The journey seemed endless as Father-in-law’s car bumped over the rough ground. Clutching my stomach, as though I could absorb the shock and spare the baby, I think I must have dozed.
‘Halt!’ A harsh German voice shook me awake and I reluctantly opened my eyes to see a guard standing behind a barrier with a gun pointing at me.
Herr Euler spoke in rapid German his tone cold, precise, commanding. The soldier at once lowered his gun and muttered an apology, holding his arm out in a ‘Heil Hitler’ so stiffly, I thought, absently, I could hang a line of washing on it.
I had seen newspapers and propaganda films about Hitler and to me he just seemed to flap his hand in rather an effeminate way, but this ‘guardian of the gate’ was determined to impress.
Herr Euler grunted and we drove on. ‘How far now?’ I asked mournfully. I needed to pee again and a bite of food in that order of urgency.
‘Have patience.’
I crossed my legs and prayed, and closed my eyes against the blossoming dawn. At last, when the light was brightening and trees were jumping into focus and colour, and the grass was showing a bit of green instead of soft blue, my father-in-law stopped the car.
‘This is a church.’ My voice was accusing. ‘I’m not going into any nunnery.’
He laughed and patted my belly. ‘In your condition I should think not. This is a monastery, my dear.’
He pulled my arm and urged me from the car. ‘I suppose that’s marginally better than a place full of pious women,’ I grumbled.
‘The front of this monastery is in Germany, you see?’ He waited for a reply and I nodded none too patiently.
‘But…’ He grinned and suddenly I wanted Michael.
‘God, you’re like your son.’
‘Anyway, as I was saying—’ he looked pleased—‘the back door is in Belgium, do you realize what I’m telling you?’
I beamed. ‘Father-in-law, you are a genius.’
Inside the monastery it was not as gloomy as I expected; soft early light slanted through the arched windows giving a rosy tint to the hallowed halls and the stone floor.
Quietly, a monk appeared as if from nowhere and greeted us warmly. Herr Euler rapidly explained that I needed to leave the country. The Father smiled and nodded to me. ‘I speak a little German,’ he said. ‘God and I will be making you comfortable while you stay with us.’
‘Stay?’ I looked at Father-in-law in dismay. He put his arm around my shoulder.
‘Arrangements have to be made,’ he said gently, ‘it will be a matter of one night, two at the most, we can not afford to have you here any longer. The Belgian resistance, they will come for you, don’t you worry your pretty head.’
I knew then the enormity of what Father-in-law was doing for me. I turned into his chest and began to cry. ‘Go back now, please go back. I don’t want you to get in any trouble, Father-in-law.’
‘Give me a fine healthy grandson.’ He smiled sardonically. ‘At least he will be good Aryan stock as the Herr Hitler desires all people to be.’
The monk showed me to my bed, in a small cell; it was spartan but it was quiet and cosy, and to my relief a lavatory was adjoining it. The bricks, warmed through the day by soft sunlight, were almost glowing. The cell was lit by a single candle and, in the distance, I could hear the chanting sing-song of monks at their worship.
Inside me, the baby moved as if in response to the singing. I wrapped my arms around my growing stomach and hugged my child as best I could. And I prayed. Then, at last, I slept.
The early morning chanting woke me. I washed in the cold water from the little tin bowl and dressed quickly. It was cold now, the sun was not yet showing its face and from the look of the sky it was only about four or five in the morning. Still night-time to my mind.
I was brought a breakfast of bread with a slight scraping of margarine and a grizzled piece of bacon and in its glory, topping the bread, was a precious egg. I felt tears well in my eyes; the good men of the monastery had given their all to look after me.
Herr Euler was ready to leave. He clicked his heels and bowed and then I hugged him and he laughed.
‘Don’t suffocate me child!’ He stepped away from me and made for the car. Soon he would be back in his heartland, his Germany, where with mixed feelings he would fight Herr Hitler’s war.
I caught a glimpse of a shadowy figure among the trees outside the gates of the monastery. I saw the gleam of a rifle barrel. I shouted a warning as my father-in-law climbed into the car. A shot rang out and Herr Euler fell to the ground.
I ran to him and knelt beside him and the good Father knelt beside me.
‘He has been shot by one of the resistance or maybe he was followed by his own soldiers, we will never know.’
I cradled Father-in-law’s head in my arms, holding him to my more than ample bosom. His eyes were open but he was dead and I couldn’t even say goodbye. I looked at the monk for help.
‘Father-in-law gave his life for me, how can I ever bear the guilt?’
‘Dear little girl, be proud, Herr Euler saved you and his grandchild. Now come away into the safety he wanted for you and, remember, this good man gave his life for freedom and for the future of the human race.’
Carefully, I took off my coat and padded it behind dear Herr Euler’s head. Then I closed his eyes. In repose, he was so like his son, and I touched my father-in-law’s still-warm hand to my rounded stomach.
‘I will tell your grandson about his father and his grandfather, I’ll teach him to be proud of his heritage, I promise you that. And then I left him to the monks and, dry-eyed with grief, I went back into the monastery.