I heard the chanting in the early morning and woke up with my heart thumping. For a minute I thought I was back in Ravensbruck prison camp—the cell I was in was just as small—and then I listened to the monks praying in song and knew I was safe. I ran my hands over the small swell of my stomach. The baby kicked and I smiled.
‘We’re going home,’ I whispered in English. ‘I’m taking you to Carmarthen. On the farm that will be your land, we’ll remember your father and your grandfather and I will tell you all about the bravery of the men whose name you will carry.’
I cried a little and then one of the monks brought me a breakfast of warm, thick brown bread. ‘Today they will come, the resistance men from Belgium, they will take you to the coast and put you on a ship to Ireland.’
I felt a dip of disappointment; somehow I’d imagined I’d be flown straight to Britain but I could see it would be a long time before I was home again. I thanked the good man and slowly ate the fresh bread. There was a scraping of home-made butter on it melting into the warmth and nothing had ever tasted so good.
I was ready when the brother came for me. I had no possessions, only the papers Father-in-law had given me, my marriage certificate and a fake passport in the name of Katherine O’Brien.
He had told me that if the Belgians were caught taking me out of the country I was to show my marriage certificate and make up a story I’d been taken hostage. ‘You’re good at that sort of thing,’ he’d said, with a smile. I bit my lip but the tears welled in my eyes anyway. Biting lips was supposed to bring control but for me it only hurt without any benefit at all so I immediately stopped digging my teeth into my lip and continued to cry.
We went down a long passageway towards the back of the monastery where the kitchens were situated. There sat four men eating breakfast, one of them was Fritz.
‘Hello, in trouble again,’ he sighed heavily. ‘I’ll be glad to be rid of you, young lady.’
That remark did more than any biting of lips to stiffen my shoulders. ‘Trust you to be the one to come to my rescue—’ my tone was full of sarcasm—‘you nearly got me killed last time you “helped me”. I’m perfectly capable on my own, you know.’
Fritz bit into his brown bread and a dribble of butter ran down into his beard, only the beard didn’t look grey now it looked black. His disguise as a tramp had been a good one but now he was just a young man, albeit a brave young man.
‘We’ll be making a move in half an hour,’ he said, his mouth full of bread. He ate as if he was ravenous and I suppose he was.
The others, Belgians, smiled at me once, all of them taking in my round belly and the wedding ring on my finger, and looked away giving attention to their breakfast. I watched them masticate slowly, mentally urging them to hurry up. I wanted to be on my way home as soon as possible.
At last, Fritz wiped his mouth indelicately with the back of his hand. He saw me looking and spoke defensively. ‘We don’t often get fed and when we do it’s always on the run so forgive our lack of napkins and dinner table manners.’
‘I never said a word.’
‘You didn’t have to.’
‘You’re good for me, you stop me feeling afraid and vulnerable,’ I said. He shook his head.
‘You, vulnerable? Don’t make me laugh.’ He got up and thanked the brother who had served the food. Fritz was fluent in several languages, obviously, and under my breath I said, ‘Clever clogs’. He heard me but made no reply.
The brother led the way along a winding passage towards the rear, through some unused rooms and to a small door in the thick back wall. He opened it with difficulty as if it was seldom used, but it was a ploy to fool the Germans. I knew prisoners escaped from Germany this way practically every month or so.
We were out in the fields then and I looked round: this then was Belgium, land of the free except that it wasn’t; the country was awash with Germans and we filed away into the nearby trees in silence.
I noticed that the men, all four of them including Fritz, wore rucksacks; I was spared, so I thought, until Fritz handed me a bag.
‘What am I supposed to do with this? I’m pregnant if you hadn’t noticed.’
‘It’s food—if we all get parted or some of us killed you’ll need to make your own way home.’ His dark eyebrows were raised. ‘You are perfectly capable or so I understood.’
I sighed. ‘You’re right of course.’
He helped me on with the bag. ‘You’re not bad you know, for a girl.’ He led the way through the forest where there was a pathway already worn by many other feet. I knew we had days of travelling before us before we reached the coast and I wondered if I, and my baby, would survive the cracking pace Fritz set.
That night we stayed at a farmhouse. The young lady was obviously smitten with Fritz and after a plain supper they disappeared upstairs. The other three men gave a ribald laugh joking in their own tongue, but I didn’t have to understand the language to know what they were saying.
Later, when Fritz reappeared, he went out to the yard and I could hear the sound of a pump and the sound of spraying water. When he came in his hair was wet and he shivered a little, his shirt sticking to the dampness of him. The men had a beer and I looked enquiringly towards the lady in charge.
‘Come with me.’ She recognized my look of weariness and led me up the rickety stairs to a tiny loft room. But there was a bed and I looked at it gladly. She patted my arm. ‘You share it, with me.’ She laughed and threw back her dark hair. ‘But I no like girls, I like strong men like Fritz so you are safe with me, little one.’
I knew I was blushing. ‘I don’t care if I have to share with the entire Highland Regiment so long as I can lie down.’
It was luxury to stretch out, though fully clothed in case we had to move swiftly, and soon, exhausted, I fell asleep.
The next morning, we had transport, at least some of the way. Gladly I climbed on the back of the lorry and crouched down under some scruffy potato sacks. I heard kisses and a playful slap and I guessed Fritz was saying a fond, if unromantic, farewell to his lady love, one of many if only she knew it.
The dawn came, the earth warmed and so did the creatures in the sacking. The fleas or ticks or whatever they were bit me and stung, but at least I wasn’t having to walk and I was getting nearer the coast all the time and soon, perhaps sooner than anticipated, I would be home.