The Master of Sinanju blinked. What manner of madness was this?
"The Lord's holy maggots," howled Reverend Sluggard. "You may be squirmin' in the garbage now, but come judgment Day, you're a-gonna sprout wings and fly. "
"Praise be!"
"But God ain't gonna give you them wings until you've proved your love for him. Until you give tribute to him. Now, Ah know you're in need. Only the needy come to me. Can't pay those bills? Tell you what you do. Instead of scrimpin' a few more weeks to get enough money to pay the rent, give me that money. That's right! Give it to the Reverend Sluggard. Ah'm gonna invest it for you. And what am Ah gonna invest it in? Not in the stock market. Not in CD's. No, Ah'm gonna invest it in God. And God is gonna pay you back, yes sirree. You know that even if you scrape up your rent money, it's only gonna come due next month and you're gonna have to scrimp and save and pinch pennies all over again. But if you have faith, God's gonna give you a return on your investment. And Ah don't mean ten percent. No, Ah mean a thousand percent. You'll never have to scrimp and save again."
"Glory!"
"Now, maybe some of you say, 'Reverend Sluggard, my problem's got nothin' to do with money. Well, good for you, Ah say. Maybe it's health. Maybe you got a bad back or lumbago, or dropsy, or some such ailment. Well, you know that ain't your fault, any more than bein' poor is. It's the work of Satan! Admit it!"
"Amen!"
"Satan's put a curse on you! He's sapped your strength. He's poisoned your blood. Well, Ah got a cure for that too. And it's called faith. What's that, you say? Ah can hear your thoughts. The Lord lets me see into your minds, Ah'm so full of the Holy Spirit tonight. You say you don't have enough faith? Well, you don't have to. Because Ah got the faith. Yea, let mah faith show you the way. Now, later on Ah'm gonna come among you and start layin' hands on some of you. Do you have cancer? Ah'm gonna cure you. Do you have emphysema? Well, get ready to breathe free again!"
"This is the thrilling part," Victoria whispered.
"I've heard of faith healing," said Remo.
"And I have heard of charlatanry," snapped Chiun.
"But first," said Reverend Sluggard, "my acolytes are gonna come among you. They have envelopes. You know what they're for. They have credit-card slips and those little ka-chunka charge machines. Don't worry if you don't know how to work them. That's what my acolytes are here for."
Out of the curtained door came a handful of men and women in white garments. The men wore white suits with white shoes and ties. The women were in demure white dresses. The way the men dressed reminded Remo of his First Communion suit.
They went among the crowd. The women passed out the envelopes at one end of each wedge of seats. The men collected them after they were passed, crammed full of cash, to the other ends. Those who chose to pay by credit card were invited into the aisles, where little folding tables were set up. Credit-card machines went chunka-thunk so regularly, it was as if a million engines were at work at some relentless task.
Chiun's narrow eyes widened. Tribute. This priest was exacting tribute from his followers. He wondered what Remo had to say about this. But when he looked, Remo was watching the Reverend Eldon Sluggard with fascinated eyes.
The Reverend Sluggard was reading from the Bible. "Let me share with you this verse from Last Corinthians," he was saying. " 'He who shares his bounty with me, no matter how poor, will receive my blessin'. He who gives his last shekel to mah followers will receive plenty in return.' Amen."
"Amazing," said Remo. "He only glanced at that page. He must know the entire book by heart."
"Why not?" said Chiun. "He knows every other trick in the book."
"What's that, Little Father?" Remo asked, turning.
"Never mind. I do not converse with the deaf and blind."
When the collection of money stopped, Reverend Sluggard descended from the podium.
"Those wishin' healin', form two lines before me," Reverend Sluggard announced, raising up his many-ringed hands.
Before the words were out of his mouth, there was a surge to the aisle he stood in. Remo saw old women bent nearly double. Men in wheelchairs. People whose eye whites were greenish from diseases of the blood and organs.
A man was being helped by relatives to stand before Reverend Sluggard. His left foot was encased in bandages. He had to hop to reach the spot, his arms resting on the shoulders of two others.
"And what is your ailment, brother?" asked Reverend Sluggard.
"I got gout," the man croaked.
"Gout!" said Reverend Sluggard.
"I can't walk on my left foot. It hurts something fierce. Has for over three years now."
"You know what gout is, brother?" said Reverend Sluggard for all to hear.
"Yes."
"It's another word for Satan. I'll bet the doctor told you he can't cure you."
"That's right, Reverend."
"And you know what? He was right."
Tears of disappointment appeared in the corners of the old man's eyes.
"He can't. But Ah can. And the reason Ah can is that Ah know you can't get rid of the devil with pills or medicines. You get rid of Satan by castin' him out. And you all watch. Ah'm gonna cast out that old devil called gout. "
And placing his hands on the man's thining hair, Reverend Eldon Sluggard raised his voice to the rafters. "Powers of Satan, Ah command you to be gone. Leave this poor old man be. Spirits of Darkness, Ah cast you out!"
The old man winced with each shouted word. "Now," said Reverend Sluggard, stepping back. "Ah say to you, brother, stand free from Satan's shackles. You, on either side, let him go. He don't need your support no more."
The supporting pair let go of the man.
Without support, he was forced to put his weight on his heavily bandaged foot.
"Now, walk toward me."
"I ... I'm afraid."
"Come on, come on. Ah got enough faith for both of us. Walk!"
The old man took a hobbling step. His feet supported him.
"Look," he shouted. "Look, I'm healed. I can walk!"
"Hallelujah!"
"Sure you can walk." Reverend Sluggard grinned. "The devil's been cast out of your foot. Now you know what you gotta do next?"
"Pray!" said the old man.
"No. You go right over to that nice girl in white and you show God how thankful you are. You go and double your contribution."
The old man went obligingly. His step was firm.