He said, "Don't."
"One of us has to." Another button. "Jesus, Doc, you've gotta be hurting."
He was. "I'll do it."
Her fingers moved again, and one of Danny's braces flew free. "If you really want me to stop," she whispered, "make me stop."
He grasped both her wrists. Her eyes closed. "Now you got it, Doctor."
The Wild Hunt howled in the thickets.
She opened her eyes, all black. "You don't want to just hold mo, like that all night."
"I don't want-" He stopped. He was going to lie. He was scared to death and had the heartbeat to prove it. "-to hurt you," he said, which was the truth, or at least he hoped it still was.
"I didn't think you did. That I can get anywhere." She pulled easily out of his grip, picked up the long, thin black scarf with the starpoints in the silk. She draped it across her wrists, dropped to her knees again.
"There aren't a lot of girls who'll tell you what they really want. Doc. And damn few who'll trust you this far." With an improbable kindness she said, "Are you gonna abuse a girl's trust?"
He felt the silk. "I'll ruin this."
"That's Nancy silk. If you can tear that, I'd better send for the Kryptonite." She laughed. "You can't even take it… and I haven't got anything else you can take." She lowered her left wrist. "Meet me halfway. One hand, to the bedpost."
When he hesitated again, she reached out, put a finger on his hand. "Listen. My safeword's 'tortilla.' Sounds dumb, right, but I'm not gonna yell it by mistake. You hear that, you stop. No guilt, no hard feelings, we just stop. Is that good enough?"
"I guess so."
"W 7 hat's the word again?"
"Tortilla."
"Good man." She leaned back, held very still as he tied her right wrist. He tried to hide the sudden heaviness of his breathing. He started to unfasten his shirt.
"Move back a little," she said softly, "let me see you."
He got undressed. He wasn't sure how; there was no sensation in his fingers, and she was watching the whole time. Then he crawled onto the bed and started on the pearl buttons. She moaned, and he was sure he must be crushing her. He shifted at once, but she just smiled, eyes closed.
He unfolded the gilt lace; she arched her back and he slipped it free, let it fall to the floor. There wasn't anything else in the way. In the lamplight she was all gold and darkness.
She tugged hard with her bound wrist. It was quite secure.
"See, Doc? You can't tear it, or stretch it. It's hard. It's got no mercy."
You re not at home anymore, he thought, what little of him could still think, nobody here cares. And he had to know. Maybe even for Ginny's sake. At least next time, he'd have some idea of how.
He moved, and groaned. Her left hand brushed him-he nearly screamed-and then practically pulled him in; after that, it actually started to seem easy, something you could do again, almost without effort.
Like going down the stairs into the darkened cellar, and wondering what it could have been that you had been so afraid of.
And then, in the middle of the night, waking with the fear fresh again, all around you.
Carmen looked asleep. Carefully, trying not to wake her, he unfastened the loop around her wrist. He stroked the silk: it was, indeed, undamaged.
She wrapped both arms around him. "Hello, Doctor Hallow-night."
"Are you okay?"
"Great. You wanna continue the therapy anyway?"
"I, uh-"
"Uh-huh. I'd better fly."
"What time is it?"
"Almost five. Same morning." She stood up, wound the black scarf around her throat, picked up her gold slip. "I should go. Really."
"Well, do you-shall I drive you?"
"No. Jesse'll get me a ride back. Or I might just walk." She began dressing. "Safest night of all for it: all the mortals are afraid of the haunts, and who fears the devil? Not I. Not I, says Carmen alone."
He sat up, pulling the sheet to cover himself. "Well, shall I at least-"
"Don't do anything," she said. "I want to remember you just like that."
"Will I see you again?"
She laughed. "You see me all the time; figure that'll change?"
"I mean-"
"I know what you mean. No, I don't think like this. Not for a while, anyway." Quickly, she said, "It wasn't anything you did, okay? You were fine. You were good. I'm just kind of… well. My birthday's in June. Maybe you can wrap me up a present. But I'll bet two silver Georges and a Trueblood's lock you're in love by then."
The same pain in her voice, still there as before. Nothing at all might have happened. "Maybe you 7/ be in love by then."
"You're very kind, Doc." She came over, bent down and kissed him on the forehead. "You are kind. I mean that."
"Maybe," he said, his mind's bearings grinding off-balance, "at the poker game-"
"No. Please, don't do that. It wouldn't make you happy. Even if you got me." She leaned very close. "Remember: no guilt. I made you do it. You were helpless." Then she tossed her coat over her shoulders, snatched up her shoes and stockings and walked out of the bedroom without stopping to put them on. He heard the hall door close.
He sat there for a while, wrapped naked in the damp bedclothes, all that had happened lingering thick in his senses. No guilt, Carmen had said. He had been Then he thought of the one other time he had said Will I see you again? and his heart fell, and fell, and fell. one piece?" He thought of the drape of a shoulder, joining a sleeve. "What kind of loom?"
Cloud looked up at Doc. He pressed the heels of his hands together, arched the fingers. "Eight legs, same as spin it."
"Oh." Suddenly the beautiful cloth made him uneasy. "Thanks, Cloud."