Shay brought her fists down onto her knees. "It's all my fault. I should've told you earlier.
If you'd had more time to get used to the idea, maybe…"
"Shay, I never would have gotten used to the idea. I don't want to be ugly all my life. I want those perfect eyes and lips, and for everyone to look at me and gasp. And for everyone who sees me to think Who's that? and want to get to know me, and listen to what I say."
"I'd rather have something to say."
"Like what? 'I shot a wolf today and ate it'?"
Shay giggled. "People don't eat wolves, Tally. Rabbits, I think, and deer."
"Oh, gross. Thanks for the image, Shay."
"Yeah, I think I'll stick to vegetables and fish. But it's not about camping out, Tally. It's about becoming what I want to become. Not what some surgical committee thinks I should."
"You're still yourself on the inside, Shay. But when you're pretty, people pay more attention."
"Not everyone thinks that way."
"Are you sure about that? That you can beat evolution by being smart or interesting?
Because if you're wrong…if you don't come back by the time you're twenty, the operation won't work as well. You'll look wrong, forever."
"I'm not coming back. Forever."
Tally's voice caught, but she forced herself to say it: "And I'm not going."
They said good-bye under the dam.
Shay's long-range hoverboard was thicker, and glimmered with the facets of solar cells.
She'd also stashed a heated jacket and hat under the bridge. Tally guessed that winters at the Smoke were cold and miserable.
She couldn't believe her friend was really going.
"You can always come back. If it sucks."
Shay shrugged. "None of my friends has."
The words gave Tally a creepy feeling. She could think of a lot of horrible reasons to explain why no one had come back. "Be careful, Shay."
"You too. You're not going to tell anyone about this, right?"
"Never, Shay."
"You swear? No matter what?"
Tally raised her scarred palm. "I swear."
Shay smiled. "I know. I just had to ask again before I…" She pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to Tally.
"What's this?" Tally opened it up and saw a scrawl of letters. "When did you learn to write by hand?"
"We all learned while we were planning to leave. It's a good idea if you don't want minders sniffing your diary. Anyway, that's for you. I'm not supposed to leave any record of where I'm going, so it's in code, kind of."
Tally frowned, reading the first line of slanted words. "'Take the coaster straight past the gap'?"
"Yeah. Get it? Only you could figure it out, in case someone finds it. You know, if you ever want to follow me."
Tally started to say something, but couldn't. She managed to nod.
"Just in case," Shay said.
She jumped onto her board and snapped her fingers, securing her knapsack over both shoulders.
"Good-bye, Tally."
"Bye, Shay. I wish…"
Shay waited, bobbing just a bit in the cool September wind. Tally tried to imagine her growing old, wrinkled, gradually ruined, all without ever having been truly beautiful.
Never learning how to dress properly, or how to act at a formal dance. Never having anyone look into her eyes and be simply overwhelmed.
"I wish I could have seen what you would look like. Pretty, I mean."
"Guess you'll just have to live with remembering my face this way," Shay said.
Then she turned and her hoverboard climbed away toward the river, and Tally's next words were lost on the roar of the water.
When the day came, Tally waited for the car alone.
Tomorrow, when the operation was all over, her parents would be waiting outside the hospital, along with Peris and her other older friends. That was the tradition. But it seemed strange that there was no one to see her off on this end. No one said good-bye except a few uglies passing by. They looked so young to her now, especially the just-arrived new class, who gawked at her like she was an old pile of dinosaur bones.
She'd always loved being independent, but now Tally felt like the last littlie to be picked up from school, abandoned and alone. September was a crappy month to be born.
"You're Tally, right?"
She looked up. It was a new ugly, awkwardly exploding into unfamiliar height, tugging at his dorm uniform like it was already too tight.
"Yeah."
"Aren't you the one who's going to turn today?"
"That's me, Shorty."
"So how come you look so sad?"