Jay wandered through apartment 18, nodding as he surveyed the stacks of boxes that created a cardboard fortress along the blank walls. “Look at all this space you have.”
Kimber smiled. “That’s because there’s no furniture in here.”
“And how long is your minimalist phase going to last?”
“Hopefully not long. I talked to my mom last night, and she said since she and my dad are still in Florida visiting my grandparents, she’s going to mail me a check to buy some stuff.” She sighed, her smile vanishing. “I’m sort of glad they’re not here to help me move. The whole sight is too depressing to witness.”
“Hey, this place isn’t so bad. This little guy likes it.” Jay bent down and scooped up Pepperoni, who’d been crouched low, flattening himself between a canopy of box flaps. “Right, Puddypaws?”
Pepperoni dangled limp from Jay’s hands, looking so miserable Kimber had to laugh. “Leave the cat alone. And stop calling him Puddypaws or he’ll never learn his name.”
“You’re the one who keeps calling him the cat.” Jay let Pepperoni drop to the carpet on all fours, and the feline scampered into the kitchen with a meow that sounded more like a chirp.
“I can’t help it. He hasn’t grown into his identity yet.”
“What kind of identity does one named Pepperoni have? A delicious one?”
“Which reminds me-I have no food. The only things in the fridge are a six-pack of PBR, a box of microwavable sandwiches, and some of those popsicles with the syrup that always make me cough.” Kimber sank into a cross-legged position on the freshly shampooed carpet with another sigh. “And don’t even get me started on how and when I’m ever going to fill all those cupboards.”
“You need to quit with the woebegone bit and buck up. This set-up is sweet, definitely better than my place.” Jay poked her in the stomach with the tip of his sneaker, knocking her off balance. “Unlike me, you have guaranteed parking and don’t have to fight the neighbors for the driveway. And the area looks safe, so I bet you don’t run the risk of bumping into any shady characters. Meanwhile, I got propositioned by two different but equally strung-out people last week, asking if I was looking to buy some meth-and this happened while I was on my way to my front door.” He gestured to himself. “Be honest. Is there something about me that suggests I could really go for some drugs right now?”
“What about you doesn’t suggest that?”
“Guess I’ll have to work harder on my upstanding citizen disguise. In the meantime, it’s your turn to name a bright side about your new address.”
“Hmm.” Kimber tapped a finger to her lips in thought. “Well, the balcony is small, but I can still go out there and sing ‘Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina’ in my pajamas. And now that I don’t have Ferney in my ear, hounding me about everything, I don’t have to do the dishes right away, and I can decorate however I want.”
“And you can eat ice cream naked in front of the TV. You can also break dance at three a.m.-and subsequently break stuff at three a.m. You can even go to the bathroom with the door open.”
“Living with Ferney and her extroverted ways taught me that you don’t have to live alone for that last one.”
“Thanks, just what I wanted to picture. Look, my point is, living by yourself is awesome and you’re gonna love it. You rule the roost. You have the freedom to do whatever and never have to answer to anyone.”
Kimber couldn’t fight the smile on her face. “Stop making me feel better.”
“Oh yeah?” Jay grinned. “So it’s working?”
“Yes, damn it.” She lay back on the carpet with a groan, pressing the heels of her palms to her eyelids. “Leave me to my misery.”
“What good would that do?”
“It’ll help me focus on how I’m going to murder everyone but you for not helping me move today.”
“Ferney looked really sick every time we went over there to load up.”
“Don’t be fooled. She’s hung over.” She uncovered her eyes and noticed Jay’s quizzical look. “She’s very high-maintenance the morning after.”
“I believe it. I’m surprised Paul wasn’t by her side, hand-feeding her ice chips.”
“He had to work, but I don’t think he would’ve been much help to us. Ferney’s less effeminate than he is.”
Jay scooped up Pepperoni, who’d returned, and blew a raspberry on the cat’s back. “And Dane, what’s his deal? Did Congress call, requesting his presence on the floor?”
Kimber stiffened at the sound of her boyfriend’s name. “He’s a bastard.”
“That’s some old news right there.” He dropped Pepperoni on Kimber’s stomach, and Kimber let out an oof as the cat leaped off her like she was a springboard. “See, this is why you should’ve got with me all those years ago. Then we wouldn’t even be having this discussion.”
Kimber looked at him, startled, then relaxed and laughed, interpreting the proposition as a joke. “Right. Brilliant plan.” She sat up and gave his shin a nudge with the ball of her foot. “Better get to work on that time machine. Then we can start fixing all my problems.”
His expression turned serious as he jammed his hands in his pockets and took a deep breath. “No time machine necessary. Just-” A thud sounded at the door, and the look in his eyes darkened. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“Oh shit.” Kimber scrambled to her feet and snatched Pepperoni from where he’d settled on top of a desk chair, and he let out a meow in protest. “Is that someone knocking? What if it’s someone from the office to tell me that cats aren’t allowed here?”
“I’m sure it’s just some idiot.” Jay stalked toward the interruption while Kimber shut the cat in the bathroom anyway. When she returned, Jay opened the door, revealing a tall brunette coiled around a short, yellow-haired, baby-faced man who appeared to be in the process of devouring her face, starting with her mouth. No longer alone in the hallway, they jumped apart and stared at Jay and Kimber, red-faced, as if they’d forgotten other people existed.
“Oops. Sorry.” The brunette pinched her lower lip between her index finger and thumb and winced. “Brad just got back from his trade fair in Germany so I was a little happy to see him.”
Her paramour-Brad-nodded with the vigor of a bobble head on a dashboard. “After sitting in on meat conservation seminars all week, I’m a little happy to see her, too.”
“We have a lot of lost time to make up for.” The brunette giggled, and Kimber tried to mask her incredulity. With wide, pale green eyes, a plethora of freckles covering her face and arms, and a thin body that looked like it had been built from Tinker Toys, she was not someone Kimber wanted to picture having sex. “I’m Taryn, we live next door. You two are the new neighbors?”
“Just me.” Kimber placed a hand over her chest. “I’m Kimber, and this is my friend Jay.”
Brad peered beyond Kimber into the apartment. “A friend who helps you move?” His lips twitched in a knowing smirk. “You got yourself a pretty good pal there.”
The look in Jay’s eyes darkened even further, and Taryn nudged Brad in the stomach and cleared her throat. “We’re going to take our reunion inside and let you get back to unpacking. Let us know if you need anything.” She wiggled her fingers in a wave as Brad grabbed her by the waist and all but hauled her inside the apartment adjacent to Kimber’s.
Jay shut the door. “The neighbors are friendly.”
“And definitely not shy.” Kimber released Pepperoni from the bathroom.
A brief silence fell between them, and Jay glanced at his cell phone. “I have to get ready for my shift.” He glanced around the room. “At least we got most of the stuff here. I can help you assemble your bed frame tomorrow if you want.”
“That’s okay. I’ll get Paul to do it tonight when Ferney makes her recovery and I guilt them both into helping me move the rest of my shit.” She stretched her arms toward him. “Thank you so much for everything. You really are fantastic.”
“Tell me something I don’t know.” He wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her off the ground, squeezing her tight until she squeaked. “See you later.”
“Bye.” She waved as he left and shut the door behind him, not realizing until then that Jay hadn’t finished what he’d been saying regarding the time machine and her choosing him over Dane.
A lump formed in her throat. She hoped he’d been teasing. It wasn’t like Jay was unattractive by any means-quite the opposite, with china-blue eyes, a curly mess of dark brown hair, and a regal, narrow nose. He was tall with broad shoulders, and despite him subsisting on a diet of processed foods and candy, his body stayed effortlessly in shape. Perhaps his most striking feature was his smile, which lit up his whole face and made him look boyish and incredibly appealing.
But she’d known him for nearly ten years, and she’d never thought about him in a romantic way, too afraid of losing him to think of him as more than her best friend. The bond between them was too important to risk ruining with a relationship. It was better than a relationship, actually, if her history with Dane was anything to go by. Why couldn’t she and Dane have something between them that was just half as good as what she and Jay had?
Suddenly deeply depressed, Kimber collapsed on her mattress in the middle of what was supposed to be her bedroom and stared at the ceiling, feeling like she floated on a desert-colored ocean. Her back and shoulders ached from hauling boxes from Jay’s car and her skin wore a layer of sweat and grime. She briefly entertained the thought of unpacking the towels and taking a long relaxing shower but the mere idea was exhausting. Instead she pretended Pepperoni, who circled the room, was a hungry shark, and the mattress was her life raft. She might as well have been adrift at sea; she’d never felt so alone. Kimber wished she could call Jay, but his going to work made that out of the question. Her second choice was Ferney, but she figured her sister still lay in bed, clutching her stomach and her head and wailing like an actress on a Mexican soap opera. Third on her list were myriad friends she didn’t feel like speaking to right then anyway.
All the while, she tried not to think of Dane, her real first choice. She used to envision them living together, combining movie collections and writing love notes to each other using magnetic letters on the fridge. He’d once said he wanted to live with her over a pizza parlor on a busy street in an apartment, where they would push their two queen-size mattresses together to create one massive bed. Now that dream couldn’t be further from reality.
Then, like a demon summoned, her cell phone rang and Dane’s name appeared on the screen. Kimber waited several long seconds before answering. “Hello?”
“Hey!” He sounded far too nice, like he was compensating for fucking up. “How’s the place?”
“Great.” Let him think she was living it up. Let him think he was missing out.
“Good, I’m glad,” he said with a relief she thought to be more about the fact she hadn’t immediately started in on him rather than her happiness. “So you just moved everything in by yourself?”
She clenched and unclenched her jaw. “No, Jay helped me.”
“Oh.” Now she detected a note of suspicion in his voice, which brought her some satisfaction. “Well, why didn’t you call me? I would’ve helped, too.”
“Are you serious?” She fought to keep the anger out of her voice but failed. “Just last night you promised you’d be here, but you never showed. You didn’t even bother to call.”
“I know. I’m so sorry, bables. I set my alarms this morning but slept through them all. Then I forgot until Wendy asked me a few hours ago if you were all moved in. I’m so, so sorry.”
Hot fury numbed her body, and all Kimber could do was shake her head, speechless at his audacity. Her boyfriend’s roommate, who didn’t even like her, could remember the day she was moving into a new place, but Dane couldn’t? Every time she tried to speak, she found that no words existed to describe just how gypped, crushed, and livid she was.
“I still want to come over and help,” he continued, “but when I went out to get smokes this morning, my back tire blew out so I’m stranded. If you want to come get me though-”
“No, forget it.” She licked her dry lips. “It’s over and done with now.”
For all the thoughtless things Dane had ever done, one thing Kimber had to give him credit for was being able to pick up on her cryptic double entendres. He fell quiet for a moment. “What does that mean?”
Kimber wished he didn’t sound so sad and scared; it was turning her inside out. “You know what that means.”
“But bables…”
She squeezed her eyes shut. “Whatever it is we’re doing just isn’t working.”
“How is it not working?”
“How is it?”
“Don’t answer my question with a question. That’s not fair.”
A nervous titter rippled through her, and Kimber burst out laughing. He wanted to talk to her about fair? “It’s over, Dane, I’m sorry. Don’t call me back.”
Then she hung up the phone and cried.
That evening, Kimber and Ferney struggled to bring her desk through the front door of Kimber’s apartment while Pepperoni sat in a cardboard cave of boxes, watching. Grunting and groaning, the sisters pushed it across the carpet, leaving deep grooves in the fibers, and moved it near the window in the living area.
Kimber stepped back and inspected it, her chest heaving. “It’s not straight.”
“Just make all the other furniture crooked, too, and then it will be.” Ferney dusted her hands off on her designer jeans, what she called her play clothes.
Paul materialized from the kitchen, dressed in a flannel shirt better suited for the body of a lumberjack instead of his narrow frame. He held a frosty bottle of beer in one hand and a butterscotch crumpet in the other and nodded his approval. “Looks good. You ladies did a great job.”
“I bet we would’ve done an even better job if someone else had helped.” Ferney plucked the beer out of his hand and twisted off the cap, tossing it to him. He missed catching it and nearly dropped the crumpet, too, thanks to Pepperoni, who’d left his cave in favor of scaling Paul’s leg.
“Um, someone?” Paul’s face screwed up with terror as the cat inched up his thigh.
“Ew, Kim, save Paul.” Ferney gestured to her fiancé with the beer. “I don’t want that dirty beast giving my betrothed rabies.”
“He doesn’t have rabies.” Kimber pried Pepperoni off Paul and plopped him in an empty cardboard box, figuring that finding a way to escape would keep the animal occupied for a few minutes. “And call him Pepperoni, not ‘that dirty beast.’”
“Please. You don’t even call him Pepperoni,” Ferney said as the cat peered over the sides of the box and Paul crammed half the crumpet in his mouth, as if sparing it from another near fall. “You might want to work on that. Not having a properly defined name can cause some real psychological damage.”
Kimber rolled her eyes and sank onto the futon Ferney and Paul had brought over in Paul’s SUV. “Thank you for that valuable insight.”
Paul cleared his throat and patted the back of the futon. “Is this okay, Kim? Was it what you were looking for?”
“It’s perfect.” Kimber nodded. “Thanks for the donation.”
“You’re welcome.” He eyed the piece of furniture with wistful longing. “It’s been good to me for the past few years. But Ferney said it’s time to move on.”
“That’s right.” Ferney nodded. “It’s time for grown-up furniture. You’re not in college anymore.”
“Grown-up furniture being Ferney’s furniture, obviously.” Kimber nudged her sister as Ferney sat next to her. “And I’m not in college anymore, either.”
“But this futon says you need to go back so you can open your own bar, remember?”
“I thought it says, ‘Please put your ass here,’ just like all good futons do.”
“Oh, you. I’ll miss your juvenile wit.” Ferney put on her best sad face as she passed her sister the beer. “I can’t believe we won’t be roomies anymore.”
Kimber shrugged. “Now that you and Paul are engaged, it’s only natural that you two would want your own space.”
“Yeah, but I’ll miss you. Living with boys can be so gross.”
“Speaking of living,” Kimber said, taking a sip and passing the bottle back, “it’s good to see you’ve made a miraculous recovery and are helping me like you promised to.”
“Hey, I was seriously ill, okay? It was the worst thing ever.”
“No, moving is the worst thing ever. I hate not knowing where everything is. Before you came over, I tried to unpack but found the whole thing so daunting that I just set up the TV and ate a box of Hot Pockets instead.”
“Why didn’t Dane help you?” Ferney asked in a voice that was far too innocent to not have ulterior motives. “Was he too busy doing bong rips to fit it in his schedule?”
Kimber shot her a warning look. She had told her sister about the breakup but asked her not to bring it up until the move was over and she’d had time to sort out her feelings. Now it seemed Ferney could no longer resist.
“Don’t look at me like that. It’s lame he didn’t help you and you know it. If he wanted to get in your pants so bad, he should’ve made a fucking effort.”
“He doesn’t have to make an effort anymore.”
“Unbelievable. The things that guy thinks he can get away with. Meanwhile, you and Jay never even went out, and I bet he was lugging your crap up and down those steps all damn day.”
Kimber blushed. “What’re you getting at?”
“I think you should give Jay a little thank-you lay for all his years of suffering and pining.”
Paul coughed. “I think I’ll go assemble that bed frame.” He scurried down the hallway, and Kimber heard him shut the bedroom door.
“Look at him go, pretending he can do manly work.” Ferney fluttered her hand. “All because he’s scared of a little girl talk.”
“I think he’s scared that you’re mentally ill. I know I am.” Kimber narrowed her eyes at her sister. “How could you say that about Jay? We’re best friends. We see each other like Ken and Barbie, with no sexy-time parts. There’s never been anything romantic between us and there won’t be. Neither of us would ever jeopardize what we have at the risk of trying for a relationship.”
“Oh God.” Ferney snorted. “If you really believe all that nonsense, then I hate to break it to you, but you’re the mentally ill one.”
Kimber licked her lips, forcing her annoyance with Ferney to take precedence over her heartbreaking disappointment in Dane. “Can we please just talk about something else?”
“Fine, fine.” Ferney took a long, unladylike pull on her beer. “Let’s talk about how happy I am that I won’t have to see Dane diving headfirst into my refrigerator anymore or hear his eight hundred cell phone alarms go off before he drags his lazy ass out of bed.”
Kimber gave a grunt of indifference although she privately agreed with her sister regarding those particular grievances. However, to hear Ferney gripe about the same things made Kimber defensive. As far as she was concerned, Ferney didn’t have the right to complain. She hadn’t earned it.
“You should be glad to be rid of him,” Ferney continued. “I’m excited at the prospect of his downfall once he realizes no one but you will ever put up with his immature shit again. That’ll be such an awesomely rude wake-up call.” She clapped with glee. “That’s what he gets for not showing up at your college graduation all those years ago.”
“He couldn’t find where it was.” Was the excuse really as thin as it sounded?
“Pff. Right. There were only signs all over campus pointing to the football field. He’s totally full of crap. Think of all the times he’s blown you off or stood you up. He’s a selfish prick, and he has no right to be so preoccupied with himself when he’s such a suck-fest. He does nothing but play in that loser band and work at that loser car wash.”
Kimber curled up on the futon and groaned. “Thanks. I feel much better about life now.”
“You’re welcome.” Ferney reached over and patted her sister on the shoulder. “Don’t you worry. We’ll find you a real man. I’ve got my feelers out.”
“Can’t wait to see what you come up with,” Kimber said, her voice thick with sarcasm.
Ferney’s eyes glittered. “Me neither.”
“Hey, slugger.” Jay arrived at the casino bar at the end of Kimber’s shift the following day and slid onto an empty stool. “Almost ready to go?”
“Almost.” Kimber held up a finger as she backed through the door marked Employees Only. “Let me just punch out.”
“All right.” Jay plunged his hand into a bowl of mints on the counter and helped himself. “I’ll be waiting.”
I’ll be waiting. The casual promise rolled around in Kimber’s head as she gathered her things until her entire body ached with the sadness she’d suppressed all day. When had Dane ever waited for her? Jay went out of his way for her thousands of times through the years, most recently leaving work only to drive the same seventeen-mile round trip to pick her up a few hours later because her car was in the shop. Dane-the boy she’d given everything to-could never have been bothered with such gestures. Everything had always been such a struggle. Why? How could a love she’d poured so much faith and hope into turn out so wrong?
Jay rose from the stool as she staggered from the back room, clutching her purse and jacket like she feared they’d be stolen. “What happened?”
“I-I broke up with Dane.”
Surprise flared in Jay’s eyes. “What, just now?”
“No, last night. After you left.”
His bewildered expression gave way to something unrecognizable. “Is this for real or one of those we’ll-probably-be-back-together-in-two-days things?”
“It’s for real.” She gritted her teeth in the effort to stay strong but her vision blurred with tears she hadn’t been able to cry all day. “It has to be.”
Jay slung an arm around her and guided her toward the door. “Come on. Let’s go for a drive.”
His kindness dissolved her, and as they left the casino and crossed the crowded parking lot toward the Monte Carlo, she couldn’t prevent her sobs any longer. “I’m sorry, I think it’s just finally dawning on me,” she said between hiccups.
“That’s okay.” He opened her car door and waited until she collapsed inside before closing it, then slid behind the wheel. “You guys were together for a long time and it was a big decision. You’re allowed to be sad, but things’ll get easier. Better, too.”
“Blah, blah.” Kimber wiped her cheeks as he started the car. “The standard bullshit pep talk friends say in such circumstances, right?”
“Right, but it’s still true.” He drummed his fingers on the wheel and stared out the windshield as if deep in thought, then brightened. “I know where we can go.”
“Yeah? Where?”
“This park where my dad used to bring me and my brothers when we were kids.” He negotiated the car out of the parking lot and onto the main highway. “It was when my mom moved out and the divorce wasn’t finalized yet. My dad was depressed and went to the park to get some perspective.” He smiled. “I guess it worked. Now when I visit him and my stepmom in Vegas he’s always urging me to get laid and calling me a fucking pussy when I don’t talk to girls.”
“Awesome.” Kimber reclined in her seat. “I can’t wait to follow in your dad’s footsteps. Then I’ll flip through those Vegas hooker magazines, pick an escort, and call up some sex god to do me on my lunch break.”
“Right. And it all starts with the park. My dad said it helped bring him peace when he had a broken heart. Maybe it’ll do the same for you.”
They cruised the nearly empty highway weaving through the Pennsylvania mountainside, the sinking sun flickering through the trees flanking the pavement. Kimber rolled down her window, letting a rush of air inside the car, and Jay did the same. Her ears filled with the roar of wind, the deafening noise providing a welcome distraction from the dark thoughts crowding her head and blackening her heart.
They turned off the highway onto a desolate route, and a few moments later the Monte Carlo slowed in front of a dirt-and-gravel lot surrounded by tall grass. Jay parked the car between the only other two vehicles present-a red flat-bed truck and a gold Malibu-and raised his chin at Kimber as he got out, signaling her to follow. She trailed him as he led the way to a nearby path worn down over time by countless feet and surveyed the area. To the left was a steep tiered knoll backed by a thicket of trees, and to the right stretched a stream with a designated swimming hole. Beyond lay a field, in the middle of which stood a slanting, splintering barn. Kimber relaxed, the quiet, unfamiliar setting erasing some of her stress.
Jay glanced her way and gave a half smile. “Nice, right?”
“Yeah.” She squinted into the setting sun, burning bright in the horizon. “Where’d your dad ever find this place? It’s so removed from reality here.” She smiled. “I sort of feel like we’re running away from home.”
“We are.” Jay gestured to their surroundings as the path led into the woods. “Didn’t I tell you? We live here now.”
“No way. I’m not cut out for roughing it in the wilderness.”
“You’re underestimating yourself.”
“You’re underestimating the likelihood of me getting eaten by a bear.”
Jay laughed. “No bears are going to eat you. You worry too much.”
“Maybe I do.” Kimber’s thoughts crept back to Dane as she picked up a fallen branch and swiped at a passing tree trunk with it. “Maybe I get worked up over nothing. You think?”
“Where are you going with this?” Jay’s voice held a note of suspicion.
“Just thinking. I mean, isn’t it possible that Dane really isn’t so bad? Maybe my expectations are just too high.”
“It sounds like you’re what’s high. Are you being serious?”
“Listen. Dane is who he is.”
“And you hate who he is.”
“No, I just haven’t learned to accept him as he is.” She chucked her stick aside. “I wanted him to fit the ideal boyfriend mold I have in my head, but maybe that’s not realistic.”
“What does the ideal boyfriend do, call you? Take you out? Want to spend time with you? Find a way to make things better when he fucks it up? Make you feel like you matter?”
She shrugged, feeling as weak as her collapsing argument. “Well, yeah, of course.”
“And you didn’t get any of that from Dane at all. Do you realize that even the dumbest fucking people in the world know how to show the ones they care about that they, in fact, care? It isn’t hard and it isn’t an inconvenience. I can’t even believe this is up for debate.”
“Neither can I.” Tears pricked Kimber’s eyes as she thought of all the hurt she’d endured, thinking it would somehow be worth it in the end. It hadn’t been, and it also could’ve been easily avoided-she didn’t know which was more disappointing. She gave a watery sigh. “You know what’s so fucking sad to me? After all Dane and I have been through, he’s just going to turn into a story of mine, never anything more.”
Jay heaved a giant breath of his own. “You don’t have to look at it that way. You’re just choosing to make yourself sad now.”
“Because the whole thing is sad.” Fresh tears rolled down her cheeks.
“Maybe it is, but I don’t want you to be sad, too. You need to get pissed. Like, really pissed. Think of all the times he screwed you over. I’ll help you.” He held up a finger. “First, remember last year? He threw that party without inviting you and you later found out they’d all been playing Spin the Bottle. Then he made you feel like you had no reason to be pissed because they were all friends, just trading little pecks. Hate to break to you, but that’s not normal. Someone who really loved you would never have done that, let alone played.”
“Mmm-hmm.” A new wave of anger regarding an old crime washed over Kimber.
“I also recall he got mad at you when you wouldn’t come over to his place at three in the morning after a bad gig and an even worse after party, so he burned himself with a cigarette so he’d always be reminded of the time you betrayed him.”
Kimber gritted her teeth, too furious to refute what she knew was true.
“Then there was the time he got drunk and threw a plate of instant rice through his last neighbor’s upstairs window.”
“That was a dark time for him. He was depressed after getting kicked out of school.”
“Which brings me to that whole fiasco. Remember how hard he tried to appeal to the dean’s decision?”
“No. He barely tried at all.” Confused, Kimber glanced at Jay, who slanted her a look.
“Exactly my point. And what was the alternative to trying? Being unemployed and living with his parents for an entire year. Now he finally has a job, and what is it? Working at a car wash, doing Jesus Christ knows what, considering machines do all the work.” Jay shook his head. “I could list a thousand more reasons, but I’ll skip to the most recent one. Namely, you broke up with him, and he’s done nothing to convince you not to or win you back. If he wanted to call, he would’ve called. If he wanted to move in with you, he would’ve. If he wanted to be with you, he would be, or he’d at least make the effort to be with you, even if you were getting hitched to another guy on some Hawaiian mountaintop. He’d crash the wedding and threaten to fling himself off the cliff if you didn’t choose him instead. He’d do anything he possibly could, and then some.”
“I told him not to call me back,” she said, knowing her excuse was as weak as her voice.
“Trust me, that wouldn’t stop anyone who really didn’t want to let someone go.”
Kimber worried her bottom lip with her teeth for a moment before heaving a sigh of resignation. “Jesus. You’re so right. What have I been thinking?” She stopped walking and pressed her fingertips to her temples. “How could I have forgiven all that? How could I have let any of that slide?”
“Don’t do that.” Jay stopped in front of her and grabbed her shoulders, stooping slightly so they were eye level. “You feeling shitty about your decisions wasn’t the point of that exercise. The point was for you to recognize how much better off you are without him. Kim, think about it-you will never, ever have to deal with any of that again. The worst is over, and you lived through it and dealt with it. You should be proud of yourself.”
Kimber dropped her hands to her sides and stared at Jay and the determined look in his eyes. “Yeah. That’s true.” She growled and slapped a palm to her forehead. “I can’t believe I’m even talking about this. It’s nonsense.”
“I agree. You’re too hot to have these problems.”
She laughed and gave his shoulder a push. “And yet I do. Why’s it so hard to find a guy?”
“It’s easy to find a guy. We do make up about half the world’s population, you know.”
“I mean, a cool guy. A soul mate or whatever.”
“Soul mates. Pff. Soul mates are for the Dr. Phil, eHarmony-type. At this point in the game, all you can do is try to find someone you can stand to be around, and someone who can stand to be around you. If you got that, I think you’re pretty lucky.”
“That seems too simple, too callous. I want to think there’s something more magical than that. I want a Moan.”
“What the hell is a Moan?”
“It’s a term I made up for a person of your preferred gender who embodies absolute romantic ecstasy for you, enough to make you moan with pleasure. He or she is so moanlicious that he or she is powerful enough to give you a physical, emotional, and spiritual orgasm.”
“A spiritual orgasm? What’s that? I want one.”
“Join the club.”
“So is Dane your Moan?”
“No, I guess not. And you finally helped me see that.” She sighed, feeling a smile tug at the corners of her mouth. “I’m so glad you’re on my side.”
“Always. Now come here, you.” He wrapped his arms around her and she sank into his embrace, squeezing his waist with all her might until he gasped. “Easy now. You’re supposed to be giving me a hug, not cracking my rib.”
“Sorry.” Kimber giggled as she loosened her grip. She rested her face against his chest and relaxed, feeling comforted and safe. What had she done before Jay came along? What would she ever do without him? It was an unfathomable question; Jay had been one of the only constants in her life, and for that she was grateful. “You know, you always give the best hugs, and I like how you don’t let go until I do. I guess the tutorial I gave you in high school really left its impression on you.”
“I didn’t just remember the lesson. It’s that I never really want to let go.”
Kimber’s brain numbed at his words, which she couldn’t be sure she truly understood.
“You know,” he continued, his voice low, “I’m really trying to resist the urge to kiss you right now.”
She laughed, trying to break the unusual, awkward atmosphere falling over what she’d thought was a friendly embrace. “Right. Because I’m so irresistible today, crying all over you.”
“I want you all over me.”
Too stunned to reply, Kimber froze as Jay lowered his head and kissed her softly but firmly. He caught her upper lip between his and gave it a gentle tug, warmth creeping through her despite the warning bells in her head. She closed her eyes as he kissed her again, this time with a little more urgency, a little more need. That small escalation shocked Kimber back into her senses and she turned her head, giving him her cheek. “Jay, no. We can’t.”
“Yes, we can.” His lips found her exposed neck and his kisses grew desperate as they traveled lower to meet her collarbone.
“No, this isn’t right.” She wriggled in his arms, trying to shake off his grip and his mouth’s lingering spell. “We’re friends. We don’t do this sort of thing.”
“Clearly we do.”
“No, we don’t.” Kimber pushed away from him and stepped backward until she bumped into a tree trunk. She pressed her fingertips to her still-tingling mouth like a shield. “We can’t. This-us-it wouldn’t be right.”
Jay’s jaw tightened as he pressed his lips together and looked away, glancing toward the way they had come like a man steeling himself to walk over hot coals. After a long pause, he said, “I should get you home.”
Kimber’s throat constricted as a sharp pang of regret punctured her heart, and she shuffled beside Jay in silence as they made their way back to the car. Her fear intensified with every step, robbing her of the ability to even begin to know how to repair the damage. It was impossible to concentrate on anything but how she’d just ruined one of the most important friendships she ever had.
They returned to the Monte Carlo, and Jay started the car and immediately switched on the radio, filling the awkward lack of conversation. The action wounded Kimber further; she dreaded talking about what just happened but was terrified what would happen if it wasn’t addressed. Clearly, Jay was not about to bring up the topic. She watched him on the ride home from the corner of her eye, noticing his blank, unreadable expression and how he drove the car like he was going to be graded on his efforts. An outsider wouldn’t even bat an eye at his behavior. Kimber knew better. She licked her dry lips and looked out the window, wondering if she would ever see him again. It was a histrionic thought, but what else was she supposed to think at this point?
Jay pulled up in front of Kimber’s apartment building and let the car idle, both hands still on the wheel as he looked in the rearview mirror. “All right, see you around.”
Kimber felt ready to crack in half and curled her fingers into fists. “Jay, will you look at me?”
He turned to her, his face stoic and impossible to interpret. He said nothing.
“I’m sorry about what happened back there.” She swallowed hard. “I don’t want it to ever be weird between us. You’re my best friend in the world and I hate the thought of ever losing you. I care about you so much.”
Jay broke eye contact again, his gaze returning to the rearview as he scratched his shoulder. “I know.”
Another silence fell between them, making Kimber want to scream. “Well, what’s going to happen now? Has everything changed? Are we not friends anymore?”
After several excruciating moments, he finally said, “No. We’re still friends.”
“Okay. Good.” Kimber noticed that he still refused to look at her but she had run out of things to say. She sensed he wasn’t saying what he wanted to, but she didn’t have enough proof to demand honesty, especially when she wasn’t sure she wanted him to be too honest. She hooked her fingers in the door handle. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
“Yep.” He nodded as she climbed out of the car. “Later.”
Kimber watched him drive away, feeling like a wrecking ball had slammed into her chest. It was the first time they’d parted in years without a hug goodbye.
“I’ve figured out what your problem is,” Ferney announced the next day when Kimber slid into the passenger seat of her sister’s Subaru Legacy.
“Great, I can’t wait to hear what it is.” Kimber raked a hand through her unwashed hair and adjusted the giant Jackie O sunglasses on her face, suddenly feeling self-conscious. A few minutes ago, rolling out of bed without showering had seemed like a great idea after a night of crying with little sleep. Now, next to Ferney, who looked fresh and classy to suit her titling and abstracting job for the gas company, she wished she didn’t look as horrible as she felt. Attempting to look like a normal person who bathed and wore clean clothes probably would’ve gone a long way to feeling at least an ounce better.
Ferney peeled away from Kimber’s apartment complex, narrowly missing taking out a row of mailboxes without batting an eye. “The last person you slept with spent six years not worshipping you like you deserve. This can be attributed to the fact that prior to him, your experience with men was so limited you never learned how to assert your needs in the bedroom.”
Kimber grunted in response, half listening and half wondering if she could fall asleep behind her sunglasses without her sister noticing.
“So what I propose is you gain some sexual confidence. Then you’ll learn to be more demanding of the men you wind up with and never have to settle again.”
“And how do you propose I do that? Go out and screw a bunch of guys?” Kimber’s patience frayed; the last thing she needed was her sister in her ear, insisting on her promiscuity.
“Not a bunch, just a few who know what they’re doing. But first, you need to know what you’re doing. That’s why we’re going to get you a special present today.”
“A special present, huh? Is it loaded?”
“Ha ha.” Ferney glided the car to a stop, the gravel parking lot crunching beneath the tires. “Well, here we are.”
Here turned out to be Amour, the sex shop down the pike from Kimber’s apartment complex. Kimber stifled her frustration as Ferney turned off the ignition. “You’re supposed to be taking me to pick up my car from the garage.”
“And I will. But first, I’m treating you to a vibrator.” Ferney alighted from the car like the Duchess of York and arrived at the passenger door. “Considering that useless Dane probably never pleasured a woman in his life, I think you’ll be a lot happier once you start having effortless orgasms and realize what you’ve been missing. Trust me, I know these things. I used to do those passion parties so I’m an expert. You’re lucky to have me.”
Kimber groaned as Ferney tugged her from the vehicle by her wrist. “Wouldn’t I be luckier if you weren’t telling me I need a sex toy?”
“I can’t believe I have to even tell you. It’s common knowledge that every girl needs to own a vibrator.”
“I never needed one before.”
“Yes, you did. You just didn’t know it.”
“Look, my sex life with Dane was never the issue, okay?” Kimber eyed the building’s bay window with the lace curtains and the cardboard cut-outs of busty blondes in cop and pirate wench costumes. “It was probably the one thing we didn’t have a problem with. It was fine. We had fun.”
“Impossible. Just listen to the boring way you describe it.” She shot Kimber a pointed look. “Can you look me in the eye and tell me Dane fulfilled all your sexual needs, every single time, without fail? He always got you off?”
Kimber tried to ignore the hot flush that bloomed in her cheeks. “I think we’ve become a little too comfortable with each other. You care too much about what’s happening in my crotch. It’s time we start drawing some boundaries.”
“We’ll draw them later. Answer the question.”
“Well, no…” Kimber nipped her lower lip, doubt regarding her orgasms creeping into her. Could they really be called orgasms? The answer probably lay in her having to even wonder. “But so what? Are you telling me that Paul always makes you scream and moan without fail?”
Ferney yanked open the sex shop’s door. “Yep.”
“You lie.” Kimber followed her sister, who led them through the racks of diaphanous lingerie and vinyl skirts to the back room with the saloon-style half-doors and the sign overhead reading No one under 18 permitted.
“I would never. What would be the point?”
“Paul seriously makes you come every time you guys have sex?” Kimber couldn’t imagine her sister’s awkward, slightly nebbish fiancé pulling off something Dane fell admittedly far short of.
“Don’t throw yourself off a bridge or anything, but yeah-it’s like a ninety-five percent success rate.” Ferney paused in front of a cherry-stained wooden shelf where a rainbow of dildos stood proudly erect, a faraway, mysterious smile on her face. “What he does to me-I could never explain it. I’ve never had anyone so attuned to me and my body before. I didn’t even believe such synchronicity existed. But Paul… It’s like he knows me so completely, and I can tell that he’s not satisfied until I’m satisfied, and he’ll do anything to make that happen, which makes the whole thing that much hotter.”
Kimber listened, stunned. Her sister had just described an experience she thought happened only in people’s idyllic hopes for the best and resembled nothing of her own reality. A knot formed in her throat as panic worked its way through her circulation. What was she doing, living her life and never feeling anything close to that remarkable? Could she actually call it living her life at all?
Ferney turned to her sister, a look of genuine concern in her eyes. “You really never felt anything like that with Dane?”
“Of course I have.” Kimber cleared her throat, trying to shake the latest bit of anxiety rising inside her. “Now please-can we stop talking about this?”
“Fine.” Ferney selected a big, black dildo, complete with a mushroom tip and veins that looked like a highway map. Kimber guesstimated they were about the size of an interstate at that. Ferney held it toward her sister, the dildo wobbling back and forth. “What about this?”
“If my vagina was the size of a moon crater, maybe. Put the harpoon back.”
“This dinky thing? Psh. If you think this is big, you should see Paul’s.”
“Let’s get talking about those boundaries again.” Kimber tried to smile, but her insides twisted. Her relationship with Dane seemed more pointless and frustrating than ever. She was twenty-six years old, fresh from a six-year dating disaster, and horrified to learn that she may have never had an orgasm before. All of a sudden, the clock was ticking. There was a lot of lost time to make up for. Aside from the vibrator, where else would she start?
That night, Kimber tossed and turned, listening to the neighbors bounce between a crime scene investigation show and “The Nanny.” The sound kept her awake and dwelling on the fact that twenty-four hours had passed without hearing from Jay. They’d always carved out time to contact each other at least once a day, even if it was just a text message, but it didn’t look like he was going to be resuming that tradition any time soon. Aside from here and there at the casino, maybe she’d never see him again. After all, if she were him, she wouldn’t exactly be excited to hang out after what had happened. The memory turned her stomach. It was just as bad as what happened with Dane, and she felt totally alone.
In an effort to improve her mood, Kimber reached for the vibrator her sister bought her earlier: a glitter-flecked My First Vibe in vibrant magenta with multiple speeds. It was five inches long and two inches around, and she eyed it with trepidation. She was on the brink of foreign territory. The thought made her give a bitter laugh. How could she have gone so long without total satisfaction? Earth-shattering orgasms shouldn’t be unfamiliar at her age, and the promise of impending pleasure made her kick off her pajama pants, leaving her nude from the waist down.
Kimber gave the vibrator’s base a twist and the phallic object buzzed to life. She settled back against her pillow, steepled her knees, and parted her legs. Then she touched the tip of the vibrator to her clit and immediately shuddered at the sensation. This was already amazing. Maybe Ferney really was onto something.
She closed her eyes and traced her clit and her opening with the vibrator, letting the pleasure ripple through her. She couldn’t help but whimper, and the sound of her own desire turned her on even more. The vibrator teased her entrance and her hips twitched, but she didn’t slide it inside herself. She wanted to savor this.
Her desire dimmed as her thoughts drifted to Dane. How was this toy already closer to bringing her off than he had ever come? Was that a fair assessment of his skills, considering she was already so jaded toward him? She shook her head. No, she refused to spend her time with My First Vibe thinking of her ex-boyfriend.
Kimber pressed the vibrator to her clit again as the memory of Jay’s lips on hers sprang unbidden to her mind. She hadn’t granted herself permission to even think of it since it happened, but suddenly she couldn’t think of anything else. In a flash of honesty, she had to admit that although it had been short and sweet, it was easily the best kiss she’d ever had, one she was ashamed to admit she’d felt in her clit. If Jay hadn’t been her oldest and best friend, she could easily picture the situation having escalated.
A sharp crack against her bedroom wall shocked Kimber from her reverie, and she shrieked, dropping the vibrator and covering her lower half with her unmade sheets. She rocketed to a sitting position and looked around the room, wondering what the hell she would do about being partially naked if a burglar broke in. However, the moans and gasps on the other side of the wall registered in her brain, and she recognized one of the voices as belonging to her new neighbor, Taryn.
“Oh, fuck yeah, Brad, like that.” Taryn moaned, clear as day through the paper-thin walls. “Fuck… Oh, fuck, yes. Lick my pussy just like that.”
The neighbors were definitely done watching TV. Kimber’s first instinct was to laugh at the discomfited position she was in, but a more primal need overrode her amused embarrassment. Her clit throbbed in response to the needy, desperate quality in Taryn’s commands, and she lay against her pillow once again, rolling the tip of the vibrator over her now dripping cunt. Her breath came faster as she imagined herself in Taryn’s position with a man’s head between her legs, lapping at her with a talented tongue, hell bent on making her come.
Another crack sounded, and Kimber placed it as her neighbors’ headboard whacking against the wall from a sudden force. Then came Taryn’s long, drawn-out ooh of pure bliss, and a man’s muffled groan. Kimber could only assume Brad had transitioned from eating Taryn out to sliding his cock inside her, and their vocalized passion confirmed this as Taryn shrieked for him to fuck her harder and the headboard crashed against the wall with a new intensity.
Kimber mirrored their assumed actions, pushing the vibrator inside her cunt and stifling a moan. She withdrew the toy then pushed it home again, pretending she was the one being fucked with abandon and reaching the sexual ecstasy Ferney had sworn she deserved.
Taryn and Brad’s moans increased in frequency and volume and Kimber’s hand moved faster as her juices slid along the length of the vibrator to meet her fingers. She couldn’t remember ever being so wet before. She chewed her lip and arched toward the ceiling as her neighbors screamed with pleasure next door; she felt much like doing the same. A powerful sensation crept through her body, like a ribbon of pleasure unfurling toward her clit. Her legs trembled, and she choked on a moan and squeezed her eyes shut as she felt like a firework exploded inside her, sending pleasure zipping through her bloodstream. Kimber shuddered, the muscles in her cunt gripping at the slick vibrator, and a wave of calm fell over her as she went limp, her mind and body numb to everything else except what had just happened. My First Vibe resulted in Her First Real Climax.
She lay there, panting toward the ceiling as the toy still buzzed, wringing the final aftershocks of her orgasm from her. Suddenly, Ferney’s suggestion of a sexual awakening didn’t sound so crazy after all. She couldn’t believe she’d lived without one for so long, and there was no way she was going to let another day go by without seeking the satisfaction she finally knew she deserved.