The brisk wind caught the edge of the kite and sent it soaring up in the air.
“It’s flying!” Christie squealed. “It’s flying in the sky.”
Parker grinned. “I knew we’d get it right.”
He released more string, trying to get the kite up above the cliffs behind them on the beach. Once free of the erratic breeze, the kite really could take off for the heavens. So far it had been a losing battle.
Parker moved upwind and let the kite out a little more. The breeze shifted, the kite sputtered and twisted. The long slender tail drooped.
“It’s falling,” Christie said and put her hands on her hips. “You stay in the sky, you naughty kite. You’re ‘posed to fly just like the birdies.”
It pitched back and forth, then dropped suddenly and fell to the sand. The yellow-and-blue lightweight material fluttered and danced at the end of the line, but didn’t rise. Parker coiled string as he walked toward it.
“I can design programs used by millions of people, but I can’t keep a kite in the air,” he muttered.
Christie looked at him and laughed. “Daddy, you’re so funny.”
She flung herself at him, wrapping her arms around his legs. He dropped the string, crouched down and hugged her close. She smelled of salt and summer. When she stepped away, he looked at her face. Despite using a sun block, their time at the beach had left freckles on her small nose. Her arms and legs were sturdy and strong, faintly tanned from long hours of play.
When she smiled at him, he knew exactly where her dimples would appear in her cheeks. He knew the sound of her laughter and her moods. He knew which stories she liked at bedtime, her favorite foods and how much it hurt to see her cry. What he didn’t know was how sharp the pain would be when she was gone. It was already mid-August. She and Erin would leave by the first of September. Their perfect summer was nearly over.
He hadn’t noticed the passage of time until Kiki had mentioned it that morning at breakfast. The days had all blended together until he’d allowed himself to believe this would go on forever. But it wouldn’t. Erin and Christie had a life separate from his. When they left, he would no longer be a full-time father. He would also lose his time with Erin. They would become polite strangers greeting each other across the threshold, passing Christie back and forth like a package.
“Let’s do it again, Daddy,” Christie said. “Let’s make it go really, really high.”
“So high we can barely see it,” he said, grabbing the string and straightening. He released several feet, then started to run down the beach. His daughter raced behind him, trying to keep up.
The kite danced along, finding the occasional gust of wind, drifting upward, then falling toward the ground. At the end of their cove, he turned and started running toward the stairs. The sun heated him. Waves pounded against the shore. Parker wondered if he looked as stupid as he felt, jogging up and down the small beach with a kite bouncing along behind him.
The breeze flirted with the kite, taking it up a few feet. Once it nearly cleared the cliffs before plummeting to the shore. When he reached the stairs, he turned again. He met Christie halfway. She was panting.
“I can’t keep up,” she wheezed. “You run fast.”
He slowed to a walk. The kite hit the sand. “Maybe we should go up to the cliff and try it,” he said. “I don’t think we’re going to get it flying from here. I’m sure it has something to do with the way the wind acts when it hits land.”
Christie flopped down on the sand. “Okay. Let’s do that next.”
He reeled in the kite and settled next to her. The breeze ruffled her bangs. He studied her face. He saw himself in the child’s features. And Erin. He grimaced. No, he saw Stacey. Erin wasn’t Christie’s biological mother, although she was one in every other sense of the word.
Christie tilted her head, just as Erin would, and smiled. “Why are you looking at me, Daddy?”
“I was just thinking what a pretty girl you are.”
She dimpled. “Mommy says that, too. She says it’s more important to be pretty on the inside, but pretty on the outside is nice, too.” She leaned forward. “Pretty on the inside is about your heart,” she said confidentially. “Not the blood and other stuff inside. It’s about being a nice person. Mommy’s a nice person.”
“She’s the best,” he said, wondering how many other women would have been so willing to share their child with him. Erin had given unselfishly.
He remembered her confession of jealousy and how she’d gotten over it. Those first few weeks must have been hard for her. He and Christie had developed a bond almost immediately. Erin had kept her feelings to herself. She was bright, funny, easy to talk to and just as pretty as her daughter. He wondered why some guy hadn’t already claimed her.
Maybe there was a man patiently waiting for her in Palmdale.
The thought made his stomach clench and his hands curl into fists. Talk about being ugly on the inside, Hamilton. You don’t want her for yourself, and you don’t want anyone else to have her, either. But that statement wasn’t completely true. It’s not that he didn’t want Erin, it’s that he didn’t-
He leaned back on his elbows and shook his head. Hell, he didn’t know what he wanted. One thing was for sure: He didn’t want her and Christie to leave in two weeks. He wanted this summer to go on forever. He wanted Erin back in his bed. He wanted to be the kind of man she could respect and care about. He wanted to let the ghosts go.
But were they willing to let him go? And even if they did, would anything change? Wasn’t he still a threat to everyone he cared about? Wasn’t it better for Erin, better for Christie, if they stuck to their plan?
Christie shifted so she lay on the warm sand and rested her head on his belly.
“There’s a birdie up there,” she said, pointing at the blue sky.
Parker squinted against the sun. “It’s just a speck. It must be very high.”
“Higher than our kite?”
“Yeah, but that’s not saying much.”
She giggled.
He laced his fingers behind his head and relaxed on the shore. Christie sighed as if she were drifting off to sleep. It was a lazy afternoon. She sighed again, then turned, and stretched out across his chest. Her eyes closed and her breathing became regular.
The trust inherent in her actions made his heart ache. How he loved this little girl. He would give his life for her. Emotions welled up inside him. They grew until the pressure was unbearable. He wanted to let them out, but he was afraid. Afraid of not being enough. Afraid of hurting her.
Erin’s words came back to him. She’d warned him he would have to give with his whole heart. He couldn’t hold back, not with Christie. The child would sense the truth. He wondered if that same rule applied to Erin. If he wanted her in his life, would he have to give with his whole heart? After all, she, too, would know if he held back.
But if he did as she asked, they were all at risk. Look at what had happened to Robin and to Stacey.
He had no answers to his questions. Maybe time was the solution. He would be a part of Christie’s world for the rest of her life.
But what about Erin?
That was less simple, he admitted. Once she left his house, he would lose his chance. They would return to their own schedules and the reality of getting through the day would gradually wear away at anything they might have had together. That would be best for both of them, but was it what he wanted? Was it what Erin wanted?
He stared up at the sky and realized he didn’t know what she wanted. He didn’t even know how she felt about him. She’d told him they couldn’t be lovers because eventually she might fall in love with him. How long would that take? A week? A month? A year?
Erin in love with him? The thought made his spirits soar. With her beside him, he could do anything. He could-He closed his eyes. He could destroy her.
So when the time was up, he would let her go.
Parker didn’t realize he’d drifted off to sleep until a sharp sound awakened him. Christie scrambled off him and jumped to her feet.
“Daddy, Daddy, it’s a dog!”
Sure enough a small dirty mutt came over the rocks at the end of the beach. The dog was about ten inches to the shoulder, all matted hair and big brown eyes. A long tail pumped back and forth as if finding people was the greatest joy in the animal’s life.
“He’s so cute,” Christie said, rushing toward the dog.
“Wait.” Parker grabbed her arm and held her in place. “Let’s make sure he’s friendly. Stay here.”
“But he wouldn’t hurt me.”
Parker stared at her. “Christie, this is a strange dog. It might be sick. If it bites you, then you’ll get sick, too. It’s better to be careful now. Please stay here.”
Her mouth drooped as she nodded her head. “Yes, Daddy.”
The little brown dog quivered as he approached. It rolled on its back and exposed a skinny belly. Parker let the animal sniff his hand and received a quick lick in return. He touched the dog’s stomach. The animal moaned in pleasure.
“He seems friendly enough,” Parker said, then frowned as he clearly felt ribs. Had the dog gotten lost or been abandoned? He sure hadn’t eaten in a while. He probably hadn’t had anything to drink, either. They hadn’t had rain in a couple of weeks.
Christie squatted next to him and held out her hand. When the dog licked it, she giggled. “He likes me.”
“Of course he does. Rub his belly like this.” He demonstrated the back-and-forth motion. The dog writhed and moaned, then jumped up and barked.
Christie clapped her hands together. “You want to play? Daddy, does the dog have a name?”
“Let me check.” He felt through the thick fur for a collar. There wasn’t one. “No tags. I wonder what happened to his owner.”
“Maybe he doesn’t have one. Maybe we can keep him. My very own puppy. Please say yes, Daddy, please?” The dog and the little girl stared at him with equally pleading expressions.
“We’ll see. For now, let’s give him some water.”
They’d brought a Thermos down with them. Parker poured water into a plastic cup and offered it to the dog. The animal drank greedily, then barked once and raced toward the steps. When Christie didn’t follow, he stopped and barked again.
“I think he wants to play,” Parker said.
“I’m coming,” she yelled, and ran after the dog.
The two of them played tag. Parker found a stick and threw it. The dog returned it and drank a bit more water. He was friendly and good-natured. Where were his owners?
When Christie and her new friend were tired from running, they started to explore the rocks at the far end of the beach. Parker tried his luck with the kite again. The wind had shifted and this time he managed to get it nearly as high as the top of the cliffs.
He let out more string. “Look, Christie,” he called.
There was no answer.
He glanced toward the rocks but didn’t see anything-not even his daughter. The piles of boulders were about twelve feet high, the result of a rock slide nearly a century before. He’d never bothered exploring the other side.
“Christie?”
He couldn’t see the dog, but suddenly it started barking.
He dropped the kite and ran toward the sound. “Christie!”
He searched the boulders and couldn’t find them. The barking came from somewhere else. Inside the rocks. But he couldn’t get there from this side of the beach. The rocks stretched out twenty feet into the ocean. The bottom dropped quickly and the water would be well over Christie’s head.
Parker’s heart pounded and fear chilled him. “Christie, honey, can you hear me?”
He scrambled over the rocks, trying to figure out where a four-year-old would want to go. The rough surface scraped his hands and caught his jeans, but he continued searching frantically. The little dog whimpered. He followed the sound, peering between boulders. Then he saw it. A bit of pink lying below him on the sand. Christie’s shirt. A foot in front of him was the hole she’d slipped through. She was lying very still.
“Christie!” He tried to fit through the hole but he was too big. Then he saw the dog next to her, tugging at her clothing. Parker realized the tide was rushing in and was nearly up to her thighs.
“God, no!”
He was frantic with dread. He had to get her out of there. In another few minutes, the tide would catch her and carry her out. But how to reach her?
The little dog barked again and Parker realized the animal couldn’t have gone through the hole, either. It was too far down. So there had to be another way to that small stretch of beach. The dog had come over the rocks. He could go back the same way.
Parker moved quickly, jumping from boulder to boulder. When he reached the far side, he saw a small cave.
“Christie?”
The dog ran out and tugged on his pant leg.
“I know, boy,” he said. “I’m here.”
He crawled into the shallow cave. Christie was lying facedown on the sand. Her left arm was bent awkwardly, probably broken. His heart stopped. Dear God, he couldn’t lose her, too.
Then she stirred. Her eyes fluttered open. Tears filled them. “Daddy, my arm hurts.”
The tide surged in, soaking her to her waist. Her tears became sobs.
He reached for her and gently drew her next to him. She screamed when he touched her arm, then fainted. The little dog led the way out of the cave and back over the rocks. Parker followed slowly, all the while whispering a prayer that his daughter would survive.
The hospital waiting room was a blur of chairs, light yellow walls and a television tuned to a talk show. Parker paced back and forth. His long strides ate up the linoleum floor and he had to turn around every eight steps.
“It’s all my fault,” he muttered. “Dammit.”
The same phrase had played over and over in his mind on the drive to the hospital. He’d carried Christie to the house and had called for Erin. She’d sat with her daughter in the back seat of the Mercedes. Kiki had wished them Godspeed and had promised to see to the dog who had saved their daughter’s life.
Erin stood in front of him and placed her hands on his chest. “Parker, stop torturing yourself.”
He stared over her head. “She started playing on the rocks. I should have stopped her. I should have been watching her instead of trying to get the kite flying.”
“It was an accident.” She touched his chin, forcing him to meet her steady gaze. “When she was two, she fell down the porch steps. She cut the back of her head and bled the whole way to the emergency room. I kept telling myself I should have been holding her hand or paying closer attention. She’d gone down those steps a hundred times before and been fine.”
She blinked as if she were trying to hold back tears. “She’s been on that beach before. Neither of us realized she could climb the boulders. Okay, we both should have told her to stay off them, but we didn’t think about it. I’m as much at fault. Please don’t blame yourself. It doesn’t accomplish anything.”
Her words gave him something to think about. He’d had his share of scrapes and injuries as a child. Most children do. “I’ll watch her more carefully next time.”
She nodded. A single tear leaked from the corner of her eye. She sniffed. “Are you feeling better?” she asked.
“Yes, thanks. Although when she gets out of here, we’re going to have a long talk about the boulders and not leaving the beach.”
“Good.” She gave him a shaky smile. Her lips quivered, then twisted. Tears filled her eyes. “I’m trying to be strong, but I’m not doing a good job. Oh, Parker.”
He held open his arms and she threw herself at him. She was shaking. “She’s going to be okay. It’s just a break, a clean one from the X ray.”
“I kn-know that’s what they said, but what if there’s something else? I couldn’t bear it.”
He led her over to the chairs and sat. He settled her on his lap, then rocked her.
“You held yourself together long enough to make sure I didn’t feel guilty, then you fell apart?”
She pressed her face against his neck and nodded. “Dumb, huh?”
“No, very brave. You’re a hell of a woman, Erin Ridgeway.”
“A real p-pillar of strength.” A sob shook her.
“Hush.” He smoothed her hair and continued to rock her. “She’s going to be fine. They’ll probably keep her overnight to observe her.”
“I’m not leaving her side.”
“No one has asked you to. This isn’t a busy hospital. I’m sure you can stay.”
As long as he lived, he would never forget those few minutes he’d spent looking for Christie. The gut-level fear had permanently scarred him. While intellectually he could say it had been an accident, in his heart he accepted the blame.
“Thank you for being here,” she said and straightened.
Tears dampened her face. Her mouth was swollen, her eyes and nose red. He brushed the moisture from her cheeks, then slid his fingers through her hair.
“There’s nowhere else I would rather be,” he said, and kissed her.
Her lips yielded immediately. The contact was comforting rather than arousing. She clung to him, then buried her face back in his shoulder.
“Tell me again she’ll be fine.”
“She’s a strong little girl. She has a real zest for life. Of course she’s going to be fine. She’ll have a cast. Just think of how she’ll use that to get her own way.”
Erin’s laugh was muffled against his chest. “She’s going to wrap you and Kiki around her little finger.”
“I know. You wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“No, I wouldn’t.”
They held each other until the doctor joined them. Erin wiped her face, then stood up and held out her hand to the older man. Parker rose and did the same.
“Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton, your little girl is going to be just fine.”
Parker was so relieved he couldn’t speak to correct the doctor’s mistaken assumption that they were married. Erin sagged against him. He put his arm around her shoulders and squeezed. “I told you so.”
She smiled up at him. “Those are the nicest words you’ve ever said to me.”
The doctor chuckled. “As I told you before, it was a clean break. She’s already in a cast. Because she was unconscious for a few minutes, we’re going to keep her overnight to observe her. If everything is fine, and we expect it to be, then she can go home with you in the morning.”
“I want to stay with her,” Erin said.
“Me, too,” Parker told the doctor.
“That’s not a problem. Most parents stay with their children. If you come with me, I’ll take you to her room.”
The next morning Erin hovered anxiously as Parker carried Christie up three flights of stairs to her room. He held the girl easily, as if she weighed nothing. Kiki had hurried ahead and pulled down the bedspread.
“But I’m not tired,” Christie said as she was set on her bed. “I don’t want to sleep.”
“You don’t have to sleep,” Erin said. “Just rest. The doctor said you should take it easy today. You can get up and play tomorrow.”
“Can’t I rest downstairs and watch television?”
Erin smiled, relieved to have her child home. “This afternoon. For now, you’re going to stay in bed.”
Parker sat next to her and smoothed her bangs off her forehead. “It’s not so bad, kid. We’ll all keep you company.”
Christie stared at him. Her lower lip trembled. “I’m sorry, Daddy. I didn’t mean to go on the rocks. I won’t do it again.”
Erin saw the guilt on Parker’s face. He still blamed himself for Christie’s injuries. She wished she could make him believe it was just an accident. She didn’t think it was his fault, but he wouldn’t believe that, either. Maybe with time he could see the truth.
“Are you hungry?” Kiki asked.
Christie wrinkled her nose. “I just had breakfast. They gave me pancakes, but they weren’t as good as yours. The nurse was nice, but I’m glad to be home.”
“We’re glad to have you back.”
Erin touched her daughter’s wrapped arm. “How does it feel?”
“It hurts a little.”
Erin glanced at her watch. The doctor had said Christie could have children’s pain reliever every four hours. It was nearly time.
“I’ll get you some medicine,” she said.
“I’ll come with you.” Parker started to follow her from the room.
Kiki moved to the bed and asked if Christie would like some stickers for her cast. They were out of earshot before the girl answered.
Erin headed for her room. Parker stopped her just inside the door.
“Are you doing all right?” he asked. “I know you didn’t sleep last night.”
She glanced at him. There were shadows under his eyes and lines of weariness by his mouth. “You didn’t, either.”
“I guess we were both worried.”
“It’s going to be fine, now,” she said. “Christie is a healthy child. She’ll heal quickly.” There was a faint scratching from the end of the hall. She looked in that direction, then shook her head. “I can’t believe she’s finally won that battle with me.”
Parker grinned. “You can still change your mind.”
“No, we owe her for saving Christie’s life.”
“Now?” he asked.
“Sure. You get the surprise, I’ll get the pain medication.”
Erin measured out two chewable pills, then secured the top of the container. Parker met her in the hall. He held a leash. The skinny little dog that had saved Christie’s life walked beside him.
Kiki had taken the animal to the vet. According to him, it had been on its own for nearly a month. Kiki had checked old newspapers and asked around town, but no one was missing a dog. As near as they could tell, someone had just dumped the animal on the beach and abandoned it.
After getting the dog a clean bill of health and a bath, Kiki had bought a leash and a collar.
“Christie is going to be thrilled,” Parker said.
Erin sighed. “At least she’s small enough not to be too much trouble.”
She went in the bedroom first. Christie took her pills. “Where’s Daddy?” she asked when she was done.
“He’s in the hallway. We have a surprise for you. Now you can’t get out of bed until after lunch, but if you promise to behave, you can have your surprise now.”
Big eyes got bigger. “What is it, Mommy?”
“Parker?”
He walked in with the little dog at his side.
Christie squealed. “My doggie! Mommy, it’s my doggie! Oh, he’s so clean and pretty.”
“He’s also a she,” Parker said.
“A girl doggie?”
“You’ll have to take good care of her,” Erin said. “Walk her and feed her. You can’t ignore her because you have something better to do. She’s your responsibility.”
Tears filled Christie’s eyes. “I’ll be her mommy. And I’ll be as good a mommy as you.”
The dog jumped up on the bed and licked Christie’s face. The girl giggled. Before Erin could order the animal off, she circled twice, then settled next to Christie. The look in her little dog eyes said this was exactly where she belonged.
“Oh, I love her so much,” Christie said, gently stroking the dog’s head.
“She needs a name,” Kiki said as she leaned against the foot of the bed. “Take your time and think up a good one.”
Erin glanced around the room. The joy and happiness here were as tangible as the furniture. Parker moved close and she took his hand. He squeezed her fingers. They were in this together for the sake of their child.
Christie was safe and finally had her precious puppy. Parker was close; everything was as it should be. Erin wished she could hold on to this moment forever with only one small change. She wanted to tell Parker she loved him and she didn’t want to leave him. She wanted to have the courage to admit she wanted them to be a real family.
But she didn’t say the words. She couldn’t force him to love her back. He was still withholding a part of himself. Until he learned that some risks were worth taking, until he saw that only by giving everything would he get all he needed, the clock continued to count down the time until she had to leave.