"You, Mr. President?"
"Why not? They can't accuse us of doing anything underhanded if I handle this personally and it's page-one news in tomorrow's papers."
"I see your point, Mr. President," said the Secretary of Defense, and excused himself to confer with a tracking officer at a nearby radar console.
A moment later, the Secretary of Defense returned carrying a portable telephone set.
"You can start at any time, Mr. President," he said, handing the device to his commander-in-chief.
The President of the United States took the receiver and turned to face the elaborate computer tracking simulator which showed the Soviet shuttle as a coded green triangle floating over a wire-frame simulation of the globe. He cleared his throat.
"Hello, Yuri Gagarin. Can you hear me? This is the President of the United States speaking."
The President waited. After a pause, the flat toneless voice came again through the loudspeaker.
"There is no Yuri Gagarin here," it said.
"You can speak English?"
"Yes. Of course."
"Well, I'm happy to hear from you. The whole world is worried about you and your crew, Yuri Gagarin."
"I am not called Yuri Gagarin," the voice said.
The President chuckled. "Yes, I know," he said. "Yuri Gagarin is dead."
"It was necessary to kill him," the voice said. "He and the others would have interfered with my reentry, which is necessary for my continued survival."
The President looked at the Secretary of Defense doubtfully.
The Secretary shrugged.
"I don't understand," said the President.
"It is not important that you understand," said the voice. "It is important that I survive."
"That accent is not Russian," whispered the Secretary of Defense. The NSA stenographer nodded in mute agreement.
"Yuri Gagarin, why don't you answer the requests for acknowledgment from Russia?"
"Because I do not speak Russian," the voice said. "I am programmed for English only."
"I see," said the President. Cupping a hand over the receiver, he turned to the Secretary of Defense. "What the heck is he talking about?"
"I don't know, Mr. President," the Secretary of Defense said worriedly. "Why don't you ask him what he wants. "
"What do you want?" the President said into the receiver.
"I wish to land."
"Here?"
"I do not know where 'here' is. Please clarify."
"I mean in America."
"Yes, I wish to land in America. This is why I had to destroy the meat machines infesting this craft. They would have prevented me from landing in America. I cannot reenter earth's atmosphere without being incinerated by reentry forces. This craft will protect my vital parts during reentry."
"What is he babbling about?" asked the President.
"I have no idea, sir. He may be suffering from a psychosis or brain injury. But if I read him correctly, he seems to have murdered his fellow crew members."
"Murdered?"
"He said he destroyed the meat machines. I think he means people. Unless the Soviets have launched the first experimental butcher shop into space."
"I've never heard people called that."
"You should attend a Pentagon meeting sometime," the Secretary of Defense said. "They've got a tricky euphemism for everything. Nuclear-war casualties are termed 'collateral damage.' I think the latest word for 'retreat' is 'retrograde advance' or something."
"Why would he murder his crew?" asked the President.
"To get them out of the way, perhaps. He may want to defect. Why not ask him?"
"Do you want to defect? Is that it?" asked the President of the anonymous voice.
"A defect is an error or fault in a physical form. It is a noun. I do not understand you when you use the noun 'defect' as a verb. Please clarify."
"I mean do you seek asylum in the United States of America?"
"I seek to land in America. I have already said that." The Secretary grabbed the receiver so his words would not transmit uplink to the shuttle.
"With all due respect, Mr. President, the consequences of letting that ship land on American soil are enormous. The Soviets will retaliate. They'll probably cut the support staff to our embassy in Moscow even more. Or suspend the rights of our diplomats to shop in the better stores."
"This is a humanitarian situation. That ship is in trouble. Let it land. We'll sort out the fallout later."
"I wish you hadn't used that word, Mr. President."
"What word?"
" 'Fallout,' "
"You have a point," said the President. "But we can't just ignore that man. He'll talk to us but not to his Russian comrades. What should I do?"
"Stall him until we can confer with the Soviets. Maybe we can negotiate an understanding."