"Understand what?"
"How Emperor Smith finds you to be even moderately useful. Look at what he has to compare you with."
"That's interesting," Remo said. "I always thought he compared me with you and found me witty, charming, sensible, intelligent, and a perfect delight to have around."
"Heh, heh," Chiun said. "I've always told you that Smith is a lunatic, but I never told you he was a fool. He would not be likely to compare a chip of glass with a diamond and choose the chip of glass. Heh, heh."
Chiun looked around. The expression on his face would have been appropriate for watching babies being boiled. "How long has your army been like this?"
"A few years," Remo said. "We used to have an army like everybody else; when we needed soldiers, we drafted them. To protect their country, people came. Then some genius decided it was too much to expect anybody to sacrifice anything for his country, and they changed the army to all volunteers."
"So these people fight not for love of country, but for a paycheck?" Chiun asked.
"That and to stay out of jail or because they've used up every other kind of government check they could get without working."
47
"It'll never work," Chiun said. "It doesn't," Remo said. "Now the Persian Army," Chiun said. "Good?"
"So-so. The Master at that time helped them, and so they made short work of their enemies. But volunteers were not allowed. The emperor of the Peacock Throne knew that soldiers should be unwilling recruits. Only then will they be angry enough to fight well. The Carthaginians too. They were better. They had a Master of Sinanju too, and he did most of the fighting while they played their lutes and drums. Thus developed the Carthaginian victory at Bothay." Chiun raised an index finger in the air. "But no Carthaginian ever deserted."
Just then, a young recruit came walking toward them. He stared straight ahead, and his arms hung limply at his sides as he strode in even paces toward the gate.
"Excuse me, soldier," Remo said. But the recruit walked past him without missing a step.
"Rude," Chiun said. "He must be a Cypriot." "He's an American soldier," Remo said irritably. "And he's stoned, to prove it. Well, anyway, there's someone else up ahead we can ask."
About 20 yards away, two soldiers stood talking. "Hey, fellas," Remo said, but they must not have heard him, because as he approached, one of them drew a Bowie knife from his uniform and plunged it into the heart of the other.
"Wait a second," Remo said, racing ahead to collar the attacker. "What the—" But even as he spoke, the soldier with the knife stabbed himself in the chest, hara-kiri style. He slumped to the ground, a thin smile playing on his lips.
48
"Hey. You." Remo shook the still-warnl corpse, whose eyes were already glazing over.
"Your American army behaves abominably," Chiun said. "The angle of his elbow was completely incorrect. It was merely luck that he managed to accomplish his task, even at such close range and with such an unnecessary weapon." He shook his head. "Tsk. Disgraceful."
Just then a lean, athletic-looking major with a team of six soldiers in full combat dress surrounded the two bodies. The major looked briefly at Remo and Chiun, then directed his men toward the entrance gates. Remo noticed that the soldiers all looked straight ahead as they marched in perfect rhythm.
"Everybody looks mindless around here," Remo observed.
"Of course," Chiun said with a small smile of triumph.
"Why 'of course'?"
"They are white. Mindlessness is natural to those of your race."
"Two of those soldiers were black."
"Black skin, tan skin, pink skin," Chiun said with a dismissive wave. "All non-yellow persons behave as one in America."
Remo ignored him. "I guess that's the administration building over there. I see typewriters in the windows."
A guard stood in front of the big white building. His eyes, too, were vacant. Remo waved a hand in front of the guard's face, but his stare was unblinking. They walked past him and climbed automatically to the top floor of the building, where the bellowing bass voice of someone behind a door labeled
49
"General Arlington Montgomery" drowned out all the other noise on the floor.
"I'm damned if I know what's going on, Major. It's your job to tell me everything I know. Now you find out where that pansy chaplain went to, or you stay on latrine duty till the day you retire." A telephone jingled as it slammed into its cradle.
Inside, a middle-aged WAC sat typing. She looked up coldly.
"Hi. We're here to see the general," Remo said.
"Do you have an appointment?" Without waiting for an answer, she began to type again.
"I don't think we need one," Remo said as he slid two fingers to the base of her ear. The WAC nuzzled and purred like a kitten. "More," she said. "Are you an officer?"
"No. I was in the army once, but I was a private."
She leaped out of her chair with a clatter and assumed a karate stance. "A private?" She brushed imaginary germs off her neck. "Ugh. Touched by a private. Get out of here before I have you exterminated."
"Ah, gentle lady," Chiun said, smiling sweetly, "I can see you are a person of rare discernment, meant only for the finer offerings of this life."
"Oh, really?" she said, cocking her head coquet-tíshly. "How can you tell?"
"It is written on your lovely visage, reminiscent of the flowering jasmine which blooms on the shores of my native village." As Chiun settled into a chair beside the WAC, who was now looking at herself in a compact mirror, Remo walked through the door to the general's office.
"Howdy," he said.
"How the hell did you get in here?"
50
"Your guards are out to lunch, and your secretary's establishing relations with North Korea."
"What? Why aren't you in uniform? Where are you from?"
"Listen, let's cut the formalities. I'm here to find out about the missing chaplain."
A look of shock passed over the general's face. "How do you know about that? Who sent you?"
"The Pentagon. All very hush-hush. They want me to talk to only the best-informed and most intelligent of their field generals. Just between you and me, Arlington, there could be a big promotion in this for whoever turns over the hottest leads on this problem."
"Europe? You mean Europe?"