influences. Their light was warm and glowing, and flickered as we passed. A scent of musk rose up around us with an undertone of new-turned earth. It might have been fetid, but it smelled clean, as if it had just rained. We approached a corner where there were cushions piled around with hangings draped into folds above and to each side making a nest. In the centre of this nest was a figure. Huge almond-shaped eyes, completely black, watched us approach. Her face was long, her chin pointed and her limbs were thin and spindly. Her alabaster skin was pale and translucent, stretched over her frame and showing her bony joints. Is this what female trolls looked like? I glanced at Blackbird but she was focused on the figure in the cushions.
"Greetings, Kareesh. You look well." Blackbird's voice sounded muted in this enclosed space.
"You always had a way with words," said the figure, but she smiled, exposing parallel rows of tiny needlesharp teeth behind thin lips. "Come and sit with me, and bring your new friend." She patted the cushion beside her. Silver wisps of cobweb hair trailed from her arm, hanging momentarily in the air as she moved. We approached slowly, Blackbird hunching down to nestle in beside the smaller figure who sat like a grandma pulling her grandchildren in around her for warmth and comfort. I bobbed down onto my haunches and eased sideways to sit on the edge of the cushions. "So what have you been up to all this time? I've missed you, girl." Her voice was sweet but crackly. "I'm sorry, Kareesh, I would have come before, but- "
"Oh, I know. You've a thousand things to do and I don't blame you. It's your time, girl, and you'd best make the most of it." She reached over and patted Blackbird's hand affectionately. Blackbird captured the hand gently and held it for a moment.
"And you've brought this one to see me, have you?" Kareesh nodded towards me.
I bowed awkwardly from the seated position. "Greetings, Kareesh,"
"Nice manners," she remarked in an aside to Blackbird, "but still wet from the birthing pool. Have you started taking in waifs and strays, girl?" I bristled at her implication that I was either of those.
"I found him on the Underground this morning; he was being taken by the Untainted."
"Hush, child. Do not speak of those. Too much sadness has come of it and I won't dwell on what's downstream. You stopped it, that's the main thing. It was well done." She pressed Blackbird's hand and looked at me again, those huge eyes unblinking. Perhaps because she looked so ancient, perhaps because of the cosy quality of the place, her strangeness wasn't as disconcerting as it might have been. Perhaps my exposure to Gramawl's fearsome size and speed and Blackbird's eccentricities had inured me to the fear I would have felt, had I encountered her on any other day. "You're still hiding then?"
I thought the question was aimed at me and I struggled for an answer, but it was Blackbird who replied. "It's not hiding, it's blending in."
"And yet you drew attention to yourself this day, if my nose does not mislead me."
Her nose was small, unlike Gramawl's, and would have been dainty if it weren't so flared. She turned back to Blackbird, who looked at her hands in the dim light. I thought I saw the colour rise gently in her cheeks. "You don't miss much, do you?" Blackbird mumbled, then lifted her chin to meet Kareesh's considering look. Kareesh nodded, then let the subject drop, turning her attention to me. "So, girl, let's have a look at this rescued waif."
She shuffled around to face me, wrapped in overlapping layers that hung from her frame like a longsleeved smock. Wiry legs appeared from under her then vanished again under the folds as she repositioned herself.
Blackbird glanced at me, raising an eyebrow, but said nothing. I touched my hand to my jacket over my pocket and she nodded imperceptibly.
"With a little assistance from Blackbird, I have brought you a gift, Kareesh, which I hope you'll accept." I dipped into my jacket pocket and pulled out the black bag.
Kareesh's eyes twinkled as I held out the bag. "Well, then. What have you brought for me?" She took the bag from me without touching my hand, a courtesy perhaps, then tipped the stones out into her palm. For a moment the stones shone in her pale palm, or perhaps it was only that they reflected more of the available light against the whiteness of her skin.
Looking at her hand I realised she didn't have a thumb. Instead, the outer two fingers lagged behind the others. She dipped into her palm with the other hand and I could see the outer fingers were articulated differently, allowing her to select a stone from the cluster. She picked out the dark red one.
"This one hid from you, I think." She laughed to herself with the sound of rustling paper, holding it up in the light.
I remembered that this was the stone I had almost missed as it nestled into its box. It was also the stone I had been reluctant to touch. She held it up to the lamplight and it gleamed darkly.
"It wasn't meant for you, oh no, but you chose well. Yes, a good choice." The stone vanished into the smock and she used the longer middle finger to stir around in between the others. "And this one, well yes, I should have expected you to be chosen, shouldn't I?" She addressed the orange Tiger's Eye as if it were animate. Then she dropped it back and slid them into the bag again, tucking it under her smock with the other stone. Had she kept the red one apart for a reason, I wondered? "So, young Rabbit, you have a gift for gifts." She laughed at her own joke. "But you would like something from me, yes?" Her grin broadened and I was treated to a full display of her pointed teeth. "He needs your help, Kareesh." Blackbird spoke on my behalf.
"His gift has pleased me, girl, as you knew it would, and I offer him something in return, but it is up to him to choose. You cannot choose for him now, can you?" She wagged her middle finger at Blackbird.
"I am glad my gift has pleased you, Kareesh, but I would not know what to ask for. As you pointed out, I am very new to this and I have no idea what you might consider a fair gift in return."
"Ooh, such pretty manners," she teased. "Perhaps you would choose a talisman to wake you in time of danger?"
I glanced behind her at Blackbird and she shook her head, minutely. I was used to negotiating with vendors where I knew what I wanted and roughly what it was worth. This was different. I chose my words carefully, aware we were bargaining, though for what, I wasn't sure.
"That's a fine offer, but what other thing might you consider worthy?"
"I might consider putting a certain girl over my knee and spanking her skinny behind, as once I did, if she helps you again." She was looking at me but the remark was intended for Blackbird. "You know the rules, girl, as do I."
Blackbird gave me a helpless look, but then looked down at her hands to avoid catching my gaze again. I was thinking of when and why Kareesh might have spanked her when she made her second offer. "Would you wish to know, then, whether there's a grandchild for you? Your daughter's a mite young yet, but a child may not be too far to see."
"How did you know I had a daughter?" I glanced back at Blackbird, who was still staring resolutely at her hands.
"Well there wouldn't be much point in having the sight if I couldn't see the things written plain in front of me, now, would there?" She grinned, her teeth showing as ivory glimmers against her pink gums.
"Another fine offer, Kareesh." I hesitated. She was a canny bargainer and she knew how to tempt a worried father. If my daughter was to have children then that meant she would survive, didn't it? Or was she simply offering to tell me of the potential for grandchildren? I was tempted but I had more pressing concerns if I was going to see my daughter safe. "Is there something else?" I asked her.
"Are you sure you won't have the talisman? You may find you need it sooner than you think."
Did she know something or was she just pressuring me? She'd gone back to the first offer before moving on, which in my experience meant there was something else she could offer, though I couldn't tell what it might be. Perhaps in Fey culture, as in some human cultures, it was a matter of honour to try and get the best price for your bargain.
"No, not the talisman, Kareesh, but something else, something I need." I didn't know what it was, but I was now pretty sure she did.
"Well then, young Rabbit. Will you accept the sight of something to help you secure your place in the courts? Something that will soon be needed – not far away, but not easily found, no."
I glanced at Blackbird. She was like stone. What did she mean by the sight of something? Not the thing itself, obviously, but a picture maybe?
"Truly a generous offer."
I wanted to ask her, if I was able to secure a place in the courts whether that meant my daughter could also join with me but I sensed that, as with her other suggestions, the offer was what it was and it would be up to me to judge the value of it.
I looked for a sign from Kareesh that it really was as generous as she made it sound but her inhuman face was unreadable to me in so many ways. Was there a reason she had offered me the talisman first? She'd hinted that I might need it. I had turned down her initial offer almost on principle, though that could be a double bluff.
No, Blackbird had said that joining in the courts might provide safety for me and my daughter for a while. That was why she brought me here. I had to trust her and get what we had come for.
"And one I would like to accept," I told Kareesh.
Blackbird let out the breath she'd been holding.
"That's a fine bargain you've struck, Rabbit," Kareesh remarked.
I glanced at Blackbird and she gave me a tense smile. Clearly there was affection between these two, but there was a sense of tension too.
"Come then gauntlet runner, witness and suspect, evader of traps, bringer of hope. Rabbit, you are wellnamed, but not for always. Another name will be yours when you have earned it. The sun will rise and they shall fall. So say I."
Blackbird looked at Kareesh and her jaw dropped. I was lost, still trying to follow what she had just said. By the look of Blackbird's face she thought it was significant. I made a mental note to ask her about it later. Kareesh, meantime, continued without pause. "Here, Rabbit, hold out your hands and, when you are ready, rest them in my palms. You can remove them any time you wish and the vision will end. You might find it easier to close your eyes. "
"Will it help?"
"No, but you may find it easier to bear that way."
To bear? That was a strange word to use. I repositioned myself on the cushions so I had slightly more support. I had no idea how long this might take so I wanted to be as comfortable as possible. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"OK, I'm ready."
"No, you're not. But then, no one ever is." She showed me her teeth again and I lowered my hands into hers.
Cold rushed up my arms, clamping my heart and seizing the breath in my lungs. Echoes of the heart attack I had survived earlier flooded my veins with fear. The cold wrapped itself around my gut and pooled in my groin, killing all sensation. My eyes flooded with tears and blurred. I couldn't move to wipe them. Lights expanded and shattered into refracted fragments of delicate snowflakes and rushed inwards. I was blind, cold and numb. I think I screamed.
Images hammered into my head: a heavy door that swung ponderously shut, the dull thud reverberating; letters carved into pale stone that I couldn't read; a familiar looking building with a roof stained with livid green verdigris; a black cat, ready to pounce, silhouetted against a darkening sky. Autumn leaves swirled around me in a vortex of red, orange and gold. There was a green twig haloed in a sickly light and a room striped with sunlight, bedclothes scattered across the floor. It shifted into a vaulted ceiling like the roof of a wine-cellar, walls lime-washed and inset with dark stones. I spun upwards like a reverse skydiver, the wind whipping my clothes around me. I recognised the Thames wriggling out below me until I floated momentarily. Then I fell, my eyes streaming with blurred tears as London rushed up to meet me, the river suddenly large and gleaming in dull menace. At the last second, I swerved aside to pass through a heavy metal grating into a brick-vaulted tunnel where I twisted manically, left and right, to a giant hall filled with the sound of rushing water. In the centre was an island with an altar, strung with detritus and misshapen in the darkness.
My final image was of a square iron door in the wall above the water, its edges caked with rust, a keyhole, black at its centre.
Breath rushed into me and I collapsed backwards, rolling off the cushion onto the cold tiled floor, banging my head in the process. The reprise of my experience this morning was not lost on me as I coughed and retched onto the floor, pins and needles prickling my legs as the flow of blood returned. Kareesh and Blackbird watched, waiting for me to recover myself. After I had calmed and wiped the spittle from my lips with the back of my hand, Kareesh spoke to me. "Were you ready?"
I shook my head slowly and had the grace to laugh at myself. The gift I had bargained for had turned out to be a thumping headache and a series of fractured images. I felt cheated and somehow soiled by it, as if something dirty had trampled through my head. Blackbird was more practical. "Did you see what it was?"
I looked up at her from the cold floor. The memory of what I had seen was already indistinct. I remembered the door with the keyhole and the tunnels, and there had been a cat. What was the green twig, and where was the familiar building? It was like remembering a badly edited movie. "I'm not sure."
Blackbird let out a sigh of frustration and turned to Kareesh, but before she could say anything Kareesh held up her strange hand to pause her. "No child, you know how it is."
Blackbird's face fell, but whatever she'd been going to say she kept to herself. She stood up and moved closer to me so she could help me to my feet. I felt as though I had been beaten in the middle of a hangover. My first attempt at standing was unsuccessful. I only made it to my knees. Then Blackbird, with surprising strength, put her hands under my arms and lifted me so I could stand. She kept hold of one arm, supporting me emotionally as well as physically. My mouth tasted of dry ash and there was shimmering in my vision that screamed migraine.
Kareesh addressed her. "Take him somewhere quiet and dark, girl, and he will recover in a little while. He'll sleep well tonight, perhaps too well." She ushered us slowly out onto the head of the steps, patting Blackbird's cheeks affectionately. "Don't be so long next time, girl. And bring an old one some boiled sweets, eh? "
"They're bad for your teeth," Blackbird objected halfheartedly.
"There are lots of things that'll be the death of me before my teeth, girl, and I can always grow new ones." Kareesh looked up at me, as you might at a curiosity. "Goodbye, Kareesh, and thank you for your gift," I whispered, my voice unsteady.
"You can thank me later, Rabbit. If you live."
She stood at the top of the steps while Blackbird helped me down into the dark. There was no sign of Gramawl, either in the corridor or at the base of the stairs, though he may have been lurking in the darkness somewhere. My own vision was still haunted by glowing after-images of things I'd never seen.
Using a mixture of cajoling and support, Blackbird got me up the steps and into the lift. We were joined by a group of German tourists who looked distastefully at me when I came close to throwing up as the lift jolted into motion. The lift reached the surface and we let them disperse. Blackbird steered me after them to the exit. "Do you have your card?" Blackbird asked me.
"Yes, it's in my wallet somewhere." I made a hesitant attempt to find it, but Blackbird walked me forward to the barrier.
"Just know that you're allowed to pass," she instructed, and walked into the gap between the barriers. I concentrated my limited resources on remembering that I was a valid ticket holder and to my surprise the barrier flipped open.
Outside I was confused. The day had vanished into twilight. I looked around, able to support myself now, at least physically. "Where did the day go?" I asked Blackbird. "We were down there some while."
She guided me over the cobbles and down a side street to a pub that had emptied of tourists and not yet packed with office-workers released from their labours. We entered between floods.
It was dimly lit and although there was a juke-box, it was mercifully quiet. At the back, there was booth seating where Blackbird left me at a table propped against the cushioned back while she went to get me a drink. I closed my eyes momentarily, trying to recapture the vision, then shied away from it when the sense of vertigo returned. It hadn't been the best of days, overall. I had started out dead and now I felt like crap.
I thought of Kareesh sitting in her nest of cushions and hangings somewhere beneath my feet. It was hard to reconcile the waking world around me with the dream-like one she inhabited. I had once had a bad dose of flu with a temperature that made me delirious. The way I felt reminded me of that. The sense of disconnection, of unreality, was overwhelming.
I looked at Blackbird's back, over at the bar. Here she was, shepherding me around, introducing me to creatures I hadn't even known existed a day ago. What did she get from all this? She had said that she'd gained a degree of responsibility for me. How far did that responsibility extend?
She was close to both Kareesh and Gramawl; affectionate even. What was it that was between them? Kareesh said that she was hiding. What was she hiding, and from whom? I hadn't even had the opportunity to ask whether Kareesh was a female troll. She was much smaller and not hairy, but maybe she was just old. All those teeth in their measured rows; I felt cold inside.
And then the thought occurred to me that actually I had no idea what Blackbird really looked like. As I had discovered, she could appear how she pleased. I had a sudden mental image of Blackbird sitting in the booth beside me, rows of tiny sharp teeth reflecting the mood lighting. Could she and Kareesh be related? Is that what Blackbird really looked like?
Had we been visiting an old friend or had I really just been introduced to her mother?