“That hurts!” I said, trying to keep my own temper. “Let go. We shouldn't be fighting among ourselves.”
“I've killed men for less than that,” she said. Her voice had a dangerous edge.
“I'm sure you have.” I smiled my most charming smile, which had been known to melt the heart of the iciest widow back in Ilerium. “It was the only thing I could think of to wake you up. I won't do it again if you don't go to sleep, okay? It's important.”
“Explain it to me.” Yawning, she let go of my hand. At least she managed to keep her eyes open this time.
“The same thing happened to me in the Beyond—I slept for three whole days. Dad and Aber finally got me up and wouldn't let me go to sleep. Dad was afraid I might never wake if they left me alone. I don't want that to happen to you.”
“Where is Dad? You said he was here.”
“Down the mountain.” I jerked my head toward him. “He's sick, too.”
“Everyone in Chaos is looking for him. He has to go back. Is he asleep?”
“No, tied up.”
“What!”
“It couldn't be helped.” I shrugged. “He isn't well. Not sleepy, really, but… kind of crazy.”
“Crazy?” She stared at me. “What do you mean? What's wrong with him? If you did something—”
“No, no, nothing like that.” I hesitated. “Maybe you'd better see for yourself. I think it might have something to do with the Pattern. It's obviously affected you. Maybe it's affecting him, too.”
“Show me.”
I escorted her down the slope, one hand on her elbow to keep her steady. When we reached our father, she gave a mew of unhappiness and bent to untie him.
I held her back. “Don't. It isn't safe to let him go. He tried to kill me.”
“He's hurt—”
“He'll live. I was just about to find him a doctor. I don't suppose you know anything about medicine…?”
“A little.” She knelt beside him, pressing one hand to his forehead. Then, with the hem of her gown, she wiped a line of drool from his chin.
“He's been badly beaten,” she said. “Who attacked him? King Uthor's men?”
“I'm afraid it was me.” It came out apologetic. “I didn't have a choice, though. He was trying to kill me.”
“Why?”
“I don't know.” Shrugging helplessly, I knelt beside her. “He was acting crazy. He attacked me with a sword when I turned my back, and if he had been a little stronger, he would have killed me. He's a better swordsman than I am.”
Her eyes narrowed, studying my face intently. “What did you do to him? He never does anything without good reason. Did you say or do something to make him mad? Did you threaten him in some way?”
“No, I didn't do anything. I found him unconscious and was trying to help.”
She touched the red handprint on her cheek. “Like you helped me?”
“No. I shook him, but…” I shrugged.
“Hmm.” She fumbled with the bindings on his wrists. “Help me get these off. Maybe—”
“Don't do that!” I pulled her hands back. “I told you, he's dangerous. He fought like a demon. Next time, he might get lucky and kill me—or both of us!”
“You have to let him loose. He's the only one who can save us.”
“Save us?” I stared at her, puzzled. “Save us how?”
“He caused the Shadows,” she said urgently. “Everyone in Chaos is talking about it. If he gets rid of them, maybe the king will let us go home agai—”
I drew back. “Impossible.”
“Why? Don't you want to go home?”
“This is home. I need the Shadows like you need the Logrus.” I thought back to the unicorn and the Pattern, and suddenly the half-formed suspicions in the back of my mind came out: “Besides, the Pattern can't be destroyed. It isn't Dad's creation.”
She stared at me. “Of course it is! Everyone knows he made it!”
“He drew it, but it existed long before him. It's in me… and it's in other places, too.” I thought of the ruby hanging around the unicorn's neck. “There are forces at work which I don't understand yet. I think they used Dad to create the Pattern. If he hadn't done it, they would have found someone else… me, probably.”
“So it was inevitable?” she said, gaze distant. “Is that what you're saying?”
“I think so. Yes.”
“But why did it have to be my family?” Her voice rose in a wail. “Why must we suffer for it? I just want to go home!”
“Look around!” I said, taking her hand and pulling her to her feet. I took in the whole of this virgin world with a sweep of my arm. “Here is a kingdom ripe for the taking. I'm going to build a city here. If you're not happy, there are more Shadows than you can possibly visit in your lifetime. Anything you can dream up exists somewhere out there. You just have to find it. You want to be a queen, or a goddess? Go ahead! You want jewels or riches? Take them! It's your right. You are a creature of the Pattern, just as Dad is… like I am. It's in you, too, at least partly. It's in all of us. I can feel its presence. You might as well enjoy your true heritage.”
“No!” she cried. “That's not what I want! I didn't realize how much I missed the Courts until I went home!”
“The Pattern is in your blood!” I said emphatically. “Look within yourself. Can't you feel it?”
“No!” she cried.
More gently, I said, “The Pattern is here to stay whether we want it or not. If that means you can't go back to the Courts of Chaos—well, we'll make our own version here. Call them… the Courts of Dworkin.”
“Don't make fun of me.”
“I'm not,” I said. She just needed time to get used to the idea of living in Shadows for the rest of her life.
“Chaos is beautiful… a tide of unending change… music made flesh—and the powers we command there…”
“Used to command.”