That's a stupid thing to say. I figure you've got a right to get mad if you want but there's not much point in just being stupid.
Kevin's head shot up. His face was streaked with tears and dirt, and it sliced through Nathaniel's heart.
If she hadn't had me, things would be different. She always pretends it doesn't matter. But I know.
What do you know?
I'm not a baby anymore. I know what he did. He made her pregnant, then he went away. He went away, and he never cared. He went away and married Suzanna, and then he left her, too. And Alex and Jenny. That's how come I'm their brother.
Those were stormy seas, Nathaniel thought, that needed to be navigated with care.
The boy's eyes, hurt and angry, latched on to his.
Your mother's the one who has to explain that to you, Kevin.
She told me that sometimes people can't get married and be together, even when they have kids. But he didn't want me. He never wanted me, and I hate him.
I'm not going to argue with you about that, Nathaniel said carefully.
But your
mother loves you, and that counts for a lot more. If you take off, it's going to hurt her, bad.
Kevin's lips trembled.
She could have you if I was gone. You'd stay with her if it wasn't for me.
I'm afraid I'm not following you, Kevin.
He he had you beat up.
Kevin's voice hitched as he fought to get the words out.
I heard last night. I heard you and Mom, and she said it was her fault, but it's mine.
'Cause he's my father and he did it and now you hate me, too, and you'll go away.
Little jerk.
On a flood of emotion, Nathaniel yanked the boy to his knees and shook him.
You pulled this stunt because I got a few bruises? Do I look like I can't take care of myself? Those other two wimps had to crawl away.
Really?
Kevin sniffed and rubbed at his eyes.
But still—
Still, hell. You didn't have anything to do with it, and I ought to shake you until your teeth fall out for worrying us all this way.
He's my father,
Kevin said, tilting his chin up.
So that means
That means nothing. My father was a drunk who used to kick my butt for the pleasure of it, six days out of seven. Does that make me like him?
No.
Tears began to roll more freely now.
But I thought you wouldn't like me anymore, and you'd never stay and be my father now, like Holt is with Alex and Jenny.
Nathaniel's hands gentled as he drew the sobbing boy into his arms.
You thought
wrong.
He rubbed his lips over Kevin's hair, absorbed the jolt of love.
I ought to
hang you from the yardarm, sailor.
What's that?
I'll show you later.
He tightened his grip.
Did you stop and think that I might be hoping you'd be my son? That I want you and your mom to be mine?
Honest?
Kevin's voice was muffled against Nathaniel's chest.
Do you figure I've been training you to take the helm just to have you walk off?
I don't know. I guess not.
I've been looking for you, Kevin, longer than just today.
With a sigh, Kevin let his head rest in the curve of Nathaniel's shoulder.