The next evening, I was lying in bed, with Rob’s rose on my chest when Mrs. Dawkins came upstairs to tell me I had a visitor. For a split second, I thought it might be Rob, but she shook her head to let me know that it wasn’t. When I saw Beth in Mrs. Dawkins’s sitting room, I started to cry as I’ve never cried before. Beth put her arms around me and tried to comfort me, but I was beyond the reach of even Beth’s kindness. Mrs. Dawkins tiptoed into the room and left a box of Kleenex and two cups of tea, but I continued to cry in great gulping sobs.
“From the very beginning, I saw it coming, but I still kept seeing him.” In between sobs, I explained, “I have nothing to reproach him about. He never made any promises.”
After I had finally stopped crying, Beth told me she was staying at her cousin’s house in Holland Park, and she wanted me to come stay with her. I hadn’t told my boss that Rob had gone back to the States, but he knew something was wrong when he saw me sitting in front of ringing telephones that I wasn’t answering. He encouraged me to take a few days off.
Beth’s cousin, Lady Patricia Alcott, welcomed me to her home, but after that, I saw very little of her. She was being very kind by leaving Beth and me alone. We started the next day with a walk through Kensington Gardens. Beth was waiting for me to say something, but I didn’t have a clue as to what I was going to do.
“Maggie, I suggest that you not make any decisions as to your future for at least two weeks. Your first inclination might be to return home, but I think that would be a mistake. Your world has greatly expanded since you left Minooka. If you returned, I think you would feel as if everything was pressing in on you.
“I am confident you will be looking at things very differently and in short order. You have been so focused on Rob and how to make him happy, I think you neglected your own happiness. By your own admission, you didn’t think your relationship was going to work out, but you stuck by him because he is a decent man. Loyalty is an admirable quality, but it cannot act as a tie that binds you to someone who is not all you deserve. After so many months together, Rob should have been drawing you closer to him. Instead, he kept you at a distance.”
“But Jack kept you at a distance.”
“Yes, he did, and because of that, our marriage has traveled a very rocky road. It is only in the last few years that we have been able to break down all the barriers that have separated us. But having experienced so much heartache, I don’t want the same for you. And there is another reason why you might consider remaining in England. It has something to do with your love of history and Pride and Prejudice.”
When we got back to the Alcotts’, Beth asked me to join her in the morning room. She handed me a box and told me to open it. Removing the lid, I saw that inside were two diaries, and on the cover, in gold, were the embossed initials of Elizabeth Garrison Lacey.
“I’ve just now got them back from the bookbinder with their beautiful new leather covers. Mr. Selden did a marvelous job, not just on the covers, but on the actual pages themselves. We’ll have to wear gloves when we read them, but now we can turn the pages without the risk of them falling apart.” Putting her arms around my shoulders, she said, “I’ll confess I am using these diaries to entice you to stay in England a while longer because I love you.” And she gave me a squeeze. “But there is another reason.”
When I had been in Crofton, Beth told me that the expenses for refurbishing and repairing Montclair had run much higher than the Catons had expected, and they were looking for a way for Montclair to help pay for itself.
“They have decided to convert the house into a specialty hotel and market it as the ancestral home of Fitzwilliam Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet. Ellen Caton has asked me to write a history of the Lacey family as it relates to the characters portrayed in Pride and Prejudice, and I will need your help because I never learnt how to type.”
I actually started to smile. At the time the Crowells had wrapped up the love story of Elizabeth Garrison and William Lacey, Beth had said that “I knew it all.” But there was so much I didn’t know. What was Elizabeth and Will’s courtship like? Where did they go on their honeymoon? What was it like to be the mistress of Montclair? What Beth and Jack had shared with me was only the tip of the iceberg.
When I looked at Beth, she was holding out a pair of white cotton gloves, so I could open the diaries. Putting them on, I flipped to a page near to the end of the first diary. Apparently, the entry was made shortly before Jane was to marry Charles Bingham.
13 September — When Mama came into our room this evening, she was biting her thumb. This is something she does only when she has something unpleasant to say. Jane and I thought we were to hear some bad news, but we were not prepared for what she actually said. ‘Lizzy, you may stay and listen. You’re of an age so that you can hear this. Jane, you were brought up on a farm, so you’ve seen things I never saw, having grown up in town.’ Jane tried to stop her, but to no avail. ‘On your wedding night, it might hurt for a bit, but only the first few times. When they’re young, it goes quickly, but you can help it along if you move about a bit. Keep a basin of water and a handcloth near to the bed.’ Then she kissed us good night and left. Jane looked at me, and we burst out laughing, and we were still laughing long after we had blown out the candle.
What a wonderful passage! It reminded me of how much pleasure I had gotten from reading Pride and Prejudice. I decided to take Beth up on her offer to help organize the Lacey papers. It probably was for the best, and there were so many reasons to stay in England. But was one of them Michael Crowell? I really didn’t know, but I had to admit I was curious to find out.