“Batter up," Brett called, as he tossed the baseball in the air and caught it. "Adam, it's your turn." Adam walked to the square marked on the grass in front of the house and clutched his bat. From what Nash could tell, Adam might be the quieter twin, but he was the better athlete. So far he'd been the one to hit the ball every time Brett pitched it.
Brett pitched a slow ball and Adam swung. There was a crack as the bat connected, then the ball flew directly back to Brett who had to jump to catch it.
“Good hit," he called to his brother.
Nash stood at the end of the porch, leaning against the house. The boys were playing in the side yard to, as Stephanie put it, "Avoid as many windows as possible." The late-morning was warm and clear-the perfect weather for the start of summer vacation.
The boys had tumbled out of bed surprisingly early, apparently too excited by the thought of no school to sleep late. Stephanie had predicted their behavior, which meant she'd left his bed around four in the morning. He'd slept until he'd heard not-soquiet footsteps on the stairs about quarter to seven. He was tired and his eyes felt gritty, but lack of sleep was a small price to pay for spending the night with a woman who defined female beauty and sexuality.
He quickly checked his thoughts, knowing that if he dwelled on all they'd done together while in bed, he would end up in a very uncomfortable state. It didn't seem to matter how many times they made love; he always wanted her more. Last night had been no different.
He heard the front door open, then the sound of footsteps on the porch.
“They should be here any minute," Stephanie said as she stopped beside him and leaned against the railing. She glanced at him. "Are you sure you're going to be okay with your mom and stepfather staying here?" He smiled. "I'm more than fine. I'm actually looking forward to their visit." She didn't look convinced. "I would buy that a lot more easily if you hadn't told me you and your stepfather didn't get along."
“The problem's all on my side," Nash admitted, for the first time feeling comfortable with the truth. "Don't worry."
“I'll try not to." She turned toward the street, as if watching for cars. "If they're going to be staying here, we're going to have to be more careful about our sneaking around."
“Good point." One he hadn't considered.
She turned back to smile at him. "It will make things more exciting."
“I don't think that's possible. Not without one of us having a heart attack from the stress." Her smile broadened. "Are you saying your affair with me is stressful?"
“I'm saying it's already more exciting than I thought possible. More excitement could be dangerous."
“But you're a big tough guy. Don't you live for danger?" Her teasing words produced a predictable reaction. He ignored the sense of heat and heaviness flooding south. Good thing, too, because about eight seconds later a four-door sedan pulled up behind his rental car.
“They're here," he said.
Stephanie straightened. The humor faded from her eyes, replaced by worry. "Do I look okay?" Despite the potential for an interested onlooker, he leaned forward and dropped a kiss on her mouth. "You look perfect." Her expression cleared. "Excellent answer." They walked to the porch steps, then onto the pathway. As they approached, the car doors opened. Nash's mother, Vivian, stepped out onto the sidewalk and smiled.
“What a lovely town. It's so charming. Nash, I swear, you're still getting taller." He chuckled at the familiar claim, then folded her into his arms. "Hey, Mom. How was the trip?"
“Great." She kissed his cheek, then smoothed back his hair and rested her hands on his shoulders. "How are you?" The question was about more than his state of being that day. He knew she wanted him to move on with his life, to let go of the past. To find someone else and settle down. He figured it was a "mom" thing.
“I'm good."
“Really?" Her gaze searched his face. "I hope so." The car door slammed and she turned toward her husband. "Doesn't Nash look taller, Howard?"
“Viv, I'm going to guess our boy stopped growing a few years back," Howard said affectionately. He circled around the car and offered Nash his hand. As they shook, he patted Nash on the shoulder. "Good to see you. Life treating you well?"
“Always." Nash stepped back and introduced Stephanie. "She owns Serenity House," he said. "You haven't lived until you've had her breakfasts."
“Nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Harmon," she said. "I hope you'll enjoy your stay."
“Please call us Vivian and Howard," his mother said.
“Thank you." There were a couple of yells from around the side of the house. Stephanie glanced in that direction. "I have three sons you'll meet later. While we live on the floor above your room, please don't worry. We're not directly overhead."
“We're going to have a lovely time," Vivian said, then tucked a strand of dark hair behind her ear. "How long have you had the bed and breakfast?" she asked.
“Almost four years. Would you like to see your room?"
“That would be nice." Vivian turned to her husband. "Do you need me to carry anything in? I don't want you doing all the work." Howard smiled at his wife. "I like taking care of you. Go on in and register. I'm sure Nash is going to insist on carrying the heaviest bag. We'll be fine." Vivian nodded and touched Howard's arm. The contact wasn't anything special, just a brief brush of fingers, something Nash could remember having seen his mother do hundreds of times before. Yet for the first time, he saw the affection between the couple, the expression of happiness and contentment on his mother's face. She loved this man-she had for nearly twenty years.
The two women walked toward the house. Howard opened the trunk and laughed when he saw all the luggage. "Now you know why I had to rent a full-size car at the airport. Your mother isn't one to travel light. She always brings extras, just in case. I figure she packed enough for us to take a trip around the world, although she wouldn't agree. I guess if we ever did that, she'd want to bring the whole house. Just in case." He shook his head, then started removing suitcases. Howard talked about the flight and who was looking in on their house while they were gone. As he spoke, Nash realized that there wasn't any strain between them. At least not on Howard's part.
They carried in the luggage and found Vivian and Stephanie by the registration desk.
“I was just telling your mother that the boys are pretty well behaved," Stephanie said. "There shouldn't be much noise." Vivian shook her head. "And I was telling Stephanie that I miss the noise of having my boys in the house."
“I doubt that," Nash said. "You were always yelling at us to turn down the music or the TV or to stop revving our car engines in the driveway."
“Was I?" Vivian asked with a laugh. "I don't remember that at all."
“Would you like some lunch when you've unpacked?" Stephanie asked. "I don't have a restaurant here, but I would be delighted to make sandwiches, and I have several kinds of salad."
“That sounds lovely, dear," Vivian said. She linked arms with Stephanie. "Show me the way to the kitchen and I'll help while Howard and Nash take our things upstairs." Stephanie looked a little startled by the suggestion. "You're a guest."
“Nonsense. I want to help. Or at least keep you company. You can tell me about your boys." Stephanie glanced at Nash who gave her a smile. "You'll be fine," he said.
“Of course she will be," his mother said. "Now where's the kitchen?"
“Extra cheese on my sandwich," Howard called after them.
Vivian waved her fingers at him and laughed. "He always reminds me," she said as the two women turned down the hall. "As if I ever forget." Nash picked up the key Stephanie had left on the desk and the two suitcases he'd brought in. "Ready to take these upstairs?" he asked.
“Lead the way." They climbed to the second floor. Nash noticed right away that his room wasn't close to theirs, which meant he and Stephanie wouldn't have to tiptoe back and forth once everyone was in bed. Good planning on her part, he thought with a grin.
The room she'd chosen for them was large, with a king-size bed and a big bay window. Howard set his suitcases on the bed, took the ones Nash had carried and dropped them on the other side of the mattress.
“How are things going here?" Howard asked as he opened a garment bag and pulled out a suit, a sports coat and several dresses. "When Kevin called he said you two had already met your brothers."
“We've had a few group functions, as well as a lunch. When the whole Haynes family gets together, there are dozens of people. Everyone is married and has kids."
“Are they really all in law enforcement?”
“Except for Jordan. He's a firefighter." Howard hung up the clothes. "Interesting. You and Kevin have followed in their footsteps. Gage and his brother, too." He returned to the bed and opened the largest suitcase. "Are they good men?" Nash nodded. "Even the firefighter." Howard chuckled. "Your mother worried about how things would go when you and Kevin arrived. Would the other brothers accept you two? Would you accept them? We're both glad it worked out." He scooped out toiletries and carried them into thebathroom. "We keep telling each other that you're grown up enough that we don't have to be concerned anymore, but maybe parents never let go of that." Nash followed his stepfather into the bathroom. "You don't mean me," he said. "I wasn't the one getting into trouble." Howard set two zippered cases on the counter. "True, but we wanted the best for you. You haven't been yourself for a while. I'm glad to see you getting back to normal." He headed back to the bedroom and Nash followed. He knew that he'd been burying himself in his work, but he hadn't realized anyone but his boss had noticed.
“You mean because I'm finally taking a vacation?" he asked.
Howard shrugged. "That's part of it. Mostly you're smiling again. It's been a long time."
“Since Tina's death." Nash wasn't asking a question.
“No. The change happened before that." Howard picked up several shirts, then set them back in the suitcase and faced Nash. "There wasn't anything wrong with Tina. She was a perfectly nice young woman. But your mother and I never thought she was right for you. She was flighty and impulsive. Despite the parts of your job that force you to make split-second decisions, you're a thoughtful man. You consider your options. You use reason. Tina wasn't a good match for that." Nash didn't know what to say. Howard's comments stunned him. Apparently Howard and his mother had thought his marriage to Tina was a mis- take from the beginning, but they'd never said anything.
“Now Stephanie seems like a nice sort of woman," Howard said, resuming his unpacking. "It takes someone sensible to make a business successful. Vivian mentioned she's a widow. She was very young when her husband died." The not-so-subtle matchmaking got Nash's attention. "Don't go there," he warned. "My stay here is temporary."
“You could move. You don't have any ties to Chicago." He smiled. "Okay, I'll be quiet. We don't care what you do, Nash, we just want you to be happy."
“Thanks. I appreciate that." Howard mentioned something about how the Texas Rangers were doing that season. While Nash responded, he wasn't listening all that closely. Part of him was thinking about what the other man had said. About being happy. Nash couldn't remember the last time he could claim that. It had been well before Tina's death. Had it been before Tina? Did it matter? Wasn't the more important point that he was happy now…maybe for the first time in years.
“I don't have enough plates," Stephanie said, trying not to panic. "Or glasses."
“Use plastic," Nash called as he walked through the utility room and out to the garage where there were several folding chairs.
“Use plastic," she muttered. "Easy for him to say." Although it was a pretty good idea. Did she have plastic? She stopped in the center of the kitchen and tried to figure out if she'd stored any extra plastic glasses and plates after a birthday party for the twins. She dashed to a cupboard and pulled it open. Three unopened packages of plates sat on a top shelf she couldn't reach. At least she was making progress.
Nash returned with four chairs. "There are a couple more out there."
“We've brought down the chairs from upstairs, plus the ones in the dining room." She grimaced. "It's not nearly enough."
“Hey, stop sweating the details."
“You call having a place for people to sit a detail?"
“Sure. The kids will be happy on the ground." He put down the chairs and crossed to her. After resting his hands on her waist, he kissed her. "Thank you for offering to host the dinner." Just being near him made her feel more calm. "I'm happy to have your family over. Really. But I need you to get those plates down for me." When she took them from him, she happened to glance at her watch. The time made her shriek. "They're due back at any second. Get the chairs set up. I'll start stacking flatware." Nash did as he was told and Stephanie raced to collect forks and spoons.
Kevin had called earlier to suggest another impromptu dinner for the family. Rather than cook, he'd offered to get Chinese. Stephanie had volunteered her place as the location. Vivian and Howard had taken the boys to meet Kevin and Haley at the Chinese restaurant, where they would buy enough food to feed the army that was the extended Haynes/ Harmon/Reynolds family.
“Glasses," she murmured. "The sodas are already cooling in the big tub outside. I have milk and juice for the kids. I made iced tea. There's a-" A faint double ring caught her attention. She spun in place. "Nash, your cell phone is ringing."
“Can you grab it?" he called from the utility room. "It's on the front desk with my keys." She ran to the front of the house. The ringing got louder as she approached. When she saw the phone, she picked it up and pressed Talk.
“Hello?" There was a moment of silence before a man asked, "I'd like to speak with Nash Harmon.”
“Sure. Just a second." She hurried into the hallway and found Nash carrying in more chairs. "It's for you," she said. "I'll take those."
“They'll wait," he told her and leaned them against the wall and reached for the phone.
She'd been about to politely retreat to the kitchen, but he put his arm around her and drew her close.
“Harmon," he said into the phone.
She couldn't hear what the man was saying, so she contented herself with relaxing against Nash's strong, broad chest. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply.
His chest rumbled as he spoke. "I thought you didn't want me taking on any more assignments," he said.
After listening for a while longer he said, "I'll think about it and get back to you." He chuckled. "None of your business. Uh-huh. Yeah, she's gorgeous. Tough luck. Get your own girl." A pause. "Okay. I'll let you know in a few days." He hung up the phone.
“Your boss?" Stephanie asked, trying not to preen about the Yeah, she's gorgeous remark.
Nash nodded. "He wanted to tell me about a job opening up that I might be interested in. Different city, change of scene. He thought it would do me good." She glanced at him. "Why do you need that?" He tucked the phone into his shirt pocket and wrapped his other arm around her. "I didn't have a choice about my vacation. My boss insisted I take time off. He's been worried that I'm burning out." That surprised her. "Why?"
“I haven't taken any time off since Tina died." Stephanie's retreat was instinctive. Before she knew what she was doing, she'd pulled away far enough to lean against the opposite wall in the hall. She hated that Nash was no longer smiling.
“You're burying yourself in work?" she asked, knowing the question wasn't much of a stretch.
“Yeah, but not for reasons you think." She didn't know what she thought. She only knew she didn't want him still to be in love with his late wife.
“Then what are the reasons?" she asked, careful to keep her voice neutral.
He sucked in a breath and stared at a spot well above her head. "I told you Tina was killed in the line of duty, by a bomb blast. What I didn't tell you is that I was there. I'd been called in to negotiate a hostage situation. I convinced the guys to give up. When they came out, I knew something wasn't right, but I couldn't figure out what. Later I realized things had gone too easily. I told the team to wait, but Tina didn't listen. She was her usual impulsive self. About ten seconds after she ran into the building to free the hostages, I found out why they'd given up." Stephanie didn't want to think about it, didn't want to imagine it, but she knew what had happened. "The bomb went off." He nodded, his face expressionless. "Tina, another agent and all the hostages were killed." He blamed himself. She knew that because she knew Nash, and because under the same circumstances she might have blamed herself. Foolish, but true. "No one else thinks it's your fault." He looked at her. "You don't know that.”
“Am I wrong?"
“No."
“So you blame yourself and you bury yourself in work. Now your boss is offering a different job, thinking that the change will snap you out of it."
“Something like that."
“Do you need to be snapped out of it?" His body relaxed. "Not right now. You're good for me, Stephanie." His words warmed her in a way that had nothing to do with heat and everything to do with her heart. He was good for her, too. He made her want to believe in love and hope and the future. He made her want…
She mentally winced. No, don't go there, she told herself. Nash was temporary, remember? There was no point in wishing for the moon. She would only end up disappointed, with a crick in her neck.
“I aim to provide a full-service establishment,"she said lightly. "Don't forget to mention all this on your comment card. It will impress the management." He moved toward her. "I'm serious. Since I've met you-" Whatever he'd been about to say got lost in the sound of car doors slamming. She was dying to know what he'd been about to say, but they were about to be invaded by the entire Haynes family.
“Save that thought," she told him even though she knew they would never discuss this topic again. She knew because she was going to make sure it never happened. Whatever Nash might want to tell her, it wasn't the one thing she wanted to hear. Namely that he'd decided to stay.
“I could never do what you do," Howard said the next morning.
“Most of my job is paperwork," Nash reminded him as they jogged through the quiet neighborhood.
“But when it isn't, there are lives on the line. I admire your ability to deal with that." There was pride in Howard's voice as he spoke-a father's pride in his child. Nash realized he'd heard it dozens of times before. Maybe from the first time he'd met Howard. Hell, he thought, feeling like an idiot. He'd been so busy resenting his stepfather, he'd never noticed the man cared about him. Loved him.
“You had a hard time when you started dating Mom," Nash said. "I remember Kevin and I making things tough on you." Howard grinned. "You made me work for my place," he said, his breathing slightly labored. "But it was worth it. Besides, I was crazy about your mother. A couple of my friends were worried that she was only interested in finding a father for you and your brother, but I loved her too much to care. Of course they were wrong. I guess nearly twenty years of marriage has proved that." They reached the corner and paused to check traffic before jogging across the street. The morning was clear and still a little cool, although it would warm up later.
“We were twelve when you two started going out," Nash said. "If she'd wanted to find someone to be a father for us, she would have started looking earlier." Howard glanced at him, then wiped the sweat from his forehead. "You were heading toward being teenagers. That's when boys really need a man around. Your mother worried about you." Howard had mentioned something similar the day before. "Why me? I was the good kid."
“Right. As the bad kid, Kevin got all the attention. Vivian was afraid you'd get forgotten in all the fuss. We talked about it a lot before we were married." Nash felt as if he'd missed out on most of what was going on while he'd been growing up. "Why didn't I know about any of this?"
“You weren't supposed to. You were the child." They reached the edge of the middle-school playground and turned around.
Howard slowed to a walk. "Whew. I'm not getting any younger."
“You're still in great shape." Howard grinned. "You're lying, but thanks. Anyway, Kevin continued to get into trouble and you continued to be the perfect child. When Kevin stole that car, we didn't know what to do. The police were the ones who suggested the military school. We figured they would probably be able to straighten him out and with Kevin gone, you'd have a chance to shine." Nash didn't think there were any more surprises to be had, but he'd been wrong. "I didn't think you'd sent him away because of me," he said, oddly humbled by the information.
“Not because of you. Kevin was hell on wheels. But our concern about you swayed our decision." Howard slapped him on the back. "You're both like my own sons. I would have loved Vivian as much without you two as part of the package, but just between us, knowing you boys came along with the deal made it irresistible." Nash didn't know what to say. He felt awkward and foolish. As if he'd been playing by one set of rules all these years, when there had been a completely different game in play.
“Howard," he began slowly. "I-" The older man smiled. "I know, Nash. I've always known. I love you, too." In celebration of the kids all being out of school, the Haynes/Harmon/Reynolds family took over the large back room of the local pancake restaurant.
Nash sat at the big U-shaped table and listened to all the conversations flowing around him. In a crowd like this, his instinct was to withdraw-to observe rather than participate. But since his early-morning jog with his stepfather, he'd realized he'd better stop assuming anything about himself or his life. Apparently nothing was as he'd thought it had been.
All those years wasted, he thought sadly. Howard had been there for him and he'd never noticed. What else had he missed in his life? The sound of laughter interrupted his thoughts. He looked across the table and saw Stephanie and Elizabeth laughing together. Petite, with short blond hair and a mouth designed specifically to drive him mad, Stephanie was a walking, breathing fantasy. He liked how she fit in with his family. In less than twenty-four hours she and his mother had become fast friends. She managed to keep his brothers, their spouses and kids straight.
He wanted her. That was hardly news, but the feeling this morning was different. He wanted more than sex. He wanted Nothing he was going to get, he reminded himself and looked away. He glanced around the table and saw Brett watching him. He smiled at the boy, who started to smile back, then instead turned away. Ironically, Nash knew exactly what the kid was thinking. He still saw Nash as a threat.
He thought about trying to reassure Brett again, but figured there wasn't any point. He, Nash, hadn't listened to Howard all those years ago. Why would Brett listen to him? Still he wished he had the right words. Life would be easier for Brett if he understood, just as life would have been a whole lot easier for Nash if he'd known that Howard wasn't a problem. All those wasted years when they could have been close.
He hated the regrets. The "could have beens." And he didn't just have them with Howard. Whatabout his regrets with Tina? Their marriage had never been picture-perfect. Maybe if he'd worked harder to make it better. Maybe then he wouldn't feel so damn guilty all the time. Maybe His brain cleared. It was as if he'd been looking through a fog for the last two years, since the day of his wife's death.
Haltingly, almost afraid of what he would see, he looked at his brothers and their wives and fiancées. He looked at their faces, their eyes, and the way they were always touching. Husbands and wives in love with each other.
Love. That's what had been wrong with his marriage. He'd gone through the motions, but that's all it had been. He should never have married Tina because he'd never loved her. And it had taken him the better part of two years to figure that out.