"I'm a warrior. I fight. Payment is optional. Besides, my reputation is the greatest one a man could have. Just mention the dreaded name Extinguisher and see the bad guys go white."
"You look a little pale yourself," Remo said.
Smith looked momentarily weird. "Oh, shit. Excuse me a second."
"Hold up," said Remo impatiently. "The dreaded Extinguisher has to take another bathroom break."
"He is very brave to march on weak bowels," Assumpta said.
"How long you known him?" asked Remo.
"Only since last night. Did you know they publish his manly exploits in books?"
"Do tell," said Remo. Chiun yawned.
"It is true. He has told me they have sold forty million copies all around the world."
Chiun's hazel eyes exploded. "Is this true, Remo? Forty millions of copies?"
"That's what that book I found along the trail said."
Chiun's eyes narrowed.
When Winston Smith returned from his assignation with a ceiba tree, all eyes were upon him.
"Do you receive royalties?" Chiun demanded.
"On what?"
"Your foolish adventures."
"No."
"Idiot."
They continued on.
"You guys will learn to respect me for what I do," Smith said plaintively.
"We respect those we respect for their skills and their gold," Chiun said. "You have neither."
"Some day I'm going to have a book published about my actual adventures, then I'll retire on my royalties."
"Don't count on living that long," said Remo.
"I've been writing it all along. Check out my rucksack."
Dropping back, Remo did. He pulled out a black school notebook. On the cover was the stenciled outline of a fire extinguisher spitting bullets through its nozzle.
Remo opened it.
"Looks like a diary."
"It's my war journal."
"You write everything down?"
"Sure!"
"What if you're captured?"
"I get captured all the freaking time. Nothing bad ever happens."
Remo tossed the notebook into the jungle.
"Hey! You can't do that! That's private property."
"Rule number one-don't write anything down. If you're captured, they'll hang you with your own words."
"The rope hasn't been woven that-"
"You're a menace to yourself," said Remo, noticing something drop from a frayed popcorn pocket of Smith's black uniform. He picked it up.
It was tiny plastic fire extinguisher.
"What's this thing?"
"Icons. I wax a kill, I leave it in his hand. Sometimes in his mouth. Strikes fear like crazy into the guys who find him."
Seeing another one drop onto the trail, Remo said, "You might as well leave a trail of bread crumbs behind for the enemy to follow."
"Listen, you just don't understand my profession."
"Tell it to the Marines, squid."
"Jarhead."
"You are all related?" asked Assumpta.
"Distantly," Chiun said. "The blood is very diluted."
"And what is your name, old one?"
"I am called Chiun. More than that I will not say."
"You are maya?"