A month.
That was what Phandebrass said it would take in order for him to make his magical potion, in the hopes that it would restore his memory without having to resort to being bitten. Tarrin had left the meeting with Jenna and the others just a little bit worried about what he'd heard, and the time was only a part of it. The idea of spending a month in the Tower didn't seem all that bad to him, though he knew that it was going to cause some friction. The part that worried him was the idea that they were going to lock down the Tower, and he was the cause for it. Some part of him was a little embarassed by that idea, that all this trouble was going to happen because of him, but another part of him resented the idea that they were going to turn the Tower into a fortress just to keep him safe. He'd gone through that once already with Jesmind and Triana, and the idea that now Jenna and the others were going to start doing it too kind of defeated the purpose of him trying to establish his independence in the first place. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate the fact that they were willing to go as far as they were, but it was still a little annoying.
Of course, he was only a very small reason for it. It was all about him, true, but the truth was that it was much more all about what he was carrying. Jenna was defending the Firestaff, and the only reason that she was defending Tarrin too was because he happened to be the bearer of that old artifact. They wouldn't let him give it to anyone else, and Dolanna wouldn't even let him take it out of the elsewhere at any time.
He knew why, and understood. The Firestaff was almost a living thing, possessed of a kind of willpower of its own, and its willpower and desire was to be used, to serve the function for which it had been created. That was the last thing that Tarrin wanted to do, because he'd already been warned that if it was used, it could destroy the world. It was why they had lain the trap on it that had stripped him of his Were nature and had also caused him to lose his memory, a last-ditch attempt to strip the one who managed to take it of the desire to use it, a ploy that would render the artifact's corrupting effect powerless. The Firestaff would try to convince its holder to use it, but the curse would have destroyed that desire, leaving the artifact with no desire to exploit in order to reach its own goals. The Firestaff had even tried to whisper to him before he put it in the elsewhere, and he knew how seductive it could be. Almost like Auli. That's why he was glad it was where he wouldn't have to listen to it all the time. It couldn't reach through the elsewhere and try to subvert his will, and that made it safe for him-and only him-to carry it. And it was absolutely not something that they would put in a locked chamber somewhere and try to guard. It was safest where it was at that moment, out of physical reach and in a place where its insidious magic couldn't affect those around it.
At least with Tarrin, the Firestaff was safe, and everyone else was safe from it. That was why, even though he had lost his memory, he still held it.
A month. He wasn't sure what he was going to do for a whole month, but he already had some ideas. He was going to try to stay away from Auli. That much was for certain. Her declaration had more or less put their friendship on hold until she got over the idea, because he wouldn't trust her enough to be alone with her, or even alone with her and Dar. Or, more to the point, he wouldn't trust himself to be alone with her, or with her and Dar. He also wanted to learn more about who he had been and what it meant, and also if he had been truly happy. He wanted to find out before getting back his memory, so he could compare what he had discovered with the return of his memory and see how close he got to the truth. The combination of what he managed to learn now and what he would regain later would help him decide once and for all what he was going to do. That meant that he needed to talk to all his friends extensively, work around Dolanna's warning that they weren't supposed to influence him, and get them to describe as much to him as they could. And he wanted to get to know his daughter all over again, spend as much time with her as he could, because maybe he would learn something about her as a human that he hadn't known about her when he was a Were-cat.
That was the most important thing to him. Jasana was his daughter, and even if she was a different species than him, he loved her and he wanted to be around her. He understood now how his own parents must have felt when Tarrin himself had been turned. It was a terrible thing, but he was still their child, and no matter what, they would love him. He'd never really understood that until he was on the same side as them, with a child of his own. That kind of boundless love was usually unfathomable to anyone who had not experienced it for himself. Now that Tarrin had looked into the eyes of his own child, he completely understood how his parents must have felt, and understood how they could have accepted him as what he had become. No matter what happened to him, no matter who he became or what he did, no matter how evil he had acted, he was still their son, and that kind of bond was too powerful for almost any worldly act or situation to sever.
Sometimes it surprised Tarrin how he could feel so much love for a little girl of another species that he barely knew, and was admittedly just a little bit afraid of. But then again, she was his daughter. That was all the explanation he needed anymore.
Walking along by himself, invariably ending up in the cool gardens, he thought about what he'd heard at the meeting. After they'd decided to lock up the Tower, they'd talked about who they'd get and how much it would take to secure their cooperation. Keritanima promised to send her Marines, and they were going to get some of tha Arakite Legions to come onto the grounds, and even some elements of the Sulasian army that were still in Suld to ensure another attack wouldn't be attempted. They already had the Sorcerers, and he wondered why they were going to try to get anyone else in the first place. Wouldn't the Sorcerers be enough to stop just about anything? Now that they had the Sha'Kar back, he couldn't think of any reason why they'd need any additional support. Weren't the Sorcerers the most powerful of all the magical orders? Why would they need additional help?
For the moment, he guessed that really didn't concern him. All that mattered for him was trying to keep his own rather crazy life from getting any crazier until Phandebrass finished that potion.
He still felt wild mood swings about that. He wanted his memory back, but on the other hand, he was afraid of what it may mean. He knew that some of those memories may be absolutely awful, and he was honest enough with himself to admit that he was terrified of the idea of having memories of being so vicious. He knew he couldn't make a sincere decision without those memories, but he was afraid of having to remember the bad as well as the good. It was a touchy situation for him, and he felt trapped between the need to regain his memory and the desire to stay away from them.
It was about more than what he wanted anymore, and that was another thing that concerned him. He'd honestly forgotten what he was carrying, but he realized that everyone else not only would not forget, they were still working to protect it. It was easy to forget about the Firestaff when he never took it out to look at it, and he had no memory of searching for it or finding it or what it did to him when he did. It seemed more like a story he'd been told that the actual past, and that made it much easier for him to discount or ignore than it was for those who remembered what they'd gone through in order to get him into a position to acquire it. He knew that he had a duty to all those others to take back his memory, that because even if he was incapacitated at the moment, he was still the chosen guardian of the Firestaff, and he had to do what he could to protect it from everyone else until Gods Day came and went.
That was the one thing he didn't really want to think about. The Goddess had said that it would be his choice, but making that choice, he knew, would mean much more than simply what he wanted. After he got his memory back, he was afraid that there really wouldn't be a choice. It would be alot easier for Tarrin the Were-cat to protect the Firestaff than it would be for Tarrin the human. That Tarrin was bigger, stronger, faster, more magically powerful, and lacked the comparative morality that may make Tarrin the human hesitate in a moment of extreme danger, and put everything at risk. He wanted it to be his choice, his decision, a choice based on nothing more than his own desires. But he had a feeling that it was going to be alot more complicated than that. Maybe it was selfish and childish for him to think that way, but he couldn't help it. It was his life, after all, and he wanted the chance to make of it what he wanted, not what others would need of him.
Worries, worries, worries. Nothing seemed simple now, not even for him and his altered sense of being. They'd given him time to himself, kept him out of the loop of information to spare him heavy thoughts, and at least for that he could appreciate their looking out for him. But no matter how much he liked being distanced from the center of things, the simple fact of the matter was that he was the center of things, and he couldn't be outside the hub for very long. Any decisions that were made were going to affect him in one way or another, and he'd learn about them one way or another.
But there was little he could do about that right now. What he could do was what he'd already decided to do. Learn as much as he could about who he had been and what he'd been doing, stay away from Auli, and spend time with his daughter. They were rather simple things, but he had to start somewhere, and he had to get busy with the task of trying to make his choice.
Things were going to work out. He had faith in that, and after all, there was little he'd be doing to make that come about. He'd just have to let things go on their own and hope that the currents they made caused him to go in the right direction.
The decision to stay away from Auli was a very simple one. After all, it was a simple concept, that being to avoid the girl whenever possible and make sure that when he did see her, he wasn't alone. It seemed easy enough, taking little more than a watchful eye and caution when venturing out from his rooms.
The problem was, he didn't take Auli herself into account when he decided how simple a matter it would be.
He knew that she was clever and rather cunning, and he knew that she was very bold. What he didn't count on was how persistent she could be. Everywhere he seemed to go, she was never very far away. Either alone or in the company of other Sha'Kar girls, he seemed to encounter her in the passages, in the library, in the kitchens, in the gardens, on the grounds. It seemed that no matter when he left his room, no matter how short his trip was, Auli found some way to put herself where she would cross his path. When she did, she would always try to get close to him, brush up against him, or whisper something seductive in his ear. The other Sha'Kar girls, seeing what Auli was doing, though it to be devilish fun, and they even began to help her by blocking his path and giving her more time to try to work her magic on him. Tarrin realized that when he left his room, the Sha'Kar network of shallow girls got the word back to Auli that her prey was out of his protective den, and she would swoop in to try to make a kill.
Tarrin countered by always keeping someone with him when he went out. Dar was usually his escort, but much of the time, it was Koran Dar or Camara Tal, one of his sisters, Azakar Kanash, Jenna, or one of the Were-cats. He was still a little angry with them for how he treated him, but in that one narrow instance he was usually happy they were around. Auli seemed unafraid of Jesmind, Kimmie, and Jula, but she wouldn't come anywhere near him when one of them was with him. For the few days after Auli started following him around, he made sure that he wasn't too far from one of them. They would often take him up to Jesmind's room, where he would spend hours and hours talking with Jesmind, his sisters, and whoever happened to be visiting, and playing with his daughter. She taught him all sorts of things about herself and himself, chattering on animatedly about things that nobody else had really said to him, very private and somewhat embarassing things about how he and Jesmind carried on when they were together.
One thing that did concern him a little was that Triana was still missing from the Tower. Nobody really knew where she went or what she was doing, but Jesmind wasn't very worried. She simply said she'd show up when she was ready, and that was that.
Tarrin's room was not as protected as he had once believed. Three days after the meeting, after he came back at night from a long visit with Jasana, he found her in his room. She was sitting on the bed sedately, and she wasn't wearing a stitch of clothing. The only thing she was wearing was a seductive smile. Fortunately for him, the shock of seeing her there overwhelmed his very real desire to want to find her just like that some evening. Tarrin both wanted Auli and wanted to stay away from Auli, and he knew that he'd let her win as soon as she caught him in a position where she could overwhelm his decision to stay away from her. That, and the fact that she was on the other side of the room. He certainly enjoyed seeing her like that, but luckily for him, he wasn't close enough to let himself fall under her spell.
It had perhaps been too easy for him to back out of the room and flee from her, but this raise of the stakes in her little game upset him quite a bit. His room was one of the few things that he considered his and his alone in the Tower, representing what little identity he could manage to find with the loss of his memory, and he was sincerely angry with Auli for violating his private space. He made sure to let her know the next day, and for the first time ever, that slow smile of hers dropped into a chagrined frown when he snapped at her hotly for coming into his room without being invited. She seemed to realize that she had crossed a line that should not have been crossed, and her rather contrite apology actually convinced him that she wouldn't do it again.
She actually left him alone for a couple of days after that, and Tarrin took advantage of it by spending as much time of it as he could outside. He took Jasana with him, and with Jula following behind or accompanying him, they would run around the gardens exploring. The gardens were huge, and it took quite a while for someone to get to know his way around. They took up almost all the space behind the North Tower, almost all the way up to the fence, filled with almost every flower, plant, tree, and vine imaginable. Tarrin was carrying Jasana on his shoulders, feeling with a bit of eerie curiosity as her tail slid back and forth against his back, holding onto her furry little ankles. Jula was with them, walking alongside him. Tarrin felt strangely comfortable around Jula, but he could tell that she didn't seem to be as comfortable with him. He wasn't quite sure why, but he could tell that she was. She was always very quiet, almost stiffly polite, and had trouble looking him in the eye.
"Oooh, what kind of tree is that?" Jasana asked in excitement, point at a rather large tree swaying in a gentle wind. "It's pretty with those blue leaves!"
"That's a blueleaf tree," Tarrin told her. "They're common in the north. This is a little south for there to really be much of them. They like cold weather."
"I've never seen those before."
"You should have. There are lots of them around Aldreth."
"Well, I don't remember them."
"I guess that's a fair excuse," he chuckled, bouncing her a bit. "They certainly gave it a clever and descriptive name, didn't they?"
"What do you mean?"
"Nevermind," he chuckled.
"Papa, I've been meaning to ask you something."
"What?"
"What's it like to not rememeber?"
"Well, it's not something I can explain, Jasana," he answered. "Since I can't remember anything, there's really nothing I feel about it. Everything seems new and strange to me, just like it's my first time seeing it."
"How can you not remember? That doesn't seem to make sense."
"Don't you forget things?"
"Well, yeah, but nothing serious."
"Well, it's kind of like that, but I guess in my case, it was serious."
"Mama said that a magic spell did it to you."
"I guess it was. I really can't remember."
"She also said the silly human with the white hair is going to fix it."
"He's working on it," he affirmed.
"Mama said when you get your memory back, you'll be just like you were before. Does that mean you won't be a human anymore?"
That startled him a little bit. "I'm not sure yet, Jasana," he answered seriously. "I'm supposed to decide if I want to be a Were-cat again or not. I can't really do that until I get back my memory, so I guess we won't find that out until I get back my memory."
"That seems like a silly thing to say, papa," she chided. "You look funny like this, and you can't be with us if you're a human. Mama said so."
"I k now."
"Well, you promised you'd come back, and we'd be a family again, Papa. If you're not like us again, you'll be breaking your promise to me."
Tarrin was a little surprised by the vehemence in her voice. "If I do stay like this, I can still be your father, Jasana," he said in the mildest tone he could manage. "Can't I do everything that I could do before?"
"No," she said bluntly. "You can't kiss me goodnight, and you can't teach me how to hunt, and you can't teach me magic anymore, and you're not in Mama's room where you're supposed to be when I want to sleep with you."
"Well, I guess you have me there," he chuckled. "But I still love you, and I'll still be there when you need me. Wouldn't you still love me, even if I end up staying like this?"
"Well, yes, but it won't be the same."
"It wouldn't be the same for me either," he assured her. "But I think you're getting too far ahead of yourself, Jasana. It's going to be another three rides and more before they can give me back my memory. Since I can't decide until then, I think dwelling on it makes it hard for us to enjoy the time we have now. Don't you?"
"It bothers me, Papa."
"It bothers me too, but I don't want to spend the whole month worrying."
"I'm hungry," Jula cut in, obviously trying to distract the Were-cat child. "Do you want to go get something to eat, Jasana?"
"Umm," she sounded. Tarrin had learned that it meant yes for her.
Tarrin set Jasana down on the ground, and she held onto his hand for a long moment. "How did you bite Jula, Papa?" she asked curiously. "Mama never told me."
Tarrin gave her a strange look, but it was nothing compared to the strangled look that Jula gave the Were-cat girl. "Don't you remember, Jasana? I lost my memory."
"Oh," she frowned. "How did it happen, Jula?" she asked.
"Tarrin didn't bite me," she said shortly. "I did this to myself."
"How can you bite yourself?"
"It's hard to explain, cub," she told her. "And I don't think it's something that a little girl should hear."
Jasana pursed her lips, but said nothing more.
They had told Tarrin about that, that Jula had used his blood to turn herself after he had mortally wounded her and left her to die. It was a testament to both how nasty he'd become at that time and how far Jula would go to stay alive. But from what he'd been told, Tarrin had more or less forgiven Jula for everything she did to him, had even accepted her as an adopted daughter, which was why she remained with Jesmind and Jasana.
They met Jesmind in the kitchens, and as usual over the last few days, Tarrin greeted her with guarded manners. He was grateful that she was keeping Auli at bay, but the truth of the matter was that he still wasn't very happy with her for her following him around. She was still doing it. The only reason he knew that she was was because Jasana had a big mouth. He hadn't seen her, and she wasn't showing herself to warn off Auli. He guessed she decided not to intervene unless things got serious. Jesmind gave him that same look she always did, a look of concern, pity, irritation, and anger as she picked up Jasana. "It's time for her lesson," she announced curtly. "I hope you don't mind."
"No, it's alright," Tarrin told her. "Look's like fun's over, Jasana," he told her with a smile. "I guess you have work to do now."
"Aww, I don't wanna go to lessons today," she complained.
"You almost tore off my tail to get Jenna to teach you again after she punished you, and now you don't want to go? I don't think so, cub," Jesmind told her sharply.
"What did she get punished for?" he asked curiously.
"Using magic outside of lessons," Jesmind said. "She's not allowed to do that."
"I just wanted to see if it would work, that's all," Jasana said in a slightly challenging tone. "I didn't do anything serious."
"You call turning the Southeast Tower pink not serious?" Jesmind scoffed.
"It's not like I broke anything," she complained.
"Maybe not, but you have no idea how ugly that was," Jesmind told Tarrin offhandedly.
Tarrin was silently impressed. To have enough magical power to change the color of something as big as one of the splinter towers, that was some magic.
"Enough chatter, cub, we're going to be late. You coming up for dinner, Tarrin?"
"I guess so," he told her.
"Don't be late," she said with a slight smile, and then she carried her daugher out.
Jula stayed with him as they got something to eat, and then him and the Were-cat woman walked back outside. Tarrin didn't like staying inside, not when the summer weather was so warm and beautiful. She walked along with him in silence, but he could tell that she was a little tense. She always seemed to be tense when they were alone, and he wasn't sure why. Well, there was one way to find out.
"Why are you always so nervous around me, Jula?" he asked directly.
It seemed to surprise her that he would ask that. She looked away for a moment, and Tarrin realized how pretty she was, looking at her profile that way. "Since you lost your memory, I know that they're telling you about your past."
"They have been."
"Then I'm sure they've told you about our, history," she said with a telling pause.
"That's all that has you worried?" he asked in surprise. "Even if I did remember it, it's old news, Jula."
She looked at him in surprise.
"Did you think I was going to hate you for what I've heard?"
She looked a little chagrined. "I guess I did," she admitted.
"Well, it's not what happened before, it's what I see now that's important," he said. "I may not remember anything that happened, but the fact that you're virtually a member of my family tells me everything I need to know. People change, Jula. I'm pretty sure about that, given what I've heard about myself. There may have been something very bad in our pasts, but that doesn't really matter. From what I've heard, I let it go, and you must have let it go, so consider it nothing to worry about."
"I'd like to believe that, Tarrin, but I don't think you understand."
"I understand perfectly," he said. "What you did to me made me feral, and that's the main reason I did some of the awful things I did in the past." She was silent, looking at her feet as they walked. "But I changed. They told me that I was feral when I went into the desert, and I wasn't when I came out-well, not completely. So everything turned out alright. Does it matter what happened before that?"
"It does to me," she muttered.
"Alright then, answer me this. Why do you stay with Jesmind and Jasana?"
"Because I'm not a full adult yet," she answered. "I'm still a child. I have to stay with Jesmind."
"Staying with her isn't the same as living with her," Tarrin noted. "I've seen how she acts towards you, Jula. She treats you like a daughter, and Jasana thinks you're her sister. You're a member of the family, and you act like one. You help watch Jasana, and you do what you can for Jesmind. You don't have to do those things. Why do you do them?"
Jula was quiet a long moment. "Because you took me in when everyone else threw me away," she answered in a quiet yet emotional voice. "You were kind to me when no one else was. You took me in when I was all but mad and ready to kill myself, and you wouldn't give up on me. I promised you I'd be a good daughter, and I owe you much more than that. More than I'll ever be able to repay."
He'd known about that, but to hear about it from her point of view, it explained everything now. She was terrified that the biggest person in her life that mattered to her, the one she saw as her father figure, was going to reject her. That, and he could tell that she just couldn't forget the past, becuase she was the one that they were all talking about. Jula had been the one to betray Tarrin and turn him feral, and no matter how many people forgot about that, she never would. She still felt guilty over it.
"Don't worry about it, Jula," he said gently. "You don't owe me anything. I'd much rather you be my friend than my servant."
That statement, carefully weighed as the easiest way to relieve her fears without coming right out and addressing them, seemed to have the effect he intended. Jula relaxed visibly, and then gave him a look of such profound gratitude that it nearly made his emotional. She reached out and put her big hand on his shoulder. "Triana said you'd be full of surprises," she said with a wan smile. "Am I that transparent?"
"I just knew what to look for, that's all," he smiled. "I'm not going to turn my back on you, Jula. I didn't before, and I won't now."
She gave him a glorious smile, then actually hugged him gently. "Even now, you're still too good to me, father," she said sincerely.
It felt strange to hear her call him that, but she meant it, so he wasn't going to raise a fuss about it. "Tell me about how you ended up as a Were-cat," he asked.
They stepped out of the Tower and out onto the pathway that led to the gardens. "I'm sure they already told you," she said, "so I don't have to go into all the details. After Kerri and Allia rescued you from the Cathedral of Karas, you caught up with me here in the Tower before I could get away. You crippled me and left me to die. I don't blame you for that," she said quickly. "After everything I'd just done to you, I more than deserved it. I had a vial of your blood with me, and I used that to turn myself in order to survive."
"How did you get a vial of my blood?"
"The Council had several of them, as well as some bits and pieces of your flesh, hair, claws, and such. Things you'd shed in some of your fights on the Tower grounds. I knew they were there, so I decided it may be wise for me to take some of your blood, just in case. I've always been a survivor, Tarrin. I knew there was a chance I may end up needing to be a Were-cat just to survive, so I took precautions. It turns out I was right."
"Why would that make a difference?" he asked. "I mean, why go to that extreme?"
"Extreme conditions sometimes call for extreme measures," she told him. "I knew that if I was captured or mortally wounded, turning myself would be my only chance. If I was captured, they couldn't use Mind weaves on me if I was a Were-cat, and torturing me wouldn't work either because I'd regenerate. They wouldn't kill me so long as I had information they could use, so I'd still be alive. It would also give me a much better chance to escape, given the advantages that Were-cats enjoy. And if I were mortally wounded, I'd be healed during the transformation into a Were-cat. Either way, in those two worst cases, I'd have a way to survive them."
"Triana said it backfired on you."
"Boy did it," she sighed. "I survived, but without anyone to teach me how to control the Cat, I went mad. And it wasn't a quick and simple process," she said with a shudder. "I degenerated slowly, and that bastard Kravon chained me to the wall in his lab and studied me, just so he could observe the process. I'm glad he's dead," she spat viciously. "Jegojah did all of us a favor when he bled Kravon like a yearling pig."
From what he'd heard, such spitefulness wasn't misplaced. That man Kravon had hurt alot of people. Some people were more use to the world dead, and Kravon was one of them. "Jula, I have to ask. If you had my chance right now, would you stay human, or would you be a Were-cat again?"
"You're not being fair," she teased lightly. "I really don't know, Tarrin. I hated what I became at first, but now it's not so easy to decide anymore. Before, I was alone and afraid, and I hated what I'd become. But I understand things better now, and I have people like you and Jesmind and Jasana to be with. I miss being human, but if I wasn't a Were-cat anymore, I think I'd miss that too."
"Why were you working with those people, anyway?" he asked. "You just don't seem the type."
"Being a Were-cat has changed me alot more than most people think," she answered honestly. "I worked for the ki'zadun back then because I thought it was what I wanted. That they could give me the power I craved."
"It's hard to imagine you as a powermonger, Jula."
"Oh, I was," she said in a self-deprecating manner. "It was all I could think about. I even dreamed about getting power, any kind of power. Power in Sorcery, political power, personal power, anything that put me over others. The ki'zadun gave me that power, and alot of it, but I know now where that kind of power leads. It led me to a set of manacles bolted to a wall. The ki'zadun is about nothing but power, and if you don't help them or you're not useful to them, you stop being a part of that power and become a liability. They don't bother finding other uses for things once they decide it's no longer useful."
"It sounds like a lonely way to live."
"I didn't really care about other people," she said candidly. "All that mattered to me was my power. The only thing I really saw in other people was how I could use them to get more."
"That sounds really lonely," he said. "Didn't you have anyone you cared about?"
"I never really have, Tarrin," she told him. "My parents died when I was very young, and they'd just travelled to Ultern from Jerinhold. So there was nobody there to take care of me. Because of that, I grew up on the streets of Ultern as a street urchin. I learned from a very early age that the strong take what they want from the weak. If it wasn't for the fact that I'm a Sorcerer, I would have died on those streets. But being a Sorcerer let me come here, and it gave me what I thought was a chance to be so powerful that nobody would ever attack me or steal from me again. I learned Sorcery, but then my desires changed from wanting to be strong to protect myself to wanting power so I could be over others. I think that's what made them come to me. I hadn't even heard of the ki'zadun until they approached me and recruited me into their organization. I was still in the Initiate then," she said in a distant manner.
"How did they know to approach you?"
"They watched us, Tarrin," she said. "They had a good idea who'd join them and who wouldn't. I suppose that the ones that didn't join were probably killed, so as not to break the secrecy of the group."
"How did they watch you from inside the Tower?"
"Because they already had people inside the Tower," she explained. "Not just Sorcerers. Staff, guards, and servants too acted as spies for the ki'zadun. There was quite a little network here before you came along and destroyed it," she chuckled.
"It's hard to believe I did all that," he said.
"You did, father, trust me," she told him. "You may not have done it intentionally, but you did. When you broke free under the Cathredral and announced to the world we were here, you started a chain of events that put the ki'zadun where they are now. You have no idea how powerful they were, father. They owned entire kingdoms. But yet all it took to break them was a single Were-cat with the strength to oppose them. In its own way, I guess that's pretty remarkable."
"It sounds like I ran around and chased them."
"Actually, you beat them by destroying several critical plans," she explained. "At first, they were trying to kill you because they knew you were the one that would find the Firestaff, and they failed. They sent almost everything they could manage to get onto the grounds, even Trolls, and none of them could kill you. After you disappeared from the Tower and started looking for the Book of Ages, they changed tactics. They didn't think they were going to be able to kill you, not between you and the very powerful people that were with you, so they tried to drive you insane instead. They knew how unbalanced you were."
"How could they do that?"
"By putting so much pressure on you that it made you snap," she answered. "They saw it happen to me, so they tried to make it happen to you. They sent Jegojah after you, they hired thugs in every city to attack you if you showed up, and they were trying to devise a magical means to try to influence your mind. But you proved to be much stronger than they calculated," she said with a smile. "That, and the Wikuni truly hamstrung that plan when they nearly killed you in their operation to get back Keritanima. That put you under Triana's care, and once that happened, they knew that not only could they not get anywhere near you, that you'd also get the training you'd need to not go mad. So they had to change plans again. About that time, they sent me to Dala Yar Arak to try to get the city guard to turn against you, so I really don't know what they planned after that. Outside of the big one, anyway."
"The fight at Suld?"
She nodded as they turned down a path that led towards the hedge maze. "That's what everything they've done in the West for the last twenty years led up to. The battle at Suld. Their goal was to banish the Goddess and eliminate the katzh-dashi from the race to find the Firestaff. That was alot more important than before, since they knew you'd managed to get the Book of Ages and nobody would dare come into the Desert of Swirling Sands to try to take it from you."
"Why not?"
"The Selani, father. Not even the ki'zadun are stupid or crazy enough to take on the Selani. That's one hornet's nest even they knew better than to stir up. Anyway, since you had the Book of Ages, banishing the Goddess seemed the best way to go about handling you. They knew that if they were successful, it would kill you and just about anyone else strong enough to cause them problems, and they could literally take the staff unopposed. But they probably never in their wildest dreams imagined they'd be facing what they faced in that battle," she said with a vicious smirk. "I doubt that facing people like the Ungardt, Selani, Wikuni, Vendari, Were-kin, Centaurs, Demons, Aeradalla, and Arakites was anything they even thought would come up in the wildest situation. I'll bet that Demoness that led them had a cow when she found out what she was facing," she added with a smug look. "And all that was you."
"Me? How was it me?"
"Simple, father. You're blood related to the Selani and the Wikuni, you're the grandson of an Ungardt clan king, you were a Druid and a Were-kin, and you were personal friends with the rulers of Yar Arak and the Aeradalla. That allowed you to ask all of those groups for help, and they obliged you because they knew how serious the situation was. I'll bet they didn't tell you that, did they?"
"No, not really."
"Well, I hope it doesn't give you a big head, but you're the sole reason Suld is still here," she told him calmly. "If not for you, the ki'zadun would have taken Suld, banished the Goddess, and they'd probably have the Firestaff right now."
Tarrin thought that she was stretching the truth a bit there, but he said nothing and let her continue.
"After they lost here, everything went downhill for the ki'zadun ," she said. "They probably threw almost everything into this attack. They even revealed themselves to the world, something they've never done before. It was a huge gamble, and truth be told, if not for you, it probably would have paid off. Anyway, since they lost here and got a huge chunk of their army killed, I guess they retreated to one of their most remote and defensible strongholds. Castle Keening, probably. That, or they withdrew all the way to Zakkar."
"Where is that?"
"It's on Valkar, right where it connects to southern Godan-Nyr," she answered. "A very long way off. It's the seat of power for the ki'zadun. Zakkar uses it as an underhanded army to try to rule the world, the same way their skyships try to rule the oceans."
"Isn't that a kingdom of magicians?"
"It more or less is," she affirmed. "But it's always been eclipsed by Sharadar. I think that really rankles their fur. No matter how powerful they get, Sharadar is always so much more powerful that they can slap them down with ease. I think you can say that everything else that goes on with the ki'zadun and such can always be traced back to that one rivalry. Half of what goes on in the world concerns the battle between Zakkar and Sharadar. They've been fighting a clandestine war for over five thousand years."
"Like two stags fighting in a cornfield. They have no idea what they're trampling."
"That's a pretty good description," she nodded. "They don't fight openly, because that would be a war like nothing since the Blood War. Sharadar virtually owns all of Arathorn, and Zakkar has influence over about half of Valkar and much of Godan-Nyr. If they declared open war, there'd be armies numbering in the millions clashing all over the southern continents. It would not be pretty," she concluded with a sniff.
"It certainly sounds a little scary," he said. "So, the ki'zadun was part of Zakkar?"
"One of many parts of Zakkar, father," she replied.
"Why did they want the Firestaff, anyway?"
"The same reason everyone else wants it, father, but with a slightly different idea in mind for its use. Everyone wants it to become a god. The ki'zadun and Zakkar want to get it to free the one they already have."
"I think I remember that part," he said. "Jesmind told me about it. That their god was trapped by some woman named Spyder."
"That's right. He was imprisoned in a statue as punishment, because he was the reason the Blood War happened in the first place. The Firestaff can give him the power to free himself from the statue and use his power in the world again."
"You mean even after he got imprisoned, his people didn't abandon him?"
"No, not really."
"Well, they're faithful to him. I guess you can't fault them for their devotion."
"I guess not," she chuckled.
"It's too bad they had to do it this way. I'm sure if they would have asked for help, someone would have tried to free him."
"I doubt it," she smiled. "That particular god has been nothing but trouble ever since he became one. He started the Blood War in an attempt to take over the world. If they freed him, he'd probably try to take over the world again."
"Oh. Well, if he's just going to do it again, I guess he's better off in god prison."
"God prison. That's a very funny concept," Jula said with a little laugh.
"It all sounds a little too much to believe," he admitted.
"I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't seen so much of it," she said with a smile. She sniffed at the air a moment, then her ears laid back a little. "I'm going to go cut that girl's nose off," she growled.
"Who?"
"That Sha'Kar girl that's been following you around."
"She's here?"
"She's behind us," she answered, glancing back over her shoulder. "Probably around that last bend."
"She's not going to give up easy, Jula," Tarrin sighed.
"She will if I go back there and fix her."
Tarrin wasn't sure what that meant, and something told him he didn't want to know. "Just leave her alone, Jula. She'll give up once she finds someone more interesting. It's too bad really, because I really like her. I miss running around with her and Dar. She's alot of fun to be with."
"I really don't understand why you're avoiding her, Tarrin," she said. "If all she wants is a roll in the sheets, give it to her. That would probably make her go away alot faster that all this avoiding her."
"I'm really not sure why I'm avoiding her so much," he admitted. "Something just tells me that getting involved with her would be a very bad idea."
"Don't you like her?" she asked pointedly.
"I think that's the problem," he said honestly. "I like her too much."
"She is pretty," Jula admitted. "And all those Sha'Kar have those to-die-for bodies. Afraid getting into a relationship with her is going to influence your choice?"
He blinked. "You know, I think that may be one of the reasons," he said with a nod. "If I had an affair with Auli, I think it would make me want to stay human."
"It's not like you're looking at a desert on this side, father," Jula laughed. "Jesmind and Kimmie are probably going to fight over who gets to keep you."
"I know. But what's on your plate is more on your mind that what's in the pot, you know." He threw the heavy braid back over his shoulder. "And besides, all Auli wants is a fun time. I'd want something more permanent, and doing what she wants to do would really make me want something permanent."
"Those rural morals," Jula chuckled. "Sometimes I'm surprised you far-flung villagers manage to have any children at all."
"Girls just don't throw themselves into boys' beds back home," he agreed with a nod.
"But you have to admit it, father. She wouldn't be dragging you kicking and screaming into that bed."
"No, she wouldn't," he admitted with a sigh. "Every time she gets close to me, half of me is thinking about getting away, but the other half is hoping I won't. If she managed to trap me, I don't think I'd put up much of a fight."
"Want to get rid of her?" Jula asked with a smile.
"I don't want to be mean to her or make her mad, Jula," he cautioned. "She is my friend. I'm hoping after she loses interest in me, we can be friends again."
"I promise, she won't hate you afterwards, father," she smiled. "If you want to really get rid of her, then let her trap you."
"What?"
"Let her trap you somewhere, give in to her advances, and then do everything wrong."
"What do you mean?"
"Be a total disaster in bed," she said with a twinkle in her eye. "Do everything wrong, and make it a complete chore for her to make love with you. It won't matter how eager you are afterwards. She'll avoid having you back in her bed like you were carrying the plague. You should try to get her back in bed yourself a few times after that, until she gives you the immortal 'let's be friends' speech. Then you agree, and you're friends again. And she won't even think of seducing you again."
Tarrin thought that over, then he laughed heartily. "Jula, that's wicked! It's funny, but it's totally evil!"
"You just have to approach these kinds of problems the right way, father, and they can solve themselves."
"How do I know if I'm doing it wrong, though?"
She looked at him. "I forgot, like this, you're mentally a virgin. If it won't offend you too much, I can tell you what to do to make sure Auli never tries to seduce you again. But I warn you, it's going to be graphic."
"It can't be any worse than some of the things Triana and Jesmind have said to me," he said calmly.
"Probably not," she chuckled in reply. "And remember, I'll be teaching you the wrong way. I don't want to hear your next girlfriend complaining, understand?"
He laughed, and to his surprise, he didn't feel embarassed at all. "You can explain it, and if I find myself pinned by Auli, I'll try it your way," he told her.
"It's the least I can do, father," she said with a gentle smile, as they turned the corner on the border of the hedge maze. They walked along the path with patches of beautiful multicolored flowers on one side and the hedge wall on the other, and Jula began teaching Tarrin how to get rid of Auli.
Neither was aware of the eyes following them.
Tarrin felt rather reassured after his talk with Jula. He'd gotten to know her alot better, and she actually had quite good advice when it came to dealing with Auli. He thought that she had quite a good idea there with acting the dunce. It probably would make Auli lose interest in him faster than anything else. He just hoped he'd have presence of mind to try to do it.
He spent the rest of the afternoon with Jasana in her apartments, and though Tarrin had a good time, he wasn't so sure about Jesmind. She was there, and she kept staring at him in a way that made him uncomfortable. She wouldn't really talk to him outside of noncommittal grunts or dismissive looks, and he had no idea what was bothering her. But something obviously was, and he reminded himself several times over the afternoon that technically he was still angry with Jesmind, so he didn't want to try to find out. Showing too much interest in her mood may make her think he was making a peace offering.
After a very pleasant day, he and Dar went down and got some dinner, and ended up wandering around the grounds aimlessly and talking. He told him about much of what he discussed with Jula, including touching on her idea to make Auli go away. Dar found the subject to be quite interesting, and thought Jula's idea was both amusing and possibly workable.
"I'm glad I finally heard Jula's story," he said as they walked around the hedge maze. "She won't talk to anyone, so she's been a real big mystery here in the Tower."
"Why would anyone want to know things like that?"
"Only a very few people here trust her, Tarrin," Dar told him. "If she wasn't in Jenna's favor, they'd probably run her off. They remember that she betrayed the Goddess, and many of the katzh-dashi feel that that's an unforgivable offense."
"I trust her."
"You didn't at first," he said mildly.
"But she's my daughter."
"That had nothing to do with it," he replied. "You watched over her as a daughter, but you didn't trust her. I didn't think even you could forget who she was and what she did, but you surprised me. After the battle, I realized that you'd completely accepted her. I was happy for that. Jula was a very lonely woman, even among the other Were-cats. The Sorcerers couldn't forgive her, the Were-cats wouldn't forgive her, and she was stuck with both groups. I really felt sorry for her."
"Didn't you try to talk to her?"
"I did, but she wouldn't talk to anyone," he sighed. "Only you. From what I hear, now she's been accepted by Jesmind and Jasana, so at least she had someone to talk to while we were gone."
"Well, she's not alone anymore, so I guess things all worked out," Tarrin shrugged.
"Ugh, I'm a mess," Dar grunted, scrubbing his hair with his hands. "Let's go take a bath."
"Sure."
The baths weren't very busy, since it was sunset and people had better things to do. There were only a few Sorcerers and servants using the baths, and since it was after hours, there were no Novices to hand out towels or clean up the bathing chamber. When there were no attendants, towels were stacked on a large shelf near the stairs, and the two of them helped themselves to towels and moved towards the closest available benches.
"What do you do every day, Dar?" Tarrin asked, finally remembering to do so."
"Well, right now, I've been working with the Lorefinders," he answered. "Since I can read Sha'Kar. I've been working with them and a few of the Sha'Kar to teach them the language."
"What do all the other Sorcerers do all the time?" he asked. "I don't really see what they do all day."
Dar laughed. "Believe it or not, not a whole lot," he replied. "Being a katzh-dashi isn't a very strenuous occupation. Most of them spend most of their time studying Sorcery or history. Being katzh-dashi is about learning things, and that's what most of us concentrate on. There are some who like to go out in the field and gather information, or search for new Novices, and some have just started concentrating on Sorcery used in combat. They call themselves the Swords of the Goddess," he said with a roll of his eyes. "I think they just like blowing things up."
Tarrin laughed, then handed Dar the soap. "What, don't all the Sorcerers learn battle magic?"
"Of course they do," he nodded. "That's what makes all this talk of War Sorcery such nonsense. Like I said, I think they just like marching around and looking important, and exploding targets in some vain attempt to impress people."
"Who knows, maybe they'll actually be useful," Tarrin speculated.
"Maybe as the ones crazy enough to go first," Dar snorted. "Those kinds of nuts can have it."
"If that's what they want, who are we to gainsay them?"
"I have better things to do with my life than throw it away like that," Dar grunted.
"Have you seen Tiella?"
He nodded. "She's out of the Initiate. She decided to stay with the katzh-dashi, so she's in indoctrination."
"What's that?"
"The period between being an Initiate and a full katzh-dashi," he answered. "Where you learn about the politics of the Tower and the customs and such, and where they teach the kind of Sorcery that they don't want the freelancers to know. The Initiate concentrates on magic, and since you don't have to join the order after finishing the Initiate, they don't teach those things there. They save that and the really advanced magic or dangerous magic for those they can keep an eye on."
"What kind of magic?"
"Almost all the Mind magic," he said as he washed the soap off himself. "They don't teach Mind weaves to people that may go out and use them on people to get rich or control people. The only Mind magic they teach in the Initiate is mostly how to defend against it and how to recognize mind-affecting magic used by the Priests and Wizards."
"I guess that's a good idea," Tarrin shrugged. "What else do they teach in indoctrination?"
"Healing," he said. "Anything that takes four or more spheres too. The Initiate is about teaching Sorcerers enough not to get themselves killed. They save the advanced magic for those who are willing to devote their lives to its study."
"Don't they teach-what do they call it-oh, Circling in the Initiate?"
"They do, because what harm can it do?" he asked in reply. "You can only Circle with other Sorcerers, and they're not likely to find others out in the world. There are few enough as it is, and those that leave after the Initiate often don't advertise the fact that they're Sorcerers. Most of the world still blames us for the Breaking, so it's never healthy to advertise the fact that you're a Sorcerer."
"I guess not. How have the other Sorcerers handled the Sha'Kar?"
"Pretty well, actually," he said with a chuckle. "All the humans are falling all over themselves to learn Sha'Kar as fast as they can. All the Sha'Kar are a bit overwhelmed by all the attention they're getting."
Tarrin pulled the braid over his shoulder and untied the thong. It had been a while since he'd taken it out and washed all his hair. He'd been considering cutting the thing off. It was very heavy and it pulled at the back of his head uncomfortably, and when it was wet it gave him a headache with its weight. He wasn't sure why he hadn't done it yet. Maybe because it was the only thing he had outside the brands that reminded him of everything he'd forgotten. Without it, it would be easy to pretend that it had only been a few rides since he left home, instead of two years and more. "Think about it, Dar. How would you feel if living legends suddenly showed up at your doorstep?"
"I guess travelling with you numbed me to that kind of thing," he chuckled. "I'm used to outrageous things now." He dunked himself under the water's surface, and then came up and slicked his black hair back from his face. "I need a haircut."
"I need one more," he said, waggling the end of his long, long hair at Dar.
"If you cut that off, people would scream," Dar smiled. "You tried once before, but it lasted about a day. Kimmie gave you one offhanded remark, and you regrew your hair by suppertime."
"You make it sound like they controlled me," he noted.
"Not in the slightest, but Kimmie and Jesmind could make you do things when nobody else could," he amended. "Because you loved them. That let them get away with more than anyone else could have possibly gotten away with."
"As long as I wasn't henpecked," he laughed.
"Well, I'm getting waterlogged here, so I think I'm going to get out and dry off," he said. "And I have some work to finish. You don't mind, do you?"
"No, go ahead," he said. "I want to finish washing this, then I'll probably go spend the rest of the night with Jasana."
Dar climbed out of the pool, and Tarrin bent to the considerable task of washing the entirety of his hair. He debated again whether or not he should cut it off the whole time he was washing it. Scrubbing hair longer than the height of a small child is a time-consuming task, and the population of the bathing pool completely changed, then slowly dwindled as Tarrin scrubbed from the roots of his hair to the very tips, having to gather up the long locks and keep them out of the pool to lather them. It seemed a ridiculously boring chore, and he had all but decided that maybe something of a trim would be in order tomorrow. Maybe not take all of it off, but he wouldn't mind losing about half its length. It would be much lighter, alot less inconvenient, and it would probably stop the headaches. He didn't mind the idea of having a braid, but it was just that it was so long and so heavy. If it was neither of those things, he probably wouldn't mind it at all.
Finally finishing, he waded towards the cooler, slightly shallower end where the stone steps leading out of the pool were located, sat down on them, and bent to the task of rebraiding his hair. It took him nearly a half an hour, mainly because he wasn't very good at doing it to himself. He'd braided his mother's hair many times, but it was alot different when he couldn't see what he was doing. He had to take the braid out and rebraid it three times when he realized that it was all uneven and probably looked like a big knot at the base of his neck. If he had to have it, he was determined that it wasn't going to look unkempt.
At long last, he was done. He retied the leather thong at the base of his braid to cinch it, and instead of getting out, he decided to go down towards the hot end and enjoy it a few minutes before leaving. Most of the bathing he'd done was in cold water, and that didn't tend to make him want to linger for very long. The hot baths he took at home didn't stay hot for very long in the winter, and in the summer a hot bath was the last thing anyone wanted. Aldreth and Sulasia lay in a temperate zone, where the winters could be very cold and the summers very hot.
The only problem he could see was the depth of the water. It only came up to his stomach, and he had to bend his knees to let the water come up to his chin. That, and he felt the strange desire to lay down in the water, to simply relax and let the water's heat soak into him. There really was no way to lay in the water other than to swim, and that seemed like too much exertion to him at the moment. Despite that disappointment, he found the water quite relaxing, and he was content to sort of float there with his feet on the bottom of the pool but not supporting his weight, half-floating, half-standing with the water lapping at his ears and its heat surrounding him in a most pleasing manner.
He was so relaxed, he didn't realize that someone was pulling on his hair until there was enough force behind it to move him. Someone had a firm grip on his braid, and that grip was pulling him. He opened his eyes, and to his shock, found himself staring up into the amused, hungry eyes of Auli.
He rose to his feet so quickly that the water erupted around him, but Auli had a very firm hold on his braid, and her grip on it pulled his head up short. His head was yanked to the side painfully as he rose up over her, a mixture of surprise and shock and a little embarassment over being taken so completely by surprise showing on his face as he grabbed his braid with his free hand and yanked it free. Auli was nude, and there was a look of smug victory in her eyes as she moved towards him. Tarrin's eyes moved to and fro, and he realized that he and Auli were the only ones in the baths. There would be no others to put her off this time. She had truly caught him alone. "Hello, Tarrin," she purred as she reached out and put her hands on his chest. "I've been waiting a very long time to get you alone."
Tarrin recoiled from her, not quite sure why he was doing so. He liked Auli, he was attracted to Auli, and part of him wanted Auli. But something else was there, and it told him that getting involved with Auli would be a very bad idea, and at the moment, that part of him was in charge. "A-Auli," he stammered, backing away from her. His attempt to retreat was met with her advancing, and the water slowed him as she was pulled along in his wake. "I told you to leave me alone. I don't want to-"
"Of course you do," she said with bright eyes, keeping her hand on his upper chest. "You just don't want to admit it."
Tarrin kept backing up, but he ran out of pool. His back and shoulders hit the high edge of the pool painfully, and in a blink she was against him, wrapping her arms around him, even hooking one of his legs with her own, locking him in place. Thought became hard when she pressed up against him, when he could feel her body pressing against his, feel all those things he'd been dreaming about touching him in the most intimate ways.
With a hungry look, she leaned completely forward and kissed him with the same passion and exuberance that he remembered from before, a kiss that caused what little thought he had to scatter and quite effectively subdued all those nagging warnings that were still trying to run through his mind. So close to her, with her naked body pressing against his, with her kissing him, no amount of objection was going to pierce the powerful sensations her kiss and her touch had evoked in him. All of Jula's advice was completely forgotten, scoured away by the power of Auli's kiss.
He knew beyond any doubt that Auli had won when she grabbed his wrist and ever-so-sensually set his hand on her backside, and he did not move it away after she removed her hand. But even that realization was drowned by her as she overpowered him with the raw energy of her touch and her kiss, and he found himself surrendering to her willingly, eagerly, wanting to accept the delights that she offered. The thought that they were in a public place, that almost anyone could come down those stairs and catch them making love in the bathing pool, that Jesmind was going to try to kill her when she found out, and then she was going to kill him, that this was a terribly bad idea, all of them were wiped away, and there was nothing left but the desire to finally experience what part of him had imagined and fantasized over the days.
To give in to Auli and let her do whatever she wanted.
It was both everything he imagined, and everything he feared it would be.
Tarrin didn't feel quite so good about it in the morning, after Auli was gone. She had taken him in that bathing pool, and if that wasn't enough of a blow to his pride, she had convinced him to take her back to his room, where she was about ten times as aggressive and almost shocking in her behavior. He never imagined a girl could act like that. She had been-even thinking about it was both wildly exciting and somewhat unsettling. He had been overwhelmed by her raw sensuality, her overpowering feminity at first, but it was nothing but his own weak will that had caused him to bring her back to his room afterwards, when he had a chance to think rationally. He had wanted to make love to her, and there was no way to excuse it. Despite all his bad feelings about it, he had thrown all of them aside and abandoned himself to the moment.
Despite beating himself over the head for his own shortcomings, he had to admit the fact that it had been very enjoyable. Auli was a very aggressive girl, but she had never once forgotten his needs or wants. She had been exquisite, and just thinking about her, about holding her nude body, about finally being able to touch all those places only his eyes had enjoyed before, it was almost intoxicating. Auli was so beautiful, so sensual, so free with herself, and so fearless, even in bed, to make love with her was almost like satisfying one's deepest fantasies and desires. It had been nothing like he had imagined it would be.
And that was one of the dangers he could comprehend. Just as he feared, the night with Auli made him want to have more of them, and that was going to upset all his plans for making an unbiased choice. Not unless he backed off, tried to forget about her, and moved on. Auli had had her conquest, and he decided that that had better satisfy her curiosity. He'd give her her victory this time, but there couldn't be a next time. If there was, he was going to fall more and more under her spell, and he knew that that would be a very short road. Auli didn't love him. He was pretty sure that she didn't really care too much about him. He was nothing but a toy to her, a thing, a conquest. And when she was bored with him, she would throw him away, regardless of how his feelings for her may evolve. And she was definitely the kind of woman a man could find feelings for, despite knowing exactly what kind of woman she was.
It wasn't that Auli was cruel or evil, it was simply that she didn't understand. She didn't understand what kind of an effect she had on human men, men not raised in the same society in which she had been raised. Tarrin would gain feelings for Auli if he slept with her enough times, and he knew he would. He knew himself enough to understand that, because Auli was already a very good friend. He liked her. And if she kept seducing him, kept getting intimate with him, he would invariably make that leap and decide that he loved her. Auli, on the other hand, thought everyone would be like her, and that making love was something fun, something enjoyable, and something to be done with anyone she fancied. That was all it was to her, a fun night of pleasure. That it had any kind of lingering emotional attachments was a completely alien concept to her. Tarrin equated sex with love in his mind, where Auli didn't. It was a clash of culture, and it was going to cause him some serious problems if he didn't put a stop to it quickly.
A flash of memory, an echo of the past, a beautiful woman with flaming red hair… and bat-like wings. Something about her was similar to this, to Auli, but he couldn't remember anything more than that.
In any case, he was certain that he'd better stay away from her. What she could do to him was nothing compared to what Jesmind or Kimmie might do to her if they found out what happened last night. Auli just didn't understand that he was staying away from her as much to protect her as it was about him not wanting to get involved with her. Jesmind especially showed a great deal of possessiveness over him, almost jealousy, and she was alot more hot-tempered than Kimmie. If Jesmind knew that Auli had seduced him, she'd march off, find the girl, and turn her inside out. Literally. He was sure of that. So he had to keep what happened secret.
The first step to doing that was to get her scent off of him. He'd had enough experience with the Were-cats to know that that would give him away faster than anything else. Auli's scent had to be absolutely all over him, and probably permeated the entire room as well. He had to get it scrubbed off of him, and if at all possible, change the linens on the bed and turn over the mattress after soaking it in something like vinegar, something to either cover or destroy the scent of Auli.
He moved quickly, knowing that any of the Were-cats may show up at his door any moment. In their unpredictability they were predictable. He threw open the windows and stripped the bed of its linens, then dressed in the same clothes he wore the day before and rushed down to the kitchens for some vinegar. He realized about halfway into his boots that using vinegar wouldn't work, he'd need something to completely pull out the scent. Fortunately, just such an agent happened to be next door, and at least from Dar he could expect the secret to be kept.
It took a few knocks to get him to open the door, and he looked half asleep when he did. His black hair was dishevelled and sticking up in all directions, and his eyes were sunken into his head in a very odd manner. "What's the matter with you?"
"I have a hangover, but I can't for the life of me remember drinking anything," he answered blearily.
Tarrin's suspicions went wild immediately. "Did you happen to meet Auli last night, Dar?"
"Yeah, as I was leaving the baths. She gave me-she didn't!"
"I'd say she did," Tarrin nodded grimly.
"That little-just wait til I get my hands on her!" he said angrily. "She drugged me!"
"That's not half of what she did to me last night," he admitted.
"She caught you, didn't she?"
A bit contritely, he nodded. "I never had a chance. She caught me in the baths. I had nowhere to go."
"You could have said no, you know."
"Look me in the eyes and say that again, Dar," he said seriously. "I don't think there's a man in the Tower that could say no to Auli when she's all up against you like she was me. I mean she had me dead to rights, Dar. Alone and naked in the baths, and she managed to sneak up to where she got a hold of me before I realized she was there. I couldn't have said no in that situation."
"I guess not," he sighed. "Is that what you wanted to tell me?"
"No, actually, I need your help," he said. "She managed to get me to bring her back to my room, and I need to purge her scent out of it before one of the Were-cats finds it. If Jesmind finds out about this, she'll kill Auli, so I need to get this done before Jesmind comes around."
"I don't really know how to do that, but Kerri does," he answered. "Don't worry, Tarrin, Kerri can keep a secret. Let me wake her up, as soon as I find my amulet."
Though Tarrin could tell that Dar was a little amused by the situation, he took it seriously enough. So did Keritanima, to his surprise. After waking her up by calling to her using the amulet, she rushed down to his room wearing nothing but a nightrobe, with Binter ambling along behind her, an eternal presence. Wherever Keritanima was, one of the Vendari was as well. "Alright, now what's so important that you'd wake me up at the crack of dawn, Dar?" she demanded as she shuffled off the staircase and towards them.
Rather abashedly, Tarrin explained what had happened, which made her laugh. "Is that all? Good grief, Tarrin, you take these things too seriously. It's not like Auli's going to marry you. You didn't have to wake me up to tell me that."
"Jesmind's already threatened to kill her, Kerri," he explained. "That's one of the reasons why I was trying to stay away from her. If Jesmind finds out, she'll go after Auli, so I need your help destroying the evidence."
"In here, eh?" she nodded with her muzzle, then she opened the door to his room and put her head in. She then chuckled humorlessly. "Oh, Auli was in here all right, and it's obvious you and her were rattling the headboard. I can smell it from here."
"Kerri," Tarrin said in protest, his cheeks flushing slightly.
"You were alot more fun as a Were-cat, Tarrin," she teased with a toothy grin. "Alright, I'll take care of this, but I can smell Auli all over you. Take some clean clothes down to the baths and scrub every finger of skin you have with soap twice, and wash your hair at least three times. Auli's sweat is all over you, and that kind of a scent is very hard to wash off."
"I was getting ready to do that," he assured her.
"Well, Tarrin, was it any good?" she asked shamelessly.
"Kerri!"
"It's alright, Tarrin, I'm a married woman," she said wickedly. "I'm allowed to talk about these kinds of things now."
"Well, I'm not a married woman, so I'm not going to talk about it," he said adamantly.
She looked at him and laughed, then patted him on the shoulder. "Go get cleaned up, and I'll help you cover this up," she winked. "But you owe me a big one."
He didn't really answer that, taking a clean change of clothes down to the baths and getting to work. He nearly scrubbed himself raw with soap as he labored to get Auli's smell off of him, and he had to hurry. There was no telling when Jesmind or Kimmie was going to come looking for him, if they weren't watching him already-
That brought him up short. If Jesmind had been watching him last night, then she may already know about him and Auli. If that was the case, then she may already be on the warpath. But he hadn't heard anything about it yet, so there was a chance that it hadn't happened. Or at least hadn't happened yet. There was no screaming in the hallways, none of the other bathers were talking about any kind of fighting last night, so he was a little encouraged that she'd not been tailing him last night.
He went back to it, spending nearly an hour washing Auli's scent off of him, and then laboriously scrubbing his hair for a second time in so many days. He was waterlogged by the time he climbed out, and his skin was decidedly pink from the brisk scrubbing, but he was relatively certain that he'd gotten all of it. That knowledge made him relax a little. If Keritanima did her part, any scent evidence left in his room had been wiped away, and now there was nothing but him, Auli, Dar, and Keritanima to say anything about it. He knew that Dar and Kerri wouldn't say anything, and he certainly wouldn't. He just hoped that Auli had the sense to keep her mouth shut. He'd have to find her, to talk to her and tell her that her life very well may depend on her keeping what happened last night to herself.
He dressed in the clean clothes he'd brought with him and carefully wrapped the dirty ones so he could minimize their contact with him, then wrapped them in a towel and put them under his arm. He was pretty sure that he'd gotten everything, and that made him feel quite a bit better. He started back to his room feeling quite relieved about the whole thing. If Keritanima finished, then all that would be left would be the clothes under his arm, and that would be easy enough to attend. He'd burn them if nothing else. He hurried back to his room, confident that everything was going to work out alright-
And found Jesmind standing in the doorway. And she did not look happy. Her beautiful face was very tight, very flat, and her eyes were very narrow as she glowered into the hallway. Those eyes locked on him, and she moved towards him at a fast walk that made him realize that she'd break out into a run and chase him down if he tried to get away from her. And that would only make her angrier. She stalked up to him, and he felt honest fear of her as she looked the slight difference in their heights down at him with that same flat, angry expression. He swallowed reflexively as he backed into the wall behind him, out of room, and then flinched when her open hand slammed into the wall just beside his head. The other hand snatched the towel-wrapped bundle from his hands and threw it aside.
"I leave you alone for one night," she hissed at him, "I decide that I can trust you by yourself for one night, and this is what happens!"
Tarrin's fear of Jesmind was suddenly displaced by indignation and not a little anger. "I'm not your child, Jesmind," he said in a level tone. "I didn't want it to happen, but it did. Even if I'd wanted it or not, what I do is none of your business."
"You'd better believe that it's my business!" she suddenly raged at him, making his flinch as drops of that dangerous spittle flew from her mouth, nearly landing on his face. "You are my mate, Tarrin! Even if you are human, you're still mine! Mine, do you hear? You're not free to go sleep around with anyone until I let you go!" She slammed her other hand into the wall on the other side of his head, trapping him, but he did not flinch. He looked up at her with steady nerve, the calm taught to him by his parents when facing an enemy. Never show fear, they had both taught him. Fear is a good emotion, but not when someone you're facing knows you're afraid. "I just want to know one thing," she growled in a very inhuman voice. "Did she come after you, or did you go after her?"
"I'm not going to answer that," he said in as steady a voice as he could manage. "Because no matter what I say, it won't matter to you. You've already made up your mind."
Jesmind laid her ears back, and her eyes suddenly went from their normal state to glowing all green. It was quite an unnerving sight to see, especially when those eyes were barely a nose's length from his own. "You're right," she hissed. And then she recoiled from him and dashed down the hallway.
"Jesmind!" Tarrin called in surprise and worry. He knew exactly what she was doing. She was going to go hunt down Auli. And when she found her, she was going to try to kill her.
Knowing that there was nothing he could do to stop her, he instead ran to his room. Dar and Keritanima weren't there, and the room was a disaster. The bed had been completely destroyed, furniture smashed, sheets torn apart, even the art on the walls destroyed. Jesmind must have come in and discovered the truth, and then ripped the room apart in her anger.
Good Goddess! Auli! As furious as she was, Jesmind was really going to do it, she would really try to kill Auli, no matter who saw her or what stood in her way!
Tarrin couldn't stop her, but he could warn someone and try to get word to the Sha'Kar. The Sha'Kar could handle Jesmind, they could stop her and hopefully not hurt her. He just needed to find a Sorcerer.
He knew exactly where to go. He ran down the hall, down to the end, where Dolanna's door was, and then banged on it feverishly. "Dolanna!" he shouted, then he realized she wasn't there. If Jesmind tore his room apart, she was bound to make a whole lot of noise, and that would have alerted everyone in the area. It was why he hadn't met anyone in the halls coming back to his room. They'd cleared the halls because they knew that Jesmind was being violent. Or at least he really, really hoped so.
If he couldn't find Dolanna, then he needed to find someone else, anyone else. He scrambled down the hall and down the stairs, thinking that his best bet was the kitchens. Someone would be there to get word to Jenna and the Sha'Kar and warn them that Jesmind was coming. He ran down the circular staircase so fast he nearly fell twice, and he did fall when he came around the steps and out into the hall and slammed headlong into the scaly back of Binter. Tarrin wasn't heavy enough to even budge the massive Vendari, and he ended up bouncing off of him and nearly tumbling down the stairs behind, had Binter's huge clawed hand not reached down and grabbed him by the leg.
"Tarrin!" Keritanima called in concern, rushing over and kneeling by him. "Are you alright?"
"Kerri, we have to get word to Jenna!" he said. "Jesmind's out of control!"
"It's already taken care of," she said with a reassuring smile. "Triana just got back a little while ago, and she's going to intercept Jesmind before she can do any harm."
"You're sure about that?"
Keritanima grinned. "Nobody can get past Triana, Tarrin. Trust me on that one."
"That's a relief," he said with a sigh as Binter helped him to his feet. "Did she hurt you? Where's Dar?"
"Dar's gone to tell the Keeper what happened," she answered. "I figured you'd come this way, so we waited here for you."
"What happened?"
"She showed up while I was purging the smell from your room," she shrugged. "She realized what happened, and about that time she had a hissy fit. Started throwing furniture around and cursing alot. About that time, Binter decided that it was time for me to withdraw," she said acidly at the Vendari.
"I was not going to let you stay in danger, your Majesty," he said calmly. "And Jesmind is family to your brother, so I was not going to stop her. Out of respect for him."
"I could have handled her, Binter," she accused. "If you hadn't have grabbed me like a doll and slung me over you shoulder, I could have stopped her from tearing Tarrin's room up."
"I have seen Were-cats fight against Sorcery before," he said, nonplussed. "I do not take chances with your life, Majesty."
"Someday you and I are going to renegotiate this little agreement, Binter," she said in a steely tone.
"You are free to try, Majesty, but our oaths to you are very clear. You are our child, and we will not let you come to harm."
"Dar and Dolanna went to go warn the Keeper, and they told us that Triana was back on the grounds, and that she'd take care of Jesmind. That's a good thing. As mad as Jesmind is at the moment, I don't think most of the Sorcerers could manage her."
"Exactly why I removed you from her presence."
"Oh, shut up," she snapped at the Vendari.
Tarrin was a little worried, and not a little embarassed. All this madness was his fault, be it directly or indirectly. And what was worse, everyone in the Tower was going to find out that he and Auli had slept together. Auli probably wouldn't care at all, but Tarrin did. Such a rumor could completely destroy one's reputation back in Aldreth, be it a boy or a girl. "Great," he sighed. "This was the last thing I needed.
"You just never seem to catch a break, brother," she chuckled. "Come on, let me take you down to the kitchens and we can get something to eat. Something tells me we're both going to need all our energy today."
"I think you're dead on, Kerri," he agreed as she took his hand in her own, and he paused to feel how soft yet rough it was, and how silky the black fur on her hand was. Just like a fox, her hands and feet had black fur on them. Her coloring was totally faithful to the animal she resembled.
Things were going to get very unpleasant. He just knew it. And the least of it was how all this made him feel. He was very angry with Jesmind for her words, making it sound like he was nothing but her possession. He had his own life, and damnit, he'd been trying to be as objective as possible. But maybe that was the problem with her. Jesmind had absolutely decided that he was going to be a Were-cat again, and him fooling around with Auli was a very direct threat to that future. He could see that now, and he could understand why it made her so furious. If Tarrin got involved with Auli, Jesmind was afraid that the relationship would make him want to stay human. It was the exact same thing he'd thought himself, so it was no stretch to think that Jesmind had reached the same conclusion. The others talked about how tempermental Jesmind was, but most of them didn't understand how intelligent she was, either. She was alot smarter than most of the others thought she was.
That knowledge was going to cause him no end of problems, he was sure of it. The next time he saw Jesmind, he could foresee quite a shouting match.
To: Title EoF