"You ever handle a big-game rifle before?"
"No, but you're going to teach me. If those bastards so much as show their faces, I'm going to put them all to sleep!"
"You know," Skip King said slowly, "I think Africa's gone to your head."
"Better than it going to my gonads, like some people I know."
Remo was staring at the sprawling fieldstone structure that occupied a corner lot on a busy residential street.
It was not as big as he had expected. There were only two stories. Or was it three? It was hard to tell from the outside. Rows of dormer windows had been built into the sloping roof, turning attic space into a possible third floor.
At first glance, it did look like a castle. Also, like a Gothic church. Parts of it reminded Remo of a Swiss chalet, although it actually had Tudor features.
"It's hideous," Remo croaked.
"It is magnificent," said Chiun gliding across the street to the low wrought-iron gate.
"Oh no," Remo groaned. "He loves it."
"I thought he might," said Smith, relief in his voice. "I had better give him the key."
"Not so fast," Remo said. "What is this thing?"
"Why, Chiun's castle."
"Castle, my foot. It looks like a freaking church on steroids. You expect me to live there?"
"If you do not like it, Remo, I will be glad to make other arrangements for you. There are several condominium apartments available in the neighborhood."
Chiun floated through the gate and up a short flight of steps to the double doors. Oval windows decorated each door. Like a small child, he pressed his button nose to the glass and peered within.
The Master of Sinanju turned, his face rapturous.
"It is everything I have ever wanted," Chiun cried. Remo mounted the steps two at a time and started throwing cold water on Chiun's enthusiasm.
"I don't know, Little Father."
"What do you mean, Remo?"
"I don't think this is worthy of a Master of Sinanju."
"Remo, please," Smith pleaded.
"Where's the moat?" Remo said quickly.
Chiun looked around, as if seeing the grounds for the first time. The building was set back from the sidewalk. It was landscaped with sculpted shubbery, and mock-gaslight electric lamps studded the grounds. Tasteful flowers were in bloom. There were paved walkways and a small blacktop parking lot.
But no moat.
"We can't live in a castle without a moat," Remo said. "What will the Queen Mother say if she comes to visit?"
"A moat can be built," Chiun said.
"A dry moat is feasible," Smith said hastily.
"And it's next to a school," Remo added.
"What is wrong with that?" Chiun asked.
"The noise is going to be murder."
The Master of Sinanju looked west, where the sandstone school loomed over his domain.
"The play of happy children will bring joy to our days," he said. "And it will be good for the child who is about to be born. He will have many to play with."
"Chiun, it's a high school."
"This is fitting. The one who is about to be born deserves only the best, highest schools in the land. Emperor Smith, you have chosen well."
Remo groaned.
"Why don't we go in?" Smith said, unlocking the door.
Inside, there were many doors off a central corridor and stairs leading upward.
"It has many rooms," Chiun noted with approval.
"Sixteen in all."
"Not enough," Remo said.
"More than our last abode had by far," Chiun sniffed, eyeing Remo disdainfully.
"For maximum privacy, not all connect," Smith added, throwing one open.
Chiun peered in. He saw a cluster of rooms with open, spacious closets and an immaculate tiled bathroom. Stroking his beard, he nodded sagely and allowed, "Privacy will be important to the mother."
"Cheeta Ching is not living under the same roof as me, and that's final!" Remo snapped.
"You may sleep in the moat," Chiun returned. "After you dig it."
"Thanks a lot."
Remo went to another door and opening it, found an identical cell of rooms, like a mirror image. It also had a spic-and-span bathroom. He frowned.
"I must see the upper reaches," Chiun told Smith.