Elizabeth sighed tiredly as the elevator doors closed on her, and the small car spirited Darcy, Caroline, Alex, and her up to their floor. Weary after a long day and night of performing, Elizabeth had avoided the other elevator car, seeing that it contained Jane and Charles, Richard with his latest flavor (she heard the name Maria), and Charlotte with some man she picked up. No way was Elizabeth going to get anywhere near that situation.
Darcy’s mouth curled in the half smile she now recognized as signaling his amusement with something she did. “What?” she asked.
Darcy’s expression changed to a full smile at her. “It’s funny. We live the lives that people dream about having: traveling, making millions of dollars, being adored by thousands of people every night, and at the end of the day, what’s the one thing you want the most?”
Elizabeth chuckled. “A bed,” she answered knowingly.
Darcy nodded. “Something most people don’t even think about.”
Elizabeth grinned. Somehow they had maintained their easy truce. While Jane and Charles were romancing each other, and Richard and Charlotte were banging everyone else, they found a comfortable niche with each other.
“How did the photo session go today?” he asked.
“Oh,” Elizabeth groaned, as the unpleasant memories she’d been trying to forget came back. “It was fine, except for Collins.”
Darcy’s expression turned cold. “Did he harass you?”
“No,” she said tiredly, “he barely even spoke to me, which is a good thing, but now he is making a big show of ignoring me. He spends all his time talking up Charlotte.” She pulled her hair back from her face. “I find photo sessions to be so boring. The first time it was exciting, but after that, it’s just dull. And I’m not sure I like how they are marketing me. The studio always puts me in these sexy poses. I’m not really comfortable with that.”
“I know,” he nodded. “On one level you are a product being marketed, and you know that, but you are still an artist, and you wonder where the line is between people listening to your music because they like it and people listening to it because they think you’re sexy.”
“Exactly. And I’ve put too much into myself and my work to be turned into a sex object.”
“But you are sexy, Lizzy,” Alex objected. “You are vital and confident and strong, and that’s very sexy. It comes across in your performance, so you might as well use it.”
Elizabeth smiled politely to hide her disagreement and looked away from Alex. She wasn’t at all pleased with his observation. Her eyes moved to Darcy, who remained silent, but she saw his eyes travel up and down her body with a look that made her feel very warm.
Was it possible? she asked herself. Could it be that the super-hot Fitzwilliam Darcy found her desirable? She tried to dismiss the thought as being ridiculous, but a part of her burned with the idea. She definitely desired him. He was one of the sexiest men she had ever known, and she couldn’t deny her attraction to him.
And then what? she asked herself. Spend the rest of the tour with him? She couldn’t see herself in the type of relationship Jane had with Charles, all hearts and flowers, and she definitely didn’t want to be in Charlotte’s position. Not that she even knew what Charlotte’s position was. At the last three stops, Richard had taken a different flavor to his room each night, seeming more and more subdued around Charlotte. Elizabeth had thought their affair was over, until she caught them in an intimate position in a tour bus bathroom yesterday.
Elizabeth also knew that if she slept with Darcy, she would prove all those websites correct. LBS were just Slurry’s Bitches: their playthings for this tour.
She felt a flare of anger at the idea, but when she looked into Darcy’s eyes, she knew it didn’t matter; if he really cared about her, and if she really cared about him, all the rumors and innuendo would be of no consequence. A part of her knew she could love him. She didn’t, but when she heard him play and when they had these easy conversations, she knew she could, and a part of her longed for it.
And then what? Elizabeth’s personal history with romance read like the title of a book: The Greatest Disasters of Modern Times: The Titanic, the Hindenburg, Elizabeth’s Love Life. Past history had taught her it was much easier to fall in love than to stay in love. It would be much easier to have a casual affair with Darcy than to try to have a relationship. It would be much less painful when it ended, she realized with a frown. But somehow she couldn’t do that. She couldn’t treat him like an easy fuck. He was already more than that to her. So she was back where she started.
No, Darcy was a yummy-looking treat, and he might or might not be a good person inside. But Elizabeth didn’t have time for it. She didn’t have the time, or the emotional energy. She smiled sadly to herself as she realized that she would take a pass on him.
Elizabeth sat in the private corner backstage, working on a new song, unaware she was being observed. She sang along with her strumming, testing out chord progressions and the flow of her lyrics.
He smiled to himself. How could he not? He felt instinctively that she was singing about him. It was the first solid sign of her affection for him and it made him grin with deep satisfaction.
“Careful,” a voice said from behind him. “You’ll burn your eyes out like that.”
Darcy turned to see Alex staring at him coldly. “And I suppose you know this for a fact?” he replied, his voice coated with ice.
“Everyone knows you can’t stare at the sun for too long. Didn’t your mother teach you that?” He pushed past Darcy and walked to Elizabeth, calling her name to draw her attention, as Darcy watched.
“I’ve got great news, Lizzy.”
Elizabeth stopped and tilted her head expectantly. “Well?” she smiled.
“Collins just called. He’s bringing the video commissioner down tomorrow and we’re going to have a meeting to plan your video!”
Elizabeth smiled brightly. “I still can’t believe it,” she said, then she laughed with delight. “That’s great, Alex. Thanks for telling me.”
“I’m going to go tell the others,” he told her as he moved off.
Elizabeth nodded and returned to her guitar. As Darcy watched, she smiled again and then looked away thoughtfully.
He was puzzled. Elizabeth was not prone to sadness, and yet for the last few days, she seemed almost depressed. He walked up to her quietly, as she sat absently strumming and staring into space.
“Hey,” he said easily.
“Oh!” she started. “Hey,” she replied.
“I heard you got good news.”
She nodded her head, looking very pleased. “I’m very excited. This is something I’ve been dreaming about for so long. I just hope I don’t screw up too much. I’ve never done this before and I’m certainly not an actress.”
No, you’re not, he thought. “Elizabeth, is something wrong? You seem down lately.”
She looked for a moment as if she was going to push him away, and then her face changed and she spoke. “My mom called today,” she began. “She told me that a good friend of mine from college is pregnant.” Elizabeth smiled in embarrassment. “And it’s kinda bothering me. This girl is my age, and she’s going to have a baby. Be a mom. All that responsibility for someone else.” Her eyes widened at the idea. “I can’t imagine being in that place. I’m just so not ready for anything like that.” She looked at Darcy. “Does that make any sense?”
He nodded. “It makes a lot of sense.” More sense than he could tell her.
Elizabeth nodded. “I’ve been putting all my energy and my attention into my music and my career; it’s almost impossible for me to think about a family or settling down. I guess I’m worried I’m missing something.”
“You are committed to your career, Elizabeth. There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s where you should be. Children can come later, if you want that. Right now you are creating music that touches millions of people, and that’s no less valid than being a mom. You should be proud of what you’ve done.”
Elizabeth looked into his eyes and smiled gratefully. “Thanks, Darcy, that helps.”
He smiled softly. “Anytime.” He was painfully aware of the distance between them. She was deeply committed to her career, and he respected that in her. But it didn’t stop him from wanting her. He wanted to help her, to ease her way. He could. He could make it so easy for her, if she would only let him.
But she wouldn’t. She would tease and play, but she would never let him close. She was so guarded and focused. He smiled mirthlessly as he recognized himself in her. The difference was that he had a career already and was willing to make room in his life for her.
He had no idea how to close the distance between them, or even if he should; would she welcome him, if he did? Yes, they had both shown an awareness of each other, but could they move beyond it?
He was almost to the point of despair when she went back to her song. Still, listening to her words again, he knew there was hope. It would take time and effort, but he had hope.
Richard smiled lustfully at the woman before him. She was a tall, leggy blonde with beautiful blue eyes and a charming, quiet manner. He met her earlier at the meet-and-greet and was delighted at her ability to make him believe that he was her first choice, as opposed to being a poor replacement for Darcy. Gently he lifted her chin and kissed her, tasting her sweetness. Oh yeah, this is going to be good. He kissed her again, long and hard. She responded vigorously, yet no matter how deeply he probed her, he couldn’t find what he was searching for. No woman, no matter how beautiful or sexy, had touched him the way she had. He didn’t like that thought, and he pulled the girl closer, determined to banish it.
“Richard?” a soft voice spoke to him from behind.
He stopped, puzzled by what he heard. It was like his thoughts had invoked her presence and for a second, he doubted if he had really heard her. The reaction of the woman in his arms, however, made it clear that Charlotte was really there. He frowned at her in confusion. “Char?”
“Um,” she appeared to shrink before him. “I was wondering if I could talk to you, but I see you’re busy.”
Richard looked from her small face to the blonde and back. “Oh, Char, this is Suzanne. Suzanne, Charlotte Lucas, of Long Borne Suffering.”
Charlotte nodded and smiled politely to the blonde, who smiled coldly back.
Richard looked confused. “Is it important, Char?” he said uncomfortably. They were backstage, and Richard had only a short time before the buses would be leaving. He really wanted to be with the hot blonde, but he was concerned about Charlotte. He had never seen her looking this worried before.
“No,” she shook her head. “It’s nothing,” she said as she turned away.
“Char?” His voice stopped her. “Is something wrong?” he questioned her, clearly torn.
She shook her head, not looking back. “It’s nothing, Richard. I’ll see you at breakfast.”
Elizabeth felt like she was walking on air. Winnie, the video commissioner from De Bourgh, had just spent the last two hours discussing plans for the video. It was going to be a challenge; she had never done anything so complicated or expensive before. The “Everything You Are” video had simply filmed them during their rehearsal. The money involved in the new video had definitely given her a moment of uneasiness, but Alex assured her that they had made enough from the tour to cover it, even if CD sales fell flat, which was highly unlikely. “First Impressions” was still in the top forty, and all the predictions were that it would be moving up rather than down.
In less than a week, they would fly to a race car track in Ohio, the setting for the video. They would meet the director and spend two days shooting. Elizabeth’s excitement had reached a new high, and she was ready to celebrate with her friends.
She invited Alex and Winnie to join her in going out for dinner, but they declined, being too busy crunching numbers. She then found Jane with Charles in his suite, the door left open as it usually was. They were working on a song together. Elizabeth smiled with genuine happiness for them. It really seemed like they were made for each other.
“Congratulations, Lizzy!” Charles said when he noticed her there. He stood and gave her a friendly hug. “Jane told me all about the video. I’m really happy for you!”
“Thanks, Charles,” she grinned. “Do you two want to come out for dinner?” It was a rare night off, and Elizabeth wanted to have fun.
The smiling pair agreed and Elizabeth walked across the hall to Darcy’s door. She knocked determinedly. He wasn’t going to beg off this time.
He was in a robe and holding his guitar when he opened the door. Elizabeth raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Why are you in your bathrobe?”
“I was playing,” he answered in his soft voice.
“What? You play in the nude?” she asked teasingly.
“Yes,” he answered her with complete seriousness.
Elizabeth’s lips formed an O and her cheeks warmed slightly, but she maintained her nerve. “Well, get dressed. We’re all going out,” she announced.
“Out?”
“Yes, out to dinner to celebrate the newest Long Borne Suffering video, starring me.” She smiled happily.
Darcy smiled back, enchanted by her infectious happiness. “Give me a moment.”
“Okay, you can meet us at our suite. I’ve gotta find Char,” she answered as she walked off. Darcy watched her move away, admiring the view, then shut the door.
Elizabeth opened the door to her suite, a wordless tune of joy on her lips. She walked to Charlotte’s room, where she heard noises. The door was open and she looked inside. The tune died.
She stared, her eyes not able to understand what she was seeing, her mind unwilling to process the image. Before her was Charlotte, pulling her shirt down, and sitting on her bed, far too close to her, was Bill Collins.
Shock and confusion froze her into place. “Char?” she whispered, completely unable to believe what her eyes were telling her.
Charlotte looked up, her face reddening. “What?” she snapped.
“What are you…? What are you doing?”
“Excuse me,” Collins huffed as he stood up and pushed past her.
Elizabeth heard him leave; the sound of the door slamming broke her out of the trance. “Charlotte! What have you done?” she asked, horrified, as she rushed to her friend’s side. She heard the door of the suite open and close again, but she ignored it. “Oh my God! He didn’t force you, did he?”
“Nothing happened, Lizzy!” Charlotte snarled.
“Char, why?” Elizabeth’s voice was trembling. “What the fuck were you thinking?”
“Nothing happened! Now, let it go, Lizzy.” She moved to the window, lit a cigarette, and took a long drag.
Elizabeth looked at her in confusion, not noticing the two men observing from the doorway. “Charlotte, I find you with that, that… thing all over you and you tell me nothing happened?” Elizabeth was aghast. “How can you say that?”
“Because it’s the truth, Lizzy,” she retorted. “Nothing happened, and even if it did what business is it of yours?”
“I’m your friend, that’s what makes it my business. Why didn’t you tell me? I just can’t understand why—”
“I know you can’t understand! I’m not asking you to understand. I’m asking you to let it go!” Charlotte cut her off and then sighed and turned away. “I’m not like you, Lizzy,” she said in a calmer voice. “I’m not idealistic, and I’m not romantic like Jane. I never was.” She paused. “You want to know what happened? Fine. I’ll tell you! Bill wanted me, and I didn’t say no. That’s all,” she spat. “I know you would never do something like that, but I’m not you, and don’t you dare look down on me for it!”
Elizabeth was stunned. She couldn’t understand why Charlotte would have ever done such a thing.
“Lizzy,” Elizabeth whirled around, surprised to find Richard standing in the room, his face pale and his eyes grave. “Could you excuse us please?”
Charlotte turned a sullen face to him then moved back to the window as Elizabeth left the room.
Richard closed the door slowly and turned back to Charlotte. Even with her back turned to him, he knew what she was feeling. He knew she was expecting him to blast her, so she could blast him back and avoid really talking about what happened. He could see it in the lines of her shoulders and the tension in her arms.
Instead he moved silently to her side and lightly put his hand on her shoulder. Charlotte flinched at the gentle touch but otherwise remained where she was. Richard felt it as she took a deep breath, and he felt the tension slowly draining out of her. When he thought she was ready, he turned her with his hands and took her into his arms, letting her rest her head against his chest.
“You are not supposed to be doing this,” she said finally, her voice weak. “You are supposed to be disgusted and yelling at me.”
“I know,” he said, his voice quiet. “But you’re talking to a recovering alcoholic. I’m afraid righteous anger looks pretty stupid on me.”
Charlotte chuckled once and let him lead her to the bed. They sat there, side by side, as Richard held her hand, unwilling to let her go. “Want to tell me what happened?” he asked.
Charlotte looked at him. His question was an offer for her to explain. He was not judging her in any way. She sighed tiredly. “Collins has been hitting on me for the last few weeks,” she admitted dully.
“Since Will threw him off the tour for hitting on Lizzy?”
Charlotte looked at him, her eyes wide. “What?”
Richard’s eyes grew sadder. “I thought you knew,” he explained. “Will threw Collins off the tour because he was hitting on Lizzy. That’s why he left so suddenly and never came back except for meetings.”
“Oh,” Charlotte said, her lips pressed tightly together. Clearly this was news to her.
“So, Collins was hitting on you?” Richard prompted, trying to get back to the issue of Charlotte.
Charlotte nodded. “He never forced or threatened me or anything. He just clearly thought LBS owed him a fuck for all the ‘wonderful’ assistance he’s given us. And he offered to help our CD along, so that didn’t hurt.”
Richard reached out and pulled her close to him, stroking her back comfortingly. “Why did you do it?” he asked.
“Why not?” she squeaked. “He was easy. I could kiss Collins and it was nothing to me. I could be in control with him. It would be a simple business transaction. He would help the band and I knew I would feel nothing for him, that he could never hurt me.” She closed her eyes and bit her lip hard, struggling to keep control. “It was just a business deal.”
Richard stayed calm, stroking her back, careful to remain open to her, but inside his heart was breaking in two. He was devastated to know that his Charlotte, his beautiful, beautiful Charlotte, could think she was worth so little. “Char, why didn’t you tell anyone?” he asked, again not judging, only seeking to understand.
“I tried,” she whispered.
Richard grew very still, his eyes not focusing on anything. Then slowly he licked his lips and attempted to speak words that were almost too difficult to say. “What do you mean?” he whispered hoarsely.
“I tried to tell you last night when Alex told me Collins was coming. I knew he would be expecting something from me today.”
With her words, Richard’s flesh turned to stone. He felt all the color, all the life draining out of his body, leaving only a worthless shell. He struggled to breathe as two facts became completely inescapable to him: he loved her, and just as surely, he was destroying her. He had a moment of breathtaking clarity and he knew what he needed to do. He had to save her, even if it meant losing himself. Gently he returned to stroking her back. “You should have told me, Char. I would have helped.”
Charlotte looked at him and he could see the anger in her eyes. “When?” she seethed. “When you were screwing that blonde?” She snorted. “It was easier on my pride just to do Collins.” She pulled away and walked across the room, crossing her arms in front of herself and pressing her hands to her chest.
“I’m sorry, Char; you’re right,” he said with a voice awash in sadness. He walked to her and rested his hands on her upper arms, her head fitting neatly under his chin, and they stood there, each lost in their own pain. “I’m very sorry, Charlotte. For what it’s worth, he won’t bother you anymore. Darcy will get rid of him and you’ll never have to see him again.”
Charlotte snorted derisively. “I told you, Collins was the least of my worries.”
He turned her around, her body not resisting him. She looked into his eyes, and for the first time, she found a wall there, a barrier. “I know. I’m going to try to fix that.” He kissed her once, softly. “Charlotte, you were wrong. You’re too good for the likes of him. You’re too good for the likes of me.”
“What?” Charlotte asked, confused and suddenly deeply worried.
For a moment he couldn’t answer her. “I just meant you sold yourself far too cheaply. You are very special, and I really hope that someday you know it.”
Charlotte’s chin began quivering and she shut her eyes tightly. “Please don’t say that.”
Richard took her close into his arms and nodded, his lips making soft soothing sounds in her ear. He could feel her fighting against her tears. He wished he could give her what she needed, so she could trust herself enough to cry in front of him. It was curious; she gave him every part of her body, but her soul she held far away from him. He smiled bitterly as he realized that this was for the best. He knew he could only bring her pain, and he loved her just enough to turn away from her.
He watched her pull herself together and put on a brave face for him. He smiled encouragingly at her. Yes, he told himself, this was best. He looked at her beautiful face, one he would always hold dear, and sincerely hoped that she would find someone who deserved her, someone better than himself.
As Elizabeth entered the living room of the suite, she was surprised to see Darcy there. Then she remembered she had invited him for dinner. He was speaking into his cell phone as waves of anger washed off him. His voice was low and dangerous.
“I want to be explicitly clear. I will not work for a company that allows its executives to sexually harass its artists. Now you have five minutes to make this right or I will pull our contract and I don’t care how much it costs me.” There was a pause, and then he growled, “Well then, perhaps you should put your mother on the phone, Anne.”
Elizabeth shivered at the cold rage she heard in his voice. She turned to see Charles, Jane, and Caroline all looking worried and puzzled.
“What happened, Lizzy?”
Elizabeth sighed disgustedly. “I don’t know, really, I came in to tell Charlotte about dinner and I found her in the bedroom making out with Collins.”
“What?”
“Oh my God!”
“Richard is talking to her now,” Elizabeth reported in resignation.
“Where is Mr. Collins?” Jane asked.
Elizabeth shrugged.
“I saw him leave when I came in,” Darcy said in a soft voice as he put away his phone. “Elizabeth, may I speak to you?”
Elizabeth nodded. A feeling of numbness had come over her. She walked into her bedroom, knowing he would follow.
Darcy closed the door firmly behind them. He turned to see Elizabeth pacing the room, her arms wrapped tightly around herself.
“Lizzy?” he said in a gentle tone.
Elizabeth’s eyes closed and her face crumpled into a mask of pain as she put a hand to her forehead. “It’s all my fault!” she said shakily, her breathing labored and quick. “I knew! I knew exactly what he was, and I didn’t tell anyone.”
“You told me,” he said, standing as still as a statue.
“But I should’ve told them! I should’ve told her!” she cried. “Damn it! I was glad he was paying attention to Charlotte because it meant he would leave me alone!” She broke down into sobs and suddenly he was there, his arms wrapped around her as she cried out her guilt.
Her tears soon slowed and stopped. Elizabeth pulled out of his arms to turn to the window, her face hidden in her long hair.
“Elizabeth?” he said, his voice hardly a whisper. “It wasn’t your fault.”
Elizabeth was filled with shame and embarrassment. That he of all people should know of her failing. She couldn’t look at him. She found herself conflicted, wanting both to flee and to go to him, to let him protect and hold her.
“Elizabeth, listen to me.” He moved so that she was in front of him, her eyes staring up at his face, her expression one of loss and pain. “It wasn’t your fault.” For a moment, Elizabeth couldn’t understand his words, because she was distracted by the fullness of his lips. They looked so soft she wanted very much to kiss them.
She stared at him with eyes wide and dark, and without thinking, he kissed her. It was the light, gentle kiss of one angel to another. He pulled his mouth away, and she made the softest sound of protest and he fell back to her.
Elizabeth opened her mouth to him, knowing nothing more than how good it felt. Darcy kissed her with a passion that burned her soul. He explored her mouth, skillfully teasing her into entering his. She tasted him, lost in the feeling of pleasure that only made her want more.
Kissing Darcy was everything she had wanted it to be, and much more. She sighed as she felt his strong hands on her back, pulling her body tightly to his. She could offer no resistance, nor did she want to. Her hands grasped his shoulders as she struggled to maintain her equilibrium. Yet somehow she knew that if she fell, he would catch her and hold her up.
She opened her mouth wide, offering more of herself to him while she tried to possess as much of him as she could. Back and forth the hungry tide went: tasting, teasing, probing, then submitting to the sweet bliss of the other’s penetration.
Elizabeth felt a need growing large within her. Stirrings of desire that made any lust she had felt before seem like a passing caprice. Unknowingly, she cried out as his lips left hers to travel to her throat, as he kissed the line between her ear and shoulder, murmuring her name over and over. She shifted herself closer to him and was relieved rather than shocked when she felt his hand cup her full breast. Her body pushed itself into him, without any awareness on her part, seeking what it needed so badly.
Any thoughts or questions in her mind were drowned away by the strong masculine scent of him that washed over her as she pressed her face into his neck. She licked him, trying to capture the delicious taste of his skin. Desire she dared not acknowledge before drove her on as she felt him bury his fingers in her long hair and move her head back so he could once again plunder her mouth.
Moans of impatient pleasure were the only sounds in the room, until a knock on the door thundered in their ears. Elizabeth froze then hurriedly stepped back as Caroline’s voice came to them: “Darcy, Lizzy, we need you.”
With a rush that almost knocked her off her feet, everything came back to Elizabeth: Charlotte, Collins, everything. She paled then flamed as she remembered her situation, even as her fingertips were tracing over her swollen lips.
Darcy looked at her, his dark eyes a one-way mirror, which she could not see through to his feelings. “Are you okay?” he asked with obvious concern.
Elizabeth nodded, not yet having found her voice.
“We better go back,” his voice was soft.
Elizabeth closed her eyes and nodded in agreement as her hand unconsciously soothed her hair back into place. He watched her, his eyes drinking in the sight of her, then turned forcefully away and walked out of the room.
Elizabeth, still in a daze, followed him to the living room, where Caroline, Alex, Jane, and Charles were waiting for them. She sat down next to Jane with a weak smile, which Jane returned. “Where’s Charlotte?” she asked softly.
“Charlotte needs some time alone,” Alex answered quietly, his face one of shock and barely controlled anger.
“Did Richard leave?”
Alex nodded once.
“Now that everyone is here, I think it’s clear we need to do something,” Caroline said in her authority voice. “It’s obvious that Collins is a problem.”
Darcy interrupted her. “I’ve taken care of that.” He cleared his throat and continued. “Bill Collins is no longer LBS’s A and R. Anne de Bourgh will now be handling both bands.”
Elizabeth came out of her daze with his words. She questioned for a moment if she heard them correctly, but Caroline was already speaking.
“Good. That takes care of a huge worry. Thank you, Darcy.” She turned to the rest of the group. “Okay, why don’t we go and get dinner. I think we all need to get out of this hotel room for a little bit, and food will help.”
“I’ll stay with Charlotte,” Alex told the room. Caroline nodded.
Elizabeth stood up with the others and gathered her bag. She was silent, but inside her mind was reeling. She wanted to stay with Charlotte, but when she thought back to their last meeting, she feared she would not be welcomed.
Then she brushed against Darcy as they entered the elevator, and a new wave of questions overcame her. What had she just done? She glanced out of the corner of her eye at Darcy, but he was looking straight ahead. She wished she knew what he was thinking. Her lips were still tingling as the group traveled to the pair of limos that were waiting for them in the front of the hotel. She forced her hands to keep from touching them.
There was small talk in the cars, but Elizabeth didn’t hear any of it. Her thoughts were too full. She kissed Darcy, oh God! She struggled to make any sense of it. She knew she desired him, almost since their first meeting. She never tried to deny it. At first she thought he was completely uninterested in her. Clearly that presumption was incorrect. She shivered as she remembered the feel of his mouth working against hers.
But what did it mean? If he was attracted to her, why did he pick this time—when she was feeling horrible for her friend—to show it? A cold, still feeling overcame her as a dark part of her mind whispered, “Because he knew you were vulnerable.” Her eyes tentatively glanced at him again. He was wearing his sunglasses, but his head was turned in her direction, and she could feel his gaze upon her. She could feel her pulse quicken.
Had he taken advantage of her distress? She was so upset when he came to her that she would have turned to anyone for comfort at that moment. And he did call her into her bedroom. She wondered if she had made a grave miscalculation in trusting him.
Yet, at the same time, she didn’t really believe it. It was hard to believe that he could be interested in her, but when she remembered the kindness he had shown her, offering advice on the tour and comfort when Jane was injured, she couldn’t believe he was that deceptive. Besides, she reasoned, he was Fitzwilliam Darcy; he received a dozen letters each day from women who would be happy to be used by him.
No, she couldn’t believe he was just taking advantage of the moment. Besides, she admitted, she was hardly an unwilling victim. Her mind replayed once again the memory of kissing him. Maybe it was possible that he was attracted to her, just as she was to him, and in a moment of weakness, those barriers broke down?
She didn’t know what to think. The idea that he was taking advantage of her seemed cruel, unfair, and wrong, yet the idea that he, Fitzwilliam Darcy, could be attracted to her seemed the height of vanity and foolishness.
The limo stopped and they exited. Elizabeth stopped to look up at the restaurant and was so struck by the absurdity of the situation that she laughed out loud.
“Don’t you like Japanese?” Darcy asked, his voice so low that only she heard it.
“No, actually, I love it. It just seems like a weird place to be after,” she shrugged, “everything.”
Darcy took a casual look at the street and then his eyes met Rebecca’s. He shared a nod with his security expert then said to Elizabeth, “Come on,” guiding her into the restaurant.
The Osho was crowded, with a long, narrow dining room. The sushi bar was at the front, before a large bay of windows looking out on to the street. Long rows of tables lined the walls of the restaurant toward the back.
Elizabeth drifted away from the group to look appraisingly at the sushi counter, where rows of brightly colored fresh fish sat under glass.
“I hope you are not planning on eating that bait again, Will.” Charles’s voice rang out in her ears.
“Maybe if you tried it,” his soft voice answered enticingly.
“Oh no, I like my food cooked,” Charles laughed in reply.
“Do you like sushi?” Darcy’s voice was suddenly much closer. Elizabeth looked up to find him staring over her shoulder at the selection of fish.
“Yes, I do,” she answered. “But I usually don’t order it. It bothers Jane.”
Darcy removed his sunglasses and his eyes flicked over a small empty table in the window nearby. “We could sit here and have some together.”
Elizabeth was torn. She still didn’t quite trust him, yet at the same time, she wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. It was the sushi in the end that won her over. She had not had it in so long, and she found it just too appealing to pass up. With a nod she agreed.
Darcy turned and put a word in Caroline’s ear, and a minute later, the two of them were seated together at the lone table. “What do you like?” he asked her as they examined the menus before them.
Elizabeth’s eyebrow arched. Here was where she would be able to tell if this was a sincere offer of fish or just a ploy to get her alone. “I usually prefer nigiri-zushi to maki,” she said, deliberately using the Japanese words.
Darcy didn’t react at all. “Do you like hako-zushi?” he asked, his eyes not leaving the menu.
Elizabeth remained indifferent and returned his serve. “I love hako-zushi unagi. It’s one of my favorites.” She waited to see if he would react to her preference for grilled eel.
He didn’t. “I always order unagi at a new place. I find it’s one way to judge the restaurant’s quality.” It was his ball and a tiny curl of his mouth told her that he knew it. “So, we’ll have some unagi—how do you feel about tuna, salmon, yellowtail, mackerel?”
Elizabeth nodded to all of this. “Oh, do they have toro?”
Darcy’s eyebrows shot up. “I’ll check,” he answered in a pleased voice. Then both sides of his mouth curled and Elizabeth knew he was leveling a big gun at her. “How do you feel about uni?”
Elizabeth grinned lightly. Truthfully, the ground raw sea urchin had never been something she could tolerate, but her honor was at stake. “I only like it if it’s exceptionally fresh,” she bluffed convincingly.
Darcy nodded once, satisfied. “Do you mind if I order for both of us and we can share?”
Elizabeth smiled, pleased in spite of herself. Whatever else he knew, Darcy at least knew sushi, and she was looking forward to it. “That would be nice,” she answered.
The waitress came and Darcy ordered what seemed to Elizabeth to be a vast quantity, but she knew she could eat a disgustingly large amount of sushi, given the chance, so she didn’t care.
The waitress came back a moment later with green tea for both of them. Elizabeth picked up the thick, handleless mug and blew across the hot brew. Her feelings were still jangled from before, but the tea helped her to relax. Darcy watched her silently and then asked, “Are you okay?”
Elizabeth smiled bitterly and shook her head no.
Darcy frowned, looking down at his teacup, then back at her. “I’m sorry, Elizabeth.”
She wondered what exactly he was apologizing for.
“I should have dealt with Collins back when you told me.”
Elizabeth ignored the uncomfortable sensations of relief that he hadn’t apologized for kissing her and focused on his words.
“I had thought a warning and taking him off the tour would be enough. Apparently not, and I’m very sorry.”
Elizabeth was touched by the sincere contrition in his words. “It wasn’t your fault,” she said, unable to meet his eyes. “It wasn’t even your problem.”
“If it happens on my tour, it’s my problem,” he said simply.
“No, it’s not,” she objected. “Look, he was our A and R executive. We should have been the ones to deal with him.” She sounded angry, even to her ears.
“How?” he asked bluntly.
Elizabeth opened her mouth to respond, then closed it with a snap and a hard look at Darcy.
“The fact of the matter is there was nothing you could do, Elizabeth. You have no power over De Bourgh, and unless you wanted to take this public…” He lifted an eyebrow suggestively.
Elizabeth frowned at that idea.
“Exactly. So there was nothing you could do.” He sighed. “I understand. You want to make it by yourself. You don’t want to be helped. I know. I’ve been there.” He paused as a small wooden boat covered with a beautiful arrangement of sushi was brought to their table.
Elizabeth smiled at the display then looked back to him, her expression serious as she willed him to continue.
“The fact of the matter is this had to be stopped and stopped now.” He paused a moment to eat a piece of tuna. “I know it’s difficult to accept help, but it’s better than the alternative, and in the end, I simply couldn’t let this go on. Five years from now, I don’t want to be reading headlines about a ‘Slurry sexual harassment’ case.”
Elizabeth admitted to herself that he made a valid point. It didn’t make the truth any easier to swallow, but he was right and now she needed to admit it. “Sorry I jumped on you like that,” she apologized.
Darcy nodded. “I know the person you are really mad at is fat, greasy, stands about this tall, and answers to the name of Collins.”
Elizabeth smiled and felt a huge burden lift from her shoulders.
“You better hurry up,” Darcy motioned with his chopsticks. “I don’t know how long I can keep from eating all the toro.”
She dug in, and as she ate, she was surprised again at how easy it was to be with him. She realized that he was carefully keeping the conversation to light topics, but even so, she was pleased at how similar their views were.
The combination of tea, fish, rice, and conversation was doing a great deal to improve her condition. “You look like you are feeling better,” Darcy observed.
“I am,” she confirmed. “Thank you.” She smiled inwardly and then asked, “How do you manage it all without going nuts? This week I’ve been up and down so much emotionally, I don’t know where I am anymore.”
Darcy studied her face then carefully reached out and offered her his free hand.
She stared at it a moment, then took it with a squeeze. “A part of me wants to go away from all this. To go home and just be me again and stay in one place for a week.”
Darcy’s eyes turned sad. “You can never go back, Elizabeth. I thought you knew that.”
Elizabeth nodded. “I know. I feel like I’m on a ship crossing the ocean. I can’t go backward, and I can’t get off, I can only go where the ship takes me.”
“Do you regret your trip?” Darcy asked, his eyes searching hers.
“No,” she said with a surprising certainty. “No, this is what I wanted. It’s not always pretty, it’s not always easy, but it is what I want.”
Darcy seemed impressed with her answer. He squeezed her hand again and then released it to continue eating.
“Can I ask you something?” she asked as the waitress refilled their tea.
Darcy shrugged.
“I notice I’ve never seen you drink alcohol,” she observed.
Darcy finished the bite in his mouth. “Simple reason, I don’t.”
“Not at all?”
“Not usually,” Darcy shook his head. “I don’t like to be under the influence of anything.”
She smiled and arched her eyebrow. “Oh, the famous Darcy control.”
He stilled and took a long look at her, his eyes sweeping down and up her body. Elizabeth swallowed hard as she knew they were both remembering their earlier moments together.
She licked her lips nervously and tried to continue the conversation. “I mean, um, you seem so different from your public, bad-boy image,” she stammered.
Darcy visibly refocused himself. “That’s because it is just that, a public image. It’s useful to let people believe you are something you are not. It gives you some distance from the fans,” he answered, not without some difficulty.
Elizabeth made herself look away from his lips. “I, um, I was just surprised.” She smiled weakly. “You hear all these rumors of decadence and depravity, and you have all been practically monks.”
Darcy looked at her in amused disbelief. Elizabeth laughed at herself and amended her statement. “Okay, well, Richard is certainly not a monk.”
Darcy shook his head no, his mouth curled into a grin.
“All right!” Elizabeth said with mock surrender. “Okay, I take it back. I’m the only one living a monk life. Everyone else is getting plenty of action. Happy?”
Darcy’s forehead crinkled. “You think so?”
“Well, Richard and Charlotte have been busy, we both know that.” Darcy nodded. “And I suspect Jane and Charles are doing something more than just writing songs. And you have that Amy woman,” she tried to say lightly, but failed utterly.
Darcy smiled to himself. “Amy is my head attorney with Darcy Technologies. Our relationship is strictly professional.”
Elizabeth looked at him with frank disbelief.
“All right,” Darcy sighed. “Years ago, Amy and I had a relationship.”
“What happened?”
He lifted an indifferent shoulder. “She graduated from law school and got a position with a firm, and Slurry got big and started touring constantly. We soon figured out that we wanted different things.”
Elizabeth nodded understandingly. “I know that story.”
Darcy looked at her curiously and then continued. “She got married two years ago. We’re still good friends, but that’s all.”
Elizabeth felt stupid for making him explain this to her. Then it dawned on her that he had been just as celibate as her.
“So, what is your story?” he asked. Despite the lightness of his tone, Elizabeth knew he wasn’t asking just to be polite.
“Not much story to tell. Currently, my only emotional relationship is with my guitars.”
He grinned and waited.
She grinned back, seeing she was not getting out of answering the question. “I suspect you know this one already. I haven’t been able to find a man with whom I could make a long-term relationship work, and the one-night stand thing just isn’t my style.”
He sipped his tea thoughtfully. “But you’ve tried.”
“Oh, I’ve tried. Don’t get me wrong. It’s just, well, you know, you’re a musician. Most people don’t understand that you have to work every Friday and Saturday night.”
“And that you are going to be on the road as much as possible,” Darcy added.
“Exactly,” she replied, her words gaining speed, “and that you don’t just have time to lie around all day playing house with them. That you actually do have to spend your time composing and rehearsing.” She stopped short and blushed. “I’m sorry; I don’t mean to rant.”
He shook his head. “No, I understand completely.” He took another sip of tea and continued. “Have you tried dating other musicians?” he asked with an upturned eyebrow.
“No, I, ah, dated someone once in the business, but it didn’t work out. And besides, I’m so busy with my career I really don’t have the time. I’m just putting romance on the back burner. You know?”
He nodded.
“So, this bad-boy thing that you do, it’s all just an act?” she said, trying to bring the conversation back to him.
“Not all of it,” Darcy replied. “Have you ever seen a stage magician?” Elizabeth nodded. “Diversion is the name of the game.” He held up his left hand and fanned his fingers. “Keep looking at this hand, so you don’t see the other palming the quarter.”
“Okay, I get that, but why? What are you hiding?”
Darcy pointed over at the other table, where the rest of the party was eating. “If you were a journalist, with no moral fiber, what would you see there?”
“Jane and Charles holding hands,” she answered softly.
“And what would happen if the tabloids got hold of Jane and Charles?”
“They would be all over it, putting it on the covers of all the magazines.” Elizabeth frowned. “They would portray it in the worst possible light. Make Jane out to be a gold digger or something.”
“Exactly.”
“And that would really hurt Charles and Jane; they both want people to think the best of them.” She turned her eyes to Darcy. “Whereas you couldn’t really care less if they post outrageous lies about you. You are protecting your friends by using yourself as a shield.”
Darcy lifted his cup in admiration. “Perfect.”
“Don’t you have secrets you want to keep out of the news?” she asked.
Darcy grinned mirthlessly. “Everyone has secrets, Elizabeth, but the image protects me as much as anyone else. They are so busy looking for the outrageous stuff that they miss the things that really matter.”
She looked at him in a new light. She realized he was willing to sacrifice his own comfort for his friends, but she couldn’t help but note that this was another way for him to control what was going on around him.
Caroline Bingley sat alone in the dim light as she sipped her drink. From her table at the hotel bar, she could see the main entrance. There was no concert tonight, the bands were all safely in the hotel, and she had made sure that Collins was off the premises. Now her face reflected the exhaustion she felt as she took another sip of her drink, the whisky biting her throat as she swallowed.
She tried to erase the images that she kept seeing again and again in her mind, those of Elizabeth and Darcy: sitting together, sharing an intimate conversation, him holding her hand, and then later, the shy way he had put his arm around her as he led her to the hotel elevators. That was when Caroline decided she needed a drink.
She slumped back in her chair. She knew it had only been a matter of time. If she had been in Elizabeth’s shoes, she would have been all over Darcy right away, like white on rice. That they finally managed to hook up was no surprise to her. She took another sip and closed her eyes to hide the stinging.
When she opened them again, she saw a pair of blue eyes sitting across from her, watching her patiently. “Do you mind?” a voice with a soft London twang asked.
Caroline shook her head. “Make yourself comfortable.”
“Thanks,” he said slowly. “You look pretty beat.”
Caroline rolled her eyes and sighed tiredly. “You heard what happened?”
He nodded. Caroline had long ago learned that Faust had a remarkable information network. She was impressed by his ability to always know what was going on while remaining unseen. Except when she needed him, then he would be right where she wanted him. He had also shown a discretion that had bordered on saintly, which had earned her trust.
Caroline sighed. “Collins is gone, I have no idea what is going on with Richard, and Darcy…” she trailed off.
“I know,” he said softly, his voice carrying a note of sympathy.
Caroline rubbed her forehead. “I keep asking myself why? Why her? Why not—” She broke off with a bitter grimace. “Sorry.”
Faust shook his head. “Go on,” he commanded in a gentle voice.
“What more is there to say? I love him. He doesn’t love me. And now he loves her. Old story really.” She took a sip of her drink and sighed. “I’m tired. I’m tired of killing myself for this job, and I’m tired of hurting.”
“Caro, you need to understand something.” He spoke in a way that demanded her attention, his voice vital and earnest. “You are an intelligent, competent, beautiful woman. Darcy may not see that, but that doesn’t mean that others don’t.”
Caroline’s blue eyes searched his. Her blond hair was still in the tight knot she usually wore it in, but at this point, a few tendrils had escaped and were framing the sides of her slender face. “Thank you, Faust,” she whispered.
He reached across the table and lightly brushed her cheek with the back of his hand. Caroline closed her eyes, her breath slowing as she felt the effect of the simple human contact that she denied herself so long.
“Come on,” he said softly. Together they rose and left the bar.
Elizabeth smiled to herself when Darcy slipped his arm discreetly around her waist. It was flattering. She now had undeniable proof that he found her attractive.
Together they waited for a private elevator, both craving some time apart from the others. The door closed on them and he kissed her once again, but this time it was different; this time they both knew what they were doing; both were fully aware of their actions.
“Lizzy,” he whispered between kisses, as he wrapped his arms around her. “I’m afraid I have to disagree with your ideas about romance and career not mixing. I think we could mix very well, Lizzy,” he said as he kissed her again.
His lips were so soft on hers and he drew out of her an intense longing, even as her mind was warning her to slow down. She wanted to believe him. She wanted just to be with him. She wanted to give herself to him and damn the consequences.
The shrill ringing of his cell phone broke into their awareness. He kissed her again, and she sighed softly as he moved back and answered the phone.
“Hello?” he said somewhat distractedly. In a heartbeat his face changed. She watched as confusion, then worry, raced across it, then it shut down entirely, something Elizabeth found inexplicably disturbing. “Are you certain?” he asked. “I’m on my way,” he replied, ending the conversation and giving Elizabeth a quick apologetic glance as he hit another button on the phone.
“Tommy, I need Rebecca now,” he barked. A moment later he continued. “Georgie is missing,” he told the woman on the other end of the phone, and suddenly Elizabeth understood. She knew that Georgie was Darcy’s much younger sister. “I have to go to Choate. You’re coming along.”
Darcy hung up the phone and turned to her, his eyes filled with a distant regret. “I’m sorry. I have to go away.”
Elizabeth nodded, understanding that whatever moment they shared was suddenly gone.
When the elevator doors opened, Rebecca was there waiting, an unhappy expression on her face. “Did you call Rachel?” she asked Darcy, who was speeding down the hall.
“Not yet,” she heard Darcy answer as they disappeared into his room. Elizabeth sighed to herself and went to her room, feeling confused, lost, and empty. She attempted to tell herself again that romance and career didn’t mix and that this was just further proof, but she didn’t have the energy to believe that lie anymore. Exhausted, she went to bed, her sleep disturbed by uneasy dreams of Darcy both kissing and leaving her.
Caroline lifted her face, letting Faust cover her mouth with his. She sighed as she let herself relax for the first time in longer than she could remember. His hands were gently running up and down her sides, touching her softly, as he pleasured her mouth.
Caroline felt years of frustration falling away from her. She would have felt awkward with another man. She had actually been with far fewer men than her jaded exterior suggested, but she trusted Faust completely.
The ringing of her phone broke the mood. “Don’t,” he breathed in her ear.
With an apologetic frown she answered it. “Yes?” Faust moved behind her and began lightly running his fingers along her spine and placing featherlight kisses on the base of her neck. “What’s wrong?” Caroline said into the phone. They both knew who it was. “Oh, Darcy, it’s only ten thirty there. Is it possible she’s just out with her girlfriends?”
“It doesn’t matter,” he snapped. “Either she is just out, as you say, and she’s breaking the rules, and I have to be there, or it’s something worse, and I have to be there.”
Caroline sighed. She felt bad for Darcy, but she really felt he was overreacting. At least she was not expected to go with him; they both knew her place was with the tour. “Well, call me when you know anything.” She hung up and put the phone on her night table.
Faust looked at her, expectantly. “Georgiana Darcy has gone missing,” Caroline explained. “Poor girl is all of a half hour late and she has Darcy tearing up to Connecticut to check on her.”
“He seems very protective of her.”
She nodded. “He is. She’s the only family he has left, and he’s crazy about protecting her. I think maybe something bad happened to her before I joined the tour.” She frowned. “Has to be something that would make him race out there in the middle of the night.”
Faust stared at her for a moment. If he knew anything, he wasn’t sharing it. Instead he walked back to Caroline and kissed her firmly. “That is all I want to hear of him tonight.” He kissed her again with an intensity that left her trembling. “You are mine for the evening, not his, and I intend to make sure you know it.”