"You look awful," Remo said. "How do you feel?"
"Betrayed."
"I had to be by myself," Remo said defensively.
"Then why were you with the one known as Mah-Li, if you had to be by yourself?" Chiun asked.
"Don't be a grouch," Remo said, taking a lotus position before the Master of Sinanju. "You never told me about her."
Chiun shrugged. "I have news."
"So have I. I've decided. I'm staying."
"Of course. You pledged yourself before the entire village."
"You're welcome," Remo said sarcastically. "Don't make this more difficult than it is, okay?"
"I am listening," Chiun said.
"I won't wear a kimono."
"The investment kimono has been handed down the line since before Wang the Greater," Chiun said slowly. But his eyes grew brighter.
"Okay. Maybe then. But not after."
"Done," said Chiun.
"And I won't grow my fingernails long."
"If you wish to deprive yourself of the proper tools with which to ply an assassin's trade, who am I to correct you? You are beyond correction."
"But I will choose a Sinanju girl."
Chiun perked up in his seat. He beamed. He took Remo's hand in his two yellow claws.
"Speak her name. I know it will be music to my aged ears."
"Mah-Li."
Chiun dropped Remo's hand as if it were a gutted fish.
"She is not appropriate," he snapped.
"Why not? I love her."
"You do not know her."
"I know enough to know I love her. And why didn't you tell me about her before? She's gorgeous."
"What do you know of beauty? Have you ever listened to one of my Ung poems without leaving in the middle?"
"Six-hour recitals about bees and butterflies don't do it for me, Little Father. And what's wrong with Mah-Li?"
"She is ugly. She will bear ugly children. The Master of Sinanju who will come from your seed must one day represent us in the outside world. I will not have my house shamed by hideous emissaries."
"That reminds me. Whose idea was it for her to go veiled? Yours?"
"The women of the village decreed it, so that she would not frighten the children or the dogs."
"Monkey spit," Remo snapped. "They were jealous of her."
"Your whiteness blinds you to the truth," Chiun retorted. "Name me one positive quality she possesses."
"She's kind. I can talk to her."
"That is two. I asked for only one. Besides, if you wish conversation and kindness, I have both in full measure."
"Don't duck the issue. Maybe I love her. Maybe I should marry her."
"You have loved unwisely before. You got over those ones. You will forget this one. I will send her away, if that will help you."
"I want Mah-Li. But she won't have me without your permission. Dammit, Chiun, I'm giving you what you want. Give me something in return. Give me one good reason I can't be with her."
"She is without family."
"And I have sixteen brothers and sisters? We already know it's going to be a small wedding party."
"She has no dowry."
"So?"
"In Sinanju, no maiden may enter into marriage without offering something to the father of the groom. Custom demands that the father of the bride provide this tribute. But Mah-Li has no family. No dowry. No marriage. These rules were made before our great-great-great-grand-ancestors. They are inviolate." Remo jumped to his feet angrily.
"Oh, great. Because of some horseshit tradition, I can't marry whoever I want? Is that it? Is that what you're telling me, Chiun?"
"Tradition is the foundation of our house, of our art."
"You just want the freaking tribute. Isn't that it? You don't have enough gold in this place already?" Chiun looked shocked.
"Remo," he squeaked. "There is no such thing as too much gold. Have I not drummed that into your head?"
"Into my head, but not into my heart. I want to marry Mah-Li. You want me as the next Master. That's my price. Take it or leave it."
"We will speak of it another time," said Chiun, changing the subject. "I have already postponed the investment ceremony. Perhaps you are not ready yet."
"That's your answer?"