HUBY (n.)
A half-erection large enough to be a publicly embarrassing bulge in the trousers, not large enough to be of any use to anybody.
HUCKNALL (vb.)
To crouch upwards: as in the movement of a seated person's feet and legs made in order to allow a cleaner's hoover to pass beneath them.
HULL (adj.)
Descriptive of the smell of a weekend cottage.
HUMBER (vb.)
To move like the cheeks of a very fat person as their car goes over a cattle grid.
HUMBY (n.)
An erection which won't go down when a gentleman has to go for a pee in the middle of making love to someone.
HUNA (n.)
The result of coming to the wrong decision.
HUNSINGORE (n.)
Medieval ceremonial brass horn with which the successful execution of an araglin (q.v.) is trumpeted from the castle battlements.
HUTLERBURN (n.archaic)
A burn sustained as a result of the behaviour of a clumsy hutler. (The precise duties of hutlers are now lost in the mists of history.)
HUTTOFT (n.)
The fibrous algae which grows in the dark, moist environment of trouser turn-ups.
IBSTOCK (n.)
Anything used to make a noise on a corrugated iron wall or clinker-built fence by dragging it along the surface while walking past it. 'Mr Bennett thoughtfully selected a stout ibstock and left the house.' - Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice, II.
IPING (participial vb.)
The increasingly anxious shifting from leg to leg you go through when you are desperate to go to the lavatory and the person you are talking to keeps on remembering a few final things he want to mention.
IPSWICH (n.)
The sound at the other end of the telephone which tells you that the automatic exchange is working very hard but is intending not actually to connect you this time, merely to let you know how difficult it is.
JARROW (adj.)
An agricultural device which, when towed behind a tractor, enables the farmer to spread his dung evenly across the width of the road.
JAWCRAIG (n. medical)
A massive facial spasm which is brought on by being told a really astounding piece of news. A mysterious attack of jawcraig affected 40,000 sheep in Whales in 1952.
JURBY (n.)
A loose woollen garment reaching to the knees and with three or more armholes, knitted by the wearer's well- meaning but incompetent aunt.
KALAMI (n.)
The ancient Eastern art of being able to fold road-maps properly.
KANTURK (n.)
An extremely intricate knot originally used for belaying the topgallant foresheets of a gaff-rigged China clipper, and now more commonly observed when trying to get an old kite out of the cupboard under the stairs.
KEELE (adj.)
The horrible smell caused by washing ashtrays.
KELLING (participial vb.)
A person searching for something, who has reached the futile stage of re-looking in all the places they have looked once already, is said to be kelling.
KENT (adj.)
Politely determined not to help despite a violent urge to the contrary. Kent expressions are seen on the faces of people who are good at something watching someone else who can't do it at all.
KENTUCKEY (adv.)
Fitting exactly and satisfyingly. The cardboard box that slides neatly into an exact space in a garage, or the last book which exactly fills a bookshelf, is said to fit 'real nice and kentuckey'.
KERRY (n.)
The small twist of skin which separated each sausage on a string.
KETTERING (n.)
The marks left on your bottom or thighs after sunbathing on a wickerwork chair.
KETTLENESS (adj.)
The quality of not being able to pee while being watched.
KIBBLESWORTH (n.)