"Well, Ah declare. You look more Eastern to me, at that."
"You command this legion?"
"It has fallen upon mah care-worn shoulders. Ah am Captain Page, at your service, suh. "
"And I am Chiun, Reigning Master."
"Ah do not know that rank, suh."
"I am at the service of the emperor of this land, who has sent me to this province to discuss terms."
Page blinked. "Terms of surrender?"
"Yes."
"Isn't it a mite early in the day to surrender? The true battle for these blood-blessed grounds has not yet been waged. "
A voice off to Captain Page's right. said, "The battle's over, pal. You just haven't got the word yet."
Captain Page started. Just behind him stood a Yankee completely out of uniform. Unless a T-shirt and pants could constitute a uniform, but to Captain Page they did not.
"And whom do Ah have the pleasure of addressing?"
"Remo."
"First name or last?"
"Isn't that a National Guard uniform?" Remo asked.
"It is"
"What kind of hat is that?"
"Mah ancestors called it a chapeau."
"That is French for hat, " whispered Chiun.
"Hold the phone," Remo shot back. "What are you doing with these weekend warriors?" he asked Captain Page.
"Commanding them, suh. By what right do you challenge mah authority?"
"Washington wants to know what the heck's going on down here."
"Why, the South is rising again. Ain't you got eyes?"
"I have a brain, too, and as near as I can tell, this whole thing started over a scuffle between Civil War reenactors. "
"In that, you are sorely mistaken. This is a fight for the honor of Virginia in which traitorous reenactors have elected to take the wrong side. The enemy is due at high noon, and we will not surrender this hallowed ground which our ancestors defended so mightily."
"What enemy?"
"Ah will not profane this discussion by mentioning his cursed name."
"Better rethink that attitude," warned Remo. "Uncle Sam doesn't take no for an answer."
"Ya'll are with Uncle Sam?"
"Didn't I say Washington sent me?"
"It is hardly the same thing, suh. "
Remo frowned. "Since when?"
"Since Uncle Sam has vowed to pillage this fine state, just as he looted the treasury of Old Dominion."
"I told you treasure was involved," said Chiun.
Remo lifted his hands. "Hold the phone. Something's not right here. Who looted the state treasury?"
"The godless forces of Uncle Sam."
"The your-country-needs-you Uncle Sam?"
"Hardly."
Remo and Chiun exchanged glances.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Remo asked Chiun.
"You never think," spat Chiun.
Remo turned to Captain Page and asked a seemingly unrelated question. "You got a phone around here I can borrow?"
"Why do you ask?"
Before Remo could answer the question with a hard, angry squeeze of the captain's neck, a black helicopter rattled overhead.
All eyes naturally went to it. It circled once and slowed, hovering over the Crater itself.
Something large and spherical and the color of stainless steel swung from the undercarriage, between the skids.
"What in tarnation is that?" Captain Page asked.
"It looks like a bomb," said Chiun thinly.
"I never saw a bomb like that," said Remo. "It's got lenses all over it."