The next day was the crab-catching competition. The Bennet girls were all lined up happily on Victoria Quay, dangling their lines into the salty waters and hoping for a big catch. Mrs Bennet was in charge of the net, and every time one of her daughters carefully pulled up a little fellow, she was so ham-fisted, swinging the net about, that she knocked the catch back into the water. It was a most frustrating business, especially as nearly everyone else along the quay kept calling out “Caught another!” in a most irritating manner.
Mrs Bennet was on the verge of giving up when the most amazing sight caught her eye. Mr Bingley rowing towards them! He looked so very perky, and there was clearly a bottle of Veuve Clicquot in an ice bucket and two glasses in a picnic basket in the boat and a jewellery box that most certainly was inscribed with “Tiffany” on the lid that, with a mother’s instinct, she knew instantly something was up.
“My dear Jane! He is come! Make haste! Make haste!”
But within seconds, Bingley was upon them.
“Oh, Mr Bingley!” said Mrs Bennet, feigning surprise. “Are you partial to crabbing? Do step out of your boat and come and join us.”
“Splendid!” replied Bingley, remaining in his boat and making no attempt to get out.
“Such a delightful sport, don’t you think, Mr Bingley?”
“Yes. Absolutely splendid!”
Silence ensued. After a while, Kitty said, “Chas, do you think you could go away? I think you’re disturbing the crabs. I’ve not had one bite like since you appeared.”
“Kitty!” said Mrs Bennet, outraged, and winked at her ferociously.
“Why are you like winking at me, Mother?” asked Kitty.
“I am not winking at you! But now thinking about it, I have some business with you. Come with me.”
Mrs Bennet managed to remove Kitty to the bench, where Mary was already perched reading Quantum Physics for Dummies (the last two words carefully deleted), and Lizzy was forced to give up her crabbing spot by her mother returning and demanding that she had some business with her, too. Apart from seventy-three children under eight, forty-nine yummy mummies, sixteen merchant bankers, nine ex–hedge fund managers, twelve ex-bankers, two barristers, twelve judges, and eighty-one exhausted grandparents, Bingley and Jane were left quite, quite alone.
“Jane!” began Bingley, standing up. “I… I…”
The rowing boat wobbled dangerously.
“I… I…”
Jane could hardly breathe in anticipation.
“I… I…” continued Bingley, bobbing up and down, “cannot balance…”
Bingley wobbled again and a gasp went up from the spectators and one judge even removed his wig, ready to jump in to the rescue of a potentially drowning man, but Bingley regained control of himself and the boat.
“…very well. But you would do me the greatest honour…”
At this point, Bingley knelt in the boat on one knee “and make me the most splendidly happiest man in the world if you would ma…”
Bingley and the boat wobbled dangerously.
“…marry me?”
The crowd were now captivated, and all eyes turned to Jane. Before she could speak, Bingley went on. “Dearest, darling, quite delightful Jane. Say yes! Oh please say yes! I have a ring!”
Bingley opened the Tiffany box. If the day had been sunny and bright before, the dazzling light shining from the ring within drew a gasp from the crowd. Bingley reached up, and taking Jane’s hand, slipped the ring on her finger. Bingley held the lovely, slim, white, now-bejewelled hand, waiting for her answer.
As the boat drifted away from shore, Bingley was left suspended for a moment, not on dry land, not in the boat, but somewhere hovering in between, just long enough to hear Jane reply, “I will!” before he fell in ecstasy into the water.
He emerged to see the beautiful face of his dear Jane searching for him, and he rose triumphant to place, for the first time, a kiss on those heavenly lips.
Clapping erupted from the crabbers, young and old, and there was not a dry eye on the quayside, half tears of emotion, half salty water from the giant splash Jane made as Bingley inadvertently pulled her in. But who cared when such happiness abounded? Who cared when two young people were caught in such a splendid, delightful, seaweedy entanglement of love?