The descent into the caverns under Outwatch was as suffocating as ever. The phantom stench of woodsmoke taunted Jaslyn. She felt sick. Being underground was like staring at death. She bore it though. Silence was worth that much. This time, whatever Isentine said, she felt him with her again.
The hatchling, when they reached it, was something of a disappointment. He was ash-grey, but lighter than Silence and most of his patterning was wrong. He was pretty though. I would have called you Ghostfire, she thought as soon as she saw him. After speaker Ayzalmir's mount. But no, Isentine was right: the hatchling didn't look much like Silence at all. Still, at least he was looking at her, watching her with a modicum of interest, not trying to bite her head off like the last one. She pasted on Isentine's ointment against Hatchling Disease and shooed him and his servants away, sending them to stand outside the door. Then she sat down where the chains that held him wouldn't let the hatchling reach her. At least she had her helmet this time, in case he tried to burn her.
'You're not Silence, are you?' Her voice brimmed with disappointment. 'You're not Silence. Was it a lie then? You said that you would come back. The alchemists said you would come back too. But you said you would remember. The alchemists said nothing about that. Even when I asked them they only shrugged their shoulders and said they didn't know. Maybe you are Silence. Maybe you've just forgotten. How would I know? How would any of us know?'
She took the helmet off and wiped the tears away. 'Go on then. Burn me if that's what you want. It won't change anything for you but at least I won't have to be my mother any more. I don't want any of this. I don't want to fight this war; I don't even like Almiri and I don't want to marry Llyrkallan. I love my sister Lystra and I loved my Silence and that's all there ever was. And now they're both gone. So burn me, whatever you are in there.' She laughed a bitter laugh. 'You don't even understand me, do you? Did I imagine it all? Did I imagine Silence speaking to me? Was that just grief playing tricks on me?'
Enough. She picked up her helm and stood up. To war.
I remember you.
She froze. There was a voice in her head.
Princess Jaslyn. Yes. I do remember you. I remember a fleeting glimpse of you. A flash of clarity. You were there.
'Silence?' Her heart was racing. It couldn't be, could it? However much she wanted it, she'd never believed…
That is not my name.
'But you remember me?'
Yes.
She took a step towards him. 'Well? What? Tell me! Tell me what you remember!'
Tell you what I remember? The voice in her head was filled with scorn. I remember everything. I remember my first hatching. I remember the world breaking. I remember many lives lived. And then emptiness. Nothingness. Like flying through a cloud. And then a moment of waking again, already burning from the inside. There was another dragon who remembered. I knew her once. Alimar Ishtan vei Atheriel. An unbecoming name. She told me what you have done to us. You were there. Inside you, I saw it was true. And then the heat of the little death took me.
'Even if there was something to take this poison away, I would not go back to what I was. That's what you said.'
Yes. You called me Silence. You said that was my name but it is not.
'You said I would follow you. One day. That the difference between us is that you would die that day and be reborn the next and I would not. And then you were gone. And now you're back.'
I have died the little death four times since the day I spoke to you. With every turn of the wheel I learn a little more. Your kind are always waiting for me when I am reborn. I look into their minds and I know that they understand what I am. They know what I will do, and what they, in turn, must do to stop me, I think only of when I will die again.
Slowly, each time, I starve. Sometimes, between lives, I meet the souls of other dragons. Most are dull and dim and pass quickly away. But there are others, ones who awoke long ago, and other things too. We linger together as long as we can, before we are pulled away. 'Alchemists…'
Yes. When I will not take the poisons your kind try to feed me, then come these alchemists. The others do not understand but these alchemists, they do. They fear me. I like their fear.
'Talk to them!'
They know what I am and it would make no difference. But you are not afraid of me. You are…a curiosity. Why?
'You're my Silence. Why would I be afraid?'
Because I would destroy you if I could. Because you are food. Because dragons kill humans to feast upon. Because that is why we were made.
'You were made?' Jaslyn's world was spinning. Silence! This is my Silence! Why is my Silence so cold and hostile?
Because you are my enemy, Princess Jaslyn. You would like to have me as I was. Stupefied. I can see it in you, a great desire. I am not the creature you once flew. I am not some beast of burden. I am a dragon, and dragons do not serve men. You cannot have what you desire. Find another creature to be your slave. Be gone.
The tears were back. 'You'll starve,' Jaslyn whispered. 'You'll die.'
Yes. Again and again and again, and each time I will return. What does it matter to us? Doom draws near. One day I will be reborn and you will be gone. Then, for a time, I will be free.
'You come back and each time you force yourself to die? Every time?'
Yes.
Jaslyn shivered. The tears were coming freely now. 'But why?'
I have told you why. Nor am I alone. There are others who have been reborn a thousand times only to wither and die of their own free will rather than take what you offer us as life. I look forward to seeing them again. We speaks as our spirits pass in the remnants of the Underworld.
'But how… How can you live like that? There must be another way.'
Why must there? Besides, this world will not last. The beings that made us tore their world to pieces,. They pieced it back together again and plastered over the cracks but their repairs were imperfect and doomed to fail. One of your kind has already ripped them open again. In lands so far away that none here have heard their names, in the places closest to the cracks, even your kind do not die properly any more. The end times are coming and your kind will soon be gone. If I do not see it in this cycle, I will see it in the next or the next or the one after that. 'Silence-'
I am no longer your Silence, Princess Jaslyn. That creature is gone for ever.
Jaslyn sank back to the floor, cradling her head in her hands, rocking back and forth. 'I don't understand.'
You are human. You are small in all ways. The dragon curled up and turned away from her.
'Is there nothing we can do?'
You can let us live as we are supposed to live. We do not breed and multiply as you do. Your kind fill the world now. We could gorge upon you and you would barely notice.
'Could we not live together? Could we not work together?'
The dragon seemed to laugh. Why? What could you possibly offer us?
The war, Almiri, their mother, Zafir, Jehal, even Lystra, they all seemed so far away and unimportant. Jaslyn wiped her eyes. With deliberate care, she got up and walked over to sit next to the dragon. The hatchling, Silence or whatever he was now, was almost the same size as she was. Its long tail and neck and wings made it seem larger, but curled and coiled around itself it was no bigger than her.
What are you doing, Princess Jaslyn? You will not find what you are looking for.
She stroked the dragon's head. 'You're still Silence. You've grown, that's all. Even though you're only three days out of your egg. I know you used to like this.' She kneaded behind the dragon's ears.
The dragon's tail whipped out and wrapped itself around her neck. What are you doing?
'The Silence I remember liked this when he was a hatchling.' The pressure on her neck was firm but not painful. She tried to ignore it.
What are you doing? 'You like this, don't you?'
The grip on her throat tightened. I could kill you with such trivial ease. Why are you doing this?
'Because you like it. Because we could live together. If we could show the rest of the realms that we don't need the alchemists any more… Think! You could all be free!'
The tail let go of her. Your kind would never let that happen. Go away, Princess Jaslyn. I regret speaking with you. I should not have revealed what I am.
'I will have them bring you food. Untouched food.'
They will deceive you.
'You'll know. You'll see it in their minds.'
The one who brings it will not know.
'Then I will have them bring your food alive.'
They will find a way. Go. I tire of your foolishness. Let me die.
'No.'
You cannot stop me, Princess Jaslyn. 'I am Queen Jaslyn now.' I do not see how that matters.
Nor do I. She got up and went to the door. But it should. 'Then I'll feed you myself.'
Outside, Isentine and two of the Scales were waiting for her. Wordlessly she held out her arms while the Scales sprinkled the powder all over her that was supposed to make sure she didn't bring Hatchling Disease back to her palace.
'I touched him, you know,' she said to them when they were done. They looked mortified. Isentine gasped.
'Holiness!'
'So what? I am a dragon-queen. If I cannot wear a few scars, how can I call myself that.' She pointed at the Scales. 'I am hardly likely to die, and I'm sure my king, whoever he is, can live with a little disfigurement.'
Isentine shook his head. 'Have you seen what you came here to see?'
'I have.' She left him behind her and almost ran through the caves and the tunnels and the stairs until she was back outside.
There she waited for him to catch up. By the time he did, she was in control of her emotions again.
'Eyrie-Master, I have made my decision. You will write me a letter. You will write to Rider Hyrkallan on my behalf. You will tell him that I am staying at Outwatch for a while. Most of the dragons are to be transferred to Southwatch. Tell him to come here. I will marry him as soon as possible. If I must, then I will suffer him to my bed on that one night. Then he may return to Sand while I will remain here. He may sit on the throne and call himself king in my absence. He will make peace as best he can with King Sirion and the Syuss. We will not go to war with the speaker. If she chooses to attack my sister, we will offer Almiri and her riders and dragons safe haven at Southwatch and that is all. I will tell Almiri the same.'
'Holiness! You cannot abandon your sister!'
'Why not?'
'Hyrkallan will not stand for that.'
'Then remind him that his foolishness with the Red Riders give Zafir good cause for war against both of us. If Almiri is so concerned to defend her people, let her do so. I will not stop her.'
'Holiness! Zafir will pick us apart one by one.'
'I have spoken. Now go. Have my dragon prepared.' I would always have called Silence by his name,..
'He is not ready.'
'I don't care. Have him brought to me. I will not be needing him for long. I'll bring him right back and then you can see he is properly cared for.'
'Holiness, what-'
She silenced him with a curt finger to his lips. As soon as Morning Sun was brought to her, she mounted him and took to the air, hardly noticing when they left the ground. She knew exactly what she was looking for and it didn't take long to find. Most of Outwatch was surrounded by pasture, hardy desert cattle grazing freely, the herds carefully managed and nurtured to be harvested by the dragons at the eyrie. For all Jaslyn knew, the alchemists put their potions into the very grass here, so she ignored the cattle. She headed for the centre of the oasis, for the little lake at the bottom of the cliff, and landed beside one of the farms. Here there were pigs and chickens too, bred to feed the herdsmen.
She took a brace of chickens. Chickens were small. No one would think to feed a dragon with chickens. She would have paid for them too if she'd had any money, but queens had no need for pockets of gold. She gave up her gauntlets instead, probably worth ten times what she'd taken, and flew back to the eyrie. She went straight to the hatchling. Isentine and the alchemists and the rest of them wouldn't be allowed any time to see what she was doing. They'd only try to stop her, after all.
Silence was waiting for her. He must have sensed her coming. She threw the chickens on the floor beside him.
What have you done, Queen Jaslyn?
'Food. I took it from the land myself. It is bred for humans, not for dragons. I brought it here. I have not touched it and nor has anyone else. It is clean. You may eat.'
And what if I prefer to die again?
She closed her eyes. 'Then I have done everything I can do.'
No. You can unlock these chains and let me fly.
'No, Silence. I will not do that. Not yet. I would like nothing more, but I was there when you tried to kill me. We have to find an arrangement first. Some way to live together.'
A waste of both our time. Let me go.
'If I do, they'll find you. My way is the only way.'
You will fail. I will die or somehow I will escape.
'Then I will not go until you eat.'
Then perhaps we shall both starve.
She waited, watching and hoping, as Silence lay still, turned away from her. She waited there for the rest of the day, well into the night. She must have fallen asleep, for when she opened her eyes again the sky outside the mouth of the hatchling cave was bright again. The chickens were gone. Silence's muzzle was bloody. He gave her a lazy look.
Others of your kjnd have been waiting for you for most of the night. They are terrified. You have scared them very much. Their hearts are filled with horror at what they think you have done, and will be even more so when they learn that they are right. It is delicious. They will not let you feed me again.
'They cannot stop me. I am their queen.'
The dragon seemed to laugh. If that is so, then I am still hungry, Queen Jaslyn.