Erin stared at her daughter, sure she must have misunderstood what she was saying. One look at Parker’s stunned expression told her she had not. Christie wanted to stay here-with her father.
It wasn’t possible, of course. The complications. The awkwardness alone boggled the mind. Besides, Erin had a feeling she was going to need some breathing room away from Parker. For some reason her hormones had decided to start line-dancing whenever he was in the vicinity.
She caught a quick movement out of the corner of her eye. Kiki was inching toward the door.
“It’s all the way at the top of the house,” Christie said, her voice bright with excitement. She was completely oblivious to any tension in the room. “I can see the ocean and the whole sky. There’s a rocking horse and playhouse and a big bed to sleep in all by myself.” Her smile was winning. “Across the hall is a grown-up room just for you. There’s a window with a seat. There’s even a little wooden box by the bed,” Christie went on, grinning widely. “You know, for a puppy.”
Erin dropped her head to her chest and fought back a groan. When had everything gotten so out of hand?
“Kiki,” Parker said sternly. “What have you been telling Christie?”
The housekeeper had almost made it to the hallway. At the question, she paused, then slowly walked back into the room. “I didn’t say anything.”
Parker raised his eyebrows and waited.
“Well, I didn’t,” Kiki said defiantly. “Christie mentioned that she and her mother were planning on staying in town for a couple of weeks. This place is large enough to house a regiment. It seems silly for them to be paying a hotel bill when all this space is available.”
“So you thought you’d tell her that?”
“It may have slipped out,” she confessed. “But you must admit having them stay here isn’t a bad idea.”
Parker glanced at Erin and shook his head. “She’s been with me too long to fire, but sometimes she tries my patience.”
“Don’t talk about me as if I weren’t in the room,” Kiki said.
“Would you rather I said what I was thinking?”
Kiki sighed. “Not really.”
Erin looked at Parker and was pleased that he didn’t seem truly annoyed by the conversation. At least he had a sense of humor. The real question was did he have a solution? Kiki and Christie stared at her with matching hopeful expressions. She didn’t know what to say. For one thing, Parker hadn’t invited them. For another, it wasn’t a good idea. She could feel it in her bones, and in her stomach.
“I don’t think-” she began.
“If Christie stays here, Parker has a better chance to get to know his daughter,” Kiki interrupted. “After all, he has a lot of time to make up for.”
That one hurt, Erin thought, as the blow fell squarely below her belt.
“Kiki, I appreciate what you’re doing,” Parker said. “But it isn’t necessary.”
Erin touched the cool leather of the sofa and wondered what she should do. While she was still trying to figure that out, Christie cut to the heart of the matter. She crossed the study and stood directly in front of her father.
After placing one small hand on his knee she said, “Daddy, do you want Mommy and me to stay with you?”
Erin rose to her feet. “Christie, that’s enough. You can’t put your father on the spot like that. This morning he didn’t even know about us. We’re here to get to know each other and that’s what we’re going to do. We don’t have to live in the same house to become acquainted.”
Christie turned toward her. Her lower lip trembled slightly. “But, Mommy, we’re ‘posed to live together. Mommy and Daddy and me. You read that to me. ‘member?”
Unfortunately, Erin did ’member. She’d checked out a couple of books on different kinds of families from the library. She’d thought they would help Christie understand that she wasn’t the only one being raised by a single parent. Some of the chapters had talked about extended families. A new mommy or daddy joined the family, then he or she came to live with them. It was perfectly normal. Common even. Only it wasn’t going to happen this time. She and Parker might be Mommy and Daddy, but they weren’t going to live together.
Erin walked over to her daughter and knelt down on the area rug. Parker was a scant foot away, but she did her best to ignore him. She took her daughter’s hands in hers, marveling as she always did at how small her palms and fingers were; small, yet perfectly formed.
“Christie, it doesn’t matter if Parker and I live together or never see each other again. You’re the important one. You need to get to know your father. That’s why we’re here. You’re going to get a chance to do that, but it will be easier if we’re staying at the hotel.”
Easier for the adults, at least, Erin thought. Aside from the privacy, she was going to need the downtime.
She glanced at Parker who was staring at her intently. “I’m sorry,” she said. “You’ve had a lot of shocks today. Why don’t I take Christie back to the hotel and we can pick this up in the morning?”
He didn’t respond. Instead he frowned slightly. “I’m not sure what’s best,” he said, then turned to Christie. “Do you want to stay here?”
She nodded until her pigtails flapped like two flags in a stiff breeze.
He leaned forward in his chair and placed his elbows on his knees. His face was close enough to hers that she could see the individual whiskers that would soon darken his jawline. His dark irises were a mixture of colors. Brown, dark blue, hints of green and gold.
“It’s not a bad idea,” he finally said.
Erin blinked at him. Not a bad idea? Was he insane? It was a hideous idea. It was the worst idea she’d ever heard. Unfortunately she couldn’t say any of that. The air had fled her lungs and she couldn’t speak. She didn’t know if it was the force of his gaze or the scent of his body, but either way, she was immobilized.
“I would like the time to get to know Christie,” he continued. “There’s plenty of room for both of you.”
“Please, Mommy,” Christie begged.
“Don’t forget, I live here,” Kiki said from her place by the door. “I’ll be the chaperon.”
Parker straightened immediately. His face hardened, and his expression became unreadable. Erin felt as if she’d been slapped. Obviously even the thought of anything happening between them was so repugnant, he could barely stay seated. Well, that was just fine with her. She wasn’t interested in him, either. Pray God he hadn’t been able to tell what she was thinking earlier when just the lightest touch of his fingers on the small of her back had sent heat spiraling through her body. Something was very wrong with her and as soon as she figured out what it was, she was going to get it fixed.
She stood up and glanced from Parker to Kiki to Christie. She didn’t know what to do. Staying would probably be best for Christie and Parker. They would need time to get to know each other before they could bond.
“Say yes,” Christie whispered.
“Say yes,” Kiki said.
Finally Parker glanced up at her. “I would like the two of you to stay.”
She drew in a deep breath. “All right.”
Christie whooped loudly and flung herself at Erin. “You’re the bestest mommy ever.”
Erin placed her hand on her daughter’s head. “I’ll remind you of that when you’re fighting your bedtime.”
Christie giggled, then spun around and grinned at Parker. “Can I have that room upstairs? The one with all the windows so I can see the whole sky? And the rocking horse and the playhouse?”
“Of course.” Parker also rose to his feet. He towered over Erin by a good seven or eight inches and she was five feet seven inches. “Kiki will make up the room across the hall for you, Erin. That way you can be close by. I’m down on the second floor.”
His tone told her he was reassuring her that she would be safe from him. She’d already figured that out.
“I’ve paid for the motel room for today,” she said. “I think Christie and I should stay there tonight. My friend Joyce will be leaving in the morning, then Christie and I will check out and come here. Say ten or eleven?”
“That sounds perfect,” Kiki said, before Parker could comment. She moved forward and took Christie by the hand. “You’re going to have to tell me everything you like to eat. I can cook anything. Would you like a cake for dessert after lunch tomorrow?”
Christie’s answer was lost as Kiki led the girl out of the room. Erin watched them go, then turned her attention to Parker. Some of the tension seemed to have left his body, but his expression was still unreadable.
“You can change your mind,” she said quietly. “It’s not too late. Christie would understand.”
His dark gaze met hers. “That’s not an option. I want to get to know my daughter. After all, she’ll be spending time here.” His mouth eased into a smile. “I’ll admit to being a little overwhelmed.”
“Only a little?” she teased.
“Okay. A lot overwhelmed. But this is important to me. Now that I’ve found her, I want to be a part of her life.”
“I’m glad,” Erin said and was pleased that she really meant it. “Christie is a great kid. She deserves a father who cares about her.”
Something very much like pain flashed through Parker’s eyes. Before Erin could figure out what it was, he’d placed his hand on the small of her back and was urging her toward the door. Her out-of-control hormones took over and all she could do was endure the heat the contact produced and concentrate on not making a fool out of herself.
“I think you’re insane,” Joyce said the next morning as she pulled the shoulder strap of her purse up her arm and settled it in place. “Coming up here to meet the guy is one thing, but living with him is another. What if he’s an ax murderer?”
“I’ve met the man. He seems very nice. He has a live-in housekeeper. I’ve read magazine articles about him and even seen his credit report. None of them mentioned anything about being an ax murderer.”
Joyce brushed her long blond hair out of her face. “You think serial killers can’t get a credit card?”
“I think serial killers aren’t millionaires who set up foundations to help poor children get a good education.”
“He did that?”
Erin nodded, then rose to her feet. The bathtub was almost half full of water. She checked the temperature, then turned off the faucet. Christie was already pulling off her nightgown and stepping into the water.
“I have to be pretty when I see my daddy again,” she said and she sat in the tub.
It was the first time the girl had ever requested a bath, so Erin wasn’t about to discourage her. “Do you want your toys?” she asked.
Christie rolled her eyes. “Of course.”
Erin grinned, then handed her the net bag containing all her bathtub entertainment. She left the bathroom door open and stepped into the bedroom. The sound of splashing followed her.
Joyce glanced at her watch. “I should be going.”
“I wish you hadn’t rented a car. I would have been happy to drive you to San Francisco.”
“No, it’s too far. Christie was cooped up in the car enough on the way up here. I’ll be fine.” Joyce smiled. “Besides, I rented a convertible. A far cry from my sensible import back home, but it is just for the day.”
“You’ll be okay?”
Joyce touched her oversize handbag. “I’ve got maps and the number of Dan’s hotel. I’ll be fine.”
Erin looked at her friend. Joyce was a stereotypical California girl with blond hair and blue eyes, and a petite figure that made her the envy of most of her friends. If she hadn’t been a genuinely nice person, someone would have done her in years ago. She taught at the same school with Erin. When Erin had first mentioned driving up to meet Christie’s father, Joyce had offered to tag along to spell the driving and to baby-sit if needed. Then she would hop down to San Francisco and spend a week with her fiancé who was there on business.
“You’re sure about this guy?” Joyce asked, obviously reluctant to leave.
Erin crossed the room and gave her friend a hug. “I would never put Christie in danger. Parker Hamiliton is a very nice man. A little reclusive, but that’s not a horrible fault. He seems genuinely excited to meet his daughter. Christie needs this.”
Joyce hugged her back, then stared at her. “You always worry about what Christie needs, but who worries about what you need?”
“Me? I’m fine.”
“You’re twenty-seven years old, and you’re living like a nun.”
“I happen to like living like a nun.”
Joyce laughed. “Don’t lie to me. You hate it. You have to. It’s not easy being responsible for everything yourself. I just wish-”
Erin returned to the double bed by the door and sank onto the mattress. “You wish what?”
“I wish it had turned out differently.”
Erin shook her head. Off-key singing floated out of the bathroom. Christie was mangling a song she learned at her preschool.
“I don’t want to change anything,” Erin said. “I know you have trouble believing me, but it’s true. Christie is the best part of my life.”
“She’s a wonderful little girl, but you need more.”
“Agreed. When there’s time.”
“You have to make time.” Joyce glanced at her watch again. “Speaking of which, I’ve got to get going. You have the name of the hotel?”
“Yes. And if there’s any problem, I’ll be on the phone instantly.” She made an X over her heart. “I swear.”
“Have fun,” Joyce admonished.
“That, too.”
Her friend waved, then stepped out of the motel room and shut the door behind her.
“Are you doing okay?” Erin called.
“Yes, Mommy,” Christie answered.
Erin stood up and crossed to the open suitcase on the dresser. Most of her daughter’s things had already been packed. Her suitcase was on the bed. She walked over to it and dug under a couple of sweaters for her sister’s diary, then sat back on the mattress.
Erin knew she hadn’t been completely honest with Joyce. If she could, she would change one thing about her past. She would change Stacey’s death. Even five years later, she still missed her twin. They’d spent four years going to different colleges, but Erin had always felt connected. Now she could never shake the feeling that a piece of her was gone. After twenty-two years of being half of a pair of identical twins, she’d been left alone.
The leather-bound diary was cool to the touch. When she’d found the journal she hadn’t been able to read more than a few entries. The familiar handwriting made her miss Stacey more than ever. Now reading the words brought her sister back to life. Erin flipped it open, randomly turning pages until Parker’s name caught her eye. She began to read.
Parker gave us an introductory session this afternoon. There are five other interns, four guys and one really mousy-looking nineteen-year-old in thick glasses. I don’t think he’ll notice her.
Erin skipped the paragraphs about the programs Stacey had been so excited to work on. There were details about schedules, then she found Parker’s name again.
I sat next to him at dinner. I know Erin would laugh if I told her, but I was too excited to eat. He’s very handsome, yet it’s more than that. It’s the sadness in his eyes. It calls to me. I want to hold him and heal him until he smiles again. My blood races whenever I’m near him. It’s as if he’s my destiny and I am his.
The next sentence had been obliterated by thick strokes of black pen. No matter how Erin held the page up to the light, she couldn’t make out the words.
I’ve fallen for him. Love has made me a giddy fool. I’m trying hard to be sensible, but part of me doesn’t want to be. I want to feel the romance and the magic. I want my blood to race and my heart to pound. I want to feel the heat of his hand against my skin.
Erin slammed the diary shut. She was feeling some heat of her own, but it came from the flush of embarrassment on her cheeks.
“How you doing?” she called.
“I’m fine.” Christie’s voice was patient. They went through this ritual every time she bathed. The four-year-old liked to have her playtime with her tub toys. Erin didn’t mind, but she needed to hear splashing and singsong conversation to know that her daughter was doing all right in the water.
She placed the diary on the bed and covered her face with her hands. Why was this happening? She wasn’t the young romantic innocent Stacey had been. She was a mature woman, a single parent, a respected teacher. She was stronger than this. Falling apart when she was around Parker Hamilton wasn’t an option.
Easier said than done, she thought, remembering the heat she, too, had felt when Parker had touched her. What was going on? Why did Stacey’s diary make sense? Why was she experiencing the same reaction around the same man? She wasn’t the emotional sister. She wasn’t the romantic one. She’d always been practical and logical. After all, when the girls had realized there wasn’t enough money for both of them to go to the college of their choice, Erin had been the one to figure out if they left some of the money in for an additional four years, then one could go away to college and one could go away to graduate school.
She knew she had a brain, so why wasn’t it working now?
You’re living like a nun.
Joyce’s words came back to haunt her. For the most part Erin didn’t miss having a man in her life. She never met anyone special enough to make her heart race or her blood…
Don’t think about it, she ordered herself. It wasn’t important. She wasn’t really caught up in some situation that forced her to re-live her sister’s life. The point was, she just hadn’t had time to date. Obviously that was the problem. Parker was the first good-looking, single guy she’d been around since college. Of course she had a reaction to him. It didn’t mean anything except that maybe it was time to dump the nun act and start behaving like a woman. Not around him, but around someone safer.
“You all right?” she called, listening to the splashing.
“Yes, Mommy.” Christie’s voice was slightly less patient.
She would get her feelings under control, she told herself firmly. She would stop reacting like…like…like Stacey and start acting more like herself. Otherwise she was going to say or do something foolish. That would only make an awkward situation worse. After all, Parker hadn’t once hinted he found her attractive.
He’d been attracted to Stacey, a voice in her head whispered, and you look just like her. But had he been attracted to Stacey? Stacey’s diary was full of romance and melodrama, but nothing very substantive. How much of their relationship had been in her sister’s head?
However they had been lovers.
Erin opened the diary to the last page and stared at the photograph there. She’d tucked it next to the half-finished letter she’d found in the diary. She wasn’t sure why. She didn’t usually travel with pictures of her sister in her luggage, but it had seemed important to bring one of Stacey on this trip.
She smiled at the silliness of that thought. If she wanted to remember Stacey all she had to do was look in the mirror.
Even so, she picked up the photo and stared at her twin. Stacey wore her hair long, she always had. Erin preferred it short. They had the same features, the same smile, the same dimple. Erin had a tiny scar on her forehead from a run-in with a coffee table when she was about Christie’s age. The sisters had always weighed the same and although they shared clothes, they hadn’t dressed alike if they could avoid it.
“I’m fine, Mommy,” Christie yelled from the bathroom.
“Thank you.”
Erin stretched out on the bed next to the suitcase and wondered what had happened.
“Why did you do this?” she whispered to the photo.
As her fingers clutched the small picture, she knew the answer. There was no voice from the great beyond or psychic connection. She didn’t need that. She’d known her sister as well as she’d known herself. She could read between the lines.
Stacey had wanted to fall in love with Parker from the first moment she saw him. The handsome, brooding stranger was her fantasy come to life. The fact that his house was a stunning mansion fit for a modern-day princess and the knowledge that he mourned the loss of his wife would only have added to Stacey’s desire to make it real.
The twins had lost their parents at an early age. Going from relative to relative had left them with an emptiness that could only be filled by having a place to belong. Erin assumed she would find a man and fall in love one day, but in the meantime, the emptiness would have to be filled with friends, activities and self-confidence. Stacey had wanted to be rescued. Like a damsel in distress, she waited for the handsome prince on a white horse. Parker had fit her dream perfectly.
“Oh, Stacey,” Erin murmured, aching for her sister, knowing the pain she must have felt.
She sat up and studied the photo for a moment, then tucked it into the diary. The letter fell out. Erin picked it up and unfolded the single page.
Dear Parker,
I don’t know where to begin, so I’ll just say I’m sorry. I’m so ashamed of myself. Of what I did and how I acted. I see now that you were right about everything. I don’t know what love is. I hope someday I’ll find what you had with Robin.
In the meantime, I regret to tell you that I’m pregnant. That night, well, I lied about being on the pill. I was so afraid you would stop if I told you the truth. The problem is, I don’t know what to do now.
Please forgive me, Parker. I’m going to have our baby. I’m sure that makes you angry. Maybe I won’t do anything today. Maybe I’ll wait and tell you after the child is born. Then you can decide what you want to do.
Erin folded the letter and placed it in the diary next to the photo. Stacey hadn’t lived long enough to do anything about telling Parker the truth.
“I hope I’m doing the right thing,” Erin whispered as she listened to Christie play in the tub. “I hope I’m doing what you would have wanted me to do.”