AFTER THE FAIR CLOSED on Monday, Elissa packed up the last of her supplies and carried them to Walker’s SUV. One of the guys in a neighboring booth had helped her with the tables she’d rented.
“See you next year,” he called as she climbed into the driver’s side.
“Sure. Congratulations.”
She waved, then closed the door and started the engine.
Home, she thought wearily. She just wanted to be home. Home where she could be quiet and finally think. Or maybe not think. Maybe what she needed was to sleep.
Because she hadn’t the night before. Long after she’d gone to bed, she’d lain awake in the dark, staring at the ceiling, wondering what to do about Neil.
He hadn’t said how long he was going to be in Seattle, but she didn’t think he would make the trip for just a few nights of work. Which meant weeks, maybe even a month in the area. He could show up at any time, demanding more money, insisting she pay or he would want to see Zoe.
Her stomach clenched at the thought. Zoe thought her father was dead and that was better for everyone. But if things got ugly, Elissa could find herself having to tell Zoe about Neil-and she would do nearly anything to avoid that.
The fear grew until it was hard to think about anything else. She briefly considered running-packing up a few suitcases, grabbing Zoe and going. But where? And what would happen when they got there? Unless she figured out how to get a fake name and identification, Neil would eventually find her. How would she explain the situation to Zoe? Plus she hated the idea of running-it was too much like letting him win.
The most logical solution was to go to a lawyer. Something she should have done years ago. Neil was not a good influence for a small child. Surely the courts would see that. If she could work out a deal, pay Neil off and get him to sign a release of some kind, that would be the best solution. Only what would motivate him? She didn’t have enough money to give him a lump sum large enough to satisfy him.
A loan, she thought. Not from a bank, but maybe her parents or Frank. Even with her and her mother at odds, surely her parents would help her keep Zoe. Walker had the cash, but she wasn’t comfortable discussing Neil with him. Besides, she wasn’t sure any of them would approve of her decision to pay a drug addict to stay away from his child. What if they wanted her to be more reasonable, to let Neil have the chance to prove himself as a good father? Neil was a great manipulator. He’d had a lifetime of practice, using people. What if he convinced them he deserved a chance?
She eased the large SUV into the driveway and put it in park. Walker stepped out of her apartment and crossed toward her.
It was almost dark and he appeared to be more shadow than man. Yet she felt drawn to him. She wanted to jump out of the SUV and throw herself into his arms. She wanted to confess everything and have him hold her and tell her it was going to be all right. She’d been on her own for eight years and she was tired of being the only one responsible.
“Good day?” he asked, moving to the rear of the vehicle and opening the hatch. “Make millions?”
She managed a smile. “Close. We were busy right up to the end. I sold nearly everything I had.”
“Good for you. Are you tired?”
She nodded. Bone weary, and for reasons she realized she wasn’t going to explain. She might be able to handle a lot in her life, but she couldn’t face Walker looking at her with pity or scorn. Only an idiot would have gotten involved with Neil in the first place and only a fool would keep on paying him now.
He collected her few remaining boxes of supplies, then closed the back. “I’ll return the tables in the morning.”
“You don’t have to do that. I was going to take them in after work.” Which would have meant borrowing his SUV again.
“It’s on my way to work. Don’t sweat it.”
She’d prepaid for the tables, so that wasn’t a problem. “Okay. Thanks. They have a deposit check they’ll return.”
He followed her into her apartment and set the boxes on her worktable.
“How was Zoe?” she asked.
“Good. She went to bed right on time and was asleep in thirty seconds. We went to the mall, saw a movie, then had dinner at the food court.”
Somehow Walker didn’t strike her as the mall type. “Was it horrible?”
“I survived.”
She winced. “Why do I know the movie was pure torture?”
“At least it was short.”
They stood on opposite sides of the sofa. The last time they’d been alone in her apartment, they’d been making love. Everything was different now. Not only weren’t they alone-even though Zoe was in bed asleep-she felt as if their intimate experience had happened to someone else.
Even as her body cried out for him, her brain knew that getting involved-more involved-was dangerous. Not only for her own sense of self-preservation, but because having Neil around changed everything. If Walker knew about him, he would, in typical macho guy fashion, want to fix the problem. That could only lead to trouble.
While she didn’t doubt Walker could take care of himself in a fair fight, Neil was never fair. No, telling Walker about her problems with her ex would definitely mean trouble.
Before she could figure out a polite way to ask him to leave, he gestured for her to take a seat on the sofa. Given all he’d done for her, she owed him at least that. So she would talk for a while, then claim tiredness and get him out of here.
“I’m glad your booth was a success,” he said. “Does that mean you’ll get asked back next year?”
“I hope so. I liked watching people look at my designs. I could ask them questions and figure out what was selling best and why.” She glanced at him. “Your entire family came by. That was really nice of them. They certainly didn’t have to, but I appreciated the support.”
“They like you,” he said, then exhaled slowly. “Dani found out Ryan’s married.”
That got her attention. “What? Are you kidding?”
He shook his head. “His wife came by the restaurant yesterday. He’d never said a word about her. There’s a kid, too.”
Betrayal was never easy, she thought sadly. “How’s Dani holding up?”
“She’s tough. She’ll get through it. But having this happen only a couple of months after Hugh walked out on her and then turned up a cheater isn’t helping.”
Apparently Elissa wasn’t the only one with sucky taste in men. “Tell her I’m thinking of starting a club for women who’ve given up on men.”
His gaze snapped to her face. “I will.”
She realized what she’d said and wasn’t sure how to recover. “It’s just, before you…I’ve had issues. You know. In the past, I mean.”
He nodded without speaking. Silence filled the room. At last he said, “Something’s wrong. What happened?”
“Nothing. I’m fine. Beyond tired. This was a tough three days, but really worth it.”
His gaze didn’t waver. He studied her with an intensity that made her shift on the sofa.
“I’m fine,” she repeated firmly.
“There’s something. I can see it in your eyes.”
“You’re wrong. Let it go.”
Walker knew he probably should. She’d made it more than clear she wasn’t interested in telling him. But she looked…defeated. He’d never seen that in her before. Everything about her was tough and capable. What could have brought that on?
“Were you robbed?” he asked sharply.
“What? No. Of course not.” She pulled a wad of bills out of her jeans pocket. “I made a ton of money.”
“Did your mother stop by and harass you about Zoe?”
She actually rolled her eyes. “Will you stop? I’m good.”
She wasn’t. The more she protested, the more he was sure.
“Elissa, I can help.”
“You’re not going to let this go, are you?”
He wasn’t sure. His gut told him there was something serious at stake. That her defeat had come from a place of fear. But who could scare her and why? If she-
She slid across the sofa and straddled him. Before he could react, she put her hands on his shoulders and kissed him.
Her mouth was hot and aggressive. Her tongue darted into his mouth, claiming, teasing, arousing. While his brain knew this was nothing more than a distraction, his body was willing to play the game.
Still, he fought the sudden rise of both his need and his erection right up until she grabbed his hands and placed them on her breasts.
The soft curves beckoned him. He found himself exploring them, squeezing gently, then moving his thumbs across her tight nipples. He dropped his hands to her waist, then moved them up again, under her T-shirt. After unfastening her bra, he returned to her breasts, this time touching bare skin.
She was hot and demanding, rubbing herself against his arousal, kissing him deeply, then pulling back to nip on his jaw and neck and ear. She jerked his T-shirt over his head, then pulled off her own. Then she rose up on her knees and leaned forward so her nipple brushed against his mouth.
He had no choice but to wrap his arms around her, holding her close as he sucked and licked. Wanting pulsed through him, burning him with its intensity. He moved to her other breast. She clasped his head and whispered for him to take her.
“I want you,” she breathed.
Then she was gone. She stood and walked across the living room without once looking back. But at the entrance to the hall, she paused and kicked off her sandals, then pushed off her jeans and panties. The invitation was clear.
In deference to a small child living in the house, Walker kept his jeans on until he reached Elissa’s bedroom. Then he shut the door and gazed at the naked woman waiting for him in bed.
She lay on her back, a condom dangling from one hand. Her smile of invitation was all he needed. He shed the rest of his clothes and joined her on the bed.
She slid the condom onto him, then pushed him onto his back.
“I want to be on top,” she told him. Once again she straddled him, only this time there weren’t any layers between them. As she eased down on him, he pushed inside of her.
He felt the heat and dampness of her body as he entered her. She slid down slowly, claiming him in an erotic dance that made his body surge. Her breasts hung tantalizingly in front of him. He reached for them and rubbed her nipples.
She closed her eyes and groaned. As she rose and fell on him, her body contracted around him. The position meant she controlled both speed and depth, which meant she could push him too close too fast.
“Slow down,” he breathed, wanting to make sure she was as far along.
But she ignored him. Up and down, taking him deeper and deeper, drawing him in, tightening around him. He started to lower his hands to her hips, to make her stop, but she cried out.
“Touch me,” she breathed.
He returned his hands to her breasts.
She moved faster and faster until he reached the point of no return. Until he had to give it up with a shuddering moan. Pleasure shot through him, as he pushed into her and came.
When he was finished, he opened his eyes. “Elissa?”
“That was great,” she said as she moved off of him. “I’ll sleep tonight.”
Would she? Or was that as much a lie as the sex had been. Because what she’d just done hadn’t been about connecting or even getting off. Not for her. It had been about distracting him. He’d been had.
She walked to her closet and pulled out a robe, then yawned broadly. “Thanks, Walker. I’d ask you to stay, but with Zoe and all.” She looked at her clock radio. “Wow, when did it get so late? You must be exhausted from your day. Don’t let me keep you.”
“I HAVE TWENTY-SEVEN hundred dollars,” Elissa told the female attorney sitting across from her, wishing she’d had that money five years ago and had taken care of this then. “I’m not kidding about that. When that’s gone, I’m lucky to scrape together twenty-five dollars a week.”
Sally Chasley smiled. “Don’t worry, Elissa. We charge fees on a sliding scale basis. Right now the most important issue is dealing with your problem. You said you’re being harassed by your ex-husband.”
“No. Neil and I were never married. We were living together, with me paying for everything. He uses drugs, sometimes heavily. It gets expensive. Anyway, I got pregnant and he wanted me to have an abortion. I refused and I left.” Ran was more like it, Elissa thought grimly. She’d run for her life and Zoe’s.
“And then?” Sally prompted. “Did you get in touch with him after the baby was born?”
Elissa shook her head. “I saved money until I had enough for a bus ticket, then I came here.”
Sally frowned. “You didn’t discuss the baby with Neil? You didn’t talk to him about child support or getting involved in his daughter’s life?”
“I told you, Neil wanted me to have an abortion.”
“I know, but a lot of men panic at the thought of a baby. Especially a first child. But once that child is born, many of them change their minds. They want to be fathers.”
“Neil is only interested in his next fix.”
“Has he physically threatened you?”
Elissa didn’t like the direction of the conversation. “He beat me up when he found out I was pregnant.” Would that be enough? “He finds me and demands money. If I don’t pay him, he says he’s going to insist on being in Zoe’s life. Isn’t that extortion or something?”
Sally sighed. “Elissa, the law takes the rights of both parents seriously. Neil reacted badly one time. He hit you one time. It happens.”
Elissa couldn’t believe that. “How many times does he get to hit me before it’s not okay? What about his chronic drug use? I don’t want Zoe exposed to that.”
“Nor should she be. However, Neil still has the right to see his child. You could make a case for supervised visits. He would have to earn your and her trust.”
“I’ll never trust him,” she said flatly. “He doesn’t care about Zoe. He’s using her to get money from me.”
“You’re letting him,” Sally told her. “Stop paying. If what you’re saying is true, he’ll go away. If he pursues his parental rights, then perhaps you’re misjudging him. The bottom line is you can’t prevent a parent from seeing his or her children without cause. Not liking him isn’t sufficient grounds.”
It was her worst nightmare come true, she thought bitterly. No doubt the very sensible and clueless Sally would refuse to help her draft documents offering Neil a large sum of cash to relinquish his rights as a father.
“Thank you for your time,” Elissa said and stood. “If you’ll just tell me your hourly fee, I’ll pay you for your time.”
“Elissa, don’t go. Let’s talk about this more.”
“I don’t have anything else to say.”
ELISSA DROVE HOME Thursday after work feeling as if she’d been drop-kicked off a cliff. Both her body and her spirit ached and she suspected she only had herself to blame.
The meeting with the lawyer had been a disaster. Sally had offered nothing constructive. The idea that Neil was actually interested in Zoe was beyond stupid and it terrified her that a reasonably intelligent professional would even consider it. Did that mean the courts would lean that way, as well? If push came to shove, could Neil get visitation rights?
If only he would go away for a few years, she thought. He was known to disappear for months at a time, but she didn’t think she was going to get that lucky. Him finding her at the craft fair meant he suspected she had resources and therefore cash. If anything, his appearances might become more frequent.
She pulled up in front of her apartment and climbed out of her car. Zoe came running toward her.
“Mommy, Mommy, I love school so much!! We made a little book about our summer and I brought mine home to show you. And I brought my lunch today but tomorrow is tacos. Is that okay? Can I buy lunch tomorrow?”
“Of course.”
Her daughter flung herself at her. Elissa caught her and held her close. Okay, whatever else might be screwed up in her life, Zoe was exactly right. She was worth any price, any hardship and there was no way in hell Neil was getting his hands on her.
“So you had a good day, huh?” Elissa asked as they walked toward the apartment. “Were you good for Mrs. Ford?”
“Oh, she’s not here,” Zoe said happily. “She’s playing bridge. Walker is with me.”
Elissa stopped on the bottom step of her small porch. Shame and embarrassment rose up inside of her. Her face burned, her throat got tight and she wanted to curl up in a ball and disappear.
She hadn’t seen him since Monday night when she’d used sex to shut him up and get him out of the apartment.
After he’d left, she’d felt awful. Cheap and mean and disgusting. Seven years ago, she’d used her body to get a job after she and Mitch broke up and afterward, she’d felt so horrified with herself she’d vowed to never do anything like that again. But when backed into a corner, she’d taken the easy way out.
She hated herself for what she’d done and she was terrified to know what he must think of her. Sure, she’d known there could never be anything between them-he’d made that clear on multiple occasions-but she’d liked knowing they were friends and that he at least respected her. Now all that was gone.
“Come on, Mommy,” Zoe said, tugging on her hand.
Elissa couldn’t think of a way to avoid the encounter, so she sucked in a breath and stepped into the apartment.
Walker stood in the center of the room. A half-finished puzzle sat on the coffee table next to a couple of juice boxes.
He’d been in her house before, but this time was different. She felt exposed and embarrassed.
“I, ah, want to thank you for looking after Zoe,” she said, refusing to raise her gaze above the center of his chest. “I’m sorry Mrs. Ford bothered you. It’s the middle of your workday.”
“Not a problem.”
That couldn’t be true, she thought, wishing she could think of a gracious way to end the conversation.
“I need to get changed,” she said, motioning to her uniform, then practically running toward her bedroom.
She closed the door behind her and did her best to avoid looking at the bed. After changing, she wished she could hide out forever, but that wasn’t an option. She would have to face him sometime. Maybe it was better to get it over with sooner rather than later.
Or maybe he’d just left, she thought hopefully. Maybe he didn’t want to see her any more than she’d wanted to see him. But she had a feeling her luck wasn’t that good.
Sure enough, when she returned to the living room, she found Zoe engrossed in a video and Walker standing in the entrance to the kitchen. While she longed to settle next to her daughter, she knew Walker deserved an explanation, so she entered the kitchen and carefully closed the door behind them.
Once they were alone, she braced herself for the attack, but what he said instead was, “There’s an opening for an assistant manager at Buchanan’s. It’s the lunch shift, but you’d need to work a couple of nights a week. Maybe one weekend night. We have full benefits, including matching on the 401K. Management also has a profit-sharing plan, but that wouldn’t kick in for six months.” He named a salary that made her knees shake. “You interested?”
“Are you offering me a job?” she asked, not able to believe it.
“Yes.”
“You don’t know anything about me.”
He folded his arms over his chest. “I know plenty.”
If possible, her blush deepened. “I meant you don’t know anything about my work life. If I show up on time, what kind of work I do. I have no management experience and I’ve never worked in a restaurant other than Eggs ’n’ Stuff. Why would you think I’m qualified?”
“I’ve seen you work until your fingers are swollen. You’re always out of here plenty early, so I know you get to your shift on time. The job is considered entry level management. You’d learn as you go.”
It was a terrific opportunity. So why did she have a knot in her stomach?
“I like the job I have,” she told him.
His gaze narrowed. “This one’s better.”
“I don’t want to work nights. I’m not willing to give up my time with Zoe.”
“We’re talking one or two evenings.”
“I don’t…” She swallowed. “I won’t work for someone I’ve slept with.”
There. She’d said it. Now he was going to pounce all over her and want to know why things had gone the way they had.
“Dammit, Elissa,” Walker said, careful to keep his voice low, which she appreciated. “What the hell kind of game is this? You know it’s a good job. Why won’t you consider it? If your reasons are about me, don’t worry. I’m a temp.”
“You think things are going to be better when your grandmother comes back? You think she won’t fire me that first day?”
“We do a contract. She won’t be able to.”
“Oh, great. So the president of the company will be stuck with me. That should be fun.”
“I’m trying to help.”
“This isn’t helping. Besides, I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine.” He paused and drew in a breath, as if trying to control his temper. “You’re not fine,” he repeated. “Something is wrong. Do you think I’m stupid? Whatever it is had to be pretty damn big for you to go to that kind of extreme just to change the subject. What is it?”
“Nothing I want to talk about with you.”
“Look around. You don’t have anyone else. You need me.”
She didn’t need anyone. Never had, never would. “Talk about an ego,” she told him, stepping forward so she could make her point without raising her voice. “I was doing just fine before you came along.”
He made a sound that was suspiciously like a growl. “I’m not talking about money or the fact that I can unfasten lug nuts. I’m the one person you can talk to. Who else are you going to tell? Mrs. Ford?”
“I don’t make it a habit of talking about my problems.”
His gaze narrowed. “So there is something wrong.”
“No. I meant in a general sense. Look, Walker, if you want to make a complaint, put it in writing. Otherwise-”
He dropped his hands to his sides. “Do not tell me to leave.”
“It’s my house.”
She could feel the frustration building up inside of him. Despite his physical presence and strength, she wasn’t afraid. He would never hurt her.
“Something happened at the craft fair,” he said. “I know and you know. So can we please stop playing this game so you can tell me what the hell it is?”
She opened her mouth to tell him no, but suddenly she couldn’t. He was right-she didn’t have anyone else in her life.
“Zoe’s father showed up on Sunday,” she said quietly. “He’s in Seattle with some band. He wanted money. It’s the same thing every time-either I pay him off or he’s going to become a part of Zoe’s life.”
“Did you give him money?”
“All I’d made that day.”
“And you think he’ll be back?”
“I know he will.”
Instead of speaking, Walker moved close and put his arms around her. She resisted the embrace.
“I’m fine,” she insisted. “I can handle this.”
“No one doubts that, but even the Marines sometimes call in reinforcements.”
He pulled her against him and she gave in because she didn’t have the strength to keep standing on her own.
“I’m so scared,” she whispered.
“I’m right here. We can handle this. I’ll help.”
She wanted to make him promise that he meant what he said. That he wouldn’t change his mind.
She was a woman who didn’t trust men in her life and he was a man who didn’t trust himself. But her gut said to go with him. Despite everything, Walker was turning out to be the best kind of hero.