30
jonquinette
My conversation with the old woman after church truly motivated me. I found myself so hyped up later that night that I couldn’t get to sleep. I lay in bed staring at the ceiling for what seemed like an eternity, but sleep would not come. I tried drinking a pot of green tea. Still nothing. I tried reading myself to sleep with V. Anthony Rivers’ novel Everybody Got Issues. I ordered the book offline because of the title, not only catchy, but true. Still nothing, though. I couldn’t go to sleep.
I finally figured out that I needed to talk to someone about my plans to speak with Momma the following day. I thought about going downstairs to Mason’s but I didn’t want to appear too needy. At least, not with him. So, I called the one person who was well aware that I was needy and then some. It was ten after midnight.
The phone rang twice before a groggy female voice picked up and said, “Hello.”
“Marcella?” I asked to make sure I had copied the right phone number down from my answering machine.
“Jonquinette, is that you?”
I was astonished that she recognized my voice so quickly. “I’m sorry for calling you at home so late on a Sunday but I really need to chat with you.”
I heard some movement on the other end of the phone and then she said, “I already told you, you can contact me anytime. What’s wrong?”
“I just feel so bemused and I’m scared about what I plan to do tomorrow.”
“Which is what?”
I paced the floor with my cordless phone for a few seconds before answering, “Confronting my mother.”
“Do you need to talk in person, Jonquinette?”
“I would be grateful for that,” I responded without a second of hesitation. “Can you meet me at your office?”
“No.”
“I’m sorry, you’re right. It’s ridiculous for me to expect you to come out this time of night.”
She took me off guard by saying, “I’ll come to you. Give me an hour.”
Always true to her word, Marcella was knocking at my door exactly fifty-six minutes later. I had spent that time straightening up and trying to look more organized than I normally was. This was Marcella’s first time at my place and my mother always taught me that people can tell a lot about a person by the way they live. Being that Marcella was my psychiatrist, I expected her to really inspect and analyze everything about my residence. I rearranged my magazines so that they were in monthly order, my DVDs and CDs so that they were in alphabetical order, and my books as well. It was silly, really, but it helped me pass the time.
Marcella came in wearing a sweatsuit and a pair of sneakers. She looked youthful in the outfit. I was used to seeing her in business suits and heels. I had on a pair of pajamas and a fluffy pair of slippers.
I hugged her with appreciation when she came through the door. “Thanks so much for coming.”
“Don’t mention it, Jonquinette.”
I led her into the living room where I had prepared a plate of cookies and another pot of tea, since I figured we would be up into the wee hours of the morning.
After we were seated on the sofa, Marcella asked me, “So what makes you assume that speaking with your mother will be a confrontation?”
That was an easy question. “Because I know how she is.” I poured us both a cup of tea and put a spoonful of sugar in mine. “I haven’t discussed my mother much but when I said she was self-absorbed, that was an understatement.”
Marcella took her cup from me and put two teaspoons of sugar in hers. “How so?”
“My mother thinks the entire world revolves around her. She doesn’t identify with the fact that everyone else has problems of their own.”
“You mentioned her being bitter about the divorce.” Marcella took a sip of her tea. “Um, this is delicious.”
“Ha, bitter is putting it lightly. When that hooker showed up at Thanksgiving dinner and humiliated her in front of her entire family, she was distraught. She probably thought it was a fate worse than death.”
“Tell me more about your mother’s background.”
“My great-grandparents were murdered when she was a child and I don’t think she ever recovered from their loss. Her parents are retired. They were both janitors and she was ashamed of it.”
“Do you see your grandparents?”
“I try to visit them in Florida at least every two years, but when I go down there, they always seem introverted. It’s like I don’t exist. They never go out with me when I’m there and they don’t even offer to let me stay with them, even though they have the space.”
“So where do you stay?” she asked.
“At a hotel down the street,” I replied. “Plus, Florida brings back a lot of bad memories for me. Being tantalized and browbeaten. I don’t have any fondness for the place, but I do adore my grandparents.”
“Does your mother have a close relationship with her parents?”
“Good question. She talks to them on a regular basis; that much I know for sure. Whether I would classify them as being close, I don’t know.” I picked up a cookie and nibbled on it. “So much has happened this weekend. I’m not sure if I can handle anything else.”
“What happened this weekend?” Marcella asked excitedly.
“You better brace yourself.”
Marcella sat up straighter on the sofa. “Okay, consider me braced.”
“Darnetta showed up here yesterday morning and punched me in the nose.”
“Darnetta? The coworker you mentioned? The one who invited you to the wedding?”
“Yes.” I paused to take another sip of tea. “Apparently, a whole lot happened at the wedding when Jude took over.”
“Such as?”
“Jude seduced Darnetta’s man.” I searched Marcella’s face for a clue as to what she was thinking, but couldn’t read her thoughts.
“She did it with Logan right there during the reception.”
“Let me get this straight. Jude had sex with the man in public?” she inquired.
“Well, in a private room someplace, but basically, yes.”
“So what did you say to Darnetta?”
“I did the rational thing since I knew she wasn’t making it up. I apologized for Jude’s behavior—my behavior.”
“Did she accept your apology?”
“Absolutely not. In fact, I still need to go through the want ads so I can start applying for other jobs in the morning.” I got up and started pacing the floor. My anxiety had kicked back in full throttle, just thinking about going to work. “Darnetta is a drama queen and she’s going to do everything within her power to make me out to be the devil incarnate at the office.”
“That’s unfortunate.”
“That’s also not all,” I uttered.
“What else?” Marcella asked.
“From what I’ve been able to piece together, the way Darnetta found out was by walking in on Mason and Logan arguing about it.”
“Logan told Mason?”
I shook my head. “No, Jude told Mason.”
“Jude?”
“Uh-huh. Mason came over here Friday night to ask me out to a movie and Jude convinced him that I was a whore and to prove it, she threw the incident with Logan up in his face.”
“How did you find that out?”
“Mason told me.” I sat back down beside her, remembering the wonderful night we had spent together. “He’s such a good man.”
“I take it that things went well between the two of you.”
“I told him everything. He actually listened to me and even tried to comfort me afterward.”
“That’s definitely a good thing.”
“Yes, it is.” I began to think about the possibilities between Mason and me and how much I wanted to see what could actually develop. Then I thought about Jude and how she could ruin it all.
“Jude’s getting out of control. Or maybe it’s the exact opposite. Maybe she’s in control.” Marcella was silent. She seemed like she was in deep thought. “She’s really going to take over completely, isn’t she?” I asked.
Marcella said, “Not if I have something to say about it.” She took my right hand and held it tightly. “Jonquinette, I need to speak with Jude.”
“Meaning?”
She touched me on the cheek with her free hand and stared me in the eyes. “Jude, I know you can hear me. Come out. I promise I won’t hurt you.”
I tried to pull myself away from her. “This is crazy, Marcella.”
She refused to let my hand go. “Jonquinette, you’re not the one destroying your life. She is and that’s why she’s the one I need to get across to.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “So you think she’s just going to come out like that? On demand?”
“No, but I do think she’ll come out to prove that she can whenever she wants to.” All of a sudden, Marcella started screaming. “Jude, you said you can run the show, so run it!”
I sat there waiting for something to happen. I pictured it being something straight out of a movie. Time seemed to slow down to a snail’s pace as we both just waited and waited. Nothing happened.
Marcella smirked. “Well, Jonquinette, it looks like you’re the dominant personality after all.”
jude
That bitch had gotten on my last damn nerve. Talking so much shit, as if I couldn’t appear whenever I wanted to. I had just been sitting back, enjoying the fireworks, and trying to see how Jon would handle the drama. After all, I’m the one who set the wheels in motion when I told Mason about fucking Logan. I was kind of bored and wanted to see the proverbial shit hit the fan.
“Jon’s not dominating shit!” I lashed out at Marcella after her taunting me to come out.
“Jude? Is that you?” she asked, staring in my eyes like there would be something different present in them instead of just looking like Jon’s eyes. There may have been anger in them but that was about it.
I poked her in the chest and snarled at her. “You really think you know every damn thing, don’t you?”
“I know enough.” Marcella sat back on the sofa and appeared to be sizing me up. “So how have you been, Jude? I understand you’ve been a bad girl the last couple of days.”
“I understand you’ve been a bad girl,” I said mockingly.
She grinned and folded her hands on her lap. The bitch was acting too calm, cool, and collected for me.
“Don’t patronize me,” I stated with disdain. “If you’re asking whether or not I showed my ass, you’re damn right I did. Mason needed to get to stepping and get the fuck out our lives.”
“You may feel that way but your plan backfired on you, Jude. Didn’t it?”
I had to admit to myself that Mason’s apparent acceptance of Jon’s situation threw me for a loop. I assumed that his ultimate purpose behind constantly coming on to her was sex, but he was acting like he actually cared. Most men would dump a sister with a quickness if she boned one of his friends. As far as having multiple personalities, most would probably run for the hills.
She sat there, smirking, waiting for a response.
Finally, I replied with much confidence, “It appears it may have but it’s not over until it’s over.”
Marcella reached over and took my hand. “Why are you trying to hurt Jonquinette, Jude?”
“I’m not trying to hurt Jonquinette.” I yanked my hand away from her and stood up. “She’s trying to hurt me and I can’t have that. What Jon should have done was keep her damn mouth shut in the first place. It was okay when she was going to those meetings at the hospital.” I went over to the window and looked out over the parking lot of the complex. Mason’s car was out there. The bastard!
“Hell, they were even somewhat entertaining,” I continued. “I enjoyed listening to those pathetic people talking about how sex had ruined their relationships and sometimes, even their lives. Jon never said anything in the meetings and I was cracking up inside. Then Miss Thang had to go and start yapping off at the mouth. She started this shit, not me. Don’t get it twisted.”
Marcella got up and followed me over to the window, lurking over my shoulder. “Before you did your dirt anonymously. Now you’re doing things to directly affect Jonquinette and the way people look at her.”
“Fuck the way people look at her!” I screamed at her without turning around. “This is my world!”
“Jude, Jonquinette realizes all that you’ve done for her and she’s grateful for your protection all those years.” She placed a hand on my right shoulder. “But now, she has other people who understand her and we’re going to protect her from now on.” She slid her hand down my arm, grabbed my elbow, and swung me around. “She doesn’t need you anymore. Don’t you think it’s time for you to go away?”
“Go away?” I stared her directly in the eyes and said, “You must be out of your fuckin’ mind! I’m not going any damn place! If one of us is going somewhere, it sure as shit isn’t going to be me!”
“Jude, Jonquinette deserves a normal life. If you truly care about her, then you’ll let her move on.”
“Move on?” I chuckled. “So what is to become of me? What is supposed to happen to my life?” I pulled away and walked into the kitchen to find some real food, not those damn cookies Jon had set out on a plate.
Marcella didn’t come all the way into the kitchen. She just stood in the doorway while I searched the cabinets for something decent to munch on. “Jude, I don’t profess to know all the answers and I know this is hard on you, but both of you can’t go on like this.”
I slammed one of the cabinet doors. “Why can’t we both go on like this?” I opened the fridge, sniffed the milk to see if I could at least have a bowl of cereal. It was sour so I poured it down the sink.
“Look at what’s happening,” Marcella said. “Like you just said out there, things are changing. Jonquinette is not going to just sit back and let things be anymore. You’re getting angry, lashing out at people, and she’s becoming a stronger person.”
I closed the refrigerator door, leaned on the counter and put my hands on my hips. “Um, how can I put this.” I tapped my foot. “Jon is not becoming a stronger person because Jon has always been weak as shit. That’s the reason I’m here;to make sure people don’t fuck her over.”
“Do you think I’m trying to fuck her over?” Marcella asked.
“That’s yet to be determined, but I know that I’m not going anywhere. You can just forget that shit.”
Marcella came into the kitchen and took my wrists into her hands. “Listen, will you at least agree to talk to me again, on a regular basis? Maybe we can come to some sort of terms.”
I yanked my wrists away. “What is all this touchy-feely shit? Are you a dyke or something?”
She frowned and replied, “No, I just want you to know that someone does care about you. I care about you, Jude. I care about both you and Jonquinette. You’re not alone and I don’t want you to ever feel like you don’t have someone to talk to. I understand, clearly, that there are two of you and both of you need love.”
I shook my head and snickered. “Whatever, bitch!”
“See, that’s what I mean. Your hostility toward me is just a front. You really crave to be loved. Isn’t that why you have sex with so many men?”
“Oh, so you want to go there, huh?” I asked. “I guess it’s time for the motherfucking gloves to come off.”
She stood there and took a challenging stance. “Fine by me. If I can’t get through to you by talking calmly, then we can get loud. However, that’s not going to solve anything.”
“And me coming into your office, lying on your chair like I’m some sort of fucking diva, and spilling my guts will solve something?” I asked sarcastically.
“It’s a start. Tell me, Jude. Why do you really have sex with so many people? Why do you consider that important?”
“You tell me. You’re the doctor.” I ripped open a bag of chips that was sitting on the counter. I was craving something salty. “Oh, what was it you told Jon? That I use it as a power play?” I laughed.
“You’re too funny. You do realize that everything you say to her, I hear.”
“Yes, I know that you’re always around,” she admitted. “So you know how much your adventures are hurting Jon. She came to me because she thought she was insane. You regard that as protecting her?”
I didn’t like the direction the conversation was going. It was time to end it. “It’s time for you to leave,” I informed her.
“Jude, aren’t you going to answer my question?”
“No, I’m not going to answer your stupid-ass question.” I went out of the kitchen and opened the front door. “Get out!”
“Jude, this isn’t going to improve anything. You’re always ending our chats abruptly.”
“Chats? This isn’t a fucking chat. We’re not two girlfriends catching up on things or lollygagging around. This is a fucking argument and I won’t engage in it any longer. It’s useless. You think that you can convince me to go away? Well, like I said before, that shit is not happening!” I opened the door wider. “Now get the hell out!”
“Would you allow me to talk to Jon again?”
I laughed. “Jon’s not here right now.”
“Can you allow her to come back out?” she asked.
“You are one sick cookie. If you think I’m going let you sit here and fill Jon’s head with more of your bullshit tonight, you are sadly mistaken.” I went down the hallway toward the bedroom. “If you’re not going to leave, then I am. I’m getting dressed.”
“No, don’t do that,” Marcella stated in a panic. “It’s late and you need to stay here. I’ll leave, if you really want me to.”
I couldn’t help but be amused. I glimpsed at her and she was standing in the doorway looking pathetic. “Aw, I get it. You know that if I go out, I’m going to fuck someone and you’re trying to spare Jon that embarrassment.”
She lowered her eyes to the floor but refused to respond.
“Well, you’re right,” I continued. “If I leave here, especially at this time of morning, I’m going to go out and fuck the first thing moving.” I decided to rub it in. “In fact, I might do it anyway, even if you do get the hell out right now. That trips you out, right? Knowing or rather not knowing what I might do next?”
“You’re truly enjoying this, aren’t you? Destroying this young woman’s life.”
“I’m not destroying shit. I’m simply living mine.”
Marcella left without saying another word, thank goodness! I went out on the balcony and watched her pull away slowly. I retrieved my bag of chips from the kitchen, came back out and sat on one of the two lounge chairs Jon had out there. About fifteen minutes later, I saw a brother that I had seen many times before leaving the building. It was way over in the morning and he had obviously just finished making a booty call to the sister in Apartment 1-C. She was the uppity bitch with a weave who always thought she was too special to even speak to Jon. One of those women who thought her shit didn’t stink and that her pussy was worth millions.
I decided to kill two birds with one stone because I had never liked that bitch in 1-C.
“Hey, you!” I called out to him as I stood up on the balcony so he could see me.
He looked up just as he was hitting the keyless entry button on his key chain to unlock a black Mercedes SLK 320. “Yes?” he asked.
I didn’t say anything. I just ripped off Jon’s pajama top, followed by her bra. Then I stepped out of the pants and underwear. I stood there naked, just staring at him seductively. Then I closed my eyes and started swaying my hips to imaginary music and palming my breasts. I heard the beep again as he locked the car, followed by his footsteps coming back up the walkway toward the building. The shit was just that easy.