When was the last time Gwen Anders had felt desperate?
Never.
Therefore, Gwen had not prepared in advance for the day she found herself in desperate need of male attention, for someone to recognize her intellectual complexity, her shrewd approach to finance, and her impossibly firm buttocks.
Regardless of her lack of preparation, that was where Gwen was that Monday evening, in the lobby bar of the St. Regis Hotel. Shed been telling herself that she just needed to get out, do some top-shelf people-watching, munch on a few wasabi peas, and sip on a decently prepared cocktail or two while contemplating her next move. In reality, she was just plain desperate for someone to tell her she was the most beautiful woman theyd ever seen, which made her no better than the dozen other well-dressed thirty-somethings alone or in a gaggle of girls, their perfectly made-up eyes darting around the room, the fear barely concealed in each playful flash of seduction. Their prey: the visiting millionaires returning from a day of dealmaking.
After a half hour of this unpleasantness, Gwen was ready to leave. Yes, shed recently been rejected by the man of her choice, tossed aside for a chunky obituary writer named /Josephine,/ of all things, as shed discovered while in Ricks office that morning. (The man shouldnt leave his background checks open on his desk like that.) And yes, due to that humiliation, shed been forced to resign her position. But she was still Gwen Anders. She would rise above it all.
She took a last sip of her ginger-pomegranate cosmo and prepared to leave. The desperation in that bar had a foul smell to it, clashing terribly with her Acqua di Parma perfume. She had just reached for her purse when she saw him.
Tall. Mediterranean. Black hair combed back and long at the collar.
Patrician nose. Wide mouth. No suit for this manhe was in jeans and a wrinkled linen jacket over a wrinkled cotton button-down. He moved with the grace of a man who was in full command of himself and his world, despite the fact that he looked like hed just spent a couple days on a plane, in coach.
In an instant, Gwen no longer felt desperate. She felt alive. When the man casually turned her way she knew hed already seen her, possibly even selected her before hed entered the hotel lobby. He seemed like a man who carefully calculated all of his chance encounters.
She couldnt help itthe left corner of her mouth curled and her eyelids grew heavy.
He headed right toward her. He sat down without an invitation. And with an accent thicker than a tipsy Antonio Banderas, he said, You are an exquisitely beautiful woman.
Gwen laughed as she got up to leave. She strolled through the lobby, certain that he was admiring her audacity and her impossibly firm buttocks in equal measure.
He caught up with her on the sidewalk. The evening was windy and she felt her hair blow around her head like a halo.
I would like to photograph you. That is all. The sincerity dripped from his words and his dark eyes.
Gwen laughed again and signaled for a taxi.
Please do not deny me, he said.
Thats when it hit hershe didnt need this man. She didnt need any man.
She had herself. Thats why she had come here tonightto remind herself that she was still everything she had always been, even if Rick Rousseau didnt want all that she was. Gwen hadnt been desperate for a mans attention after allshed been desperate to rediscover her self-respect.
She got inside the cab, knowing that as of right that second, her days of wine-soaked self-pity were officially over.
Please do not go, he said, his last plea before she reached for the door handle.
Have a pleasant stay in San Francisco, she said, slamming it shut.
Gwen asked the taxi driver to wait for her at the public phone booth in Cow Hollow. She got the same terse voice mail. She left an equally brief message: This is Gwen Anders. Disregard my previous message. It was a terrible mistake.
I forgot.
Thats what Josie said as she opened the door to her mother, father, brother, sister, brother-in-law, niece, and nephew.
How could you forget Daddys birthday? Beth said, adjusting Chloes position on her hip.
The crowd began to push into her apartment.
I didnt forget his birthdayI just forgot we were going to dinner.
Donald shot her a doubtful look. Since when do you forget about a meal?
Were you in the middle of cooking something? Josies mother sniffed the air, then headed into the kitchen.
Her father was on his way to the sound system. Nat King Cole? he asked.
Beth stopped in the center of the room, raising her eyes to the painting. She spun around abruptly. Oh, my God, Josies getting ready for a date! And where in Gods name did you get this gorgeous painting? It almost looks /real/!
Her mother poked her head out of the kitchen. Whose beef Stroganoff recipe are you using? It looks delish!
Thats when Rick came out of her bedroom.
Its his recipe, Josie said, pointing. And his painting.
Rick was wearing a pair of jeans, sneakers, and a cotton sweater over a T-shirt. He smiled graciously, and didnt miss a beat.
Hello, everyone. Mr. Sheehan, nice to meet you. He extended his hand and approached Josies dad. Im Rick Rousseau. Rick moved seamlessly over to Josies mom. Mrs. Sheehan. Im Rick. Ive heard so much about you. He kissed her cheek.
An openmouthed Beth was next. So nice to finally meet you, Beth. He touched her shoulder. This must be Chloe. Oh, and hello, Howie. Is this Calvin? He moved toward Howie, shook his hand, and touched the younger child on the head.
Im Donald, Josies brother said, extending his hand to Rick. We apologize. We didnt mean to Its my fault entirely, Rick said, addressing everyone. Genghis had stopped sniffing and jumping on the new arrivals and now sat at Ricks feet. Josie had no idea Id be hereI surprised her with dinner when she got home from work.
Oh… my… God, Beth whispered, her eyes huge.
We were headed to the Olive Garden for my birthday party, Josies dad said, shoving his hands in his trousers. The one down at the Stonestown shopping center. They have unlimited breadsticks. Ever eaten there?
Its a /galleria,/ Dad, Beth corrected him.
Its a shopping center with a frilly name, Josies father said. I ought to knowI put in half their plumbing. So, would you like to join us, Rick?
Rick looked pleased by the invitation and turned to Josie for the go-ahead. She was shocked. Rick had met and charmed everyone in her family in less time than it usually took her to get Genghis to stop humping their shins.
She smiled at Rick, thinking he was the bravest, strongest man shed ever known.
Id be honored, sir, Rick said to Josies dad.
Let me get my keys, Josie said.
We can fit you in the van, her dad said. Plenty of room for everyone.
On the way out the apartment door, her mother leaned into Josies ear.
Hes wonderful!
Beth grabbed her sleeve and whispered, Dont mess this up, whatever you do.
A few hours later, around a large round table and stuffed to the gills with pasta and a prearranged chocolate birthday cake, the Sheehans began pulling out gifts and cards for Josies dad. Josie hadnt had time to get him anything, which her dad must have seen in her panicked expression.
Dont even worry about it, he told her, patting her hand. To see my girl happy is the greatest gift a father could ask for.
Josies dad raised his wine goblet and said, Heres to another year of lifes unexpected adventures. Everyone joined in the toast, Rick with his water glass and a wide smile that was all for Josie.
I know youre exhausted. Rick opened Josies apartment door and shielded her from the spastic dog. You relax and Ill take him for a walk.
Are you sure? Josie looked surprised.
Of course.
What about Teeny? Shouldnt he know youre walking around at night?
Rick laughed. Hes right outside, Josie. Didnt you see him a few tables away at the restaurant?
Josies mouth opened. For a man that big, he can sure keep a low profile.
Ill pass along the compliment. He kissed Josies cheek and retrieved Genghiss leash and a plastic bag from the coat closet. Anyway, who needs Teeny? I have a Mongol warlord for protection.
Josie glanced at the panting Labradoodle and sighed. Im pretty sure he likes you better than me now.
Teeny got out of the car and joined Rick. They laughed and talked as Genghis sniffed and did his business, Teeny going on and on about how nice the Sheehans seemed. Theyd completed one leisurely lap around the block when the hairs on the back of Ricks neck began to stand on end.
He peered around in the darkness, seeing nothing unusual. A car door slammed a few buildings down. Jazz floated down from an open apartment balcony door. But something wasnt right.
We need to go back, now.
Whats wrong? Teeny abruptly stopped walking, his hand going to his waistband.
I dont know. But its something.
Lets go.
Teeny jogged with them back to the apartment building and up the stairs.
They found Josies door unlocked, and Rick berated himself for not only leaving her alone for too long but for not locking the door when he left. /What was I thinking?/ Teeny went in first, sweeping the room with his gun drawn.
Josie? Rick called out. He strained his ears, relieved to hear the shower running in the bathroom. Im sure everythings okay, he said to Teeny, heading toward the bedroom.
Ill stay here for a couple more minutes.
Rick opened the bathroom door a crack. Josie? Did you fall asleep in there?
No answer.
Josie?
He flung open the door, fearing the worst/Bennett Cummings has taken the only thing that ever mattered to me./ He threw open the shower curtain.
Josie was curled on her side, legs drawn up, head on a little plastic bath pillow, sound asleep. He reached down and touched her warm throat and felt her heart beating strong and slow.
He turned off the water and grabbed a towel from a hook on the back of the door.
Josie, baby. Time for bed.
I told you, Lloyd, she muttered, slapping his hand away. I dont wanna have lunch with you ever again.
Rick chuckled, loving that she dissed old boyfriends in her dreams. He gazed down on her, shaking his head. He had no idea he could love anything or anyone as much as he loved the woman curled up in the bathtub. She looked so soft and pink and vulnerable. An image flew into his brainhis baby, suckling at one of those perfect round breasts.
Rick drew in a breath, overcome with the power of that image. He wanted babies with Josie. He wanted a family. He wanted to try. And Josie was at the center of all that longing, all the dreams hed barely admitted to himself.
With a kind of deadweight clarity, right down in his gut, he knew the only problem with loving someone was fearing youd lose them.
Rick gently tucked the towel around her, pondering the physics of his challenge. He didnt think he could lift her up from that angle. Hed have to get her to her feet first.
Stand up, Josie. Ill tuck you in.
She didnt stir.
Everything okay in there? Teeny called from the living room. Rick stuck his head out the bathroom door. She fell asleep in the tub. Want to help me lift her out so I can carry her to bed?
Teeny shoved his gun back in his waistband, laughing softly. You dont pay me enough, Rousseau.
By the time Teeny had entered the bathroom, Rick had completely wrapped Josie in the towel, snugly overlapping the corners at her chest.
Ill get her upper body, Teeny said, slipping a big arm under her back.
You get her legs.
The two of them gently lifted Josie from the tub, Teeny transferring her full weight to Ricks arms the instant he could turn her. /Thank you,/ Rick mouthed to his friend, heading for the doorway and turning sideways to get through.
You sure got your hands full with this one, Teeny whispered. Good thing Ive been kicking your ass in the barn.
Rick smiled at him.
Page me in the A.M.
He nodded good night to Teeny and carried Josie to the bed. He laid her down and grabbed another towel from the hall closet. Carefully, he tried to dry her curly hair, so thick and heavy that his effort seemed pointless. So he just wrapped the towel around her head as snugly as possible, and removed the damp towel from her body. He tucked the sheets and comforter under her chin.
He kissed her on the mouth.
Suddenly, her arms were around his neck and she was kissing him back. I want you, Josie whispered, taking her lips away long enough to speak the words. I want you so bad.
Rick began taking off his clothes, hoping Josie hadnt just invited Lloyd into her bed.
I love you, Rick, she said, her eyes now open. I think I fell asleep in the shower.
You did, but I got you now.
She yanked the towel from her hair and pulled back the covers. Yes, you do.
Rick dove into her. She was warm and damp and eager. He let himself disappear in her heat and her moans, rolling with her, laughing, kissing, sucking and licking her soft body. At some point, he found himself with a handful of her wet curls in his hand as he took her from behind, wild with his need, his hand cupping her belly.
He drove himself to an orgasm, feeling Josie pulse and tug on him from inside her body. This was heaven. She was his heaven, and his love. He would never let anything happen to her, ever.
Gwen refused to come to the office, and instead asked Rick to meet her for a cup of coffee. Teeny drove him to the Market District cafй and, after checking the inside of the restaurant, took up residence on the bench out front.
Do you ever get tired of being followed? Gwen asked, nodding her head toward the windows.
Someday it wont be necessary, but right now, it is.
Gwen nodded, looking down into her espresso. I probably owe you an explanation.
Id rather you just retract your resignation.
She smiled slightly and shook her head. I need to move on. Its time.
There was something different about Gwen today. She was more relaxed than hed ever seen her. Her edges were softer. He studied her face, and saw an openness there hed never noticed. This isnt about the financial losses, is it?
No, though I truly believe I failed you on that count. She took a sip from her tiny cup. Its about me, Rick. You cant be oblivious to the fact thatsince I laid eyes on youIve wanted you to want /me/.
Rick was surprised. After five years of innuendo, he wasnt prepared for a direct hit like that. Yes, Im aware of that.
But you never did want me, did you? She asked it without anger and waited patiently for him to answer.
No. I didnt.
Why? Gwen entwined her hands into a tight ball and tapped the table. Id like to know.
Rick pondered that for a moment, then said, I saw everything you were, Gwena beautiful, accomplished, brilliant woman. But none of it appealed to me.
She laughed hard, pointing her chin to the ceiling as she howled.
Im being honest with you, Rick said, admitting that what hed just said did sound pretty ridiculous. I wanted nothing to do with womennot after what Id done to Margot. It took me a long time to trust myself again, to trust myself with a woman.
Gwen sat with that information, looking down at her hands, then all around the cafй. Eventually her gaze returned to Rick. Theres something Ive wanted to ask you for years.
Nows the time, he said, giving her a friendly smile.
She didnt smile back. Do I remind you of Margot? Is that why you had no interest in me?
Rick fell back against the cafй chair, raising his eyebrows in consideration. It was true that both women were elegant, tall, slim, blue-eyed blondes. But Gwen was far more reserved in her personality, while Margot had been a party girl. Yet, Gwen had a point.
Maybe a little, he conceded.
She nodded. So tell me about her.
Rick frowned, not following the conversation. Margot?
No, silly, Gwen said, playfully slapping Ricks forearm. Josie. Your girlfriend. Tell mewhy her and why now?
He got goose bumps. Gwen had no way of knowing about Josie.
Fine, I admit it, she said with a shrug. When I left my resignation on your desk I saw her background file lying right there on top of everythingcolor photo and all. Gwen gave him a smile. So fire me.
Rick was angryat himself. It had been an oversight to leave that out for anyone to see, but as he recalled, his thoughts Friday afternoon had been on how to get Josie to the ranch for the weekend, not on tidying up his workspace.
Im all ears, Rick, she continued. If beauty, brains, and success didnt do it for you, Id sure like to know what did.
Rick shut his eyes for an instant, drudging up patience he didnt feel.
What was the best way to tell Gwen that hed found a woman who surpassed her on all those counts, and more?
Come on, please explain it to me, Gwen said. I am dying to know what kind of key it took to unlock the virtuous Rick Rousseau. Her smile did nothing to hide her angry sarcasm.
She fits me, Gwen. Rick wanted this to be quick and kind, but stern. He wanted to put an end to this conversation. We chose one another. Why is a private matter between Josie and me. Im in love with her. I know you will find a way to respect that.
After a flash of bewilderment, Gwens expression returned to the blank pleasantness she usually displayed. She reached for her bag.
I wish you nothing but happiness, she said. If you need my assistance finding a replacement, Id be happy to help.
Thank you. Rick stood up when Gwen did. Good luck to you, Gwen. He held out his hand.
She took it. She kept her hand linked to his for just a second longer than she should have. Rick ended the contact.
Looking slightly embarrassed, she asked, I can still count on you for a recommendation?
Anytime.
Good-bye, Rick.
She walked through the cafй, out the door, and past Teeny without acknowledging his presence. When Rick arrived on the sidewalk a moment later, Teeny was laughing.
Whats so funny?
Oh, you know, he said, letting go with a great sigh. I was just thinking what excellent taste you have in women.
Rick felt his face expand in a smile. Will you be my best man?
Teeny looked down at him, his eyebrows arched high on his forehead. On your wedding day and every other day, he said.
Feel like hitting Tiffany?
Teeny laughed. I thought youd never ask.
Id like to keep going if you dont mind.
You wanna drive all night? LaShelle looked shocked by Bennetts suggestion. You got a woman waiting for you in San Francisco or something?
Bennett had to laugh. No. It did give him pause, however, that LaShelle had begun to ask questions. Perhaps giving her a ride had been a mistake. Maybe he should have dropped her at the closest bus station and been done with her.
Didnt mean to pry, LaShelle said, pursing her lips. Its just that were a long way from Rhode Island.
We are, Bennett said.
So, you got family in California?
Just someone I know. Its business, really.
LaShelle wiggled her head around on her neck, disdain in her eyes.
Something aint right about you, Benny.
He let go with a little laugh of surprise, but in his gut he felt apprehension. We all have our imperfections, he said.
LaShelle nodded. Uh-huh, well, lets start with your clothes.
Bennett was offended. What in the world is wrong with my clothes?
She rolled her eyes. Number one, they aint you. You look like youre dressed up for Halloween or some shit. You dont belong in those clothes.
Nothing about the picture fits together.
Oh, really. He was becoming quite amused by the exchange.
Come on now, Benny. A man who carries himself the way you do, talks like you, has table manners like you? And a haircut and nails like yours?
LaShelle looked him up and down. Youre in good shape for an old man, and its not the rough hands and hard work kinda shape, either. I bet you work out with a personal trainer.
Interesting theory, he said.
And /that/ kind of man dont appear in public in a monster truck T-shirt, drivin a trifling Buick with a Mexican flag hangin off the rearview.
Bennett chuckled softly. Well, I certainly appreciate the compliment, if thats what it was.
Ha! LaShelle crossed her arms over her chest. That wasnt no compliment.
What Im saying is, Im on to you, Benny. Dont know what it is, but I know youre a man on a mission and you sit over there every day, mile after mile, stewing over it.
Im just trying to get where I need to go.
Uh-huh. LaShelle sighed. Anyway, I dont want to get all up in your business. All I know is you wouldnt hurt a fly, Benny. Thats really the only thing I care about.
Bennett gulped. Thank you for your vote of confidence.
LaShelle laughed.
They sat in silence for about five miles, when out of the quiet came the voice of an angel.?Hes a man on a mission/Sent to make things right/Drivin as far as he has to/ If it takes the rest of his life. The words were followed by her humming a bittersweet melody.
Whats the name of that songand dont tell me its?Big Shit Poppin.
She giggled. I dont know what the name is. I just made it up.
Bennett was no expert on popular music. His tastes ran more to Mahlers /Fifth Symphony./ But he knew a lovely singing voice and a catchy melody when he heard them, and hed just heard them from LaShelle.
Can you sing more? Maybe even finish what you just started?
LaShelle reached between her feet into her backpack and pulled out a ragged spiral notebook, covered in doodles and lettering that looked like street graffiti. I got about seventy songs in here that I wrote.
You pick a topic and I probably wrote a song about it.
Good God, he thought. He just might be sitting in the car with the worlds next Diana Ross! Upon closer examination of the notebook cover, he learned he was sitting next to LaShelle Davis, 112 College Avenue, Apt. 10, Indianapolis, Indiana.
Bennett cleared his throat. Have you written anything about a fathers love for his daughter, by any chance?
LaShelle cocked her head away from him in surprise. Damn if you didnt pick the one subject I know nothing about.
They drove all night. LaShelle sang a selection of music ranging from gospel hymns to country and western ballads, many of which shed written herself. Bennett felt his heart stir when she sang a Billie Holiday song. He was grateful the darkness hid his face.
After they stopped for a quick bite to eat and a fill-up, LaShelle turned on the passenger-side light and finished writing the song shed started hours earlier. She sang it in its entirety, then said, Its called?The Ballad of Big Bad Benny.
He laughed, and she joined him. Bennett hadnt laughed like that in yearsseven years, to be precise.
They reached Reno at about two A.M. LaShelle had slept for a few hours and woke up refreshed. They had breakfast, filled up again, and were heading back to the car.
Toss me the keys, Benny, LaShelle said. You kick back for a while. Well be in San Francisco before you know it.
Bennett didnt know what had come over him, but he gave her the keys. You have to fiddle with the shift when you put it in reverse, he warned her.
Once back on the highway, he was asleep in minutes.