25
jonquinette
“How did you sleep last night?” Daddy asked me the next morning when I descended the stairs.
“Like a log,” I responded, since I didn’t remember much about it. All I knew was that I woke up and felt like I was still exhausted. Generally that only happened to me when I had slept too well.
He grinned. “Good. The country air at night does wonders.”
“Yes, it does. I kept my windows open.” I noticed the sun beaming through the panes of the front door and added, “Now the country heat during the day is another matter.”
We both laughed.
“I don’t have much to cook for breakfast. I could go into town and pick up something.”
I leaned on the banister. “Do they have a decent restaurant around here? I’d love to treat you and Flower to breakfast.”
“We don’t have any fancy restaurants, but we do have a pretty good diner.”
“Sounds good to me. Food is food, whether it’s served on china or a paper plate. Remember when you used to always tell Momma that?”
He nodded. “I’m amazed you remember.”
“I remember everything.”
He picked up a hairbrush off the entry table and brushed his hair back. Then he unplugged his cell phone and slipped it into his pocket.
“Flower just got out the bathtub and she’s getting dressed,” he said. “We should be ready to go in about fifteen or twenty minutes.”
“I’ll be waiting on the front porch. I’ve grown fond of that swing. I always wished we had one when I was a child.”
“Really?” He looked at me in bewilderment. “You never told me that.”
I cringed with my back to him as I went out the door. There was so much I had never told him.
“So Flower, what’s your favorite subject in school?” I asked her after we were seated and eating at The Golden Spoon; the first place I had seen fully integrated with all races since I’d hit town. Good food was good food. All of the waitresses were white but I knew who was in the kitchen.
Flower’s bright eyes looked up at me. “Hmm, I guess it would be math, but I’m not sure yet. I’m only in the first grade.”
She was seated beside me in the booth and I admired the great rush job I had done on her hair. “Yeah, well, you have plenty of time to decide,” I said, patting her on the shoulder.
“Thanks for doing my hair again.”
“You’re so very welcome.”
Daddy was quiet. I guess he was just enjoying his two children interacting with each other.
Flower said, “I like music.”
“Is that so? Do you play any instruments?” I asked.
“No, but I want to learn how to play the piano.”
“What a coincidence. I played the piano when I was a little girl.”
“You did?” she asked with disbelief, like she was the only child in America who had ever wanted to play it.
I thought back to how much I had enjoyed taking lessons from one of our neighbors, Mrs. Duncan, a couple of blocks over. Then Robert, the boy who lived next door to her, teased me something horrible one day and I never went back. My mother insisted that I continue, but I just couldn’t. My nerves were shot.
Daddy’s expression told me that he was remembering the incident also.
“Yes, but I didn’t keep up with it,” I said to Flower. “Promise me that once you start taking lessons, you’ll never stop.”
“I promise.”
“Good girl.”
Daddy finally interjected. “I’ll find someone to teach you this week. Okay, sweetie?”
“Okay, Daddy.”
Daddy took pride in introducing me to the numerous people he knew at the diner. Some of them eyed me suspiciously, like I was probably a younger lover he was trying to pass off as his daughter since the age difference was totally inappropriate.
One lady, Mrs. Mabeline Harris, spent almost ten minutes standing beside our table filling Daddy in on the latest town gossip. All I could do was be grateful I didn’t live in a small town and have to deal with people constantly in my business. Not that I had any exciting business to talk about.
My stack of buttermilk pancakes and turkey sausage were delicious. I could get used to country cooking; although we did have the chicken and waffle place owned by Gladys Knight and Ron Winan back in Atlanta.
Flower grew visibly excited when she spotted two little girls going down the sidewalk on scooters. “Daddy, there’s Susan and Becky,” she said, pointing out the window. “Can I go play with them?”
“What about the rest of your food?” Daddy asked, gesturing toward Flower’s plate of silver dollar pancakes and bacon.
“I’m full,” she announced and started rubbing her belly.
Daddy and I both chuckled because we knew she was lying. Her sudden loss of appetite could only be contributed to a better proposition: hanging out with friends.
“Okay,” he said. “But you make sure you stay within sight.”
“I will, Daddy.”
Once Flower was outside playing with her friends, I said, “Tell me more about her mother. Allison, right?”
“Yes. Like I said, she’s just a friend. She was widowed a while back and it depressed her to the point that she was suicidal. That made two of us so we comforted each other to prevent the inevitable.”
“Daddy, you wouldn’t really kill yourself?”
“At one point, I seriously considered it. I’d lost everything that ever mattered to me, all based on the lies of one slut that I wish I could get my hands on for five seconds.”
I didn’t want to rehash that incident so I changed the topic. “How do you like living in the country? It’s a big change from the city.”
He shrugged. “I grew up here so it was just a matter of becoming reacclimated to the environment.”
“And you have?”
“Well, now that I have Flower, I could never leave.” He pushed his plate away and folded his hands in front of him. “I already deserted one daughter. I won’t desert another one.” There was a pregnant pause before he added, “Jonquinette, why did you really come here?”
I took my paper napkin and patted my eyes, fighting back tears. “Because I need your help, Daddy.”
He stood up, put some money on the table and reached for my hand. “Let’s go.”
I started fumbling through my purse. “No, I said it was my treat.”
“Jonquinette Pierce,” he said with authority. “After all these years, the least thing you can allow a man to do is purchase a meal for his daughter. I do have some pride left.”
I forced a smile. “I wasn’t implying that you couldn’t afford it, Daddy.”
“I know. Let’s just go.”
Flower wasn’t ready to leave so Daddy asked a mother of one of the other girls if she could stay and play. She agreed and said she would drop Flower off at home later that evening on the way to Bingo Night at the union hall.
When we got back to Daddy’s house, I was cheerful but dreading to be alone with him at last. There was so much to say and no place to begin.
Once we were seated across from each other at his dining-room table with two glasses of orange juice, he asked me, “This is about the episodes you used to have as a child, right?”
“Yes,” I whispered.
“They’re still occurring?”
“Yes, but they’ve gotten worse.”
He took a deep breath and clamped his eyes shut. “How so?”
“Oh, Daddy. There’s no easy way to say this so I’ll just come out with it. I don’t think I’m alone.”
“You’re not alone,” he said. “You have a mother who loves you, family members who love you, and you have me. I would lay down my life for you.”
I shook my head. “You’re not following me. You know how you keep saying that you didn’t have anything to do with that woman?”
“I didn’t have anything to do with her,” he insisted.
“And you know how no one believed you back then?”
“Don’t remind me,” he hissed. “They still don’t believe me but I hope you do.”
I nodded. “I can’t explain what happened and why that woman showed up there that day but if you say you didn’t have any involvement with her, I believe you.”
He slapped his hands together. “Thank goodness. I would never do anything to harm you and your momma, baby.”
“I believe you,” I repeated. “Now you have to believe me when I say—”
“When you say…?”
“I honestly never did any of those things. I know you think I was doing them and just not owning up to them. That I had some sort of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality but that wasn’t it. I had another personality altogether.”
He was stumped. “Come again?”
“Daddy, when I say I’m not alone, I mean that I’ve come to realize that another person lives within me.”
“Another person lives within you,” he slowly repeated my words.
“Yes.”
“And who is this person?”
I could tell he couldn’t grasp it, simply by the look on his face and the way the words slurred out of his mouth.
“I don’t know who she is. I just know that I have these blackouts and when I come back, so to speak, things have changed, people are accusing me of things I never did, I’m wearing clothes I never put on, things are misplaced or moved around my apartment when there was never anyone else there. The list just goes on and on.” I didn’t want to get into the sex thing with Daddy. No woman feels comfortable talking about sex with her father. Even though I realized everything would have to come out eventually, I wasn’t prepared to deal with that part yet. Not with Daddy.
“Jonquinette, listen to me carefully,” Daddy said. “You need to get immediate help. I tried to tell your mother this years ago, but she didn’t want to hear it. If you need me to, I’ll call someone for you. I’ll go back to Atlanta with you; whatever it takes.”
I reached across the table and took his hand. It was trembling, or maybe it was my hand that was actually wobbly. “I already found someone, Daddy. She’s the one who suggested I reach out to you.”
“A doctor?” he asked.
“Yes, a psychiatrist.” I nodded. “Her name’s Dr. Marcella Spencer and she’s wonderful, Daddy. I really think she can help me but I can’t face all of this without you and Momma.”
“Does you mother know you’re seeing a doctor?” he asked.
“No, but she’s about to find out. I’m sick of secrets.”
“So you want me to come to Atlanta?”
“Yes, but not until I have a chance to talk to Momma about it.”
He smirked. “Good luck. Meredith probably won’t be able to stand occupying the same room with me.”
I knew he was right. “Then she’ll have to get over it. Momma means well but she’s self-centered and it’s time for her to consider people other than herself. The two of you are my parents and, while I am grown, I still need you both.”
Daddy and I spent the remainder of the day discussing the past: the good, the bad, and the ugly. When Flower came home close to dusk, we lightened up and headed for the front porch for a night of joking around on the swing.
The next day I went to church with them and cried like a baby the entire time. I hoped that I didn’t scare Flower but she seemed to understand that I was cleansing my soul. Oftentimes, children identify with things better than adults.
After joining the parishioners in the church hall for their routine Sunday potluck dinner that started directly after church, I said my good-byes, told Daddy I would be in touch shortly, hugged Flower and wished I could take her with me, and headed out of town.
When I arrived back in Atlanta, hunger had reared its ugly head, so I stopped by a deli to get a chicken Caesar salad. I checked my messages and there were several from Momma, three from Mason, and one frantic one from Marcella stating that she needed to talk to me right away and that I could call her at home if it was after hours. She left her home number but it was late and I was drained. I had an appointment with her the following afternoon so I decided to wait, get some rest, and get ready to deal with Mr. Wilson and his demands the next morning.