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“Oh my God!” Ferney’s eyes went so wide Kimber could see the whites all around the cool gray irises. “Your mystery lover was Jay? The whole time?”
“Apparently.” Kimber’s voice broke on the word. She hated to admit it, hated the pain and nausea it caused to do so, hated thinking about the truth, remembering how libertine and wanton she’d been. She’d put herself in a vulnerable position and it made her sick to think the person she’d trusted most took advantage of that.
“I’m aghast. Aghast.” Ferney sloshed the rest of the bottle of pinot noir into two glasses, pouring most of it on the breakfast nook’s table, and pushed one toward Kimber. “I can’t believe sweet, worshipful Jay would do something so manipulative and conniving. The guy’s about as devious as a Care Bear. Since when did he start being such a guy and thinking with his dick?”
“Who knows.” Kimber picked up the glass, her fingers shaking, and took a greedy gulp.
“Talk about an opportunist.”
“Mmm.” The wine was tasteless on Kimber’s tongue.
“However…” Ferney paused, drumming her manicured nails. “It sounds pretty hot, too.”
Kimber nearly choked on the wine. “What?”
“Don’t ‘what’ me. Weren’t you raving about the whole thing a week or so ago?”
“I said all that about someone who I thought wasn’t a fucking liar.” Kimber’s face flamed as the trembling moved from her fingers to the rest of her body, and she tore a hand through her bedraggled, unwashed blonde hair. “It makes me physically ill, thinking about the things I did with Jay. I put myself on the line, assuming that I could. I thought I was with someone I could trust, not someone who would take advantage of me like this. It was degrading.”
“I’m sure Jay didn’t see it that way. Degrading you was likely the last thing on his mind, considering you were fulfilling his dreams. So.” Ferney leaned forward, her eyes gleaming. “You said the sex was amazing?”
“Ferney!”
“You’re right, how dumb of me to ask. Of course it was amazing. You kept going back for more, after all.”
Kimber swallowed back a rush of nausea, her sister’s voice the equivalent of an air horn being blasted in her ear. “Please. Focus.”
“I am. I’m very focused. I’m focused on what you can’t focus on.”
Tears pricked Kimber’s eyes and she blinked them away. “All I can focus on is that I trusted Jay, and he betrayed me.”
“You also trusted who you thought was a total stranger with your heart and body. That stranger just so happened to be someone who’s worshipped you for years and would never intentionally hurt you. Considering all the different people it could’ve been, this may have actually been the best of all possible scenarios.”
“Are you seriously kidding me? This is the worst thing that could’ve happened.”
Ferney shrugged, her mouth twisting in sympathy. “Maybe so, maybe not.” She wrapped an arm around her sister’s neck, less of a hug and more like a lazy stranglehold. “I’m not saying that Jay didn’t do a disgusting, awful, unforgivable thing, but you know you guys were good together. And now you’ve had the best sex of your life with someone you really like. So disgusting, awful, unforgivable thing aside, how does that make you feel?”
“I don’t know.” Kimber’s gaze dropped to the table as she scratched at a dried patch of sauce clinging to the surface. “I haven’t thought about it.”
“Then think about it.”
Kimber froze and gaped at her sister. “Are you suggesting I forgive him?”
“No, just suggesting you think about it, that’s all. Hole yourself up tonight and do some serious soul-searching about the whole thing.”
“I can’t.” Kimber crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m meeting up with Dane.”
“Dane?” Ferney recoiled in horror. “Gross! Why?”
“Why not?” Her sister’s vehement opposition to the idea only inspired Kimber’s innate urge to defend it.
“Because you’re all wrong for each other, and by now you can surely see that, especially with Jay in the picture.”
“Jay is not in the picture.”
Ferney snorted. “I always knew you were delusional, but not this bad.”
Before Kimber could reply, her phone chirped in her bag, and she fished it out and checked the screen. “It’s Dane.”
“Ugh.” Ferney sat back in her seat and polished off her wine with a theatrical head toss. “The madness begins. Again.”
Kimber flipped her sister the bird as she retreated into the bedroom that used to be hers, where she would fall asleep waiting in vain for Dane to call her. Now that he finally had, she couldn’t help but see it as an annoyance. “Hello?”
“Hi.” His voice held that innocent note it always did right before he intended to disappoint her. “Just wanted to see what’s up.”
Part of her wanted to scream and demand why he couldn’t have bothered to find out what was up when they were still together, but she didn’t have the energy. She sank onto the edge of the guest bed Ferney and Paul had wasted no time purchasing after she’d moved out. “Not a lot. You?”
“The same, the same.”
A long pause followed, one Kimber didn’t feel inspired to break. Had Dane always been so boring? What an irritating waste of time this conversation was turning out to be.
He cleared his throat. “Actually, I’m also calling because I have some bad news.”
No kidding. There it was-that familiar instinctual bristle as she braced herself to be pissed off at him. Apparently some things never changed. “What?”
“Alex just reminded me Aural Stimulation is playing tonight at Bellringer’s, which means I won’t be able to meet you for a drink.”
Kimber didn’t reply, trying to decide if she was surprised. Was she even upset?
The worried, vaguely desperate note that crept into his voice, however, pleased her as he added, “Can we please reschedule? Or maybe you could come to the show. Then we can talk between sets.”
She sighed, more out of boredom than anything. “I’ll let you know.”
“Please, please, please don’t be mad at me, bables.” His whimper made her shudder, and had that nickname really once warmed her heart? “Please. I really want to be better for you, for us. I don’t want to mess up what we have anymore.”
Be better for her? Mess up what they have? What did he think was happening here? The idea that he had the impression she wanted to get back together with him sickened her, but wanting only for the conversation to end, she didn’t bother attempting to set the record straight. “I’m not mad, I just can’t talk right now. I’ll call you later.”
She hung up, wondering if she would, in fact, call him later. It was surprising to compare her feelings a few weeks ago to them now. She’d never imagined there would ever come a time where she’d be so ambivalent toward Dane. She didn’t think that would ever happen unless someone else-someone better-came along. Now it turned out that even the good guys were creeps. Sometimes a girl just couldn’t win.
Kimber returned to her apartment complex to find Taryn stretching outside their building in a black Spandex number that clung to her skin-and-bones frame. Her neighbor waved in greeting, despite that Kimber stood five feet in front of her. “Hey, Kimber. I’m just warming up for the gym. Wanna join me?”
Warming up? Taryn was already so slick with sweat she looked like she’d just dove into a pool. “No, thanks. I’m pretty beat, I didn’t get much sleep last night.” That was an understatement, and Kimber realized it was also probably no excuse to energetic Taryn, who likely sprung out of bed at 4 a.m. and set to work, cooking crack on a spoon while jumping ol’ Brad of the talented tongue. “Besides, working out always makes me feel justified for eating two giant bags of M &Ms, so it’s all futile, anyway.”
Taryn laughed. “Yeah, I hear you.” She spread her legs into a wide, upside-down V and bent forward, hinging at the hips and staring at Kimber between her spread thighs. “Hey, question for you. That guy who helped you move in-what’s his story?”
Kimber’s heart turned over at the vague mention of Jay. “I don’t know what you mean.” Had Taryn heard them screaming at each other through the walls? How could she not have? The partition that separated the apartments might as well have been made from popsicle sticks and Scotch tape.
Taryn straightened then propped a foot on the stair railing and reached for her toes. “I bumped into him out here after I got in a huge fight with Brad yesterday night. I’ve been doing all I can not to think about him but…” For a moment, her eyes clouded. Then she brightened. “Anyway, I saw Jay and thought, hey, the perfect diversion.”
“Oh.” Kimber took a slow, deep breath, trying to calm down and decide for what reason she felt the need to calm down.
“But after he said yes when I asked him out, I was like, what the hell are you doing, Taryn? You don’t know anything about this guy. And it’s not like Brad and I are big on going out on the town, so I have no idea what’s cool to do around here.”
“Uh huh.” Jay had spent the evening screaming about being in love with her then turned around and agreed to date the neighbor as soon as he was out the door? What the hell was going on?
“Since you and Jay are such good friends,” Taryn said, picking up the jump rope at her feet and hopping like the White Rabbit on amphetamines, “I figured you’d be the best person to ask. What do you think he’d want to do?”
Me wearing a blindfold was the first response that came to mind. “Um, well, when are you guys going out?”
“Tonight.” Taryn sighed. “This whole thing has been very impulsive.”
A scheme Kimber didn’t quite comprehend took a nebulous shape in her mind. “There’s this local band he loves playing at Bellringer’s tonight. Have you ever heard of Aural Stimulation?”
“Bables!” Dane looked so happy to see her when she approached him at the counter of Bellringer’s in between the band’s first and second set that Kimber almost wished she still felt just an ounce of longing for him. He engulfed her in a hug, and she could feel how hot his skin was beneath his plaid button-down shirt. They swayed in a tight embrace, the kind she used to want to last forever but now seemed excruciatingly endless. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
“Me too.” She gave his spine a soft pat and pulled away, craving the end of the uncomfortable hug.
He released her albeit with reluctance. “You want a beer?”
There was no way she could survive the night without one-or several. “Sure. Whatever you’re having.”
His mouth twisted in apology. “I’m drinking straight Jack.”
Of course he was; there was no mistaking that beautiful glitter in his blue eyes that foretold he was already wasted on hard liquor. For once it didn’t bother her. It was even somewhat comforting that he was so the same while she was the one who changed. “I’ll have that, too.”
Dane called over the bartender while Kimber glanced around, hoping it wasn’t obvious that she sought Jay. Her body jolted with anxiety when she spied a man of a similar height and build with an arm around someone, but it was only an acne-riddled teen wearing too much eyeliner, and his companion was another boy. If Kimber had come to learn anything about Jay, it was that he definitely wasn’t gay, not even close. Her cheeks burned, recognizing that she knew this for a fact.
“For you, my queen.” Dane pressed a glass of whiskey in her palm. “I gotta get back to the band though. Break’s almost up. You gonna be all right by yourself?”
She nodded. That had been the situation all along when it came to the two of them.
Relief bloomed on his face. “Good.” He brushed his knuckles across her cheek. “I’m so glad you’re here. We’ll talk more after this next set, okay?”
Kimber bobbed her head again and Dane ambled off, his step light. She made herself comfortable in a vacant seat at the bar, hoping no one would talk to her yet hoping someone would, in the event Jay might be around and looking her way. Even though she’d just told Ferney that he wasn’t in the picture, now there was no other thought more attractive than him watching her with a lustful, deliciously tortured expression in his eyes, all the while knowing he couldn’t have her. Looking good and living well was really the best revenge.
But she’d be lying if she said that all day long, she hadn’t been alternating between schemes of how to make him completely miserable and fantasies of him pinning her against the Monte Carlo in the parking lot and having his way with her. She took a sip of her whiskey, trying to swallow her complex feelings with it.
Aural Stimulation took the stage, and though the bar was crowded, no one seemed to notice. Alex’s bass drum throbbed a few lazy times while the bassist, Ted, walked his fingers up and down the neck of his bass. Dane slid his Native American-patterned guitar strap over his head, played a quick albeit complicated riff, and then gave the band a nod. Alex returned the gesture and crashed his drumsticks together overhead, and the band lapsed into a cover of “Casey Jones.”
Kimber’s legs bounced in time to the music, partially out of nervousness regarding what the evening might bring and partially because she could never stop herself from moving with the beat. Despite his flaws, Dane was a phenomenal guitar player, his heroes being Jimmy Page and Stevie Ray Vaughn, and his talent transcended dive bars in northeast Pennsylvania. Kimber watched him play his guitar, stroke the strings, and she recalled how badly she used to want him to have a similar intensity about her. She’d wanted him to love her like music and couldn’t understand why it had been so hard.
“Thank you both, you’re too kind,” Dane quipped in a monotone as the song closed to the response of less than a quarter of the patrons half-heartedly clapping. He paused to take a swig of his whiskey, which rested in his microphone stand’s drink holder. “This next song was written about Catherine the Great’s horse.” Aural Stimulation’s rendition of “Hash Pipe” soon blasted from the amplifiers.
Kimber downed her drink and beckoned the bartender over for another, the whiskey’s warmth spreading through her, and a lazy, lighthearted pleasure took rule of her heart. This wasn’t so bad. This was even fun. She was out on the town, getting tipsy and listening to a good cover band. She was even happy Dane was around, thankful for his reassuring predictability and that she no longer had expectations of him. It freed her to see that he wasn’t really a bad person, just someone who wasn’t right for her, and there wasn’t anything wrong with that. She was alive and doing okay, had made it past the end.
No sooner had Kimber decided to enjoy the night, no matter what, her fitness-friendly neighbor’s sudden appearance shocked all the toasty happiness from her body.
“Hey there!” Taryn hugged her with a fierceness their relationship hardly warranted. “I didn’t even see you come in. When did you get here?”
“Only a little bit ago.” The now familiar unease and horror returned to Kimber as Taryn released her. “What about you?”
“We got here about twenty minutes ago.” Taryn gestured between herself and the man beside her, ordering drinks, and it wasn’t until he looked her way that Kimber registered the man as Jay. Her heart halted like a needle scratching to a stop across a record, her mind white at his transition from her daydreams to standing right in front of her.
To make matters worse, he tossed his chin her way. “Hey, Kim. How’s it going?”
“Great, you?” The words left her in a rush although she couldn’t wrap her mind around their meaning, so stunned was she at Jay’s friendly ambivalence. It was like she was a stranger, like he hadn’t known her for years, like he hadn’t ever poured his heart out to her, like he’d never been inside her, making her come. She forced herself to behave the same and ignore the swell of guttural screams now looping through her head.
Taryn’s eyes sparkled as she bobbed her head, perhaps a bit too vigorously. “Everything’s going good. Really good.”
“Have you heard from Brad?” Kimber asked, hoping that Taryn had, that her neighbors’ love life would resolve and stop intruding on hers. Not that Jay was in her love life but-
“No.” A dark, sad look filled Taryn’s light green eyes, and Kimber regretted saying anything at all-until Taryn beamed and patted Jay on the back. “No, I’m not going to think of him tonight.”
Kimber forced a weak smile, keeping her gaze on Taryn’s face and refusing to let it drift in Jay’s direction.
“Hey, we’re sitting at a table near the stage,” Taryn added. “You should definitely join us.”
“No, that’s okay. You guys go ahead.” Kimber heard herself speak and felt her lips move, but she couldn’t comprehend the situation, which felt like an out-of-body experience. Here congregated a group of people, everyone being polite, and no one saying what was truly going on. She clasped her hands together to prevent them from shaking. “I’m waiting for the guitar player to finish up.” She nodded toward Dane, not wanting to catch Jay’s response. Suddenly, the idea of making him jealous was unattractive-especially since he didn’t seem inclined to be jealous at all.
“Okay,” Taryn said as the bartender set two beers before Jay, who instructed they be put on his tab before picking them up and handing one to Taryn. “Well, come join us if you want. You know where to find us.”
Jay gave her an easy smile. “If we don’t see you, have a good night.” Then he and Taryn disappeared into the crowd, back to the two-person world they’d apparently created for themselves.
Kimber chugged the whiskey the bartender had placed in front of her, hoping it’d make her feel better but hating that it made no difference at all. She had made a huge mistake.
Jay slid into his seat beside Taryn, wondering if it was possible to feel any shittier. The last thing he felt like doing was making small talk with and blowing his paycheck on a girl he wasn’t in any way interested in while listening to a cover band he hated for personal reasons, but here he was.
Actually, that was the second-to-last thing he wanted to do. The first was seeing Kimber dance in her seat with a faraway smile on her face, contented by her own company and awaiting fucking Dane, as always, apparently harboring no anguish regarding their recently dissolved friendship and the obliteration of anything romantic between them. Confirmation of this had come in the form of her reaction to seeing him with Taryn. After everything they’d been through, she could hardly pretend to give a shit about any of it, so he’d acted similarly. What other choice did he have? He’d laid all his cards on the table, and it hadn’t made any difference whatsoever.
He longed to call it a night and head home to his bed and a bottle of SoCo. Getting blitzed at home and allowing himself to fully immerse in his misery sounded far more appealing than feigning happiness. But feigning happiness was exactly what he intended to do. He wasn’t going to let Kimber see how her rejection affected him again. He would put on the face of a Spartan warrior and suck it up. She’d made it clear it was over between them, so it was time he recognize that, accept it, and act accordingly, no matter how fucking wrong it felt.
When Dane left the stage for the band’s second break, Kimber threw herself in his arms, even though his clothes were soaked with sweat. “You were fantastic. I loved that last song.”
“Really?” His eyes lit up. “We were wondering if anyone would notice that we snuck an original in the set list. It’s new, we wrote it about two weeks ago.”
“It was brilliant.” It had been okay, but Kimber imagined Jay’s eyes on them and kept the awed, flirty smile on her face. She wondered why she felt the overwhelming need to prove Jay was so unimportant to her that she would even prefer Dane’s company to his. That wasn’t what friends did to each other when they stopped being friends.
“Brilliant?” Dane looked so delighted and boyish that Kimber wished she’d meant the compliment. His expression softened with affection. “Thanks, bables.”
“You’re welcome.” She nudged him with her hip. “Now how about buying your biggest fan a drink?”
Dane winced as he reached for his wallet. “Don’t kill me, but I only have, like, five bucks left on me. I’m in the band so I’ve been drinking for free, but I owe everyone money so I don’t even get paid for tonight’s gig.”
Typical. She forced her annoyance aside in favor of keeping the smile on her face. “I only want a lager.” He could afford that, right?
He forked over his last crumpled ones with a wistful look and passed a draft to Kimber, who sipped it and tried to act like she was enjoying herself. Not only had he made the beer taste terrible by acting like buying it had been the ultimate sacrifice, she couldn’t think of a thing to talk about with him. Small talk seemed too small. It seemed best to just get to her new objective for the evening, although best was probably an inaccurate description.
She entwined her fingers with his. “I’m sorry I was so touchy yesterday at the casino. I really have missed you.”
“I really missed you, too, bables.” His gaze flittered between her eyes and her lips, and his brow furrowed with what she knew was the want to kiss her. She closed the distance between them and pressed her mouth to his. Despite the familiarity of the kiss, it was like he was a stranger. Ironically, when she’d kissed a stranger, it’d felt so familiar. Then again, she hadn’t actually been with a stranger, had she? And she’d done more than just kiss him. A lot more.
Her skin grew warm from the thought, and her tongue slipped between Dane’s lips. He groaned and pulled her closer to him using her jean’s belt loops, the contact revealing how much he-or at least his cock-really had missed her.
In an effort not recoil, Kimber recalled the times when she had felt true passion-namely the past few weeks. She detested having to do so; so much negativity and just plain wrongness played into the scenario and its aftermath. But her body defied her, her cunt wet with the memory of being laved by a talented tongue then clenching around a cock that had fit her so perfectly she’d seen stars.
Dane drew away from her, breathless. “Wow. What’s gotten into you? You’ve never been this…I dunno, passionate before.” Before she could reply, he added with a grin, “I like it.” He glanced around the bar. “I like it so much that things are going to get pretty embarrassing for me if we continue this in public.” He tossed her pleading look. “Afterward?”
“Afterward,” she said, cupping his face and biting his lower lip, a move she was well-aware she’d learned from Jay, “you’re coming over to my place.”
“I wish I knew what I did,” Taryn wailed, facing the tabletop, propping her head over her draft with her hands. “I don’t understand why Brad would just storm off and not come back or even call.” She turned to Jay. “Do you?”
“I don’t.” Why would he? He didn’t even know why things happened in his own life.
Taryn released a sad sigh. “Did you know that we were high school sweethearts? He promised me in the yearbook that he’d never love anybody else.”
Jay sipped his lager and gave a grunt of interest despite the fact that he could barely make sense of what Taryn complained about. From what he could make out, they were fighting over something retarded. Not only could he care less about Taryn’s plight, he was also intensely distracted by the public make-out session Kimber and Dane were engaged in. He tried to look elsewhere but it was no use. He was too steeped in misery.
Aside from just depressing him, the sight of Kimber with Dane truly pissed him off. Yes, he’d had a horrible lapse in judgment-several epic ones, actually-but after all that had happened, she still preferred Dane? Jay experienced a flash of what it was like to feel nothing for Kimber aside from pity that someone could be so stupid and self-sabotaging. Wanting a girl of that caliber hardly seemed worth the pain anymore.
Jay turned to Taryn. “You just have to face it,” he said, silencing her tirade in mid-sentence. “What you and Brad had is obviously over. You can either sit here all night feeling sorry for yourself or you can take a step in the right direction and move on-like this.”
He kissed her with a fervor he didn’t really feel, and she moaned, giving his tongue access to hers. For a moment, Jay thought this was the best decision.
Then Taryn broke away, looking not overwhelmed with lust but bug-eyed and bewildered. “What was that about?”
“Um…” Wasn’t the answer obvious? If he had to explain what he’d just done and why, he’d seriously misjudged the situation.
She covered her face with her hands. “I’m just so confused.” She peered at him through her fingers. “Last night outside the apartment… The argument… Well, don’t you have a torch for Kimber?”
That a complete stranger preoccupied with her own romantic problems could discern that-after he’d just kissed her, no less-but Kimber hadn’t for ten goddamn years was quite possibly one of the most depressing things he’d ever heard. He sat back with a sigh, resigned to his fate. “On that note, I’m just as confused as you.”
“Let’s go over the facts.” Taryn returned her hands to the tabletop. “I asked you out because I’m in love with Brad, and you just kissed me because you’re into Kimber.”
“Sounds about right.”
“Does she have any idea? I know you said last night that you messed everything up, but the way I’ve seen you guys act around each other, I thought she had a crush on you, too.”
“Seeing as how she was just all over one of the guys in the band, I’m gonna have to go with no.”
Taryn paused for a moment and stared at the table again as if trying to determine why a raven was like a writing desk. “Just as I thought.” She gave a brusque nod. “Love makes no sense at all.”
Jay groaned and rubbed his temple. “All I need is a new way to feel. At this point, it’s the only thing I ask for. I can’t take this anymore, and I don’t know what to do about any of it.”
Taryn rubbed his arm. “Maybe there’s a reason you feel the way you do. Like an everything-happens-for-a-reason reason.”
“There is. The reason is I’m stupid.”
She laughed. “Come on, let’s get out of here and go back to my place.”
Jay arched a quizzical brow. “I can’t kiss you in the bar but you want me to go home with you?”
“Actually, yes. I’m sick of this place, as I’m sure you are, and I’m craving the cookies I made this afternoon.” She frowned. “I made them for Brad. I was hoping he’d be back by now.” After a pause, she shook her head, like shaking off a spell. “I just don’t want to be alone right now. The other night without him was too tragic to relive.”
“I don’t know.” Jay yawned. “I should probably just go home and get some sleep.”
“Just for a little while,” Taryn pleaded. “Besides, imagine Kimber’s expression when she sees your car in our lot and realizes you’re not there to see her.”
Jay knew Taryn played his weak spot with desperation but didn’t mind. The idea of Kimber experiencing twinges of jealousy over him and Taryn together was an attractive one, although she’d made it more than clear she had no interest in him. In fact, she flat out copped to hating him. What did she care who he went home with? It was a reminder that strengthened his case to go to Taryn’s. It was better than the alternative, which was going back to his place and trying to stop thinking about everything just long enough for him to get a few hours rest. “Those cookies better be pretty damn awesome.”
Taryn grinned. “With a glass or two of wine, there’s nothing better.”
Kimber watched as Jay and Taryn left, tittering like lovers, and her body burned with anger and worry. Were they going to top off the night with a romp in the sack, then laugh afterward about how pathetic it was that poor Kimber was stuck alone at the bar, awaiting her ex-boyfriend to finish playing the music he’d always loved more than her so they could have some unsatisfying encounter vaguely resembling sex? It was the most miserable thing Kimber had ever imagined. Meanwhile, Jay would be giving Taryn multiple orgasms-orgasms that should’ve been hers.
She stared at the wet rings on the bar counter as Aural Stimulation began their third and last set. She tried to make sense of her possessive feelings toward Jay. It wasn’t fair to not want him but not want him to be with someone else, too. She knew that; it wasn’t even debatable.
What wasn’t so cut-and-dried was the part about her not wanting him. Was that even still true?
Kimber closed her eyes, and for the first time, she granted herself the permission to imagine herself in a relationship with Jay. She fit him in all the scenarios she’d pictured in the past using a perfect, faceless stand-in boyfriend and realized it wasn’t such a stretch from how Jay had always treated her. Jay shared many of the attributes she’d assigned to her imaginary ideal significant other. He helped her when she needed him to, always made her laugh, cheered her up with humor and wisdom when she was sad, and ensured her happiness. He was fun and easy to be with, and she adored his dry sense of humor. He had always shown her endless patience, from the time he taught her how to parallel park to the countless instances when he listened to her rehash the same romantic problems over and over as if they were new and not self-inflicted.
And for as much as she teased him for it, she loved how intelligent he was, how he was always reading and learning in his spare time. She found it amusing how much he proclaimed to hate the History Channel for all its numerous shows concerning conspiracy theories, yet it was always on the TV every time she risked a visit to his apartment in that unsavory neighborhood. Her heart ached at the thought of him living there by himself, yet at the same time her clit throbbed at how independent he was, how he didn’t need to surround himself with the fascinating noise and fleeting pleasantries that Dane thrived on.
There were so many aspects about Jay that she adored: his unapologetic, un-ironic love for Katy Perry’s music; how he would taste-test her failed cooking experiments with bravery; that he would call or text her at random; and how, no matter how many times she tried to explain it to him, he couldn’t figure out how Deal or No Deal worked. But most importantly, he was good to her, and she wanted to be good to him, too. Jay was her home, and she couldn’t imagine a life without him. Not to mention the way he kissed her-the way he did everything to her, really-gave her goose bumps. She had a rash of them just remembering it all.
And he’d just left the bar with some other girl.
Tears pricked her eyes as a rush of panic flooded her veins. This was insane. How could she feel such affection for someone who’d violated her trust? She fought for control of her heart, needed to hold onto that anger. Otherwise, everything would make even less sense than it already did.
Aural Stimulation played its last note and Dane bid the crowd a good night. She couldn’t believe it was one-thirty already. She’d sat there for so long, and for what?
The band left the stage, and Kimber wondered what she was doing there. Jay and Taryn were gone, and she didn’t feel the desire to talk to Dane. Still, she remained at the bar until Dane gravitated over to her, negotiating through the tipsy patrons on their way to the exit.
“Bables.” He wrapped his arms around her in a hot, uncomfortable hug; he was even sweatier than he’d been before. “Are we still on for tonight?”
Oh, right. She’d all but promised him he’d get laid. The thought of him touching her in any capacity made her skin crawl. Still, being with Dane was more appealing than being alone, especially since who the hell knew what Jay and Taryn were up to. She had a sinking feeling she wouldn’t like the answer.
Kimber tossed Dane a winning smile. “Consider us very, very on.”
Taryn’s apartment was a tidy wreck, with clean laundry folded and resting on all available seats in the living room and various half-accomplished craft projects occupying every other surface. With few remaining choices of chairs to sit upon, Jay followed Taryn to the bedroom she shared with Brad and they relaxed on the bed, watching reality TV and splitting the batch of chocolate chip cookies she’d made and, against his better judgment, a bottle of wine. Still, he found viewing Celebrity Fit Club without being wasted was all but impossible.
Then came the sound of a woman moaning next door. They turned to each other with wide eyes.
Taryn tilted her head toward the wall. “Is that Kimber?”
Did she have to ask? Who else would it be? The cookies and alcohol churned in his stomach as a wave of nausea hit him hard. “Oh God.” He leaned forward, hunching over his legs, folded under him Indian-style. “I think I’m gonna be sick. I can’t stay here.” He stood, and his drunkenness finally got the best of him as he sank back onto the mattress. “And apparently I can’t leave either. Shit.”
“You go in the other room and do whatever you have to do.” Taryn bounced to her knees on the mattress. “I’ll take care of business.”
Jay ducked into the bathroom, where he emptied the half-digested contents of his stomach mere seconds after the door shut behind him. He flushed the toilet and drank some lukewarm water from the tap before sitting on the furry bathmat with his spine against the side of the cool, ceramic tub. He tilted his head back to rest between a bottle of conditioner and the shower curtain and listened to Taryn scream down the hallway, squealing his name and all sorts of naughty things she wanted him to do to her as she threw herself around the mattress, the headboard clacking against the wall. Had the circumstances been different, he would’ve found it fucking hilarious.
But the circumstances weren’t different. Everything was just how it was, and it was impossible to ignore why Taryn resorted to such noisy shenanigans. Kimber was obviously back with Dane, and there was nothing he could do about it.
Dane followed Kimber to her apartment in his Sentra, even though he’d had more to drink than she had. She knew she should’ve volunteered to drive him, but the bar was just a few blocks from her place and he didn’t know where she lived. More selfishly, she didn’t want to have to take him back for his car in the morning, didn’t want either of them depending on each other for anything anymore. She was done relying on and babysitting him. It was everyone for themselves.
She parked her car and got out just as Dane pulled in beside her and stuck his head out the window. “Is it okay to park here, or is this someone’s reserved spot?”
Kimber barely heard him, too focused on the Monte Carlo across the lot. Jay’s car. Hope that he’d come to see her vaulted through her, but then she saw Taryn’s bedroom light on and two shadowy figures just beyond the curtain, and her heart plummeted.
They were going to fuck right next door to her, knowing she could hear it all.
“Kim?” Dane drummed impatiently on the wheel.
“Yeah, park wherever.” Kimber was tired of him already, and for a moment she felt bad for feeling that way; he seemed so earnestly excited to be with her. But so what? They were broken up, yet she was still putting Dane’s needs first. When had he ever done her that favor in return?
Once inside, Kimber switched on the living room light and Dane looked around with his half-open eyes, heavy with drink. “So this is your crib.” He wandered around, touching everything like he was a five-year-old reading with his fingers. “I like it.”
Kimber crossed her arms and watched as he bent down to pet Pepperoni, who was curled up in the nap position on the beanbag chair. “What about you, buddy? You like it here, too?” He ran his hand up and down Pepperoni’s spine, seemingly oblivious to the cat bristling, as if to say, Who is this stranger and why is he mauling me in my own home? He gave no sign of remembering who Dane was.
Dane straightened and turned to Kimber, raising an eyebrow as he shrugged off the tan, Salvation Army-bought corduroy suit coat he wore as a jacket. “You okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“I’ll say.” He grabbed her waist and pulled her toward him. “I missed you,” he murmured before crushing his mouth to hers. His tongue slid against her lips, seeking entry, and she obliged, unable to think of a reason not to.
He broke off their kiss. “Show me your bedroom.”
The reminder he didn’t already know where it was or what it looked like weighed on her. He was so removed from her life now. This dampened her already tenuous enthusiasm toward the evening, but she still took him by the hand and led him down the hall, and they toppled onto her bed in a tangle of limbs and open-mouthed kisses.
Dane settled atop her, touching her with an almost bruising need, but that was okay. She wanted it to hurt, felt like she even deserved it to as he kissed her with an intensity she no longer felt for him. What was the point of this? How was this half-assed charade better than being alone, facing her sadness? She was tired and ought to get some sleep-or try to. The thought of how she’d bought brand new sheets, pillowcases, and a comforter in the wake of their relationship’s demise in an effort to erase Dane’s trace from her bed took precedence over any passion she might’ve felt toward him.
“You’re so hot tonight. It’s driving me up a tree,” Dane mumbled as his mouth traveled to her ear, her neck, and in the darkness, in spite of herself, she thought about her mystery lover-Jay. Suddenly Dane’s presence became bearable, his touch actually inspiring her passion. Her lips sought his, and finally she returned the kiss with equal fire, all the while picturing him as someone else.
Her self-deception worked, sparking her desire at last. Part of her hated that it did; it broke her heart to fantasize about someone who hurt her so badly. Yet she couldn’t help herself, thinking of her body pressed against Jay, who instinctively knew how best to please her-information he’d somehow derived from connecting with and trusting her outside the bedroom.
The memory that someone had intimate, expert knowledge of her body and her needs had her tangling her legs around Dane’s waist. She didn’t even realize she’d been moaning until a loud crack of a headboard sounded against the wall. The headboard next door.
The shock of the familiar noise ripped through Kimber as she remembered seeing Jay’s car in the parking lot. Now she was forced to hear just why he was there.
Taryn’s screams came through loud and clear. “Oh God, Jay. Yes, right there… Oh yeah, that’s good… Don’t stop, Jay, don’t stop.”
Dane laughed and kissed her neck again. “Guess your neighbors have the same idea we do. Wouldn’t it be funny if it was your Jay, the guy who introduced us?”
Kimber’s lust turned into lead in her stomach, and she rolled off the bed, disoriented and on the verge of what she could only assume was a panic attack. She stumbled from the room and into the kitchen, where she flipped on the light and took a few deep breaths while trying not to cry.
Pepperoni appeared in the doorway, then wound around her legs in both greeting and a not-so-subtle reminder he was hungry. Operating on autopilot, she scooped a tablespoon of wet food in Pepperoni’s bowl as Dane shuffled into the kitchen, looking drunk, horny, and confused. “Bables?”
“Just feeding the cat.” She avoided eye contact, didn’t want him to ask what was wrong.
“You got up so fast, I thought I did something wrong.” He approached her from behind and wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in the crook of her neck.
“No, you go lie down. I’ll be back in a second.”
“Okay.” He drew away and gave her ass a slap. “I’ll just listen to the couple next door and get ideas.”
Kimber forced a laugh that sounded like a grunt of pain as Dane left the room, and her eyes filled with tears. She sank down on the kitchen mat beside Pepperoni, who briefly glanced up from his tuna feast in acknowledgment. She pressed her fingertips to her now leaking eyes and tried to calm her breathing, which left her in trembling gasps. How could Jay treat her like she was the most important person in the world one night then hop into someone else’s bed like she never mattered at all? If she’d had any remaining notion that Jay still harbored any feelings for her, it was gone now.
She sat on the kitchen floor long after Pepperoni had finished eating and padded off into the darkness. The quiet of the room except for the hum of the refrigerator both comforted her and emphasized her loneliness. Finally she stood and, with trepidation, returned to the bedroom, where Dane snored, fully dressed and sprawled horizontally across the bottom of the mattress. No further sounds came from the other side of the wall.
Kimber changed into her pajamas in the dark and crawled under the covers, careful not to kick Dane. Then she lay awake for hours, unable to recall a time when she’d ever felt more alone.