Ocean felt the words swell inside her. At first, nothing more than a nervous flutter in her stomach and heart, but those undulations formed a pressure that seemed to push out against her skin, as if her body were filling with escaping gas. At the same time, she grew lightheaded and the world rushed away from her at a speed much too great for her to follow. She was going to do it, she was really going to do it. Whether or not Gauge and Levi believed her no longer mattered, she simply wanted to expose that bastard Corduroy for the monster he truly was. To show him that he simply couldn’t get away with what he’d tried to do.
As Ocean drew in a deep breath, she couldn’t help stealing a glance in his direction. Though her eyes appeared glazed by anger, a crooked grin skewed her face. She wanted to stick her tongue out at him, to show him her middle finger again, or simply spit in his general direction. For some reason, he didn’t seem quite so big now, in fact, he looked like an empty husk of a man, just some pathetic old relic who was so ugly and deformed that he had to force himself on young girls. Though half his stature, inside Ocean felt as if she towered over this wretched creature and, if she were perfectly honest with herself, she had Levi to thank for that.
Seeing the other woman stand her ground against Gauge’s anger, refusing to back down, had ignited something within the girl. Though she had wiled away countless hours wishing that she was tall and strong like her beautiful counterpart, dreaming that it was her arms wrapped around Gauge through the long hours of the night, she’d never really viewed the woman as anything other than competition. True, Levi was kind and funny and probably could’ve been almost like an older sister to Ocean if Gauge hadn’t been wedged between them. And so the younger girl had always kept her distance, refusing to get too close to the very woman whose heart she planned on breaking someday.
It was ironic that now, with all the fear and uncertainty of the morning coming to a head, that Ocean should find a mentor in her. That she was able to draw strength from the olive-skinned enchantress in a way she’d never been able to with anyone else. This same strength is what allowed her to look Corduroy directly in the eye as she parted her lips to speak.
At the same time the words formed in her throat, Gauge pulled his hand away from Ocean’s shoulder and drew it back into a tight fist as he glowered at the woman who stood defiantly across from him.
“You don’t wanna do that.”
Corduroy’s voice cut through Baby’s keening like a commandment from some ancient demon, and Ocean felt them hit her with an almost physical force. In her mind, she’d expected him to plead with his eye or perhaps slink away when he realized what she was about to do. She’d hoped to see him humiliated and defeated, broken down and battered by her impending allegations.
But he didn’t seem worried in the least bit. In fact, it was almost like this new threat was more of a warning. As if he knew what the outcome would be if she told the others now.
Was he that secure in his place here? Did he have some secret power over Gauge and Levi that Ocean wasn’t privy to? The surety and courage that had previously made Ocean feel as if she could rip bricks from the wall with her bare hands, now dissipated as quickly as the steam from the pot of boiling water.
Deep down inside, she didn’t want to leave. Nor did she want the others, even Levi, to think that she was a liar. She remembered how she used to feel when her mother would accuse her of making stuff up, how she’d feel so small and insignificant for days afterward. Even if they didn’t force her to pack her things and go, she’d still have to live with that withering feeling, the illogical guilt for something she hadn’t even done. Could Gauge ever love someone like that? Someone whom he thought was petty and spiteful and vindictive?
All of those thoughts flew through Ocean’s mind at once, in the amount of time it took for Gauge to snap his head in Corduroy’s direction. At first, he seemed to challenge the burnt man with the way he puffed out his chest and tilted his head, but then he looked at the fist that was cocked back to his shoulder, then at Levi, and then back to Corduroy.
Gauge’s hand relaxed and his entire body seemed to slump forward. With a sigh, he rubbed his eyes and shook his head like a man awaking from a dream.
“Yeah,” he muttered. “Yeah, you’re right. I don’t want to do that.”
Gauge’s eyes shifted to Levi again and then he closed them lightly before sighing again.
“Come on, Cord. What do you say you and me go get the tools out of the south tunnel? We’ll get that new latrine dug.”
Corduroy grunted a reply but his gaze never strayed from Ocean. Was it just her imagination or was there something smug buried beneath all those scars? Something that knew the power that had infused her was now no more tangible than the earthy smells of breakfast that filled the room. She cast her eyes at her feet and didn’t look up again until he and Gauge had both walked silently out of the room.
“Sorry about that.” Levi mumbled. “Gauge can be a bit of an ass at times. He’s been through a lot.”
Ocean could still hear Baby’s warbling cries from the other room and her muscles longed to go to the infant boy, but something kept her rooted to the spot as firmly as if she were one of the wooden supports sunk into the floor. Besides, Levi was Baby’s mom… why shouldn’t she occasionally tend to the child’s needs? Not that Ocean minded taking care of Baby, she loved feeling his tiny body kick and squirm against her own and hearing the gurgling laugh when she’d make funny faces at him was enough to make her heart feel so full that it seemed it would shatter into a thousand pieces.
But on this particular morning, Ocean was tired. More tired than she’d ever been, as though all of her energy had leaked out when she’d come crashing down from the height of courage and confidence. Now, she simply felt beaten and spiritually bruised. If she held Baby, his tears would coax out her own ‘wasted water’ and she was so very, very tired of crying. All she wanted was some time to think, to piece things together… and thinking of her mama earlier certainly hadn’t helped things either.
“I am grateful, don’t get me wrong. I mean, if Gauge hadn’t come along when he did… Well, he literally saved my life. He’s taken care of me all these years. Sometimes, though, his temper gets a little out of hand. That’s all.”
Levi grabbed a thick piece of cloth from a hook on the wall and walked over to the fire. Wrapping the fabric around the handle of the pot, she lifted it from the tripod and carried it back to the long table that lined one wall.
“You hungry?” she asked hopefully.
Ocean shook her head silently.
“No… I don’t suppose any of us really are, huh? If Cord hadn’t come along when he did… well, I’m not sure how all this would’ve turned out.”
The mention of his name caused memories of the attack to crash against Ocean’s mind and the waves of emotion that followed made her swoon as the room grew blurry and dim.
“Hey… you okay?”
Levi’s voice sounded as muffled as if she were on the other side of the wall Ocean leaned against for support.
“Just… hot… in here. Hard to breathe.”
Levi took Ocean’s elbow gently and guided her toward the door. Her other hand pressed lightly on the young girl’s back, as if afraid she might topple at any moment.
“Come on… let’s go sit at the table. It’s cooler in there.”
As they left the kitchen the sound of Baby’s crying grew louder and inwardly Ocean cringed. She knew she should be in the nursery, that she should be rocking and singing to the little one, perhaps changing the cloth that was swaddled around his waist. But there was still something within her that demanded she take some time for herself and she found she was powerless to resist its impulses. Why the hell doesn’t Levi just go and take care of Baby? Why did she have to act like she couldn’t even hear the infant shrieking?
Levi helped Ocean onto one of the wooden chairs and then pulled one out for herself.
“Baby…” Ocean said. “Baby’s crying.”
Levi glanced at the nursery and shrugged her shoulders.
“It’ll shut up soon enough. Right now, we have to worry about you.”
Though it wasn’t the first time she’d heard Levi say things like that, Ocean couldn’t help but to gawk at the woman with wide eyes. Maybe it was because her own mother had turned into such a cruel, callused bitch, but she simply couldn’t comprehend how someone could hear their child cry and brush it away so easily. Why in God’s name couldn’t Levi show a little warmth and compassion to the very life she’d brought into the world?
“Anyhow, like I was saying, Cord has this way of keeping Gauge in check for the most part. It’s weird really.” Levi had raised her voice to be heard over the wailing infant and twirled a lock of dark hair around her finger lazily. For Ocean, this was the last straw. She pushed her chair away from the table so abruptly that the legs grated over the brick with a squeal and stormed across the room.
Baby’s nursery and the kitchen shared a wall, though the infant’s room was no bigger than the interior of one of the cars that used to make up Ocean’s home. As such, the the doorway was much smaller than the entrance to the kitchen and she had to stoop to keep from banging her head. Once in the room, she marched immediately to a crib that seemed to defy gravity, with bulges of silver tape and coils of wire around wood that looked about to crack at any moment. Baby lay on a long piece of foam covered with a thin blanket, his tiny hands and feet pummeled the air, his red face screwed into an expression that looked like a walnut.
“Shhhh… it’s okay… everything’s okay. Ocean’s here, Baby. Yes, she is. Ocean’s here.”
The infant was always heavier than she expected, no matter how many times she lifted him, and Ocean hoisted the child to her hip with a grunt. She sniffed the air but couldn’t smell any traces of poop and the cloth wrapped between his legs seemed dry. Bouncing on the balls of her feet, she patted Baby’s back, making his cries seem as if they were rapidly starting and stopping, and continued whispering in his ear.
“It’s okay. I’m here, Baby. I’m here.”
Within ten minutes, Baby’s crying had subsided and his small thumb was wedged into his mouth. She walked out of the nursery carefully, so as not to trip when going through the doorway, and returned to her place at the table.
“What’s wrong with him anyway?” she asked as she rocked back and forth in her chair.
“Who? Baby? I don’t know. You’re the one who got it to stop crying.”
Ocean stiffened, but somehow managed to keep the irritation she felt from seeping into her voice.
“No… Corduroy.”
“Oh, him. What do you mean?”
Ocean knew she’d have to pick her words carefully. Part of her wanted to know more about the man, as if by having knowledge about his life she could somehow have a modicum of power over him. She knew it didn’t make any sense and there was no way she could learn anything about him that could give her any sort of leverage. But at the same time she felt compelled to ask. The trick was in not seeming to eager, to make it appear as if she were just making small talk.
“Well, to start with, how did he get burned?”
“Says he doesn’t remember. He doesn’t remember a lot about life before… you know, all of this. Gauge thinks it was the fire. That maybe it boiled his brain or something.”
Levi laughed as she leaned forward and propped her chin in her hands.
“Saying it like that, it sounds kind of silly. But to do that much damage to his body, it would have had to have been one hell of a fire. Hard to tell what something like that would do to someone’s mind. That’s why he doesn’t eat meat, by the way. The burns. They’re in his throat as well as on the outside. He just can’t swallow anything that’s not very soft.”
Ocean ran the tip of her finger along Baby’s cheek, feeling the tickle of the downy fuzz that lined his soft skin.
“Is that why he has those fits, you think? Because of the fire, I mean?”
“Probably.” Levi shrugged. “Maybe there’s something to Gauge’s brain boiling theory after all.”
Ocean held her breath and looked down at the child bundled in her arms. Baby’s diminutive fist clutched her shirt and his nearly transparent eyebrows arched with each slow breath he took. When he was sleeping, Ocean was content to hold the infant forever. She loved looking down on his round face and bowed lips that for some reason reminded her of the statue back home. Her father had told her once that it was called a cherub and that, back when the world was still alive, water had flowed from the bucket tucked under its arm and collected in a pool at its feet. You weren’t allowed to drink the water, but that was okay, because back then if you were thirsty, all you had to do was turn something called a spigot and fresh, clean water would come right out of your walls. If anyone else had told her this, Ocean would have suspected they were teasing her. But not her father…
For what was about the millionth time, she wished that he were there, that she would look up and see him striding out of the north tunnel with his coarse, reddish beard and blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail. He would take care of her just as he always had. Corduroy wouldn’t so much as look twice at her and would certainly never dream of laying his grotesque hands on her.
“He scares me sometimes.” Ocean admitted as she watched Baby sleep. “Does he ever scare you?”
Levi wrinkled her brow and leaned back in her seat.
“Cord? No… he’s like a brother to us. Actually, I can’t imagine living down here without him. I know all those burns probably creep you out a little, but he’s really nice once you get to know him.”
Levi’s answer told Ocean everything she needed to know. It was good that she hadn’t blurted out the truth, that her intended conversation had been cut short by Gauge thinking Corduroy’s comment had been intended for him. She’d just have to make sure that they were never alone together and a witness was always close by. But still… some of Levi’s answers had planted seeds of curiosity in her fertile mind.
She thought about her father again. What was it he used to say when he’d watch the rotters from rooftops? To beat your enemy, you’ve got to understand them. She’d heard that so many times that memories of the phrase sometimes crept into her dreams.
“Wonder what’s taking the guys so long. It’s not like they had to go far for those tools.”
“Maybe Gauge is taking time to calm down.’
Ocean’s voice was as soft as Baby’s snores. Mentally, she was going over the night before once again, trying to recall if she’d seen any tools once she’d opened the heavy, metal door. She couldn’t remember anything that looked as if it could be used to dig a latrine… but what if they were in one of the other little rooms? One like the door with the barred window…
Had she left any clues behind, anything which would have betrayed the fact the someone had been in there last night? Maybe she’d left footprints in dust or dropped something as she rushed out?
She pulled Baby more tightly to her and closed her eyes as she tried to will away the shivers that tickled the back of her neck.
Was there evidence? Would they know?
“And where the hell did Pebble run off to, anyway?”
Levi’s question merged so seamlessly into Ocean’s thoughts that at first the young girl was confused as to why she was wondering about Pebble at a time like this, but then she realized the voice hadn’t been her own, after all.
“Uh, he was looking for something earlier, I think.”
Levi bolted out of her chair as a stern frown pulled creases into her cheeks.
“I swear to God… he better not have went into the tunnels.”
Without another word to Ocean, Levi darted out of the room and left the young girl staring blankly into space.
Maybe Pebble had gone into the room. Maybe Gauge and Corduroy had found him there and that’s why they were taking so long. Had the little boy been given the same warnings she’d been? Ocean was positive that he had. After all, what she’d seen last night would have to remain hidden from him as well, wouldn’t it? If Ocean herself couldn’t quite come to grips with what it all meant, then surely a child would be even more confused.
And, if he had slipped through the forbidden door in search of whatever was missing, there was a chance that any trace of Ocean’s presence may have already been wiped away. If he didn’t realize what was behind the barred door, he’d tear through the place just like he’d done searching through his own things.
But why would he look there to begin with? If the little hallway lined with doors was truly off limits, then there would be no reason for him to think of searching there, not in a place he’d never been before. It just wouldn’t make any sense.
Ocean realized she was grasping at straws in an attempt to relieve some of the weight that made her heart heavy. She forced herself to take a deep breath, held it for a moment, and then exhaled through her nose. Though she didn’t want to admit it, there was truly nothing she could do. They would either find evidence that she’d broken Gauge’s cardinal rule and knew the secret that was hidden away in that musty little corridor… or they wouldn’t.
Either way, it was out of her hands. Worrying until her head was throbbing wouldn’t change any consequences that may or may not stem from her disobedience. As hard as it was, she had to put that little room out of her mind and focus on something that she had more control over—Corduroy.
Was it really possible that she could completely avoid the man? A lot of times, life underground crept along at a slow and leisurely pace. Without the sun moving across the sky to help keep track of time, they simply ate when they were hungry and slept when they were tired. Everyone had their own chores to attend to: cooking, washing, mending clothes that had become ripped and torn, and knocking chunks of soot from the pipe that channeled the smoke from their cooking fire out of the chamber. These tasks usually took a minimal amount of time to complete and then they’d be forced to find ways to amuse themselves.
Pebble had his toys. Gauge and Corduroy spent a lot of time playing a game that seemed to involve moving miniature horses and castles around a board. Levi always had her nose in books bloated with mildew, and Ocean, of course, had Baby.
There were also times when it seemed like everything that could go wrong, did. The gutters that they’d fastened to the walls of the tunnels would collapse beneath the weight of the rain that poured through the drains. They would suddenly realize that they were nearly out of wood at the same time that Pebble’s antics would send cans of food clattering to Heaven’s floor. During these times, their little home would bustle with activity, like an anthill that had just been crushed under the foot of a passing rotter, they would dart off in all directions, each person tending to a separate minor emergency on their own.
How long would it be before Pebble, Levi, and Gauge were busy in the tunnels while she and Corduroy remained behind? A week? A month? Sooner or later, it was bound to happen. Only this time, he would be more wary of the young girl and would, undoubtedly, be more prepared.
To beat your enemy, you’ve got to understand them.
Ocean’s gaze drifted to the entrance of the south tunnel. This time her mind wasn’t preoccupied with what might be transpiring further within its depths. This time, she was looking at the neat stacks of folded clothes bordering a mound of blankets on the floor. The pair of muddy boots that were held together by the same silver tape as Baby’s crib. The bulging duffel bag with it’s rope strap.
Corduroy’s things.
His secrets.
I bet he remembers more than he lets on, Ocean thought. I bet that son of a bitch remembers just fine.
She slid out of the chair with her back arched so as not to jostle the sleeping infant in her arms. The last thing she needed was for Baby to wake up again. There was always a chance, albeit a slim one, that his cries would draw the others back to the main chamber. She had to move as fluidly as possible, to be as patient as she’d been back when she’d had to trap flies for food.
Raising Baby to her shoulder, she settled his bottom in the crook of her left arm and his head lolled against her neck, then she crossed the room as silently as the ghost that Gauge blamed all the missing items on. Her footsteps were nothing more than a soft shuffle as she crossed the space between the table and Corduroy’s bedroll.
She stood there for a moment and craned her neck as her eyes peered into the darkness of the south tunnel. She watched for anything that seemed to be moving down there, listening for voices wrapped up in conversation that would grow louder the closer they came, but there was nothing more than the plinking of condensation dripping from the rounded ceiling.
Ocean lowered herself to a squat and balanced on her toes in front of Corduroy’s duffel bag.
To beat your enemy, you’ve got to understand them.
With one final glance at the tunnel, she pulled the zipper back as slowly as she could. The air in the chamber suddenly felt as thin as it had in the hot kitchen and she took quick, shallow breaths. With a trembling hand, she reached into Corduroy’s bag and searched through its contents like a blind person.
Her fingertips felt something coarse and thick, something else that was softer than anything she’d ever touched… and then a texture she knew all too well. It was so slick and cool that her fingers seemed to glide over its surface as if it were made of ice, but that smoothness quickly gave way to a dip that felt rough and jagged.
She jerked her hand out of the bag and stared at the little glass monkey with the missing tail. Pebble’s monkey. The one she’d given him on that first night and probably what he’d been searching frantically for earlier. But what was it doing in Corduroy’s bag? Why would a grown man take a toy from a little—
The color drained from Ocean’s face and her eyes grew wide as the realization hit her. It was Pebble’s monkey, true. But it hadn’t always been, before that first night it had been her monkey.
She plunged her hand back into Corduroy’s bag again and yanked out handfuls of belongings, no longer worrying about everything being in the exact same place it had been before she started snooping around. At first there was nothing more than the burned man’s belongings. Folded pieces of paper with words scrawled across them—ink so faded that the words seemed to be disappearing—a pair of rusty scissors, balls of twine, old shirts…Then, as she neared the bottom of the large bag, everything changed. Now she was pulling out tins of food, the can opener that had taken them nearly two weeks to replace, the grimy rags she’d been wearing when Gauge had first rescued her, and every single pair of her underwear that had ever gone missing.
The room seemed to close in on her as she saw all of her personal items mixed in among his. She teetered on the balls of her feet and had to put one hand on the cool floor to keep from toppling over. Now she truly understood, the man was so completely and utterly obsessed with her that he felt compelled to steal all of these objects. All of these things she’d touched or worn or possessed, he stockpiled them all in some sort of personal shrine.
Her father’s voice echoed through her mind again… To beat your enemy, you’ve got to understand them…
How could she understand someone who was not only dangerous, but obviously insane? How could she ever hope to beat someone who would be as relentless and focused as a rotter on the trail of the living?
Ocean realized that she would never be able to simply avoid him. He would stalk her like a predator, would always be lurking in the shadows or just around the corner, waiting for just the right moment to pounce again.