IZZY SANK DOWN on the bed and clutched her stomach. She felt seconds away from throwing up. “I should have stayed in my room,” she murmured.
Nick sank down next to her and put his hand on her back. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
He’d used very few words to paint an incredibly vivid image, she thought grimly, swallowing and trying to get control. “No, it’s okay. I went off on you.” She thought about the sounds she’d heard. “Were you having a nightmare?”
“Yeah. I get them a couple of times a week.”
That often? She sucked in a breath. “Tell me what happened.”
“You don’t want to know.”
“I already do. All I’m missing is the details. What happened?”
“You should go to bed.”
She angled toward him. “I should do a lot of things. Have you noticed I’m stubborn and used to getting my way?”
“You? I don’t believe it.”
She managed a slight smile, then let it fade as she reached out and touched his bare shoulder.
He didn’t move as she worked her way down his chest. The scars crisscrossed his flesh, some deeper than others, some just thin lines.
“Are they on your back, too?” she asked.
“They’re everywhere.”
The nausea was back, but she ignored it. “What happened?” she repeated.
He took her hand in his. She wanted to think it was for comfort, but she had a feeling it was more about keeping her from finding additional scars.
“It was about ten years ago. I was working for an oil company. Some of the work I’d done in graduate school was about imaging. It’s technical, but basically there are ways to look below the earth’s surface to find potential oil deposits. There was a big one in South America. We knew about it for a while but there were complications with getting it out of the ground.”
She pulled her hand free. His gentle touch was more of a distraction than she needed. “I know what extraction is. I’m Jed Titan’s daughter. I practically have oil in my blood.”
“Right. As part of my work with the imaging, I discovered a new way to extract the oil. It avoided most of the geographical problems, so a couple of guys and I flew down to check out the area ourselves.”
“And?”
“It was perfect. Using my new techniques we could get to all the oil and do minimal damage to the environment.” He shifted on the bed. “The land was owned by a few dozen families. I met Francisco, who sort of ran things. I convinced him and he convinced the others. The beauty of the plan was they still had access to nearly all their acreage. They could farm and live their lives while raking in the money from us.”
“So where’s the bad?” she asked, knowing she wasn’t going to like how this was going to end.
“I thought I was smarter than everyone who said it couldn’t be done,” he said. “I ignored the warnings, both scientific and spiritual.”
“There were spiritual warnings?”
“Local legends not to take from below the ground. Anyone who did would be cursed by the gods.”
“Creepy,” she said as she rubbed her hands up and down her arms. “What happened?”
“In the early stages of drilling, we hit a lot of gas. I didn’t think anything of it. We were testing the local air and there wasn’t any hint of a problem. Three months later, the people started getting sick. We figured out right away we’d poisoned the water, but by then it was too late. Three people died.”
Izzy stared at him, not sure what to say. “I don’t understand. Why didn’t you know there was a risk before you started?”
“It was an impossible chemical reaction. Unpredictable. Nothing like this had ever happened before. If we’d used traditional drilling methods, we might have caught it. But we didn’t.” He sounded disgusted with himself. “We managed to save the rest of the village, but it was too late. Two of the dead were from Francisco’s own family. Everyone blamed him and he blamed me.”
She didn’t know what to say. She knew firsthand the dangers of drilling miles deep into the earth. People could die-but not the innocents. Not those who hadn’t signed up for the risk.
“It was my fault,” Nick said hoarsely. “I did it. In my arrogance, I was so sure. I went to Francisco to apologize. He took me prisoner and he took a friend captive, as well. The men in the village held us for months, torturing us with knives. They fed us just enough to keep us alive, but never enough that we weren’t starving. They broke my friend’s legs and he nearly died from an infection. I don’t know how many times I faced death. If I’d been by myself, I would have given up, but I couldn’t. My friend wouldn’t let me. We kept each other alive.”
Nick drew in a breath. “He never blamed me. Not then, not now. Most people would. I screwed it all up and he never said a word.”
“You made a mistake. There’s a difference.”
“Tell that to the people who died.”
“Nick, you can’t blame yourself.”
“Sure I can. Eventually I realized I had to get us out. He was close to dying and I couldn’t hang on much longer.”
Now she grabbed his hand. Maybe to try to offer comfort, maybe to anchor herself in the middle of a particular level of hell.
“It was my fault,” Nick continued, his voice thick with pain and remorse. “All of it. I killed them. I live with that every minute of every day. I was arrogant. I thought I knew better. I deserved to die. But my friend didn’t deserve what was happening. One day I managed to pull the chains loose. I got us free and I walked us out of the jungle.”
He squeezed her fingers. “When we finally made it back to the States, I went to the police and told them what I’d done. No one could help.”
“What do you mean help?” she asked, suspecting the answer. “You mean no one would throw you in jail?”
“Yeah. I went to the state department. They sent out a team, but by then Francisco and his family were gone. There was nothing but the drilling site and the damn oil flowing like water. The treaty between the two countries meant I couldn’t be prosecuted there-not for what everyone claimed was an honest mistake. I spent months trying to find Francisco. Maybe to say I’m sorry, maybe to let him finish the job. I don’t know.”
She turned to Nick and grabbed his face in her hands. “You have to let it go.”
“Why? I was stupid. I thought I knew better, but I didn’t.”
“Doesn’t that define a mistake? You were wrong. You didn’t mean to be. Yes, it’s terrible that people died. Yes, you have responsibility in that, but you can’t spend the rest of your life paying for it.”
“Why not?” he asked bitterly. “When is it enough? When is it okay?”
“It’s okay now.”
“No, it’s not. After I couldn’t find him, I traveled around the world, looking for something. Maybe peace. Maybe a reason it all happened. Then I came back here. I didn’t know what to do. Ironically, all that oil made me rich. I gave every penny away, but I still had shares in a few companies from before. I bought this place and started hosting a few kids here and there. That’s the point of the place. Aaron thinks the corporations pay the bills, but I use them to make us more legitimate.”
“You offer free weekends to kids who have been victims of violence. That’s wonderful.”
“It’s not enough.”
“Then make it more,” she said. “Do it full-time.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not? Get a staff. If you need money, find a grant. Or ask around. I wouldn’t know where to begin but Skye could help you.”
“I can’t risk it. What if I screw up again? What if this time I kill a kid?”
And then she understood it all. Nick wasn’t just tortured by the people he’d inadvertently killed, but by the possibility of doing it again. Of making a mistake. He was immobilized by terror. In his mind, he was a walking time bomb, so while he wanted to help, he was afraid of doing the opposite.
Her situation might be different but she knew the quicksand that was indecision. She understood the sense of being trapped by circumstances and fear.
“So instead of taking a chance, you let kids suffer because you’re scared?” she asked, pulling away. “I don’t accept that. You have to face the fear and move on with your life.”
“You’re not.”
“Oh, sure. Throw the surgery in my face. Nice.”
He stood and crossed to the wall, where he pulled open drapes and she guessed stared out the window.
“You don’t understand,” he told her.
She crossed to him. “You’re right. I don’t understand. I didn’t live through what you did. If I had, I couldn’t have made it. Francisco got his pound of flesh out of you.”
“I killed his family.”
“And he tortured you. He knew you’d made a mistake-that you hadn’t hurt anyone on purpose. You’re making a difference. That matters.”
“Not to the people who are dead. Nothing will bring those three back.”
“Neither will cutting you over and over again.”
“He had his reasons.”
She wished she could shake him. “So that’s it? There’s no forgiveness? I believe our entire Judeo-Christian way of life is based on forgiveness and atonement. Is that for everyone but you? Don’t you forgive either?”
“It’s not the same.”
He was haunted in a way she couldn’t understand. Haunted and in pain. If this was what he lived with day after day, no wonder he lived such a solitary life. How could he bear anything else?
She didn’t know who his friend was, the one who’d been with him through the torture, but she was grateful to him. She believed down to her bones that if Nick had been alone, he would have surrendered to the torture, thinking it was his due.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Don’t be. I got what I deserved.”
“No, you didn’t.”
Yes, Nick had been young and stupid and three people had paid the ultimate price. But she refused to accept there was no place of forgiveness. No moment of being allowed to go on living. Not forgetting and wanting to make amends was very different than a lifetime of self-punishment.
“What about what you learned from the experience?” she asked. “What about the lives you touch now? Doesn’t that count for something?”
“Not enough.”
There was raw pain in his voice. And resignation. As if this would never end.
Without thinking she reached out to him. Her fingers found his shoulders. She turned him toward her, then raised herself on tiptoe and kissed him. She wasn’t sure what she meant by the action, but she knew she had to touch him, try to heal him in some way.
He resisted her at first. He remained straight and unmoving. His arms hung at his sides. She kept her hands on his shoulders and continued to press her mouth against his. Somehow she had to get through to him.
Finally he grabbed her and pushed her away from him.
“Don’t,” he said, his voice thick with what sounded like pain. “I don’t deserve this.”
Meaning what? He wouldn’t allow himself to be with a woman? That he couldn’t risk any pleasure at all?
She stared at his face, wishing she could see into his eyes. Wishing she could see him.
“Maybe I do,” she told him. “Maybe this is all about me.”
He brushed her cheek with the back of his knuckles. “Liar.”
She shook off his hold and stepped close. Once again she found his mouth without hesitation. As if being guided by an inner sight that knew everything about Nick. Because now she did. Now she knew the best and worst about the man. She knew why he avoided the dark and because she had her own demons, she could accept his.
He was still for a second, before angling his head and kissing her with an intensity that stole her breath. He hauled her against him, as if he would never let her go.
She wrapped her arms around him, wanting to feel all of him. His strength and even his scars. He was tall and muscled and made her feel protected. She who had never needed protection from anyone.
Their lips clung, pressing until she parted unasked and he swept his tongue inside her mouth. It was electric and thrilling. His kiss aroused her, teased her, made her want to give back more than he was giving her. His hands were everywhere-up and down her arms, stroking her back, before moving lower, to her hips.
She leaned into him and felt the thick hardness of his erection. He wanted her.
The last of her doubts faded. The last of her fears melted until she was practically giddy and giggling. He wanted her. Those kisses hadn’t been about pity. They’d been the kisses of a man who wanted her.
She moved her hands to his back, then stilled when she encountered more scars. There were so many, she thought, feeling sick again. Dozens of thick raised lines where Francisco and his friends had cut through living flesh.
Nick must have sensed her distraction. He pulled back. “We should stop.”
Because he didn’t deserve to make love or because he thought she couldn’t handle what had been done to him?
She stood in his room and stared at the blurry shape of him. While the details were impossible to see, she could sense his pride at work. He wouldn’t take what wasn’t offered. Wouldn’t beg. He would do without because that’s what he believed he deserved.
What did she want? This man? Nick? Or was this just a fun way to pass the night?
The answer was clear. It was what it had always been. There had been plenty of men in her life, but none she respected as much. None who understood the best and worst about her.
She pulled off her oversize T-shirt and tossed it away, then slipped out of her thong. She moved closer, took his hands and placed them on her breasts.
“We’re not stopping,” she told him. “At least I’m not.”
How was he supposed to resist her? Nick stared at the beautiful, naked woman in front of him. The aching, pulsing desire wasn’t about getting laid. That would be easy. Instead it was about Izzy-about wanting her in his arms, in his bed, under him. He wanted her wet and moaning and begging. He wanted to fill her until she screamed, then lose himself in her, surrendering all he had.
The power of his hunger nearly drove him to his knees. But he couldn’t move, not with her small hands holding his against her bare breasts.
He was aware of every inch he touched. The full curves, the smooth skin, the pebbled texture of the skin around her nipples. Unable to help himself, he moved his fingers against her right nipple. Her mouth parted as she sucked in a breath. His gaze dropped to the dark curls between her legs. If he touched her there, would she be swollen and wet already?
He had to find out.
He moved his hands to her waist and pulled her close, then lowered his head and kissed her.
“Finally,” Izzy murmured against his mouth. She wrapped her arms around his neck and hung on as if she would never let go.
He kissed her deeply, wanting to take all of her. When he touched her back again, this time there was warm, bare skin. The hard bone of her spine, the soft curve of her waist.
She wiggled closer still, until he felt the heat of her against his hard-on. Then she dropped her hands to his ass and squeezed.
It was a playful touch. But he went from hungry to desperate in a tenth of a second.
Without considering what he was doing, he swept her up in his arms, crossed the room and lowered her onto the bed. He paused to push off his sweatpants and briefs before joining her in a tangle of arms and legs.
He touched her everywhere. Her breasts, her belly, her thighs. He swept his fingers between her legs and nearly lost it when he felt the sweet, damp, swollen flesh. But he didn’t linger. There was more to touch.
The back of her knee, the arch of her foot, the tiny dimple on her cheek when she smiled. He kissed her again, then moved his hand lazily over her breasts. The full curve more than filled his palm. He brushed her nipple again and again, enjoying the catch in her breathing. When he bent down and took her nipple in his mouth, she groaned.
She tasted sweet and tempting. He circled the tight tip, then sucked. She grabbed his head, as if she didn’t want him to stop, which was good with him. He could do this forever. He moved between her breasts, first one, then the other, matching the movements of his tongue with his fingers. She held on, her breathing faster now, her hips moving slightly.
His erection thickened to the point of aching. Pressure built at the base. It would take so little, he thought grimly. A few strokes. But he held back, refused to think about what it would be like to be inside her. Eventually it would be his turn.
He shifted on the bed so he could kiss his way down her belly. Moving his hands to her sides, he slid along her body, tracing curves. He used his tongue to tease her belly button and make her squirm. She laughed, then gasped as he nipped the skin just to the side.
“You’re killing me,” she whispered. “You know that, right?”
It was his plan. He wanted her complete surrender. He wanted her so far lost in passion that she would have trouble finding her way back.
He continued to kiss and lick and nibble his way down. Over her hip bone, across her thigh, to her knee where he discovered she was ticklish. He crossed to the other leg and worked back up, pausing just shy of her curls. Then he waited.
Izzy tossed her head back and forth. She pumped her hips, as if urging him to finish what he’d started. Slowly, oh-so-slowly, he moved a single finger through her curls to her waiting center.
She moaned.
She was beyond ready. He rubbed lightly, as if he was only passing through, then moved away. She gasped.
“Are you doing this on purpose?” she asked, breathlessly.
“Uh-huh.”
She swore, then reached between her legs and parted herself for him. “Just touch something. Anything!”
The room was bright and he could see every perfect detail. He took her at her word, leaned in and pressed the very tip of his tongue to her engorged center. She sighed. He moved slowly, learning all of her with his tongue before returning his attention to the place that made her writhe.
He kissed her intimately, finding a rhythm that caused her to tense and shudder. He could feel her thigh muscles tighten. Up and down, a little faster, a little more pressure, listening to her breathing, feeling the tension build inside her.
When he was sure she was on the road to her release, he stopped and kissed the inside of her leg.
“You hate me,” she whispered. “I see that now. I don’t know what I did, but you hate me.”
He chuckled, then lightly bit down on the sensitive skin of her inner thigh.
“I don’t hate you,” he said as he slid a finger inside her. “Don’t think that.”
She was tight and hot. Slick. Feeling her tighten around him made him want to thrust into her and push and pump until he came. And he would. Just not yet.
He pulled out his finger, then slid in two. She gasped and pushed down. Her muscles clamped onto him. He went in deeper and circled his fingers toward her belly, stroking her from the inside. She cried out.
He lowered his head and licked her most sensitive spot, at the same time rubbing his fingers around and around. Every now and then, he withdrew them only to fill her again. Her breathing quickened until she was panting. He could feel her muscles getting tighter and tighter. He kept his rhythm as steady as possible, driving her to the edge, forcing her over. More and more and more…
She cried out. At that exact moment, the convulsions began. He felt the rapid contractions against his fingers. He continued to lick her center, drawing out every part of her orgasm. She drew her knees back, exposing herself more, taking it all.
His own need was nearly unmanageable. His whole cock ached as his body desperately sought a way to find release. He ignored the pressure, the pain, the frantic desire until the last of her contractions had stilled. Then he sat up, shifted onto his knees and moved between her thighs.
Izzy opened her eyes and smiled at him. “Amazing,” she breathed. “You can’t top it, but give it your best shot.” She reached between them, taking him in her hands. “Oh, and for the record? I like it hard and fast.”
Magical words, Nick thought, doing his best not to lose it. Her fingers were slick and sure as they guided him inside. He braced himself for what it was going to be like, then had to call on every ounce of control he had left when he felt her slick heat. Worse, as he pushed inside, she gave a little shudder, as if starting to come again.
He would never survive that, he thought, clenching his teeth.
He withdrew, only to push in again. She shuddered again.
“More,” she whispered, raising her arms and grabbing hold of the pillow. “I’m right there. Just go for it.”
He bent over her and braced his hands by her shoulders. Her eyes were closed, her face flushed. He could see her tight nipples straining toward him. As he moved in her, they moved, bouncing slightly. It was the most erotic thing he’d ever seen, he thought, unable to stop staring at her. Then she raised her legs to wrap them around his hips and hold him inside her. The action was clear-she was ready.
He told himself he was good with direction. He pulled out and thrust in hard and fast, just going for it. By the third thrust, she was holding on to his upper arms and breathing hard. By the fifth, he was barely able to hold back and she was pumping her hips as hard as he was.
One more push and she was coming. He felt the contractions drawing him in. The inevitable began, the pulsing promise, the pressure that built until it had no choice but to explode.
IZZY STRETCHED OUT on the bed. Nick had pulled up the sheet and lay next to her. She could feel his body pressed against hers as his strong arms held her close.
“Impressive,” she murmured, still dealing with mini aftershocks. “Nice technique, an attention to detail. You’ve been trained by some very smart women.”
He chuckled. “How do you know it’s not innate ability?”
“Oh, please. No man is born knowing how to do that.”
“And the thought of other women doesn’t bother you?”
“I don’t want them in bed with us, but I can still appreciate their efforts. Was it in college?”
“Yeah. My roommate helped transform me from a complete geek into a guy who could get the girl. At first I didn’t know what to do with them once I got them, but I’m a fast learner.”
“Yay, you.” She snuggled closer. “Can you sleep with me here?” Normally she didn’t like to spend the night. Hers was more of a get-to-the-good-part-and-leave attitude. But Nick had exhausted her and his bed was so comfortable. As was the man.
He kissed her nose. “There will be hell to pay if Aaron finds out you were here.”
“Because you picked me rather than him? He has a shiny new boyfriend.” She closed her eyes. “I’ll leave before he gets up.”
He rolled onto his back. She slipped her leg onto his and in the process, bumped into something very hard and manly.
Her eyes popped open. “Seriously?”
“Ignore it. It’ll go away.”
She reached down and felt his erection. Immediately her insides did a little shimmy of appreciation. It would take her all of thirty seconds to be ready again. There was something about Nick that worked for her in a big way.
“You know,” she said, sliding on top of him and lightly kissing him. “I was raised not to be wasteful.”
His hands found her breasts and teased her nipples. “Our own private brand of recycling?”
She slid back and pushed herself onto his arousal. “Just close your eyes and think of the environment.”
“I’d rather think of you.”
“Good answer.”
IZZY FELT LIKE a princess in a cartoon musical. She felt so good, she half expected little woodland creatures to show up and dress her the next morning after she crept back to her own room.
Her whole body hummed with satisfaction. She was achy and sore, in the best way possible. She and Nick had made love all night. It might be a couple of days before she was healed enough to go horseback riding, but that was a small price to pay for hours of incredible pleasure.
It wasn’t just the sex, she thought as she stepped into the shower. It was how he joked with her and got her sense of humor. Not everyone did. He was gentle and forceful, caring and stubborn. And the man had a mouth that could make her give up state secrets, assuming she had any.
She hummed her way through the morning, happily working with the horses and avoiding Aaron. She had a feeling he would take one look at her silly grin and know exactly what had happened. Not that she was keeping secrets, exactly. It was more that she wanted to hug the information close for a little while.
A little after ten, she heard familiar voices and went outside to find her sisters walking toward the barn.
“What’s up?” she called, not sure why they’d stopped by without calling first. “Is everything all right?”
The hesitation before either of them spoke burst her happy bubble. “What?”
“Jed’s being named in a prostitution ring,” Lexi said. “He’s going to be charged with importing underage girls and holding them as sex slaves.”
Izzy sank onto the bench by the door and cupped her head in her hands. “I don’t believe it.”
“It’s true,” Skye said. “The never-ending nightmare. Between this and the potential treason charges, Jed is going to lose everything. We’re talking to Dana later. She’s going to give us the names of a few attorneys.”
Izzy dropped her hands and straightened. “Why? Has he come after you again?”
“No, but we need to start protecting ourselves. We’re tired of reacting. We need to go after him.”
“We’ve talked about this,” Lexi added. “We’re taking the fight to him.”
“Not a good idea,” Izzy told them. “You’re out of your league.” She heard more footsteps and recognized them. “It’s Nick.”
“Then we’ll talk later,” Skye said.
“We can talk now. He knows most of what’s going on.”
“You told him?” Lexi sounded surprised.
“Jed was by a few days ago. He wanted to confirm I was still blind and make sure I understood how inconvenient that was for him. Sweet guy, our father. If he can’t use me, I don’t exist. Oh, and he made it clear I was never in the will. Which is hardly a surprise.”
Even she heard the bitterness in her voice, but before she could figure out what to say so her sisters didn’t worry, Nick had joined them.
“Ladies.”
“We’re talking about Garth,” Izzy said bluntly and told him the latest news. “It’s not that Jed is my favorite person, but these days I’m liking Garth even less. Do you have any ideas of what we could do?”
“Do you know what he wants?” Nick asked.
Izzy frowned. There was something strange about his voice. She couldn’t figure out what, but it was there. As if…But she couldn’t pin it down.
“Revenge,” Lexi said. “Obviously. But maybe there’s more. Maybe he wants the family annihilated. Maybe he wants everything. The business, the land, the house.”
“The house is available,” Skye said. “Dad’s moved out. He’s mostly staying in his condo in Dallas. I’m with Mitch, Lexi’s with Cruz and you’re here.”
Temporarily, Izzy thought. When she left the ranch, she didn’t know where she was going to go. A worry for another time, she reminded herself.
“If he hadn’t gone after Izzy, I would have considered letting him just take it all,” Lexi grumbled. “But he crossed the line when he hurt you.”
Izzy smiled at her. “Thanks for the support.” She turned toward Nick. “No brilliant ideas?”
“Not right now. I’ll get back to you.”
Something was wrong, she thought, still not sure what Nick was thinking. Was he upset that they were dragging him into their family business? Or was it something else? The next time they were alone, she was going to have to remember to ask.