It was late afternoon of the following day. Lilah was sitting on the back verandah steps talking to Jane as her stepmother rocked nearby and did the delicate stitchery that adorned all her husband's handkerchiefs. Lilah, who had never been any good at stitchery, sat with her hands clasped around her knees, feeling deliriously lazy in the somnolent heat. She would have been perfectly content with the world if it had not been for two things: her worry over what to do about Joss, and Jane's topic of conversation. Her stepmother was intent on making plans for Lilah's wedding.
"There's no point in putting it off, is there, dear? Now that you've finally made up your mind to wed Kevin, I mean."
Lilah cast her eyes out over the estate, touching on verdant grasses and bright pink bushes and, just visible over the tops of the fringed palms, the paddles of the windmill as they turned slowly with the breeze. If she hoped for any distraction that would let her turn the subject, however, she hoped in vain. Heart's Ease was as peaceful as it always was at that time of day, before the men and the slaves came in from the fields, before the preparations started for supper.
"I just got home, Jane. So much has happened that 1
really haven't given much thought to… to getting married."
"Well, it's time you did then!" Jane said with a comfortable little laugh, looking up from her work to eye her stepdaughter. "Kevin loves you very much, you know. He was beside himself those weeks when you were lost."
"Was he? I worried about him, too."
"I think six weeks would give us enough time," Jane decided.
"Six weeks!" Lilah was appalled. Jane looked at her, frowned.
"Are you getting bridal nerves already? My heaven, you will be in a state the night before! But don't worry, dear, every woman feels like that before her wedding. After all, it's a big step. Marriage is for life."
"Oh, Jane-six weeks," Lilah said faintly, feeling as if a trap were closing in around her. "I… I don't know if I'll be ready…"
"Two months, then," Jane said, as if the subject were closed. "That's really better, anyway. It'll give us time to have your dress made up-it'll be the most beautiful dress any bride ever had, you'll see. We'll plan a lovely feast and invite everyone we know from all over the island. Your father's told me to spare no expense, and I won't. After all, how often does one's only daughter get married?"
She stood up, workbasket in hand. "I must go in now, dear, I have things to see to in the house. Why don't you go for a walk? I'd appreciate it if you'd fetch back a jug of syrup from the mill to pour over Maisie's tildy- cake. Besides, I think Kevin might be over there. I know you haven't seen much of him since you got home, but please don't take it for lack of ardor on his part. You know how busy he and your father are in grinding season."
Jane left, and Lilah sat where she was a moment longer, her mind as active as her body was still as she tried to sort through the awful dilemma that confronted her. After all that had passed between herself and Joss, could she marry Kevin? It was the sensible thing to do- but the idea of permitting him the intimacies that Joss claimed appalled her.
Lilah jumped up, shaking out her skirt, and began to walk purposefully toward the mill. As Jane had pointed out, she hadn't spent much time with Kevin in the week she'd been home. He'd been caught up in the work involved in grinding season, the plantation's busiest time, while she… if truth were told, she'd been avoiding him.
If more truth were told, since she'd fallen in love with Joss, she could barely tolerate Kevin's kisses, relatively chaste though shed learned they were. And whenever they were alone, he seemed to always want to kiss her.
How was she going to stand being married to him?
This was the question she had to resolve, and soon. Soon enough to call off all the wedding plans that Jane was so happily hatching. Soon enough to put a stop to everything before it was too late.
Her life was suddenly so complicated. Why couldn't she have fallen in love with Kevin instead of Joss? Kevin was kind, hardworking, fond of her, on excellent terms with her father. He was the perfect husband for her. What was wrong with her to prefer Joss with all his drawbacks to Kevin with all his assets?
Maybe, just maybe, she hadn't tried hard enough to fall in love with Kevin. Maybe if she gave herself a chance…
Which was why she was walking toward the sugar mill. She meant to give herself every chance.