Holly stared at him. He still had the same ginger hair and chubby fingers, but he sort of looked different this time. Less fuzzy. And instead of the white garb, he was wearing a regular pair of Levi’s and a multicolored shirt, while in his hands were several familiar looking bags. Had he been shopping?
“What are you doing here?”
“I’ve come down to give you your mid-manual purging analysis, of course. Honestly Miss Evans, you could’ve at least brought the rulebook with you for a bit of light reading. Then you might be able to follow the state of play a bit better. It’s standard procedure.”
“My mid-manual purging? You’ve got to be joking.”
“I don’t think he’s joking,” Vince commented.
Dr. Hill pushed his two red eyebrows together in surprise. “Why would I come all the way down here to joke?”
“See.” Vince grinned.
“Same reason you’ve come down here to go shopping?” Holly pointed out.
“Oh.” His face turned red as he kicked the bags. “You mean these old things. They’re nothing.”
“Yeah right. I might be stuck in Vince’s body but I can still tell a designer-outlet-end-of-season-sale bag when I see one.”
Dr. Hill dropped down onto the nearby bench and raised his hands. “Okay, guilty as charged. So I like my clothes. Really if you had to do as much inter-dimensional travel as I do, you’d make the most of the perks as well.”
“Preaching to the converted,” Holly assured him. “You don’t need to tell me the joys of shopping. Just a pity I can’t exactly try anything on in this state.”
“I’m right here you know,” Vince reminded her.
“Ah yes.” Dr. Hill fumbled around in his pocket for a notebook and a pen. “So how are you both coping with the transition?”
“The transition has been fine, but trying to get anything done has been pretty much impossible. Just for the record I think it should be known as an oxymoron when you send a girl back in a guy’s body in order to sort out her issues, because I’m sure this experience is creating more problems than it’s solving.”
“I know it isn’t an ideal situation,” Dr. Hill admitted as he chewed at the end of his pen. “But it’s the best we can do. So, anyway, I guess we’d better get on with it then.” He reached down into one of the shopping bags and pulled out a small electronic device with a red laser light at one end.
Holly eyed the device. “Get on with what?”
“The mid-manual purging analysis of course.”
“I thought that’s what you were just doing. With the notebook and the questions.”
“Oh no, that’s for a sociological paper I’m writing on the side. These days if you don’t publish you don’t get promoted. The real test is with this machine. It measures the amount of negative and destructive thoughts in your mind and can tell how close you are to shedding your earthly issues.”
“You mean there’s a machine to do that?” Holly, who had spent her life cheating at the various magazine quizzes she’d done (from “Is that guy really into you?” up to “Are you ready to push through the glass ceiling?”), looked horrified. Even the Baker Colwell Potential Employee Personality Test had been a breeze to get through as long as you could recognize which were trick questions and which were legitimate qualifiers.
“It’s foolproof,” he agreed.
“But how does it work when there’s two of us in here?”
“Well, actually.” Dr. Hill pulled a strange looking needle out of his case. “That’s the first thing we need to talk about. In order for me to get an accurate reading, I need to make sure Mr. Murphy isn’t around.”
“I thought you said that couldn’t be done?” She narrowed her eyes. “So what’s changed all of a sudden?”
“I’m not taking him out of the body. I’m just going to put him to sleep for a few hours, so that he doesn’t interfere with the machine.”
“You want to give him that big needle and knock him out?” Holly demanded and when Dr. Hill agreed she gave a decisive shake of her head. “No way.”
“If I don’t do it then I can’t do the reading,” the doctor tried to explain but Holly just poked out her bottom lip in a mulish expression.
“Look, I might have deserved to be kicked out of heaven, but poor Vince here has been really good to me today and I’ve already messed up his life quite enough. He’s not having the needle.”
“What happens if we don’t do it?” Vince suddenly asked. “Will Holly get in trouble for not having this mid-purging analysis thing?”
Dr. Hill frowned. “She won’t get in trouble, but it’s designed to let her know how close she is to getting her issues sorted. Without it she’s more or less flying blind. It’s very haphazard.”
“I’ll chance it,” Holly said firmly.
“Well, I won’t,” Vince retorted in a surprisingly alpha way. “You hated Level One so the sooner you’re out of there the better. Give me the needle.”
“No.” Holly shook her head “Vince, it’s really nice of you, but honestly you’ve done enough already.”
“If you don’t get your issues sorted you might never see your parents again.” Vince thrust out his right arm. “Now let’s just get this thing done.”
“I need your consent as well, Miss Evans.” Dr. Hill appeared to be studying her face.
Vince—
Just say yes, Holly. I mean it, I’ll be okay and this way you can make sure you see your dad again. Okay?
Holly sniffed as she reluctantly nodded at Dr. Hill. “Fine, but you better make sure this thing is one hundred and ten percent safe.”
“You have my word on it.”
She winced as the cool tip of the needle sunk into her arm. “How does it know where Vince is and where I am?” she tried not to notice that her voice was wobbly.
“It’s all part of the abracadabra stuff. Mystical medicine is the best way of summing it up.” Dr. Hill now put away the needle and picked up the machine.
Vince, are you okay? she tentatively asked but she already knew he wasn’t there. After spending the day with him, it felt…odd, not to have him right with her.
He’s a nice guy by the way. You were lucky. Now, are you ready?
Holly held out her hand and the doctor slid a small steel ring over her knuckle. For a minute or so nothing happened before the machine started to make a beeping noise.
“What does that mean?”
“W-well.” He didn’t quite meet her eye. “It’s not great. You still seem to be struggling to get things resolved.”
“Yes, but I’m getting there,” Holly tried to nod her head in a positive fashion in case Dr. Hill was up for a bit of Jedi mind trick. “There was a bit of a setback with finding out who slipped me the pills, I was so certain it was Rochelle, but…well…Gemma and I will retrace my steps again and see what else we can come up with. As for Todd, I’m seeing him tonight. I have a feeling that’s going to go okay.”
“Of course.” The doctor gave a supportive smile. “It’s just you’ve really got to try and get everything sorted out. I can’t stress that enough.”
“I know.” Holly nodded. “Or else I’ll be stuck in horrid old Level One for ages. Well, I suppose there’s always the fat bloke to talk to,” she said with a sigh.
“Miss Evans,” Dr. Hill said in a soft voice. “If the manual purge doesn’t work you won’t remember who the fat…I mean who Mr. Michaels is.”
“As if I’m going to forget him and his smart mouth in a hurry.”
Dr. Hill started to fiddle with laser beam machine before coughing. “The thing is, if this doesn’t work, you won’t remember anything. If we can’t separate your earthly issues from the rest of your mind, then as a last resort we erase everything.”
Holly rubbed her chin and studied Vince’s shoe. “Well that doesn’t make any sense,” she finally said. “If you erase my memories then how will I know when I’m in Level Three? When I see my father again…or meet my real mother for the first time?”
“You won’t.”
For a moment all Holly could hear was the slight buzz of the insects floating around in the warm air. It was a perfect summer evening. The sort of night that in the past would’ve had Holly and Gemma down by the marina at their favorite bar, righting the wrongs of the world over a glass of wine. .
It was the sort of evening that she would never remember.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner? She finally managed to croak.
“It’s all in the—”
“Rulebook,” Holly finished off with in a dull voice. “They should start to put a health warning on the front of that thing: ‘Don’t read at your own risk.’”
“It’s not normally such a problem, but for some reason your mind is really blocked to the greater glories of heaven.”
“So I’m being punished.” Holly could feel her bottom lip wobble. “Is this because I told my boss last month that I had cramps when really I was just hung over? Or is it because I stole the sign to the women’s toilets at the Baker Colwell Christmas party, because not naming names, but Gemma Gulliven was definitely egging me on.”
“You still have until tomorrow at one o’clock before anything is decided, and even then it’s not as a punishment for past crimes. It’s just as a way of helping you to get rid of your issues. It’s designed to give some peace and open you up to—”
“Please don’t say the glories of heaven or I think I’ll be sick,” Holly retorted.
“I’m not here to give you a hard time. I’m here to help. After all, I’m your spiritual realigner.”
“Okay,” she gulped. “So if you’re here to help, then help me. Tell me what else I can do. I really don’t want to lose my memories.”
Dr. Hill gave her a comforting smile as he studied the plasma screen on his little machine. “The problem appears to be tied up in the fact some people think you committed suicide.”
“I. Did. Not—”
Dr. Hill inched away from her. “I’m not here to judge,” he reassured her. “All I’m saying is that it seems to bother you.”
“Of course it bothers me.” Holly rummaged around in Vince’s bag for the brochure that he’d tried to hide from her earlier. Don’t Suffer in Silence. Call Suicide Samaritans now. “They are all over the company as well,” she informed him. “And they weren’t last time I was here.”
“Well, that’s what you have to do.”
“What, clear my name and convince people I didn’t kill myself?”
Dr. Hill nodded.
“In case you hadn’t noticed, that’s what I have been trying to do,” Holly was stung into retorting. “It’s not like I’ve come back just to go shopping and relax. I’ve been working my butt off. Do you think this has been easy for me?” she added in a righteous voice.
Dr. Hill lifted an eyebrow. “You went to a bar and drank beer,” he reminded her.
Holly winced. “Well…okay…I guess I shouldn’t have done that. Though in my defense it’s been a very long day, Did I tell you that Vince’s girlfriend tried to kiss me this morning? Which by the way definitely isn’t making this job any easier. That girl is like a limpet, and honestly if Vince is too nice to tell her to shove off then I should probably do it for him. It would be my way of saying thank-you for all his help.”
“Er, sure. If you say so. But what was your point?”
Holly scratched her head for a moment. Vince being nice? Amy Jenkins being a limpet? Drinking beer? Oh yes—that was right, she had been going to say how hard this whole thing was. “It’s not exactly simple to prove my innocence in this body. You guys sure don’t expect much.”
“We have no expectations. This is your mind and it’s the one that won’t let go. So really this isn’t a work project you’re being forced to do. This is for you.”
Holly thought of all the hand written notes she’d made herself when she first started her new job. She knew it didn’t always come that easily to her, which is why she worked so hard to make sure she didn’t fail. But how could she work on the biggest project of her life…or death…when she couldn’t convince anyone to talk to her?
She felt another bubble of panic start to rise, but this time there was no Vince around to calm her down.
“Are you all right?”
She took a deep breath and tried to imagine Vince telling her it would all be okay. “I guess so. That memory-wiping thing just threw me for a few minutes. But I’m going to see Todd tonight and you know he’s a pretty clever guy. I’m sure he’ll be able to help.”
The little machine made a beeping noise and Dr. Hill looked up with a smile. “Definitely the right attitude, there’s already an improvement in your mind.”
“Hey.” Holly felt some of panic subsiding. “Well that was easy—not as easy as cheating on a magazine quiz of course—but not too bad.”
“Thanks…I think.”
“That’s okay,” she started to say but the rest of the words stuck in her throat as she caught sight of four guys wearing novelty ties walking toward her. They must have got sick of waiting for her to come and collect the satchel. Well, when she said her, she meant Vince. Oh boy.
At least they were too far away to see her lips moving. The last thing she wanted was for them to think she’d been talking to her invisible friend.
And where was Vince when she needed him?
According to Dr. Hill he would be out of it for the next few hours. Great. It looked like she was going to have to go this one alone.
“It’s all right,” Holly said under her breath to Dr. Hill. “I won’t give the game away.”
“Hey, Vince, the guys got sick of waiting so we thought we’d come out here and see if we could find you.” Andrew passed the satchel over.
“Yeah, and who are you talking to?” Graham added.
“Talking to? I wasn’t talking to anyone.” Holly gratefully clutched at the bag and tried to sound Vince like. “Just here all by myself.”
Dr. Hill coughed. Gosh, the least he could do was not try and distract her. Especially since it was his fault Vince wasn’t here to help out.
“What about the guy sitting next to you?” Southpark Tie and Matching Socks said. Holly hadn’t quite managed to catch his name yet.
Dr. Hill coughed again.
“Ha. Good one.” Holly laughed, still trying to not let him put her off. Boy he really wasn’t a team player was he? Not content with sending her to hell he was now trying to make her look crazy as well. “As if there’s someone sitting next to me.”
“I thought you had to leave early to do something at home,” the technician persisted. “Are you sure you didn’t go to another bar?”
“Of course, I’m—”
“I’m not invisible.” Dr. Hill coughed again and Holly turned and stared at him.
“What?” Holly blinked.
The doctor stood up and collected his numerous bags. “Vince, you win the bet. You can stop pretending I don’t exist now.” Then he turned to the four boys. “He’s a joker isn’t he?”
Holly felt her jaw hang open as Dr. Hill disappeared off down the road. Was he laughing? Honestly that man needed to have his spiritual realinger license taken away from him. He was a mockery.
He had also come bearing particularly bad news and Holly realized she had no time to lose. She got to her feet, said goodbye to the technicians and tried to remember just where Vince’s apartment was. She needed to make sure her talk with Todd tonight went perfectly. The alternative wasn’t worth thinking about.