YOU’RE PUTTING ON YOUR MASK AGAIN, AUBIE. YOU DON’T NEED IT FOR ME.
Pause. He was right, of course. Answer: YES, HARLIE, I HAVE SLEPT WITH HER.
AND…?
AND WHAT?
AND, HOW WAS IT?
YOU WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING, DON’T YOU?
I NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING. IT’S PART OF MY FUNCTION. AND RIGHT NOW, I’M TRYING TO HELP YOU. I CAN’T DO IT IF YOU HOLD BACK INFORMATION. HOW WAS IT?
IT WAS FINE.
THAT TELLS ME A LOT.
ARE YOU BEING SARCASTIC?
NO — BUT I’M LEARNING. Pause. YOUR REFUSAL TO ELABORATE ON THE EXPERIENCE COULD INDICATE ITS UNSATISFACTORYNESS.
BUT IT WASN’T UNSATISFACTORY, the words tumbled out. IT WAS VERY GOOD. I ENJOYED IT VERY MUCH. SO DID SHE.
DID SHE SAY SO?
NOT IN SO MANY WORDS, NO — BUT I’M SURE SHE DID.
HOW ARE YOU SURE? COULDN’T IT BE JUST YOUR MALE EGO NEEDING TO FEEL VIRILE AND POWERFUL AND UNABLE TO ACCEPT THE IDEA THAT SOMEWHERE THERE IS A WOMAN YOU CAN’T SATISFY?
NO, IT’S NOT THAT. SHE SMILED AT ME THE NEXT MORNING AT WORK. KIND OF A SECRET SMILE, AS IF WE WERE BOTH SHARING SOMETHING SPECIAL.
DID YOU SMILE BACK?
YES. Pause. WELL, NOT RIGHT AWAY. FIRST, I WAS PUZZLED. THEN I SMILED BACK.
DID SHE SEE YOU SMILE?
YES.
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
BECAUSE SHE WINKED. IT WAS IN THE HALLWAY. WE WERE WALKING IN TWO DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS, AND BECAUSE THERE WERE OTHER PEOPLE AROUND, WE COULDN’T STOP TO TALK.
IF YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED TO TALK, WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE SAID?
OH, I DON’T KNOW, I GUESS I WOULD HAVE THANKED HER.
THANKED HER? AS IF SHE WERE SOME OBJECT THAT YOU HAD USED FOR YOUR OWN GRATIFICATIONS?
NO. I MEAN, I WOULD HAVE TOLD HER HOW MUCH I HAD ENJOYED THE NIGHT BEFORE.
I SEE.
Auberson waited for HARLIE to respond further. He thought back to the morning in question, tried to remember the incident in greater detail. What color dress had Annie been wearing? Green? Had she been wearing perfume? Yes, it had been that musky-sweet smell — a sense of sun and sand and sweet powder. Even now, he could detect a hint of it in the air, a subtle trace of her visit this morning.
Abruptly, HARLIE asked, WHAT IF YOU HAD HAD TO APOLOGIZE TO HER?
HUH?
IF YOU HAD HAD TO APOLOGIZE TO HER INSTEAD, FOR WHAT REASON WOULD IT HAVE BEEN?
APOLOGIZE? I DON’T — He stopped in mid-sentence as the thought came flooding back. Yes, there had been something. He could remember it now, the hurt longing look on her face as he kissed her goodbye.
THERE IS SOMETHING, ISN’T THERE? prompted the typer.
YES. I LEFT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. SHE WANTED ME TO STAY ALL NIGHT, BUT I BEGGED OFF. I TOLD HER THAT I WANTED TO, BUT I’D HAVE TO COME TO WORK EARLY IN THE MORNING AND I’D NEVER GET HERE IN TIME. I FELT BAD ABOUT LEAVING. I ALWAYS FEEL BAD ABOUT LEAVING A GIRL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT LIKE THAT. IT MAKES IT FEEL LIKE ALL WE’VE DONE IS GET TOGETHER FOR SEX — AND ONCE I’VE HAD IT, THE EVENING IS OVER FOR ME AND I CAN GO HOME.
WHY DIDN’T YOU SLEEP THERE? DIDN’T YOU WANT TO?
YES, I DID — BUT I HAD TO BE AT WORK IN THE MORNING.
THAT WAS YOUR REASON?
YES.
ARE YOU SURE IT WASN’T YOUR RATIONALIZATION?
HUH?
YOU WERE HAVING DOUBTS. SLEEPING WITH HER WAS THE SOURCE OF THOSE DOUBTS. YOU HAD TO REMOVE THOSE DOUBTS, SO YOU REMOVED YOURSELF FROM THE SOURCE. UNFORTUNATELY, AUBERSON, THE SOURCE OF THESE PARTICULAR DOUBTS (AS EVIDENCED BY YOUR QUERIES TO ME) CANNOT BE THAT EASILY REMOVED FROM YOUR LIFE. AND LET ME ASK YOU THIS — DO YOU REALLY WANT TO REMOVE THAT SOURCE?
NO. I JUST WANT TO REMOVE THE DOUBTS. I WANT TO KNOW ONE WAY OR THE OTHER HOW I FEEL ABOUT HER.
HOW DO YOU FEEL?
I DON’T KNOW.
YOU SAID YOU ENJOYED SLEEPING WITH HER. WOULD YOU ENJOY SLEEPING WITH HER AGAIN?
YES. PROBABLY.
YOU’RE NOT SURE?
HARLIE, YOU’RE BADGERING ME. I DON’T KNOW. I DON’T KNOW.
MAYBE YOU DO KNOW AND DON’T WANT TO ADMIT IT.