"Same bastards. Change their name a lot."
"I have heard some horrible tales from traders from the east. They speak of whole cities put to the sword! Every man, every child, every animal! Not even the women spared for ravishing!"
"Yeah. Those are the bastards. But it's not going to happen here. We'll stop them. It's just a matter of organization. Caring about people. Technology. Socialism."
"You say 'technology.' What is this technology?"
"Why, technology is what I have going at the brass works across the street. New lathes, new ovens, better production processes."
"They certainly are prosperous, Sir Conrad! A month ago they were nothing but three starving men and their families with nothing to do. Now they work from dawn to dusk. Their wives have bought pigs and chickens and new clothes. They have hired a dozen new men!"
"See? Technology triumphant and socialism in action! Another mug of wine?"
"And this technology, it can be applied anywhere? Say, to an inn?"
"Well, of a sort. Technology is mostly sensible thinking about the problems you face. Now, your inn here. You've got a good building. Your rooms are clean. Your food is good, and you make good beer. All you seem to lack are the customers."
"What you say, at least the last part, is true."
"Okay. We agree that the physical plant is adequate. Now, what is the purpose of an inn?"
"Why, to provide food and drink and-"
"Wrong. Your customers could buy wine from a wine seller much cheaper than you sell it. You must buy from the same wine seller and pay your overhead besides. The same goes for food. The markets must be cheaper."
"But for travelers-"
"Transient business is fine, but you are not on a main street. Local business is more important. You must serve the people. There are what? A thousand men of drinking age in town. Maybe another thousand in nearby villages. If you could get a tenth of them to come here regularly, your success would be assured. Once the town's people came here regularly, the travelers would come, too."
"Yes, yes! But how do we do that?"
"Let me think." I didn't know much about managing taverns, but I had been in a great number of them in Poland and America. Some were bad and empty. Some were good and empty. Some were crowded whether they were good or bad. The biggest single factor seemed to be that people went to a given place because people were already there. Getting the first ones there was a matter of advertisingwhich was impossible in a world without newspapers or radios-and providing something interesting. Something different. I thought of the two or three best places I had found in Massachusetts. A combination of those.
A controls designer lives in a four-dimensional world. When things finally come to me, they come as a working, moving, solid whole. Only later do I string them out in serial fashion.
A vision crystallized in my sodden mind.
"Tadeusz, I know how to do it. You know my arrangement with the Krakowski brothers? Would you like to be socialized as well?"
"That I should be paid thousands of pence and a regular salary besides? Oh, yes my lord!"
"OK. Same deal, but I think your building is worth more than theirs. Say, 3,000p.?"
"Agreed, my lord!"
"Six hundred pence for yourself, yearly, and a twelfth of the surplus, with two hundred pence to your wife?"
"With honor, my lord!"
"Good. We'll swear you in right now."
"But the sun is not up."
"True ... But there is a full moon and that is more appropriate for an innkeeper. Agreed?"
So, under the moon, with a sleepy chamber maid and the night guard as witnesses, I swore in Tadeusz and his wife. I picked up another pot of wine and we went back to the table. The first order of business was to settle up my present bill, which I did. Then I gave Tadeusz 3,400p.
"Our first rule is that since I own the place, I shall lodge here free. Keep one room open for my own use."
"The second change is the name of the inn. 'The Battle Axe' is entirely too stern. People go to inns because they need to enjoy themselves. We need a light, amusing name. We'll call it the 'Pink Dragon'. I have a wood carver across the street; he'll make a new sign."
"Then, this room is too empty and cavernous. People like crowds. I want some curtains to divide the room in half, another set to divide the front half in half, and a third set so that only the front eighth is exposed. You are to open a set of curtains only when the space before it is so crowded that people are bumping into each other. Understood?"
"Yes, my lord."
"All your present people are to be retained. No firing except for dishonesty."
"Ali. There is the matter of certain salaries being in arrears."
"None of that under socialism. They must be paid. Figure up the amount tomorrow. Oh, yes. We'll need an accounting system. I'll send somebody to keep the books for here and the foundry. You'll think it's a nuisance, but I insist on it. What else? Your pricing! This business of having to haggle over everything has to go. We'll have to work out a reasonable set of prices for everything. Then we post those prices, and they are the same for everybody. No exceptions."
"But what if one is conspicuously wealthy and--"
"No exceptions, not up or down. Then, entertainment. From supper until late, I want some music in here. A single musician at a time will do, and hire them for only a week at a time. See what people like. And waitresses; we'll need half a dozen of them. They must be well paid, since we want the best. Say, four pence a week with another eight pence set aside for their dowries. We'll have a turnover problem. We want the six best-looking maidens available. They must be pretty."
"What! You would turn my inn into a brothel?"
"To the contrary. They must all be virgins and stay that way. See to it yourself."
"My wife would object."
"Then have your wife see to it. Part of her job will be to see to their morality. They must live here at the inn, in some of your back rooms. Customers may look but not touch. See that they are properly barricaded."
"Look?"
"Yes. They'll need some special costumes." With a fingertip and wine, I sketched out what I had in mind on the worn wooden table. "We'll have to get the woodcarver and a leather worker to do the highheeled shoes. I can show somebody local how to do the stockings, but later they can come from Okoitz."
"You want them dressed as rabbits?"
"The people will like it. Then there is the matter of advertising. It seems that I have considerable notoriety in Cieszyn, or at least my name does. I've been busy at the brass works, and I haven't met very many people here. But in a week or two, once we get this set up, I want you to hire some old women. They are to wander around and tell about how Sir Conrad Stargard, the killer of the Black Eagle, left the ladies of the castle to move into a notorious inn where beautiful women are scantily clothed. That should get some action going."
"It will get good Christians at my door with pikes and torches!"
"Good. Let them in. Sell them some beer. If they are really organized, let the leaders verify the virginity of the waitresses. No problem."
"Uh ... all this is going to cost money, my lord."