Parker pulled his Mercedes into the spacious garage that had originally been built to store both automobiles and carriages. He grabbed his bulging briefcase and headed for the main house. By the time he hit the grass-lined path, he’d already loosened his tie and was in the process of pulling it off. There was a time when dabbling in the corporate world had been interesting and new but today the meetings had interfered with his limited time with Christie.
He jogged the last couple of feet, then stepped into the kitchen. Kiki was simmering chili for dinner. The spicy fragrance tempted him, but he hurried past without stopping to taste.
It had been a week since Erin had shown up on his doorstep with her wild tales about a child that belonged to him. A week since he’d first met Christie and she came into his life. A week of seeing in color, instead of in black-and-white.
“I’m back,” he called when he stepped into the empty living room.
“We’re on the terrace,” Kiki said.
He followed her voice and found his housekeeper and Erin sitting on chaise lounges and talking.
After a couple of weeks of summerlike weather, the temperature had dropped fifteen degrees and the fog had rolled in. For the past three days the mornings had been gray and misty, and the afternoons not much above sixty-five degrees. Erin wore a fuzzy blue sweater and black jeans. He ignored the curve of her breasts and long lines of her legs. Since that first night when he’d kissed her and experienced a reaction that had left him stunned and the next day when he’d squeezed her hand and had to fight painful arousal, he’d avoided any physical contact with her. He’d been pleasant and accommodating, but he’d refused to touch her. If he didn’t look or touch he wouldn’t do something stupid, such as get interested. So far the plan was working.
“How was your meeting?” Kiki asked. She was in one of her jogging suits. This one was white with a trail of butterflies up one leg and across the jacket. What amazed him the most was the tiny butterflies on her athletic shoes.
“The meeting was too long,” he said. “But we got everything accomplished. I shouldn’t have to go back for about a month.” He glanced around the terrace. “Where’s Christie?”
Kiki raised her pale eyebrows. “Come join us, Parker. We were talking about vacations. You haven’t had one in a long time. Sit. You might learn something.”
“Yeah, maybe next time.” He glanced around the terrace one more time, then stepped toward the living room. “Christie?”
Erin took pity on him. “She’s upstairs playing.”
“Thanks.”
“You’re quite smitten, Parker,” Kiki said.
“She’s my kid. I’m supposed to be.”
He met Erin’s gaze. A flash of understanding connected them. Her mouth curved in a smile, exposing the dimple in her right cheek. Without the bright sunlight to highlight the red in her shoulder-length hair, the color was a dull brown. He supposed she wasn’t especially beautiful, but he didn’t mind. She was generous with his daughter’s time, allowing him to be with Christie as much as he wanted, and he was grateful for that. She was a nice person. Her only request was that he treat her daughter well. An easy enough task.
“When’s dinner?” he asked.
“Six o’clock.” Kiki glanced at her watch. “You’ve got an hour and a half.”
He was in the living room before she finished speaking. He left his briefcase and tie on the floor and started up the stairs, taking them two at a time.
“Christie? I’m home.”
“Daddy!” Christie barreled out of his office. They met on the second-floor landing.
He caught her before she crashed into his legs. With a quick lift, he had her up in the air and circling around like an airplane.
“Can you fly?” he asked.
She laughed loudly. “I’m a birdie.”
One arm supported her chest, the other her hips. “I thought you’d want to be a jet.”
She shook her head. “Birdies are pretty. Planes smell bad.”
Interesting logic. “What have you been doing while I was gone?” He drew her to him. She wrapped her legs around his waist and put her hand on his shoulder. The trust inherent in the gesture made his knees weak. He’d only known this child for a week, yet she believed in him and knew that he would never hurt her. She’d accepted him with the innocence of one who has never been betrayed. Every time he was with her, he swore he would die before causing her a moment’s pain.
“Mommy and Kiki took me to the store today,” she said. “We had lunch out, too.” She grinned. “I had an ice cream for dessert.”
He touched the stains on her red T-shirt. “Chocolate, I’ll bet.”
Her soft giggle made him smile. “You’re so funny, Daddy.”
“What else have you been doing?”
“I’ll show you.” She wiggled to get down.
He lowered her to the floor and she headed for his office. Once in the doorway she turned back and motioned for him to follow. “Come on, Daddy. Come see.”
His office was long with his computer work station at one end and a good-size library of technical manuals at the other. In between was a small sitting area. The far wall was windows. Christie had pulled most of the cushions off the furniture to create a private world. She knelt down on the floor and pointed to the jumble of cushions.
“This is the castle,” she said. She picked up her doll Millie, whose everyday dress had been replaced by something fancy and long. “This is Princess Amdromada.”
“Amdromada?” He squatted beside her.
“Uh-huh. She’s very beautiful, and she has a handsome prince, only he’s busy right now. There’s a terrible dragon who wants Princess Amdromada for himself.” She pointed to a floor lamp she’d dragged over from the far corner. “He’s very dangerous. The princess has to be careful.”
“Why is the prince busy?”
Christie considered that for a moment. “He just is. Sometimes princes have a lot to do.”
How much of this was pretend and how much from her life? She and her mother lived alone. According to Erin, Christie had wanted a father for a long time. “Do you think the prince has forgotten about her?”
She stared at him, her brown eyes wide and troubled. “Princes don’t forget.”
“Does the prince know about his princess?”
“He should,” she said firmly. “Princes should know everything.”
Parker wondered if daddies were supposed to know everything, too. “Will the princess forgive the prince when he finally comes back?”
Christie thought for a moment. “If he promises to never go away again, she will.”
But he wasn’t going to be able to make that promise, Parker thought grimly. In seven days, Erin would take Christie back to Palmdale and he wouldn’t see his child again for weeks. He couldn’t imagine what his life would be without her.
He rose to his feet and held out his hand. “Would you like to see a different castle with a prince and a dragon?”
“Sure.” She clutched his fingers.
He led her to his computer, then sat in the chair and booted the system. Christie trustingly climbed into his lap. “It’s a program!”
“Yes. Something new. The recommended age is seven to ten, but you’re very smart so we’ll give it a try.”
Christie beamed at him. “You’re very smart, too.”
“Thank you.”
She leaned against his chest and stared at the screen. “Oh, it’s beautiful,” she said as the colorful shimmering castle appeared.
“The princess has been stolen by the evil dragon who takes her all over the world. The prince has clues and has to use them to find his princess. He must ask questions, battle against wizards and do good deeds for points.”
“I like it,” she said.
“It still has a few problems to be worked out,” he said. “But it’s a pretty good program.” A business associate had asked Parker to look the software over. The company had been forced to do some reworking when he’d pointed out having the prince rescue the princess was a little sexist for the nineties. They should let the princess do the rescuing every now and then.
He rolled the chair closer, then grabbed the mouse and slid it along the pad until the arrow pointed to the word Begin.
“First the dragon crossed an ocean,” he read. “We have to pick an ocean.” A map of the world appeared.
“Pacific Ocean!” she said loudly. “’Coz it’s so pretty.”
“Pacific it is.” He moved the mouse and clicked. The screen changed.
Slowly he and Christie worked their way toward saving the princess. Her bright chatter made him smile and her silly jokes allowed light in the darkness of his soul. Once again he realized their time together was half over. What was going to become of him when she was gone?
Sometimes when he was with her, he wondered what it would have been like if he and Robin had had children. Would a child have given her the will to survive? Would a child have given him a reason to go on or would he have destroyed that innocent being the same way he’d destroyed his wife?
At least Christie was safe from him. Erin was strong. She would protect her daughter, keeping her safe from all that threatened Christie, even if that meant keeping her away from him. He admired that about Erin. She had done what she had to do for Christie. She didn’t complain, she just got the job done.
It was as if his thoughts conjured her from thin air. Suddenly she was standing in the doorway to the office.
“Christie, it’s time to wash up for dinner.”
“We’re rescuing the princess. She needs me.”
“The princess will still be here after dinner, or even tomorrow,” he said. “Look, I can save the game in progress.” He showed her how to move the arrow, then click the command. When the screen had returned to the main menu, he swiveled the chair around and let Christie slide off his lap.
“I want to play again,” Christie said as she skipped toward her mother.
“I’m sure you will.” Erin gave him a weary smile. “I did warn you she was a handful.”
“She’s worth it,” he said.
“You’re right.” She touched her daughter’s shoulder. “Did you say thank you?”
Christie smiled shyly. “Thank you for playing with me.”
“You’re welcome. I enjoyed it, too.”
The little girl dashed toward the stairs. Erin glanced after her, then returned her attention to him. “You were worried about getting along with her, but it’s not so hard.”
“You’re right. I’ve enjoyed having her here.”
“She’s had a great time, too. See you at dinner.” She followed Christie to the stairs.
Parker watched her go. He found himself studying the gentle swaying of her hips. By now he’d grown used to the low level awareness he felt whenever she was around. If he didn’t touch her or get too close, he could keep it under control.
What surprised him was the more he was around Erin, the more he remembered Stacey. Or maybe it wasn’t all that startling. After all, they were twins. But he didn’t see their similarities as much as he saw their differences.
He remembered Stacey being intense and emotional. Erin was as bright as her sister, although in a different way. She didn’t converse knowledgeably about computer programming, but she was well-read. Her quirky humor often made him laugh in spite of himself. If not for that damn awareness, he would be perfectly comfortable around her.
He turned his chair until he was facing his computer screen again. He could go back to work on that program that was giving him so much trouble. He reached for the mouse, then pushed it away. He still didn’t have the solution so there was no point in wasting time. What he needed was a flash of brilliance. What he needed was Robin.
The thought propelled him from his chair. He crossed the office and headed for his bedroom. The master suite was close to the stairs. As he entered the large room, he glanced at the sleigh bed, and antique nightstand and dresser he’d found in the attic. Old and new blended well. He had Kiki to thank for that. When he’d redone his bedroom, she’d helped him pick out fabric and decide which pieces to use. He’d made the change in an effort to forget. It hadn’t helped much.
He crossed to the closet and quickly shrugged out of his dress shirt and trousers. After pulling on jeans, he buttoned the fly then returned to the dresser in the bedroom for a sweatshirt.
He slipped his arms into the soft fleece, then paused to look at the picture on top of the dresser. It showed Robin working at her computer. She hadn’t known she was being photographed. Oversize glasses slipped down her nose as she leaned back and stared at the screen. Her jeans were torn, her boots scuffed, her sweater slipping off one shoulder. The photo captured her at a moment of inspiration. Her wide mouth turned up in a smile while her arms were extended, palms up, in a gesture of victory.
He’d seen her that way dozens of times. For a while he hadn’t been able to look at the pictures without feeling pain. Now it gave him a bittersweet connection to the past.
He looked around the room and wondered if he’d been hasty in moving. The original master suite had been down the hall. He’d gutted two bedrooms and a bathroom, then converted them into the new master. The old suite had been divided into the second-floor library and storage. He’d sold the furniture he and Robin had used. It had been his way of trying to get on with his life. It hadn’t helped much.
He pulled the sweatshirt over his head then grabbed a pair of socks and his athletic shoes. He knew he would always love Robin and he would always miss her, yet the past week had taught him an important lesson. Having Christie in his life had shown him that five years after the fact he might finally be ready to let go of Robin. Maybe it was time to stop living in black-and-white.
When he got downstairs, Kiki was alone in the kitchen. She’d changed from her jogging suit into wool slacks and a sweater.
“I see you have a date tonight,” he said. “Which one is it?”
She raised her eyebrows and smiled. “Skip.”
“Ah, so I won’t expect you before dawn.”
“Maybe not even then. The chili is done. It can simmer until you’re ready to eat. I mixed up corn bread. Pop it into the oven for thirty minutes.” She leaned against the counter and stared at him. “You know it wouldn’t hurt you to try it once and a while. If you still remember how.”
He pulled a bottle of beer out of the refrigerator and opened the top. “The corn bread? I’ll have some tonight.”
“Not food, Parker. A woman.”
Dammit, why did people insist on saying things like that when he was drinking? He swallowed, then choked. After coughing for a couple of minutes, he could finally breathe again.
“Kiki,” he said warningly.
She ignored him. “I’m serious.”
“So am I.”
She walked to the island and braced her hands on the counter. Blue eyes met and held his gaze. “It’s been five years, Parker. That’s a long time to miss someone.”
He turned away and stared out the window. “It doesn’t matter how long it’s been, I still love Robin. I’ll always love her.”
“And I’ll always love my son, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to forget I’m alive. That’s what you’ve been doing all these years. You’re a walking corpse.”
“Thanks for the compliment.”
“I’m only saying this because I care about you. You have needs.”
He groaned silently. “My needs and I are just fine, thank you.”
“Are you? Really? What about the difference Christie has made in your life?”
He couldn’t deny that. “I like having her here.”
“Being alive isn’t so bad, is it?”
He glanced at his housekeeper. “Leave it alone, Kiki. It’s none of your business.”
“Bull.” She moved in front of him and tilted her head back as she stared at him. The fact that he was nearly a foot taller didn’t seem to intimidate her in the least. “I’ve seen how you look at her.”
What was she talking about? “Christie?”
“Erin.”
For one horribly uncomfortable moment he was afraid she’d been able to read his mind. He was willing to admit he might have felt the odd moment of desire, but so what? “She’s Christie’s mother.”
“So? That only makes it more convenient.”
“I’m not interested in convenient.”
“You’re not interested in anything.”
He took another sip of beer. “Maybe I should be like you and have several lovers.”
She smiled. She made a fist and gave him a mock punch in the upper arm. “You’re not the type, Hamilton. You couldn’t handle the pressure to perform.”
“I’m flattered,” he said dryly as she crossed to the small table in front of the window and collected her purse.
“Don’t take it so personally.” She headed for the door. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
He stared after her. “Kiki?”
“Yes?” She paused.
“I’ve been thinking of asking Erin to extend the visit. Would you mind?”
Her smile was blinding. “Finally. Of course I don’t mind. It would be terrific to have Christie here. Plus you’d have more time to work on her mother.”
“Erin is off limits.”
“Where did that rule come from?”
“I just made it up. I don’t want to complicate my relationship with Christie by getting involved with Erin.”
“Sure.” Kiki nodded. “Falling in love with Erin, marrying her and living with the two of them forever would be a real complication. I can see why you’re determined to avoid it.”
He let her sarcasm wash over him. It didn’t matter what she said, he couldn’t change his mind. After Robin, he’d sworn never to risk love again. The price was too high for everyone involved.
“I hear them coming this way,” Kiki said, then opened the door. “Ask her. I’ll be expecting good news in the morning.”
Ask Erin now? “I was thinking of mentioning it later in the week.”
“Figures. Just like I said, Parker, you can’t perform under pressure. Bye.”
The door slammed behind her just as Erin walked into the room. “Was that Kiki?” she asked.
“Yeah. She’s got one of her dates.”
“Oh, which one?”
“Skip.”
Erin grinned. “She won’t be back until morning.”
Her humor was contagious. “I wouldn’t count on it. You want a beer?”
“Sure, I’ll get it.” Erin opened the refrigerator. “She mixed up some corn bread and left it in here. If you tell me what time you want to eat, I’ll heat it up.”
“Say a half hour?”
“That will make Christie happy. She’s in your study watching a cartoon program that ends in-” she glanced at her watch “-twenty-seven minutes.”
After slipping the corn bread into the oven, she sat on one of the stools by the center island. Parker took the one next to her. Erin uncapped her beer and took a sip, then glanced at him.
“I have to admit I admire Kiki. She knows what she wants, and she does it.”
“Is this specifically about her having three lovers or are you talking in generalities?”
Erin ducked her head but not before he saw a faint blush stain her cheeks. “Oh, I just meant her philosophy about life. Not having regrets.”
“What regrets do you have?”
She thought for a moment. “None where Christie is concerned. I don’t regret what I had to give up to keep her or be a good mother. But sometimes I wonder if I needed to give up everything I did. Maybe I could have made a few compromises.” She shrugged. “It’s hard to say now.”
She turned back and forth on her stool. Her blue sweater twisted with her, alternately tightening, then releasing around her torso. When it tightened, he could see the shape of her breasts and the slender line of her rib cage. He tried to convince himself his interest was simply male appreciation of the female form, but he knew it was more. The heat slowly licking up his body felt suspiciously like desire.
“You could make some changes,” he said.
“I’ve been thinking that, too.” She tilted her head and her hair brushed across her shoulders. “I’ve really enjoyed spending time here. I’ve been able to relax and think. You’ve been a very gracious host, Parker.”
He picked up the beer and downed a large gulp. Ask her, a voice in his head insisted. It was the perfect opening. But what if she didn’t want to stay? What if he’d been a lousy father and she couldn’t wait to get Christie away from him? What if…
Oh, hell. “Erin, I’d like you and Christie to stay with me for the rest of the summer.”
“What?” She spun the stool toward him and stared. “Stay here?”
He nodded. “You don’t go back to work until September. That’s nearly eight weeks away. There’s plenty of room. I think Christie likes it here, and I enjoy having her. You, too, of course.”
“Of course,” she murmured, her delicate eyebrows drawing together. “Stay here for the rest of the summer? I had no idea.”
He put the beer bottle on the counter and resisted the urge to wipe his suddenly sweaty palms on his jeans. “I like being with my daughter. I want to have more time with her before she has to go back to school.”
She stared at him and he stared back. Her hazel eyes were wide like Christie’s, and fringed with dark lashes. Her skin was smooth and soft looking. They were close enough for him to smell the sweet scent of her perfume.
He wanted to hope she would say yes. He wanted to beg. He wanted to promise he would never hurt her or Christie. Instead he waited.
“Christie would like it,” she said at last. “She loves this house and being with you. I wasn’t sure what kind of father you would be, but I’m very impressed.”
“Thank you,” he said quietly, the anticipation building. “I don’t have a clue what I’m doing, so I’m winging it.”
“You have good instincts.” She tilted her head again, then smiled. “I don’t really have anything to go home to. Summer in Palmdale is hot and windy. Staying here is like being at a vacation resort. You must promise to let me know if either Christie or I get in the way.”
“Is that a yes?”
“Yes.”
“Yeah?” He stood up and grinned. “Great. Thanks.”
Without thinking, he pulled her to her feet. She came willingly, and then she was standing very close to him. She was smiling, too, and her hands rested on his chest.
He could feel the heat from each of her fingers. His heart rate increased. The need and the relief got tangled up together, feeding each other until they both exploded into a raging fire. His humor faded and he wanted to kiss her.
He placed his hands on her shoulders. Her sweater was as touchably soft as he had imagined it would be. He could feel her shoulders and the thin strap of her bra.
“Erin,” he breathed as he lowered his head to hers.
The kitchen door popped open.
“I have seen this cartoon before,” Christie announced as she raced into the room. Her shoes skidded as she came to a sudden stop.
Parker released Erin and took a step back. Christie was staring at him. “Are you going to kiss Mommy?”
He didn’t know what to say.
Erin solved the problem by going to her daughter and taking her hand. “Don’t be silly. We were just talking.” As she led the girl out of the room, she gave him a quick glance over her shoulder.
He wasn’t sure what she saw on his face. After all, he wasn’t sure what he was feeling at this moment. He was glad they were staying and he had wanted to kiss her. Even though he knew it was wrong.
But as Erin looked at him, he knew exactly what emotion she was experiencing. Regret.
What he didn’t know was why. Was she sorry they hadn’t kissed or sorry that he’d tried at all?