After dinner the men collected the trash and cleaned up the picnic area while the women and kids disappeared inside the house to take care of dessert. Nash pulled a beer out of the cooler and passed it to Craig, then took one for himself.
All the brothers were sprawled out on chairs around the cooling fire pit. Jordan leaned forward with his forearms on his knees.
“You're jealous because I wasn't afraid to be a rebel," he said.
Travis grinned. "Yeah, right, because only a really smart guy runs into a burning building. Are you crazy?"
“If he is, we probably all are," Kyle joked, then turned to Nash. "You've heard about our black-sheep brother here, right? The only non-law enforcement officer in four generations of Haynes men.
Hell, even Hannah works for the sheriff's office. But did Jordan pay attention to all those years of tradition?"
“Not for a second," Jordan said cheerfully. Nash glanced at Kevin. "Four generations of Haynes men?" he asked. He and Kevin hadn't considered other relatives beyond the half brothers and their families.
“Not all living," Craig clarified. "We have a few uncles still in the area, but we don't see them very often." Nash watched as the four Haynes brothers exchanged a look of silent communication. Before he could ask what they were talking about, Travis nodded, then began to explain.
“Our uncles are a lot like our father. They never much believed in home and family. They think it's all a waste of time. Now that we're all happily married, they consider us sell-outs."
“Why?" Nash asked. "Didn't they want you to get married?"
“No. They like women. A lot of women. Earl Haynes, our father, was the only one of his brothers to get married. I doubt he was faithful a day in his life. He used to brag that he was a good husband and father because he came home every night. In his mind sleeping in his own bed was good enough. Who he'd been with before that didn't seem to matter."
“They used to fight," Kyle said quietly. "I would hear them yelling at each other. She would beg him to stop seeing the other women and he would laugh at her. Then one day she left."
“What do you mean, left?" Kevin asked.
“She disappeared," Jordan said. "It turns out Earl asked her for a divorce. After all she'd already been through she considered that the final straw. She took off and no one has heard from her since." Once again the brothers shared a look of silent communication, then Travis spoke.
“About three years ago our wives got together and organized a family meeting. They insisted we find out what happened to her. We hired a private investigator to track her down."
“She's fine," Travis said. "Living in Phoenix. She didn't remarry, but she's involved with someone who makes her happy."
“What did she say when you got in touch with her?" Kevin asked.
“We didn't," Craig told him. "We know she's all right. If she wanted to talk to any of us, she would know where to find us." Kyle took a long drink of his beer. "It's not her fault," he said. "After years of dealing with Earl, she's paid her dues. She doesn't want anything to do with Haynes men and who can blame her?" Nash understood the logic, but he wasn't sure he agreed with it. The sons were very different from the father. But if she'd left without a word…he could see why they wouldn't want to be the ones to make the first move.
“What is biology and what isn't?" Austin asked, speaking for the first time. "None of us have figured that out."
“True enough," Travis said. "How much of our father makes us who we are? Why, after three generations of womanizers, did my brothers and I finally figure out how to have successful relationships?"
“It wasn't easy," Craig said. "I made a mistake my first time out and I have the divorce to prove it.
“Me, too," Travis said. "But once I met Elizabeth, everything fell into place." Jordan looked toward the house. "Finding the right woman makes all the difference in the world."
“I know that," Kevin said with a conviction Nash envied. After years of playing the field, of never wanting to settle down, he'd finally fallen in love.
Nash suddenly wanted to ask them how they knew for sure. How could any one woman be the right one? When he and Tina had been dating he'd never thought of her as right or wrong. She was someone he was seeing. When she'd pushed to take things to the next level, he'd agreed. When she'd demanded marriage, he'd considered his options and had finally proposed. But had she been the right one? He doubted it.
“Now we're old boring married men," Craig said. "Kids, mortgages, steady jobs and great wives." Travis held up his beer. "Here's to not changing a thing." The men clinked cans. Nash joined in, but he knew he didn't have anything to toast. Did he want his life to stay exactly the same? Two weeks ago he would have said yes, that he had all he wanted. Now, after spending time with Stephanie, he wasn't so sure. She'd reminded him that there was more to living than simply showing up every day. Partici- pation was required, and he'd been going out of his way to avoid that.
The back door of the house opened and dozens of kids spilled out onto the lawn. The women followed, several holding cakes, others with plates of cookies or cartons of ice cream. Stephanie had plates, forks and spoons in her hands.
He watched her move, watched the easy way she walked and how she smiled when Adam and Jason came running up. She bent down and said something to them. They laughed, responded, then turned toward him.
Adam spotted him first. He pointed and the twins raced toward him. He had just enough time to set his can of beer on the grass, out of harm's way before both boys plowed into him. Jason hung on to one leg while Adam wrapped his arms around his neck.
“Mom said we can have ice cream with our cake," Jason announced with glee.
Adam ducked his head. "She said I could have a corner piece. Are you having cake, Nash?”
“Absolutely."
“Then come on." Each twin grabbed a hand and tried to pull him to his feet. He shifted his weight and stood. As he glanced over their heads he saw Kevin watching him. His brother's expression was knowing.
Nash wanted to stop and say something. That whatever Kevin was thinking, he was wrong. Nash didn't have it bad-he didn't have it at all. This time with Stephanie was a pleasant distraction, but littleelse. It couldn't be more…not when he considered the price he would pay for taking another chance on getting involved.
The boys didn't settle down immediately. It took three tries and several threats to finally get them into bed and the lights off. Stephanie closed Brett's door and headed for her living room where Nash was waiting for her. She sank down next to him on the sofa.
“We're going to have to give it a little time," she said. "I'm pretty sure they're down for the night, but they may take a while to fall asleep."
“So we'll talk until they do." She angled toward him so she could stare at his handsome face. "Halfway decent in bed and he likes to talk," she teased. "How did I get so lucky?"
“It's a question you must ask yourself every morning." She laughed. "Surprisingly I have other things on my mind when I get up."
“I am surprised. You shouldn't be thinking about anything but how good I make you feel." Actually that was the first thing on her mind, but she wasn't about to admit that to him. Not when he was already so confident about his abilities in the bedroom. Not that he had reason to be anything but impressed with himself. Lord knows he made her entire being tingle.
“I had a good time tonight," she said. "You have a great family."
“I agree. I still have trouble believing they've been out there all this time, and I never knew about them."
“I used to dream about finding out I had a big family," she admitted. "I wanted aunts and uncles and lots and lots of cousins. Especially at the holidays. It was always really quiet at our house. My parents surfaced from their work enough to remember it was Christmas or my birthday, but they never really participated. I remember they used to give me board games as presents, but then never take the time to play with me. I used to try playing both sides myself, but it wasn't very much fun." Nash's eyes darkened. "That's sad." She held up a hand. "Don't look stricken. I recovered. I'm just saying more kids around would have been really nice. At least you always had Kevin."
“Not just him, but Gage and Quinn, too. We were, always over at each other's houses. Gage, Kevin and I are the same age and Quinn is only a year younger, so we hung out all the time. Our moms were friends, as well." He leaned his head back on the sofa cushion. "We used to say we were like brothers. Ironically, that turned out to be true."
“Where is the mysterious Quinn?" she asked. "I keep hearing about him, but I've yet to see him."
“He works for the government. Some secret branch of the military. His work takes him around the world and he's not always accessible. Gage left a message and as soon as he gets it, he'll show up."
“He sounds a little dangerous. Why am I picturing a guy all in black and carrying really big guns."
“I don't know, but that sounds like Quinn." She shivered. "Not my kind of guy. Was he scary when you were growing up?"
“Not scary, but a bit of an outsider. He and his dad didn't get along." Nash frowned. "I guess Ralph isn't really his father anymore. Not biologically." He looked at her. "Ralph and Edie couldn't have kids of their own. It's a complicated story."
“I think it's great that their mom helped out your mom when she was abandoned by her own family. Even if you and your brother didn't know you were related to Gage and Quinn, you still got to grow up as close friends."
“I'm glad Edie was a caring person. My mom was in a hell of a bad situation." He shook his head. "Barely eighteen, with babies. What kind of parents would throw their daughter out of the house under those conditions? Edie was really there for her." He reached out and covered her hand with his. "Who's there for you, Stephanie?" The question surprised her. "I have friends. In a pinch they would come through."
“What about on a day-to-day basis?"
“Unfortunately there aren't a lot of people lining up to play second string," she admitted. "But I do okay."
“Is okay good enough?" This line of conversation could lead to very dangerous territory, she thought. Dangerous and tempting. While she might not mind fantasizing about Nash stepping in to provide backup, reality was very different, and she had to remember to keep the two worlds separate.
“Hard question to answer, as I don't have a choice in the matter." She squeezed his fingers. "Hey, let's change the subject. Your entire responsibility for me consists of pleasing me in bed. Nothing more." • He studied her as if he wanted to say more, then nodded.
“They were talking about our father tonight," he said. "Earl Haynes was something of a bastard."
“I've heard bits of gossip over the past few years."
“He slept around and didn't seem to care about his wife or sons. All the brothers worry that they'll turn out like him."
“From what I've seen, none of them have. Are you worried, too?" He shrugged.
She leaned close. "You can let that one go.”
“Why? How do you know I'm different? I'm sleeping with you."
“Yes, but that's simply proof of your excellent taste." The corners of his mouth curved up. "You think?"
“I know." They were close enough that she could inhale the scent of him and feel his heat. Wanting flooded her, but she didn't act on the need. Part of it was she wanted to give the boys a few more minutes to fall asleep, and part of it was how much she liked the anticipation. After so many years of chaste living, it was fun to suddenly feel like a sex kitten.
“Having the information about your father means that you get to make informed choices," she said. "You know what to look out for."
“One of your choices was staying with Marty," he said. "Was it a good one?" She sighed. "As far as my sons are concerned, yes. I wouldn't give them up for anything. But asfar as making me personally happy in my marriage, no. Marty wasn't a good choice." He reached out and stroked her cheek. "Are you okay? Financially?"
“Didn't we already have this conversation?" she asked.
“Yes and you didn't answer the question."
“Let me guess. You're not going to let it go until I do, right?" He nodded.
She knew she could shut him down by pointing out that none of this was his business. But Nash wasn't asking out of anything but concern. Although she had no clue what he would do if he thought she was in need. Offer her a low-interest loan? The thought was mildly amusing, but not much of a distraction. Was she going to tell him the truth or not? She settled on the truth because she'd never been a very good liar.
“We're doing okay," she said slowly. "I've told you what life was like with Marty so you know that there wasn't a lot of extra cash each month. I held down the only steady job in the family, so that made things tight. When Marty got the inheritance, it seemed like a miracle."
“I was surprised when you told me he'd agreed to buy a house. It doesn't sound like his style."
“Oh, it wasn't. We had huge fights. In the end, he gave in, but with a twist. We bought this place instead of a regular single-family home." She glanced around at the high ceilings of her third-floor living area. "At first I hated it. The last thing I wanted was a big mortgage and a lot of re- modeling. When Marty died, I was furious. I'd been left with this disaster. But over time, I realized it was the best thing that could have happened. We get a lot of tourists up here, and many of them love the idea of staying at a bed and breakfast. I've been able to do most of the remodeling myself, which has saved a lot of money. I make my own schedule, and I'm here when the boys get home from school. A regular job would mean day care and that would be financially impossible."
“Interesting information," he said, "but you haven't answered the question."
“We do okay," she told him. "Some months are tight, some aren't. I did manage to keep a small life insurance policy up on Marty so when he died there was some money from that. I put it away. If push comes to shove, it's my emergency fund. Fingers crossed I never have to use it." She held up one hand.
“If all goes well," she continued, "I'll use it to pay for the boys' college. So I'm fine. Really." He smiled. "You're more than fine. You're responsible, giving and a great mom." His compliment pleased her, which she told herself was silly. Still, she sat a little straighter and fought the urge to beam.
“I try.
“You succeed." She shifted and, still facing him, leaned against the back of the sofa. "Okay, fair's fair. You got to ask me a very personal question and now I get to do the same."
“All right." She thought about all the possibilities and settled on the one that troubled her the most.
“Tell me about your wife." She watched closely, but Nash's expression didn't change. "What do you want to know?"
“Whatever you want to tell me. Whatever…" Her voice trailed off as a horrifying thought occurred to her. Did he not want to talk about the woman because she still mattered so much? He'd claimed not to be thinking about her when they made love, but what if he'd been lying? What if there were ghosts who
“That's not the reason," he said.
She blinked at him. "What are you talking about?"
“I'm hedging because I don't know what to say about her, not because I'm heartbroken."
“That's a relief." She pressed her lips together. "Wait a minute. How did you know what I was thinking?"
“It was a logical assumption."
“Uh-huh." She didn't buy that for a second. But what other explanation could there be? How strange that Nash knew her so well after just a short period of time, and despite all their years together, Marty had never known her at all. Was Marty's lack of knowledge due to some flaw within him, or had he never found her all that interesting?
“When I started working for the FBI," he said, "I quickly learned that emotional detachment was an asset. Nearly every situation is difficult on some level and leading with your heart is a good way to make the wrong decision. Staying emotionally dis- tant was something I'd learned while I was growing up and it served me well at the bureau." Having heard about his close family, Stephanie couldn't imagine how or why Nash would detach. Sometimes he seemed a little distant with his family, but that could have been shyness or emotional reserve. Nothing about his relationship with her and her kids indicated he was anything but emotionally available, but this wasn't the time to go into that particular subject. She filed the question away to spring on him later.
“I've told you a bit about Tina. She was my opposite. Emotional, disorganized, leading with her heart instead of her head. I wasn't even sure I liked her at first." His gaze narrowed slightly. "I'm talking about after she was an agent. I never considered her as anything but a co-worker during training."
“Of course not," she murmured, believing him. Nash would never break that kind of rule.
“Dating led to more dating. After a while Tina suggested we live together. Marriage seemed like the next logical step." How interesting, she thought. Had Tina been the one guiding the relationship? Nash almost made it sound like he was only along for the ride.
“How old were you when you got married?" she asked.
“Twenty-seven." Okay-the right age for most guys to think about settling down. So had Tina been in the right place at the right time? Not a question she would be asking.
Stephanie resisted the urge to slap herself upside the head. She knew exactly what she was doing. Ifshe could convince herself to believe Nash had married Tina because it was "time" and not because he was wildly in love with her, somehow that would make Stephanie feel better about their relationship. Crazy but true. She told herself to get over it.
“You didn't have a chance to have kids," she said. "I guess she passed away before you got around to that." He shrugged. "We never talked about it. I always wanted children. I guess Tina did, too. Then she was killed."
“How?" she asked before she could stop herself.
“In the line of duty. A bomb exploded." She'd been expecting a lot of answers, just not that one. A bomb sounded so violent. Because it was violent, she thought. Violent and unexpected and shocking.
“I'm sorry," she whispered.
“Thanks." Nash's expression hadn't changed as he talked, but there was something in his eyes that tugged at her heart.
“Want to talk about this more or change the subject?" she asked.
“Let's move on."
“Okay. So how did a guy with a twin brother and close friends learn to disconnect emotionally while he was growing up?" she asked.
He shook his head. "Easier than you might think. My mom married a guy when Kevin and I were twelve. Howard and I never got along." That surprised her. "Still? But he and your mother are expected the day after tomorrow. Is that going to be a problem?" She frowned. "Why on earth did you want them staying here if you two aren't speaking?"
“We're speaking. And we get along." The words sounded right, but she wasn't sure she believed them. "You're not going to be yelling at each other in the foyer, are you?"
“No. If there's any yelling, we'll do it outside where it belongs." She smiled. "Fair enough. So is this emotional detachment you're so fond of the reason you haven't gotten involved with anyone else since your wife's death?"
“No. I've avoided relationships because I loved Tina and I can't ever love anyone else again." Stephanie stared at him for several heartbeats, then burst out. laughing. "Oh, come on. That's ridiculous. You can't love again? Did we move from real life to a TV soap? Are you saying the human heart is capable of only loving once? What about my three kids? Should I send the twins back because I already loved Brett when they arrived?" Nash looked as shocked as if she'd pulled a gun on him. The charged silence between them made her wonder if she'd gone too far. He couldn't be serious about not loving again-people didn't work like that. But did he believe it? Had she just insulted him big-time? She waited anxiously as he stared at her. She couldn't read his expression…not until one corner of his mouth twitched.
“You're not buying my best line?" he asked at last.
Relief swept through her. "Not for a second. Who has?"
“Everyone but you."
“I see. Are these `everyones' women?"
“For the most part."
“Then you need to start dating women with slightly higher IQs." He laughed and grabbed her around the waist, then hauled her onto his lap. "I prefer my women to have a little more respect than you do, Missy." She settled her hands on his shoulders and brushed his mouth with hers. "That so isn't going to happen as long as you talk like an idiot."
“Idiot, huh? I'm one idiot you can't resist." She leaned in to kiss him again. "You're right about that," she whispered and gave herself up to him.