MELCOMBE REGIS (n.)
The name of the style of decoration used in cocktail lounges in mock Tudor hotels in Surrey.
MELLON UDRIGLE (n.)
The ghastly sound made by traditional folksingers.
MELTON CONSTABLE (n.)
A patent anti-wrinkle cream which policemen wear to keep themselves looking young.
MEMPHIS (n.)
The little bits of yellow fluff which get trapped in the hinge of the windscreen wipers after polishing the car with a new duster.
MILWAUKEE (n.)
The melodious whistling, chanting and humming tone of the milwaukee can be heard whenever a public lavatory is entered. It is the way the occupants of the cubicles have of telling you there's no lock on their door and you can't come in.
MINCHINHAMPTON (n.)
The expression on a man's face when he has just zipped up his trousers without due care and attention.
MOFFAT (n. tailoring term)
That part of your coat which is designed to be sat on by the person next of you on the bus.
MOLESBY (n.)
The kind of family that drives to the seaside and then sits in the car with all the windows closed, reading the Sunday Express and wearing sidcups (q.v.)
MONKS TOFT (n.)
The bundle of hair which is left after a monk has been tonsured, which he keeps tired up with a rubber band and uses for chasing ants away.
MOTSPUR (n.)
The fourth wheel of a supermarket trolley which looks identical to the other tree but renders the trolley completely uncontrollable.
MO I RANA
Imagine being on a vacation, and it's raining all the time, you are driving and the kids are making you a nervous wreck. Well you are definitive in Mo i Rana.
MUGEARY (n. medical)
The substance from which the unpleasant little yellow globules in the corners of a sleepy person's eyes are made.
MUNDERFIELD (n.)
A meadow selected, whilst driving past, as being ideal for a picnic which, from a sitting position, turns out to be full of stubble, dust and cowpats, and almost impossible to enjoy yourself in.
NAAS (n.)
The winemaking region of Albania where most of the wine that people take to bottle-parties comes from.
NACTION (n.)
The 'n' with which cheap advertising copywriters replace the word 'and' (as in 'fish 'n' chips', 'mix 'n' match', 'assault 'n' battery'), in the mistaken belief that this is in some way chummy or endearing.
NAD (n.)
Measure defined as the distance between a driver's outstretched fingertips and the ticket machine in an automatic car-park. 1 nad = 18.4 cm.
NANHORON (n. medical)
A tiny valve concealed in the inner ear which enables a deaf grandmother to converse quite normally when she feels like it, but which excludes completely anything that sounds like a request to help with laying the table.
NANTWICH (n.)
A late-night snack, invented by the Earl of Nantwich, which consists of the dampest thing in the fridge, pressed between two of the driest things in the fridge. The Earl, who lived in a flat in Clapham, invented the nantwich to avoid having to go shopping.
NAPLES (pl.n.)
The tiny depression in a piece of Ryvita.
NASEBY (n.)
The stout metal instrument used for clipping labels on to exhibits at flower shows.
NAUGATUCK (n.)
A plastic sachet containing shampoo, polyfilla, etc., which is impossible to open except by off the corners.
NAZEING (participial vb.)
The rather unconvincing noises of pretended interest which an adult has to make when brought a small dull object for admiration by a child.
NEEN SOLLARS (pl.n.)
Any ensemble of especially unflattering and particular garments worn by a woman which tell you that she is right at the forefront of fashion.
NEMPNETT THRUBWELL (n.)
The feeling experienced when driving off for the frist time on a brand new motorbike.
NETHER POPPLETON (n. obs.)